Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes

New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50
Flew pilgrims on the earth. Around - the ruins, the ruins, burned
land. Been looking for someone. Finally in Antarctica found a surviving
station, where he lived alone superintendent.
- Oh, my God, what a cataclysm ruined your civilization? --
exclaimed the newcomers.
- What are you? - Surprised keeper. - There was no disaster. So,
small anti-terrorist operation ...
(C) Robie
Joke #31046 —  
 
0
 
- Do not breathe fumes at me!
- That I speaketh the truth.
Joke #31045 —  
 
0
 
All men are brothers, no sisters.
Joke #31044 —  
 
0
 
Presumption of innocence before the crocodile - only its fullness.
Joke #31043 —  
 
0
 
Get acquainted with girls at a funeral can be. But better than his.
Joke #31042 —  
 
0
 
And how much will it cost to place a banner on the page about: blank?
Joke #31041 —  
 
0
 
Be perdelno bzditelen.
www.radioamsoft.com
Joke #31040 —  
 
0
 
- As cocoa inflatable woman?
- They can not chocolate. They just fart.
Joke #31039 —  
 
0
 
There is commission checks on the mad house. Head of the institution of
ask:
- Tell me, you always so cold?
- Well as you might think so! Only in the winter!
Joke #31038 —  
 
0
 
I look at the events in Lebanon and I think that if it turns out Jew in
Antarctica, the world will fight anti-Semitism among the penguins.
Joke #31037 —  
 
0
 
I hate all these Americanisms:
Oops!
Wow!

there is genuine Russian synonyms:
Shit!
Huyase!
Joke #31036 —  
 
0
 
Only cars domestic automobile industry can be distinguished by the sound
engine running.
AR
Joke #31035 —  
 
0
 
Russia against China. Huge humanoid war robots against
Peaceful tiny robot humanoids ...
Joke #31033 —  
 
0
 
To solve the demographic problem, it is necessary to introduce tax stamps on
condoms.
Joke #31032 —  
 
0
 
In perfume stores smallest demand is flush with embarrassment.
Joke #31031 —  
 
0
 
- How to say: in Ukraine or Ukraine?
- And this is not a dick?
- No, there is a difference: to sit on the ass or in the ass!
Joke #31030 —  
 
0
 
What distinguishes the morning srednestaticheskogo headworker
the second half of the 20th century from the worker in the morning the 21st century.

20 th century.
The morning trip to work: metro, tram, trolley, bus - all
read.
Arrival of a job - they're all asleep.

21.
The morning trip to work: metro, tram, trolley, bus - all
asleep.
The arrival of a job - all read the internet.
Petrukha
Joke #31029 —  
 
0
 
I used to smoke, drink, use foul language without
reasons.
Since then, as I work here, I've had a good reason.
Joke #31028 —  
 
0
 
Steps sensei:
First given
Second Dan
Zidane
Joke #31027 —  
 
0
 
Zidane on community service:
- And now, children, I'll show you the next blow. Called "tail
Dragon ...
Joke #31026 —  
 
0
 
Machine does not start.
And he and his childhood dream to start a car ...
Joke #31025 —  
 
0
 
- Dad, and I will soon be 16 years?
- After 10 years!
- Y, as long!
- If you will behave well, then after 3 years!
Joke #31024 —  
 
0
 
Interest:
Why does this naked women never look stupid??
Joke #31023 —  
 
0
 
In the shop:
- Excuse me, you do not back the change!
- Farewell!
Joke #31022 —  
 
0
 
In Odessa store:
- Girl, you do not show me out that hat!
- Why not show, why? I have that, you whore!
Joke #31021 —  
 
0
 
At the shop window:
Dear women, do not sigh very strongly - glass sweat.
Administration of the shop "Fur."
Joke #31020 —  
 
