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-A husband and wife in bed. -Wife reaches orgasm, then again. Husband continues to drop of a hat. The wife of the third, fourth, fifth ... At the top of bliss, she asked:-My dear, what's wrong today? What? Oh, sorry ... thought.
One of the many car sketches. Happened the other day. A very small ring road, no signs of priority, so eduschiepo ring and want him to go off the next pass turned aside those who enter the ring on the right. Movement lively, penetrating into the flow rather difficult. First waits for right-handed a young fellow of Toyota Corolla. Apparently, not so long ago behind the wheel - in a couple of liquor he did not dare turn up on the rear window sign of old-fashioned triangle with the letter "U". People waiting patiently. The most impatient riding Korolku more to the right and cutting in entering the ring, rush into the distance. One of Schumacher, judging by vusmert obtonirovannoy obveshennoy and "nine", as young, but already otvyazny before you jerk of a ring, literally half a second, slowed down in front of the driver of the Corolla, to shout in his face: - A whore, learn ride uchenichok! And breaking with the ring.
In the interview, the director asked the secretary to the future:
- Do you smoke?
- Only after sex!
- And how much you have loaded on the last job?
- Smoked 2 packs a day!
Six in the morning. In the non-stop flower shop comes to intelligent-looking man, but with obvious signs of rapidly carried out at night. Says the salesgirl:
- Choose a bouquet for my wife. . . prettier.
Then he thought for a moment and added:
- And more leniently. . .
In the cafe. The waiter brings the visitor to coffee. She brings a cup to his nose, sniffs, and says:
- Sorry, but this smells of unwashed member.
- And you take a cup your other hand.
Friend of a friend have described:
- Yesterday, walking down the street, I see 100 bucks lie. "Oh, - I think - found!" She bent to pick up, I feel - I earn!
At what time goda best car ride?
But not in the summer: traffic jams, heat, air conditioning to spend ... Much faster
and more convenient to the metro.
But not in winter: the snow is full of cold, the stove will burn all the gasoline ... Where
faster and hotter in the subway.
Spring and autumn are generally some intermediate between summer and winter time
year. Even reluctant to think like this, like so drop everything and go to
machine, in this mud, in the rain, in the tumult, with
lack of vitamins ... Much faster and more pleasant - the metro: rested my eyes
somewhere in front of him, grabbed the handrail and swayed to the beat
wheels, feeling like my nerves calm down ...
A car? The machine shall keep the parking lot. And prestigious, and the soul
The port city of Haifa, Israel once suffered from pigeons. In
result of some of the epidemic in birds suffered diarrhea, and pigeon droppings
dotted with the roofs of houses and temples, streets, squares and alleys. Municipality
Haifa to spend large amounts of clear objectives, but all in vain.
In one of these days, the mayor of the city came a man who promised
- I know your problem, - he said the mayor - and is ready to rid the city of
pigeons in one day. And I will make it absolutely unselfish, if you
promise that then do not ask me any questions. Otherwise
case, I demand from you a million dollars.
It is not surprising that the mayor agreed to a free option.
.... The next day a man climbed onto the roof of City Hall, pulled out because
sinus blue dove and released it in the sky. The bird circled over
roof and swept to heaven. All the pigeons of the city, seeing the blue brother,
huddled together in a huge pack and flew after him. And no one came back.
In blue pigeon, who soon returned to the owner.
Learning of this, the mayor of Haifa was so struck by a miracle, which proved
witness, the owner of the birds that presented a check for one million, and
- Can I ask you one question?
- Of course, we agreed.
- In that case, tell me, you have no chance of blue Arabs?
About the quality ...
Masons: "Nothing, plaster align .."
Plasterer: "Nothing, putty align .."
Carpenter, shpaklyuya: "Nothing, Wallpapers align ..."
They say children:
- Mom, here it is written that the field should be fertilized. It is that evil?
They say: "Who knows less, that they live longer ..." and add:
"The largest number of centenarians in the Caucasus!"
- Where do you work?
- In the synagogue.
- And who do you work in a synagogue?
- Deputy Chief Rabbi of sexual issues.
- How is it?
- Floors mine.
While the captain was in flight, his wife started a repair
the spirit of the latest fashion trends: on the walls of multicolored sparks,
The captain returned, looked around him:
- Well, a pancake, you're in shape to an apartment-style sea sickness ...
The bride and wife - two big differences, although the same name ...
Also to me - "Tsar Cannon"! - Laughed Tsereteli ...
- Age, Petka, sometimes pre-retirement, pension and poslepensionnym.
- Yes? Vasily Ivanovich, and what it is - poslepensionny age?
