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The programmer listens to the interview requirements of the employer:
- You should be free to write code in Delphi, Java, C + +, perfectly
Know Oracle, MS SQL, DB2, solve any problem in
employees problems with computers, maintain a network
station ... Did you say something like to ask?
- Yes. Irons in the runtime does not need repair?
- So, my dear, my future son in law, I am pleased to give consent
to shift the hand of my daughter out of pocket in your ..
Terms of married men:
1. In the morning, love my wife, may now be the first.
2. In the street, give to the children sweets, among them there may be yours.
3. Always yield to older men, among them may have your
Medicine of laziness: "Pizdalgin" - is highlighted in the Chief's office.
No more online dating this site, which would not vodilis
- How are you there in space, are without fault, without women?
- And now for this and give us heroes!
From an interview with cosmonaut Yuri Usachev, "Private Life", Russia, 19.11.04
Don Juan has never had so much amorous victories, if he had
only one talent - how to tie himself to any woman, and would not
talent - both get rid of any.
Issue of the Armenian radio: In what hospital unit for patients most
better life and why?
Answer: in proctologic. Because they have every dinner - by candlelight.
"Three white horses ..." - a song of drunken chess player. (Vasil Lucas)
How would you say that an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
- I really liked your latest book "How to deal with
adolescents. Just as I swung it at my ignoramus, as he immediately
You noticed that people who are late are often much more fun
than people who are supposed to wait?
Arab sheikh traveled to Europe and fell in love with Caucasian. Here is
Dad tells his friends:
- In short, he said to me - if you chose to marry me You give, I'll pay
for her as much gold as she weighs. Well, I tell him that
this issue does not need to hurry, let's talk a month.
- Yes, you are right, these sheikhs with their countries laws ... here we must think.
- To think not. Then the little girl to feed!
Express Card GIBDD 10, 50 and 100 conventional units!
For corporate VIP clients new tariff plan "Exclusive" - just
for 1000 ve all violations in a month free!
Connect the additional services: "Favorite violation" - 50% discount on
any one violation of your choice!
"Radar detectors - Caller ID and the speed of your room.
Additional information - the managers in the offices of traffic police!
Listen to the voice of reason!
You hear? Do you hear what nonsense it is?
Any normal officer is convinced that there are two types
Ownership: direct and honest.
Turkmen scientists, biologists, after several years of research
made a sensational discovery: Yevgeny Petrosyan found a sense
Geezer is not strange. Land of the one who has his
No strange at all!
- Girl, you look farther, the better!
- Oh, thank you!
- And the closer, the worse ...
- You are what this concerns?
- Why, I think, as in one-room apartment can accommodate seventy
Five people, invited his wife on the anniversary of our wedding ...
- So have you got - round date?
- No, my wife - round fool!
Lord God decided to correct the case in Russia medicine and settled
District Medical Officer in the clinic. Comes to the reception to his first patient
- Paralytic in a wheelchair. God puts his hands on his head and says:
Get up and go. He got up and walked. It appears in the corridor, turn it up
street, he was asked: "Well, as a new? - Yes all of them - even the pressure
- He made his wife a pilgrimage to the holy source. Prayed there ...
- So what?
- Nothing. There is no miracle has happened. With the same wife, and returned.
In a gynecologist's office comes to a girl.
A doctor in a good mood:
- Girl! How pretty you are - all this fair, blouse you
fair, trousers white, little white bag and shoes!
- Yes, Doctor, I have more and thrush!
Recipe cocktail "Idiot":
150 gr. Coke
50 gr. Hennessy XO
Came to the house of a rich girl, the owner hired a governess.
The owner said her good advice and asked a small
exam to make a curtsey that it immediately and demonstrated. Master
was very pleased. Noticing this, she asked with hope, they say, as
about work, adopted?
- Of course, my dear! Here you have only been wrong
interpretation of concepts: bob - is somewhat different, but what you
do now is blowjob.
I'm a gypsy now for 50 bucks should be reminded that what I goof.
How to think which of my engineer - I am afraid to go to the doctor.
They lie in a glass of two lenses, and then another one says:
- Pancakes, you hear, for twelve days, and we have no one eye!
True freedom begins when you come two
A good friend - one who will not let you go to prison for stupidity.
This one - is one that will sit with you in the next cell
and say "B # I, it was cool!"
In connection with the continuing rise in price of living in New York, robbers
now demand from their victims by 3% more money.
He swore a long word of three letters ...
Recollections from the exhibition:
Here is a rare masterpiece - "Portrait of an unknown." This previously
unknown copy of a painting by an unknown artist, made known
whom, who knows when, and who knows how we got into the museum.
Soul hurts, and you begin to heal - liver hurts!
- Took on a sample of Thousand Island dressing.
- And how?
- Imagine, two missing.
Suitable grandson to grandmother, and sees that it is on the computer e-mail reads.
- Well, Th, grandmother, spam?
- Oh no spam, my son, the night is not spam!
Few people know ...
As for the conception traffic police inspector a condom in the strip and
Dear God also loves humor. Especially weather forecasts.
Professor takes the exam at the blonde. That, of course, neither in the tooth
Professor wearily says:
- You know, girl, you remind me a demo version.
- Oh, you think me as bright and beautiful?
- No, just your ability as much limited.
- Uncle, but as he correctly called, mAbilnik or mobile?
- Put in place the phone!
In marriage agency:
- A young man, what you want?
- I? Gorgeous blonde!
- OK! No problem! Consider that is just what you have to feed
Army. Leaves demobee.
- Well, sit down at the track ... Perfume 20, and the scoops 10 times!
Sweden, Stockholm. Hour of the night. In the streets of the city at night wandering Peterson
with a hangover. Have a drink, and all shops are closed! Suddenly stumbles on
- Want to drink?
- A bottle of vodka is.
- How much?
- Some fifty crowns.
- To hell with you, come on!
- At. Want more - call, - man held out a scrap of paper.
Lucky Peterson returned home, opens the bottle, swallowing ...
Damn! Instead of vodka - water! Angry Peterson on the phone. Sleepy
- Manager plumbing service in Stockholm you listening ...
Beautiful girl trains hard in the gym. Suddenly
feels himself to someone's opinion. Oborachivetsya - on the contrary there are two
pitching-Georgian, both standing, and looking at her. She:
- And I see that you are talking about me.
My dog is up to 6 months, thought that her name was "Oy_Kakaya_Sobachka"
after - "UBERITE_SOBAKU!"
In the lair of Sherkhan creeping jackal Tabakki - broken legs, broken face,
tail cut off.
- Well? - Asked Sher Khan.
- Ak ... Ak ... Akela has missed, - barely moving his tongue utters Tabakki.
- And Mowgli?
- And Mowgli, the bastard got!
Health is given to man only once, and drank it must be so,
then not be excruciatingly painful ...
- My wife is clearly not at home. Phone has already cooled down.
The most unbearable work - at Goznak. Every day see this
wealth and do not bear it!
In response to numerous protests Russian pensioners,
Government has developed a new program - a program of replacement benefits
euthanasia at low prices.