0
 
Horrible Chan or forgotten legend of Kung Fu

Do you know what a truly great kung-fu? Kung Fu now
master? Horseradish out there. And I - I know.
*
His name was Spooky Chan, and sometimes - Chiang imminent. He was very kind and
never took offense when the joke on him. Drunk rice vodka, he
even asked:
- A joke on me.
But the fools did not.
*
One athlete from Belgium saw Monstrous Chan. Returning home, he
placed in honor of this memorial meeting.
Now the sculpture known as the "Manneken Pis".
*
Horrible Chang was a genius of kung fu. Once he came to trial for shooting
tragic melodrama. What was filmed, then turned in a
videosalony titled "They were called bone-breakers."
*
They say that Morihei Ueshiba realized many of the principles of aikido, when in
the war quickly descended the cliff. And few people know that
this rock was eerie Chan.
*
In America and Canada, there are sports such as rafting down the barrel
Niagara Falls. So, eerie Chang was the first and last
man who succeeded in the barrel raft of Niagara Falls
UP.
*
They also say that Chuck Norris - son nezakonorozhdenny Monstrous Chan. Who
not believe he can ask about it Chuck.
*
Speed Monstrous Chan was beyond the limit of human perception. So,
girl did not have time to undress, and Chiang was leaving with a satisfied
smile.
*
It is believed that the Wachowski came up with "The Matrix" looking "Ghost in the
shell ". In fact, they were inspired by the secret pirate personnel
Newsreel with training Monstrous Chan, which they bought from the old
Chinese-junkie in Hong Kong.
*
Everyone remembers the famous story of a boxer with a karate to find out who
stronger. Ostensibly karate lay on the floor and tried to get the boxer's feet, and
he circled around, trying to get his hand. Absurd stories difficult
imagine.

In fact, then decided to find out what is stronger - karate, boxing or
kung-fu. Of course, the eerie Chan karate instantly knocked to the ground and, while he
struggled in agony, amused by the fact that drove the boxer from corner to corner. Himself
Monstrous Chan, alas, few people would have noticed because of its incredibly fast
movements.
*
Horrible Chan almost never acted in films, because I was
too strong for this actor. A couple of times he tried to withdraw
action movie, but, unfortunately, shooting every time I had to interrupt --
a mate he killed accidentally slammed on the back, and the second accident
pierced finger. By coincidence, both victims were one name.
*
Horrible Chan finally stopped all attempts to make a career in
film. That's why his name was little-known outside of China,
Taiwan and Hong Kong. But those who knew, very fond of him and even called in
honor his children.
*
When eerie Chiang died, sixteen of his students with difficulty lifted the coffin with
body, but immediately dropped. Twelve men broke their legs, three --
fractured his shoulder, and another body was never found. They say
while from the grave came an angry cry:
- Idiots! Neither one of you is not reached and the sixteenth part of my
skill.

Then the coffin was light as a feather, and the two were able to calm
dyed blonde brigade "first aid".

(c)
Joke #31019 —  
 
0
 
If the WHA to drive into a wild forest, turn off the engine and radio, to close
doors and windows, you can hear how it rots.
(c) quotes.dirty.ru
Joke #31018 —  
 
0
 
There are two main ways to argue with a woman. But none of them
work.
Joke #31017 —  
 
0
 
Smart riders always ride with helmets. Of course, in the event fall on
high speed helmets do not save, but say that their brains and then collect
easier than across the road. Stupid motorcyclists ride without helmets. Mozgov
No - nothing to collect anyway.
Joke #31016 —  
 
0
 
Complete failure of the Belarusian athlete finished his speech at
World Championship equestrian sports. If the horse and took a barrier, then
cart destroys everything in cvoem way.
Joke #31015 —  
 
0
 
Putin Kudrin:
- From 1 July to make the ruble fully convertible currency. This
measure will allow the citizens of Russia to freely pay the price in foreign
countries of rubles ...
Kudrin:
- And if not they will pick?
Putin:
- Then turn off the gas!
Joke #31014 —  
 
0
 
In the furniture store.
- Yesterday, I bought you a chair, and today it is already collapsed.
- What do you say? Apparently, it someone got!
Joke #31013 —  
 
