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New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

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- It is said that Internet Explorer is no use. True! I personally, without
He can not do! However, only once.
- Why once?
- Because that, when downloaded from it using Mozilla Firefox, on this
sludge is no longer needed.
Joke #28041 —  
 
0
 
Drink Russian, crest and a Jew. Khokhol:
- I want that all Muscovites died!.
Drank. Russian:
- I want that all Ukrainians died!
Drank. Jew:
- Well, for the above!
Joke #28040 —  
 
0
 
Today, our correspondent has learned that the Mayor of Moscow
earned a new hot-line mayor of the city, for complaints about the
urban services. Most of the time on the line, however, works
voice mail with the text:
"Something is not like in Moscow? You no one here holds.
Suitcase-Station-Muhosransk! "
Joke #28039 —  
 
0
 
The realities of modern Belarus.
Q: What is a Gulag?
Answer: The State of Managed Alexander Grigorievich Lukashenko.
Joke #28038 —  
 
0
 
Gingerbread Square Cantu on track, dust, noise, all black.
Towards the Wolf:
- Gingerbread Man, what's wrong?
- Malevich had read.
www.nikvel.ru
Joke #28037 —  
 
0
 
In your case, detected as positive pluses and negative
cons. But if you do not happen to unforeseen surprises or harmful
trouble, your question with all seriousness and befitting
We will be carefully considered. In particular, this, well, Julia, not
remember the name ...
Joke #28036 —  
 
0
 
There is a party. Suddenly the music stops.
- The owner of the Chrysler number 878 colors wet asphalt, your machine
improperly parked. Information provided by the driver roller.
Joke #28035 —  
 
0
 
Ivan Tsarevich kissed a frog and turned it into a handsome prince.
Ivan was stunned. A handsome prince consoled him:
- Do not be sad, Ivanushka. You'll get you my princess kiss a frog if
in point.
Joke #28034 —  
 
0
 
The earthquake has shifted the earth's axis at some
centimeters. Specialists MES Russia are looking for a foothold
remedy the situation.
Joke #28033 —  
 
0
 
One elderly man in Florida for many years belonged to
farm. In her backyard was a small pond, near which grew
fruit trees, there were tables for picnics, etc. This pond was
built for swimming.

One evening, the old man decided to go walk to the pond, where he was
a long time, and check how are things. With him he took a large bucket,
to pick a fruit. When he approached the pond, he heard the cries and
laughter. Coming closer, he saw that it was more fun
girls bathing in his pond. Seeing him, they screamed and swam away to
the far end of the pond.

One of the girls shouted to the farmer: "We did not come out of the pond until you
go away! "
The old man frowned. "I came here not to watch you
here swim naked, and not to turn you out of a pond without
clothing.
Raising the bucket, he continued: "I just came here to feed
alligator ... "

Moral: Old men too, can quickly think.

http://www.randomthinks.net/
Translated: ZZZ2
Joke #28032 —  
 
1
 
send SMS to number 2233758 with the message "69382745" and get free
"34885720"!
Birch S.
Joke #28031 —  
 
0
 
"Patience and make a little effort - a nightmare measurbator.
Joke #28030 —  
 
0
 
Guy runs to the doctor and shouts:
- Doctor, I have constipation!
- Well, that scream, I also did not Mercedes.
Joke #28029 —  
 
0
 
Prosecutor - a businessman who started the case without seeding.
Joke #28028 —  
 
0
 
The guy at the shop:
- Give me some vanilla ice cream and pistachios.
- Sorry, but no nuts.
- Well then chocolate ice cream and pistachios.
- I said that nuts - no!
- Well then just pistachios.
Rule
Joke #28027 —  
 
0
 
Fishing Wisdom
If the fish in the evening a good lure vodka, then in the morning it is excellent
pecks on beer.
Joke #28026 —  
 
0
 
Be quick-witted Malevich - would have saved a tube of black paint.
However, the immortal masterpiece known as the "White square".
Joke #28025 —  
 
0
 
Oh, I used automatic now - I used them all ... butt!
Joke #28024 —  
 
0
 
The villagers decided to invite to play a concert of the famous
singer.
But because the money they had little, then ask him only to dance,
a phonogram they already own are.
Joke #28023 —  
 
0
 
You should always know exactly who is on the other side of the condom.
Demo
Joke #28022 —  
 
0
 
Pushing her way through the incoming people into the train station breaks militant old woman,
arises before the nearest sitting of the men and loudly asked:
- Well, and what place I sit down?!
A man with surprise starts, focus on it not a very sober
view and strongly responds:
- Well, sit down, as all - on the back!
Joke #28021 —  
 
0
 
Company producer of milk "Merry molochnik" has expanded
new product for women "Merry thrush." It is planned to
production of "Funny trichomonads" and "Light gonorrhea 1.5% fat.
Joke #28020 —  
 
0
 
Stages in the life of men:
- Woman tuzhitsya;
- Girls are friends;
- Girls fall in love;
- Women love;
- Women love for money;
- Women are crying!
Lelik.
Joke #28019 —  
 
0
 
One young Pary asked a wise woman, what is marriage.
Marriage! Oh, that's when you appear before the man starts talking
you beautiful words, poems and sing songs. In your eyes it turns
a beautiful peacock, wags its tail in a desert of worldly appears
mirage - a green oasis, where the birds sing, murmuring fountains and worth
built for you a beautiful palace. But waking up the morning after
wedding night, you find a beautiful peacock disappeared, and next to
you lay an ordinary camel. But if this camel strong
hoof, it is hardy and able to work hard, and you find yourself to him
good smart rider, then you will successfully navigate the
worldly wilderness, you will have an oasis in the palace and its fountains, and much
another.
Young Pary, do not look at the man with whom you want to marry,
as a peacock, always look at him as a camel!
Vlad.
Joke #28018 —  
 
