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In company gathered a hostel mates.
Drink vodka, anecdote
Wife - her husband:
- Expensive - please explain how something softer son that his
hamster croaked ...
Further dialogue between father and son:
- Son, come here! Pressing, shit! 1,2,3,4,5,6 ... 40 ...
- Everything can not go, Dad ...
- What, bitch? Died?!
- Yes ...
- Here is a hamster and your blyat too!
Classification of users with system administrator point of view:
- A monkey with a grenade.
- Hash ppokupop - sexual maniac.
- How do you know?
- He again brought up my criminal case.
Narco car, customs passes cop poking around in his car.
Call to drug pipe.
- Yes ...
- The customs ...
- I'm taking ..
- Uh-uh, have not found yet.
YOU played too long on various computer games if:
At Action Games:
1) Before you cross the street, you have a desire to make a save.
2) eating on the car, you seriously believe that the downed guy you will
1000 points, but for my grandmother - as much as 5000.
3) When the elevator opens - you have a desire to be first as
palnut there, and then enter.
4) For the corners you go sideways.
5) You start to figure out how many lives you have left, if you
jumped from the balcony of his mistress.
6) Seeing a side street in the evening two Ambala, you note for myself, that "
right - 200% life, and the left - all 500%.
1) Looking at jewelry store jewelry you realizes what a
have more to add to your parameter "wisdom" and which - to
2) In the countryside you immediately start looking for a quatrefoil
clover, foaming at the mouth saying that "then I will have 4 plus
good luck! ".
3) Talking to someone, you sometimes want to press the space bar to
miss the conversation.
4) You are trying to remember how much you have free slots in
5) Seeing a side street in the evening two Ambala, you note for myself, that "
right setting force - at least 20, but the intelligence - on the strength of 3, and at
left - the power of all 5, but a stick that he holds in his hands - as damage
minimum 10d15 +20 ".
6) You really want to come and ransack every passerby in the street
determine the presence of good weapons or money, in advance, of course,
1) You sometimes want to click on someone to arm and send it "out
there. "And the crowd to cut around the frame.
2) In your opinion, the machine, which just crashed on
traffic light was settling armor light.
3) You long to estimate how many moves will it take to reach the
4) You buy only stale bread "because he has more armor."
5) You go out only with a large crowd from a purely
strategic considerations: while the machine will bring down the other, you see --
you're already on the other side.
6) Do you really wonder when you learn that in order to build a house,
one slave and two minutes is not enough.
- Stirlitz, well, today, then I hope we go to the women?
- No, Mueller, today, we'll go on the asphalt! And throw their sadistic
Drunkenness - the battle, the world - a world knowledge - force, the art - mass
electrification - the country, at ease - will that joke - some truth ...
And I - again got nothing.
In which hand should hold the fork gentleman, if he keeps on the right
Bat - beat.
Arrows - shoot.
So what do the darts?
- Why Islamists all the time with someone at war?
- So it is not have sex before marriage, nor to drink vodka, even
Minister of Agriculture Holland to the question "as whether to continue
growing anasha "laughed, and after a lot of eating ...
Lord, why so few among fools lazy?
According to custom in England, the guests have gone home, pay the servants,
who bring their coats, hats, etc.
- Mr. Ganvey, here's your coat, - turned to the glorious
- Here's a shilling.
- Mr. Ganvey, your hat ...
- And you shilling.
- Mr. Ganvey, your walking stick ...
- More shilling.
- Here's your gloves.
- Leave them at home, they are not worth a shilling.
You're not Robinson, but on Friday you love more than anything else ...
Pinocchio gave three apples. Two, he ate. How many apples left in the
Pinocchio? Do you think one? Nothing like that. Nobody does not know how many
He already had apples before. Moral - Resets variables!
In fact, the prefix "Mr." to the name in the letter does not always mean
Cut scene: "Putin and the President of Latvia".
- Vladimir Vladimirovich, we would like to review the results of the Second World
- No problem. I tell the Minister of Foreign Affairs, he will write to you on
- How to make a racing car?
- Buy "shohu" or "penny", hang spoiler and persecute all that you
stritreyserov 8 (
During the interrogation:
- Tell us where you bought such a diploma of higher quality
- Found on the road!
- You assert that they found on the road diploma to his name??
- And how do you Explain this coincidence?
- It's not a coincidence. Just a passport in his name, I bought later ...
- Watson, I look at you and think ... Are you gay?
- But ... but as you know, Holmes?
- I learned? I just asked.
Robert Cooperman, Brooklyn
- Lucky you, man, you have no monthly!
- Do you want - and you will not?
They sit two old man took hold in the hut, drinking moonshine and chewing. Suddenly flies open
door and the house flies armed robber in a mask:
- So! This is a robbery! Where "Grandma"!?
