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Just imagine! .. Eye - for eye, tooth - a tooth: here it is, a portrait
perfect monster ...
The Americans say: if you are bitten by a werewolf and, most importantly - that he
not found skunks ...
Germany sends an official letter to China: "Declare war.
We have 5 tanks and 221 soldiers. "
China sends in Germany replied: "We agree. We have 18 000 tanks and
5 000 000 soldiers "
Germany: "Please take our declaration of war invalid, so
both do not have available a sufficient number of placements
prisoners of war. "
- And now a trained elephant Vasya postsyt directly on the 13th row!
... Gentlemen Gentlemen Do not get up! Elephant knows how to count.
If you were in an unfamiliar city and get lost - do not despair.
Find nearby construction site, select any you liked the Tajiks and
wait time of prayer. Party, which will be called the head of the Tajik --
east. So you - in the opposite direction to the west.
I do not like it when a woman is forcing me condom, I love it when
She puts it to me.
Recently gutted his teddy bear, and found Grandma
zanachku! This is what gets - from childhood I sleep with a sponsor?
- Do you have a calculator on my mobile?
- Then Increase 354 ...
- 354 ...
- At 627 ...
- 627 ... Hello! Hey, what to ask?
Some girls are the first racket of the world, and some --
first stick yard.
In Siberia every year freeze of up to 70 boys exhibitionist.
Habit - a strong man: jail all the friends and wrote a denunciation
Absurd death! Traffic police killed a sheet of chipboard!
- Men, of course, easier. It is known, must do three things:
plant a tree, build a house and a son. And he absolutely
who later life to raise her son, watering the tree and removes this
"And the day came sixth, and blind woman balls. And rebelled against the loaf
creators, driven by Satan ... "
- My mother-in-law is like Count Dracula!
- What are you, the Count is much smaller fangs, and hair from the ears do not grow!
- Mom, my Lyudochka birth to a girl!
- Well, that is not a boy!
- And in your family horns passed exclusively through the male linnii!
The last stage of multiple sclerosis - is when you can not remember the reason for
- My younger brother and sister have nothing to eat, so I'm here ...
Bring on the pills for my parents!
You are too long lived in Kiev, if:
1. Think Poltava, Lviv, Lugansk - are "out there" on
one penny and go between them not more than 40 kilometers.
2. At Khreshatik you walk no more than once a year.
3. You do not go to demonstrations
4. Do not know in any museum, the museums you drive relatives
who come to you to stay
5. ... but you know for sure hours in the Ministry of Agrarian
6. On the radio market are some crooks.
7. ... and you once they sold the phone.
8. In Kiev schimyatsya all and sundry ...
9. You know how to call the Chief of the District police department.
10. Do you know where in Kiev are free toilets.
11. Once again, driving past the new buildings, said to himself
many floors had to build today.
12. Even if the question you were asked in the Ukrainian language, you still
answer in Russian.
13. Kiev poor city ... who live better than the whole of Ukraine.
Deliver me, God --
On the night alarms.
From the early lifting.
From screaming orderly.
From the horizontal bar high.
From march-throw away.
From the doctor's dispensary.
From the tactical training, drill and political.
From the women pregnant.
From the elder-demon.
From sergeants zlyuchih.
From the stinking toilets.
There Was an old man but a woman. And they had no children. Shy!
It is a Russian soldier in the Czech Republic in his post. Approach it and the Czech
- Sell me a "Kalashnikov"!
- I can not. The administration sees - be fired immediately.
- Yes, no one will notice. Someone will - you cry
"Tra-ta-ta-ta" and everything will be fine.
- I'll give you the cud.
- Two gum.
- A block zhvachek.
Nodding head. The transaction took place.
Evening. Russian in office. He hears footsteps.
No one heard. He again:
Again no response. Suddenly out of the bushes runs another Russian. In new
jeans. His hands are spread in different directions. He cries out:
- UUUUUUU! (depicting the plane).
If the work - not a wolf, and then the rest - not a rabbit.