0
 
- The girl can meet you?
- I am an unknown man on the street does not meet.
- Where?
- Well I do not know ... ... Maybe already in bed?
Victory.
Joke #28017 —  
 
0
 
Gingerbread Man and Giraffe have decided to fight, fight to clarify the rules.
Gingerbread Man - do not hit on the head!
Giraffe - on foot, too!
Joke #28016 —  
 
0
 
I found the meaning of life, show you what to do: commit suicide
drown or hang themselves?
Joke #28015 —  
 
0
 
Only risk man sits down in an elevator with diarrhea attack.
Joke #28014 —  
 
0
 
At the World Championships in ski jumping jumping was
Russia's team disqualified for doping --
pea soup.
Joke #28013 —  
 
0
 
See Paris and die! See Muhosransk and rise!
Joke #28012 —  
 
0
 
This Chinaman must make in the lives of 3 things ...
... sneakers, jeans and a tape recorder.
Joke #28011 —  
 
0
 
Collect three caps from beer "Fat Man" and you will get the fourth free!
Joke #28010 —  
 
0
 
- Grandpa, and how to Favorites apples?
- And what about how do you think?
- And what about on an old maid, I think ... What sort of apples ...
asis.narod.ru
Joke #28009 —  
 
0
 
- How delicious! ... Mom, and your meal from a fairy tale?
- "Dead Princess."
Joke #28008 —  
 
0
 
Wig-on-dick - is a woman's hair on pubis.
Joke #28007 —  
 
0
 
"Shallow Hal".
The wife of a policeman
Joke #28006 —  
 
0
 
The inscription in a public toilet:
"Do not shake the end - and all so understand that you're not a girl!"
Lelik.
Joke #28005 —  
 
0
 
Wife had just been dismissed a lawyer gives him a newspaper:
- Just look at this ad, I think just right for you.
He takes the paper and reads:
"Beauty is required pedikyurist.
Joke #28004 —  
 
0
 
Modern anecdote:
One homeless man calls another on the mobile phone:
- Hey, Tolia, here near the theater chairs thrown nearly new, you
do not?
- Fuck you call me?! I'm on roaming in Paris!
(c) - www.withnofear.ru
Joke #28003 —  
 
0
 
Morning sex - it opohmelka after yesterday's sex.
Joke #28002 —  
 
0
 
Released dictionary child profanity.
Now you know what is meant by such words as
"To", "aga-aga ...
And the worst "Shaka-Shaka!
Joke #28001 —  
 
0
 
Elephant is dancing with komarihoy. Elephant:
- Oh, excuse me, I think, I'll come on foot. Well, you say something --
offended
Joke #28000 —  
 
0
 
After the success of a series of dairy products - "Happy Milkman" planned
released a series of grain products with the title - "cynical baker."
Joke #27999 —  
 
0
 
- Son, what you've gathered to watch on TV polpervogo night?
- Yes, some transfer of animal life.
- That's because parasite, for taking the time to show children's programs! Well,
see. What is?
- "Night Butterflies on Tverskaya.
Joke #27998 —  
 
0
 
If the woman said, "A", then later she would make the whole alphabet.
Joke #27997 —  
 
0
 
New Russian and his old friend the engineer, discussing what they gave
wives on the day of birth.
- I bought her a fur coat and BMW.
- The two-on! And the fig?
- If she does not like the fur coat, she can take her back to BMW!
Turn came to ask the new Russian:
- Well, you bought her?
- I bought her slippers and a rubber member.
- Why is this?
- Because if she do not like flip-flops, let him go on x ...!
Joke #27996 —  
 
0
 
Little Little Johnny sees that her mother "big belly", and asks
Pope:
- Dad, why my mother was such a big belly?
Dad:
- Uh ... nuuu ... and this is because my mom not long cocoa ...
Little Johnny:
- And now understand why I'm such a shit out ...
Joke #27995 —  
 
0
 
Tale of the Fisherman and the Fish:
The first time he threw his nets, trammel came HERB Marine ...
Grandfather smoked grass ...
and further, as in the tale - and the fish said, and wishes come true.
Joke #27994 —  
 
0
 
Sir Henry Baskerville Reap. Hot food in the bowl fills the room
aroma of oriental spices.
- What is this, Barrymore?
- One moment, sir, now learn from our new chef. Kim, as
called this dish?
Voice from the kitchen:
- Hye lamb Korean, sir.
Henry Baskerville surprised.
- Strange. In our area a long time nobody breeds of sheep. And why
today so quiet in the marshes?
Alex, www.dutum.narod.ru
Joke #27993 —  
 
0
 
Three avid car enthusiast in the garage after work under pressure bladder (cafe
"Carburetor"). Suddenly runs seven-year old son of one of them:
- Dad! There, the boys in the yard miscall unintelligible words!
-?
- Who are the "pi @ race"?
Father hesitated. The rescue comes comrade:
- How do you explain ... Well, for example, rides guy on the road to
left lane, a sudden stop at the intersection and includes the left
turn. So this is null @ races.
Another friend:
- It's that! Another thing, if the guy goes to the left lane, sharply
stops at the intersection and includes a right turn. That is already
just pi @ races.
Father:
- It's all garbage. Here's an example: I am going on the road, a sudden stop at
intersection, and forgot - what can I do to go further - to the right or left.
And these PI @ RACES rear signals, signals ...
Joke #27763 —  
 
0
 
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