The peasants, without looking up from his task:
- In the garden.
- You do not understand, assholes!? "Green" is!? "Cabbage," I say, where?!
- In the garden.
- Well, morons, now I'll explain.
- Where's the money?!
- Ah, money! Tuk, this - in the bank.
- And this is where?!
- In the garden.
Negro boy was crying, shouting, calling for help but was unable
escape from the clutches of Moidodyr.
Grandmaster such a long time fiddling with the queen, that she had finished.
Africa. It was published the first issue of "Negro Literature.
Russian man went to Turkey for the ticket, all inclusive. Returns
after the leave for work. Colleagues him joyfully welcome:
- Mihalich, hello! How are you? Come? What do you remember?
- Dear! You moaned all night. He probably dreamed that fotomodelyu
- Do not worry, dear, I dreamed of you. You know - I'm always on
night dreaming of some nightmares.
In practice, Russia, Eastern European countries and China, followed
for the development of socialism, as a rule, occurs capitalism.
Comes Stirlitz to Muller and says:
- You know, Gruppenfuhrer, you must admit. I Stirlitz. My name is
- You're lucky, my friend. There Zhirinovsky, is generally
Fuck you in the f ... - Snapped driver Zaporozhtsya flashing back
Mercedes headlights and sharply stepped on the brakes ....
Children of Pamela Anderson - a new achievement of the semiconductor industry and
after all silicone breast-fed ...
- Blin, bought a diamond, showed the judge - turned out to be fake!
- And what did you just not looked at it, do not check?
- Yes I am, a specialist, or what? Moreover, there was a label - "Ekutskie
- Last week, finally a change in sexual orientation. Long awaited
this moment. True, not quite up to the end. So far I can
- In the sense?
- Well, as understood earlier, I had only the heads, but now there
Early morning in August at the remote duty of the Interior Ministry of Belarus received a strange
call. The strange thing was that before this panel from the TV did not call.
After pervoiyulskogo "kidalova"
ITT: People keep back ...
- Why, when the city is going to come to the president, immediately begin
- Well, do not fool treat.
Diary of a programmer
Today was a shoe store.
Bought maykrossovki. I came home, and her feet in them are installed.
Strange. Ver like my forty-fifth ... Asked at the forum.
I was told that maykrossovki pirated.
Screwing up his eyes and tried to put on again - happened.
I called the boss. He said that tomorrow will not allow to work without linuksin.
Bought linuksiny. He put them on top maykrossovok.
I tried to walk along the flat - not bad, but slowly. Probably should
lengthen the legs. But the money for it yet.
In the evening went to one. Washed purchase. A friend suggested an exchange of insoles.
It did not happen. With my insoles his linuksiny stink.
I brag maykrosovkami, but under linuksinami not found.
Put on top of old maykrossovki - from linuksin leaving only laces.
I tried to remove maykrossovki - flew socks.
Pity. They're already 2 years is not flew.
I can say szhilsya with them body and soul.
I decided to re-wear maykrossovki and linuksiny - failed.
Washed the feet - to give, like a lamb, but the pants did not nalezli.
Oh, and illustrations with them, chef pants about nothing.
I went to the pharmacy, and then the candles from hemorrhoids - even eating ass!
Old Jew caught a golden fish. That him and said the human voice:
- What do you want, old man?
- Tell me a fish, how much do you weigh and rate of gold today.
There comes a man in a circus with the back door. Suitable for the keeper, and says:
- A hde door?
- How where? Here they are.
- No, DOORS hde?
- Yes, that's the same behind you!
- Pancakes, well, DOORS, DOORS! TLONY, TOBATKI, TUTLIKI!?
Do not tell my mother that I became famous lawyer. Suppose she thinks
I'm still petty street thief.
- How to distinguish gay from heterosexual?
- Gay is a Bluetooth headset on the right ear, and heterosexual on the left.
Comes in a gay church. For a long time looking at the priest. Suitable then
- Father, what a cross, then you simpotny ...
And that it:
- Che cross something, Th cross! You're on serezhechki a look!
Pi $ dec in Russia - the norm.
We're pretty healthy life - beer, vodka, smoke, girls ..
Is not it great?
When there are two strange dogs, strolling with their masters, then
owners always wondered: "You have a boy or a girl?". A dog in
this time trying to find out: "You bitch, or a dog?".
People who constantly shine everywhere, in fact, not
Census from the programmer:
- Your native language.
- How is the native language?
- Well, what you studied the language since childhood, lifetime use?
- No, the real.
- Ah This! Then Xi.
Russia has announced to send a battalion of construction battalion to Lebanon.
Israel has already surrendered. Hezbollah, too.