- This is when you talk about any good, or nothing.
Now and in the Turkish household appliances has two modes: "off" and "all
- Among the Jews are fools?
- No, but fools among the Jews as they want.
- Dad, Harel is such a big bird, yes?
- Nat son, Harel is the one who has dengi!
To identify blew himself bomber
require experienced collectors puzzles.
"As he left, shutting down the printing press!"
(poster at the Ministry of Finance of the USA)
In the shop of home appliances comes the stern, clean-shaven young man and begins
considered department irons. It jumps to the seller:
- What utyuzhok want? With steam, with a comfortable handle?
- Yes, I would have it hot, it hot ...
His mother admonishes her daughter:
- Are not going to eat fish oil - grow plain stupid.
- Mummy, why, you do not help!
Director of the Circus, looking at the performance drunken juggler, balancer, said that the act after the clown - just a shame.
Once upon a time was an excellent shooter. Got into the coin per kilometer. King arranged for the shooting competitions. The main prize - a bag of gold. King personally kept the coin in the outstretched hand - God forbid, miss - the head from his shoulders. Shooter pulled the string, and the excitement had gone blind, his hands were shaking ... Shot an arrow. The arrow flew straight to the King in the head. - As in pumpkin shit! - Laughed heir to the throne and gave the arrow 2 bags of gold.
Father asks parishioners:
- Do you pray before meals, my son?
- No sir. My wife cooks well. . .
Ivan Petrovich Zhopin, who lost a passport in the Leningrad Highway.
Congratulations on your appointment as general director and chief accountant with the right signatures in 29 companies.
From the diary of a vigilant American.
8-00: prevent attacks in the workplace, cutting two suspicious wires.
8-05: The attack was after all. Do not operate the keyboard and mouse. . .
Yesterday, he taught the ancestors of the main points of your computer.
Now I understand why extraterrestrial civilizations do not want to go with us to contact.
If 20 years ago in order to dilute the girl for sex, it should have been good drink, then in our time is not important to give her something to drink.
Popal man in the hospital. Nurse brings lunch - a piece of bread, a quarter of a tomato, half an egg, a spoonful of porridge. The man angrily looking at this dinner, then calling the nurse.
- What do you want?
- Postage do you have?
- And what brand?
- After dinner accustomed b%%% L, read something.
And I, behold, got married recently. At the frog. So, hit it onto the ground and turned into a beautiful princess.
- And how to say. Too heavy blow.
- Deborin why you want to go? What you do not like?
- I do not like your attitude to homosexuality!
- And what problems, such as this all is quiet?
- Look, under Stalin, for that shot, under Brezhnev - forcibly treated, now it has become the norm. So, I still want to leave this country until it became mandatory!
Lord, how I love you for what you gave us women! One thing I do not
understand - on whose likeness you made them?
Conversation in kindergarten:
- And my grandmother flowers spreads.
- And my - and knits.
- And not my knitting, but intends to travel. Pope said: "The old
second week Laka not knits. Soon will go to Vagankovo.
- Absolute alaikum!
- Naleykum absolute!
MTS - sometimes you hear ..
Conversation after sex:
He: I want to sleep, but you will not let me!
She: Well, given - now to sleep.
From the notes of the computer:
- Do not retained. Accidentally.
According to information leaked from the financial community, already printed and will soon
finally appear in the circulation long-awaited extra money.
Otkazalsya of happiness ... learn that it is not about money.
If you attacked a maniac, inflicted a sharp blow to the Adam's apple! It
tip the rapist in a helpless state. And now you have
some time to realize their most daring fantasies ...
Dmitry Ivanovich Mendeleyev sincerely believed that beauty will save the world
and so that it was more a recipe invented vodka.
If a woman does not know why she needed a man, why he needs it?
I called her and said:
- They say so and so, my dear, my business was covered ...
Arriving at the apartment, but its really a trace, and rags picked. Well illustrations
her! Why do I need a woman without a sense of humor?
- You have heard, issued a decree on the revival of the Institute of regimental chaplains.
Now, when each part will be traveling church.
- Then we have a mobile and a mosque in every part. Muslims.
- Yeah, and mobile datsan - for Buddhists.
- Yeah, but for atheists - mobile strip bar, with black jack and whores.
Beauty - terrible force ... especially in combination with a sly booty!
In the auditorium theater in Odessa, the lights went out, and suddenly a loud female
voice from the last row:
- Oh, Misha, and I did not know that you - a Jew!
One friend calls another, crying.
- Imagine, a daughter had gone to the camp, forget a first aid kit!
- And did you get that, seriously ill?
- And what do you so upset?
- A set of medicines. In armory lay condoms and pills