Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes
New best jokes, funniest anecdotes
The Government of Russia to determine the size of the minimum wage for 2008 is required
mathematician specializing in small numbers.
2008th year. Chapter Rosneftegazostalyatomugollesaeroenergoprom V.
Putin received today the President of Russia, at his request ...
"Transportpress" announces the release of the first issue of a new
professional magazine for employees of traffic police - for a ruble. "
Linen leading granted compartment "Wild Orchid".
- Have you got a problem with the promotion on the career ladder?
- Do you now what direction you mean?
There the first batch of power - United Russia. The second party of power will
called "Fair Russia". In general, choose - or Russia
single, or just ...
New Russian hospital hit.
Came to, and around young medichki and flit and flutter.
One of them sits down and asks:
- Tell me, you do not need a nurse?
- No. I do not work stoyalka.
Normal Moscow Arbat yard, it is usual Moscow house
in this house is an ordinary Moscow entrance. And in this house, in the
the third floor in the apartments opposite the two families lived. First Regular
Russian family - father working, mother an accountant, and son Teddy. Common
Moscow kid, to the extent of bully, not an A student, but not dvoeshnik, rides
dogs, playing football, running around with other boys in the yard, etc.
In the flat opposite lived a good Jewish family. Dad - Professor
mom - the doctor, and their daughter Sonia. Clever, an excellent student, a musical
school, all the provisions.
And now comes the time, Mishka and Sonia together go to school, sit for one
desk, grow, and their childhood friendship turns into an adult love. And
Eventually they marry. After a while Sonya's family
pereizzhat going to Israel. Misha thought, and agreed that they
Sonia, too, will go.
And so Misha and Sonia in Israel. Misha quickly assimilated, changed his name to
Moishe, permeated by Judaism, begins to read the Torah and in the end
becomes a rabbi. And the result is an ideal Jewish family: her husband Moishe
reads the Torah, comes to him for advice people, he respected people. Sonya
conducts home, cleans, prepares, giving birth to children - they are happy.
One day Sonia cook something tasty and brings
Moishe refreshment. Moishe course is reading the Torah. Sonya:
- Moishe, my dear, that eat, I have prepared for you here.
Moishe slams the book, turns to Sonia:
- Sonia, here you are my wife, you're the mother of my children, we live with you happily
for many years. And all these years I could not understand one thing: what if you could
marry a goy?
- I called the girl - witch, and she was offended.
- And what a witch?
- Baba Yaga.
A guy gets a job at the conservatory. He listened - all
ok! Possession of an excellent tool, word absolute, plays
effectively, in general - the dream of any orchestra. Bierut:
- Excellent, you'll draw. What is your name?
- Ivanov? Hmm ... Strange ... And the name?
- Ivan?! Surprisingly, boggles .... A middle name?
- Oh, how deep is buried talent!
- Lieutenant Rzhevskii, I have no doubt in your potency, therefore, play
Please follow the game of billiards - cue.
- Your son malingerer!
- You know, when we are conceiving his wife pretended orgasm.
- Late last night coming home, and suddenly somewhere right
before me came a drunken man.
- How awful!
- You can not imagine, he said the same thing.
If you find some picayune matter, to entrust it to the woman, and it
Lucky failure: this is when pilish branch on which you sit, and you
How to call a barn for cows in Egypt?
The blonde thought and thought ...
And hair darkened.
The first guy in the village was Adam, and the village was also the first.
Administration of the club to make a pleasant visitors, established in
toilet Urinals with sound advertising. Once a person approaches
Urinals in 10 seconds distributed enthusiastic girl's exclamation: "What
What is a time machine?
This is when the toilet is out of paper, but there is a tear-off calendar!
They talk to two skinhead:
- Let's go Cuisine and other Shawarma lyulyakebabov hung.
Old age - when sex is involved
in only polling booths.
Stirlitz walked around Dresden, where there was so many years, went into the cafe
"Elephant", drank a cup of coffee. Then he sat for half an hour on the sidelines
road, looked up, sighed and went back to Moscow, the Kremlin.
Putin is the morning of Dresden. Meet him caught occasional pedestrians.
And each graciously removes hat.
- Guten Morgen, Herr President.
First caught the painter, then window washer, then a fisherman, then homeless. And
all one and the same person.
- Guten Morgen, Herr President.
- Enough Vanka go ahead! Disgraceful! Where to watch your superiors?
Do not different people to prepare and put in decent?
- So I am the boss, Vladimir Vladimirovich. He and singer.
After your departure, much has changed. One work here. A salary
such that can see.
- Okay, go. Adding you pay.
- Sean Danke, Herr President. Aufiderzeyn.
With a cry of "oppressed! "Run towards the engine.
With a cry of "I'll kill you! "Run to the epicenter of a nuclear explosion.
- Preved Medved!
- Truly Hello!
Mathematical test: How much is 2 +2? Possible answers:
The sign in the studio
Drain SKATING IS NOT sharpened
Urgent kyplyu snaypepskyyu vintovky and ticket kontsept Yevgeny Petrosyan.
Male weasels before they learn their favorite affection, possessed more
few caresses. This - foreplay.
- Guys - out, look, Sveta goes, and she, by the way, today
- Oh, I have a gift!
- And I for flowers!
- I have some vodka!
- I'm with her, too, is not going to stay!
- And this is our district - the best in the world lie detector!
- Hmm ... Why the best?
- Because he brutally pi $ DIT those who deceive.
If you find your things in disarray, it means that someone did not have time
do cleaning. And if you do not find them anywhere, then managed.
Main characteristics of the display: brightness, contrast, dusty.
Winter I suffer exhibitionism.
In the summer I enjoy them ...
The blonde comes home, without saying a word to her husband is on
lap, unbuttoned his fly and makes a fervent blowjob.
The guy at aute ... Once finished, he asks:
- What is it with you, dear?
- Yes so, was in the clinic. They said that I Vascular
failure, treatment should be ...
Yes, about liberalism. With regard to gender equality. I believe
wife has the right to do whatever she wants. If only it was delicious.
Kid comes home and sees a note on the table from my mother:
Dear Baby! Since you began to fly into this moron
Bock Frekken flies for the second time. Tell that to the pilot that if
it does not replace the airfield, he reaches for me!
I have a chronic disease of office:
before dinner is always hungry,
after dinner, sleep
and the feeling that little pay!
Yesterday, with his father and mother watched a fashion show, so there were dressed as Uncle
aunts and aunts were dressed like fools ....
- Chenopodium Ivan, can you chalk ask?
- Fizruka circle.
- Girl, you want me to relax? I went to the bowling alley, make a barbecue,
sit in the Jacuzzi!
- I want!
- What's your name?
- Ahem ... So, so, Klava, the program is somewhat different: rounders,
pies with liver, a shower!
- You know, Peter, you remind me of Pushkin.
- What? Whiskers?
- Shot you want!
He was unlucky enough that even the toilet paper with the scent
he came across a peach pit.
- Hi, we have from the library. Your wife has not returned to us a book.
- What book?
- The manual "How to marry a rich stupid idiot."
Toothpaste Solgate Total - triple protection toothpaste Vlend-a-Med!
Kindergarten for a walk in the woods.
- Children, if you eat berries, then we break for two ... One may eat, and the second --
for forensic ...
- A dog bit me yesterday!
- So, it was not!
- Yes, yesterday was! And today is not for that ...
One smokes and says the second:
- What after all those nasty cigarettes with a filter!
- Yes, you pull - pull, filter is now complete, more will be easier.
Drunken man rings the doorbell. He opens his wife. It comes neatly
closes the door behind him, turns his back to his wife and says:
- I am on the seventh!