In a distant remote Siberia, waking from hibernation, loudly
pernul bear. In this regard, with a sharp note of protest was made
Georgian Minister Mudar Mnogopizdeli. He said that Russia poses
intolerable atmosphere for the young Georgian democracy.
"This train had to be warmed in the bosom of such bastards!" - Thought the snake.
- Oh You have a great cardiogram! Smooth, rhythmic.
- This is not cardiogram - a doctor wrote a prescription.
- Tell me, I'm going on tour to Israel! Will it work my cell?
- Of course! Only your number will be one character shorter.
Pasha has bought 600 Mercedes and stood in traffic jams a half-day.
Sasha bought used Zaporozhets and also stood in traffic jams a half-day.
And if there is no difference - why pay more?
Judged apartment thief. In the courtroom comes to the victim, sees
defendant, rushes to him, falls to his knees and cried:
- Tell me! For God's sake, tell me! I'll be begging you mercy,
just tell me! How did you manage to get into the house without waking my
Five stages of alcohol dependence in a sentence other drink.
1. Come in, sit down.
2. Come in, drink something.
3. Come in, pobuhaem.
4. Come, swell.
5. Come on the bubble is not enough.
Ministry of Defense of Russia carries out new promotions:
1. On the agenda will not run away!
2. Spotted things. Come to the recruitment office and get a 2-year camouflage clothing
The customer choosing a roadside prostitute, asks "mommy":
- Here is how much?
- A hundred! - Confidently she answered.
- Hmm, not enough?
- Then two hundred!
- I think she deserves more ...
- Damn you! Four hundred and you buy it!
- Okay! Pour four!
And to start the news. Yesterday Plant Viagra made unauthorized
discharge of industrial waste into the river, hundreds of swimmers suffered from
inadequately configured beavers and divers.
Politically correct name of a prostitute: "Relations Specialist
On the plane of thought convenient to wipe his feet.
The bus boozy man turns to the lady standing in front:
- Do not press me to his poopka!
- Nahal, Ham!
- If I was a boor, I would call your ass ass!
Announcement. Hardened bolt without corrosion and other flaws acquainted with
nice nut, you can with two. Thread length allows.
News about avian influenza:
Ostrich sneeze into the ground! Moles in a panic.
It is noticed that the phrase "please finish reading this letter to the end"
written in the very beginning, has the opposite effect.
Tossed in a sea of old socks - dark blue sea ...
I prayed goldfish ...
- God! What are you terrible!
- That I have not undressed!
- Excuse me, young man, you will tell me the time? And then the husband
trip, but today I turned 23 years old. Strangely enough, but I
set the table for two, and suddenly forgot to which hours worked
to buy contraceptives. But I can do without them ...
Worse intruder may be only nevyprovozhenny.
- You know, dear, and I'm in a youth co-starred in a foreign film!
- Oh, I did not know that you possess a foreign language!
- Nonsense, it was not difficult, I had only a couple of phrases: "Ya, ya! Das
ist fantastisch!!! "
In connection with the abolition of the death penalty in Russia, operatives ordered
Take no prisoners.
On the Day of Astronautics of Russia's government announced that the country will not
develop his own "moon" program. At the same time it
expressed in assisting China in its "lunar" program with tents and
NIKON vs CANON - One of the perennial disputes with amazing regularity
appearing on photographic forums, it is rooted in 17 th century,
when the Patriarch Nikon on the initiative of the king conducted a reform of the Orthodox
church. This reform has led to a split in the faithful followers of Nikon
(Nikonistov) and those who wanted to live in the old canon (canonists).
Further developments is well known, remains the only open question
what have photoeqipment.
Crazy, stupid, mediocre, normal, capable,
talented, brilliant, crazy.
- Said of stastike length of a member of the men in the main ranges from
12 to 20 centimeters.
- Not a fig! 20 centimeters! This is where this?
- Yes, all there, all there is ...
Here we are with you on the street, where the family lived **'s.
Here stood the house where they were born and grew up ** s.
He, unfortunately, not survived.
And next to a church, which baptized *'s.
She also has not survived to our days.
This public toilet, which is almost daily
attended ** s, and the scrapyard, where they were thrown
their food waste. Both in excellent condition.