0
 
Shop "Gardener."
- Do you have a shovel?
- No.
- A bucket?
- No!
- Nails?
- No!
- Rake!
- No!
- Why did you sit here?
- Because locks NO!
Joke #31012 —  
 
0
 
Little Johnny brings home a diary with a collection of deuces.
The enraged father says:
- In our time for such evaluation was beaten with a belt.
- Classroom idea! Approaches tomorrow after school, the teacher will take revenge.
Joke #31011 —  
 
0
 
This is how much had to drink a prince to become a frog princess?
Joke #31010 —  
 
0
 
In the monkey the monkey cage, pointing to the bluish alcoholics, lying in
puddle of urine under the fence zoo:
- Oh, if only you knew how you do not want to turn into a man!
Joke #31009 —  
 
0
 
Interesting: the invasion of Lebanon led to the Islamic world almost the same
violent reaction as the Danish pictures ...
Joke #31008 —  
 
0
 
After watching the match Zenit - CSKA Hiddink said he would like to see
in team Jo, Carvalho, Rahimic, Shkrtela, Wagner, Kryzanac and Ho.
Then he wept when told that you can take the current Berezutsky
Aldonin, Ignashevich, Kerzhakova ...
Joke #31007 —  
 
0
 
Democracy - is when a deaf politician indicates silent voter in
short-sightedness of the president.
Joke #31006 —  
 
0
 
Just think, I saw Paris, and died. Try to see Moscow and to register!
Joke #31005 —  
 
0
 
He died a Christian. He immediately grabbed and devils in hell. Well, there are pots, forks --
All Christian fun. It is:
- Lord, for what? I train all positions, observe prayer, before death
Communion, the priest my sins released!
His features are boilers say:
- Do not touch me you God! Communion is flesh and blood of Christ?
- Yes!
- Well, so and ended up here for cannibalism!
Joke #31004 —  
 
0
 
Lived in the neighborhood pagan and Christian. The Christian life flesh
subdued, prayed fervently, all the power sucked where only could money
handed begging - he sat hungry, the other cheek when substituted
beat - in general, suffered and agonized. A pagan in the field Dazhdbog
greeted and lives in her own pleasure. Here both died, and fell into
paradise. Views are a Christian, that the heathen to God for the one sitting at a table, and
to wash dishes set.
Says:
- Lord He does not comply! Have you it with a table to plant?
And God answers:
- So all his life he considered himself the grandson of God, and you are a slave. Each of
his faith!
Joke #31003 —  
 
0
 
A new way to combat global warming developed Moldovan
scientists.
Now all drivers, cars are equipped with air
conditioners, ordered to go with the included in the maximum mode
air-conditioning and open windows.

In this simple way scientists calculated to lower the average summer
temperature in the area of Chisinau on 1,5-2 degrees.
Joke #31002 —  
 
0
 
In response to the demand of the Georgian Parliament to withdraw Russia's military
bases from the territory of Georgia, Foreign Ministry of Russia made a proposal to withdraw
Georgia from the Russian military bases.
Joke #31001 —  
 
0
 
Why Foreign Ministry condemned the attacks on Israel "Hezboloy?
- Evacuate the Russians from Lebanon is still possible,
and if from Israel, it is a complete nightmare.
Joke #31000 —  
 
0
 
A quiet evening of Holmes and Watson are heated by the fireplace.
- Watson, today I saw you in the shoes grains of sand. Are you gay?
- But why, Holmes?
- And why not, Watson?
Joke #30999 —  
 
0
 
All life - nishtyak, all women - ladies, and the sun - the ball giving light.
Joke #30998 —  
 
0
 
Physiology:
Any man can fuck any woman.
Psychology:
Any woman does not want her to fuck any guy.
Joke #30997 —  
 
0
 
There are two friends. One - just a lover of sex. Other --
their professional body. At first - costume jewelry. On the second - bryuliki.
"Why this How nice?" - Asked first.
"Oh, a new Russian gave."
"Lucky you. And I, too, every night a new one, too, seems to be Russian,
and bryuliki not give ... "
Joke #30996 —  
 
0
 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311