Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes

New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50
Selling phone, not expensive, Chinese, handcrafted .......
The Chinese make the phone and instead of buttons insert nails, but instead of antennas
fingers!
Joke #33442 —  
 
0
 
There is a new phone that has learned to talk, but still
vyrobatyvat static electricity!
Joke #33441 —  
 
0
 
Six Volodya took bribes, and the course was his, and his hands
were senior peaks. He smiled, and suddenly remembered that he had ordered
Khodorkovsky is a miser.
Joke #33440 —  
 
0
 
- Oh, Mishka, Mishka ... Where is your smile ....
- And you do not steal ... Government does not like competition ....
Joke #33438 —  
 
0
 
Baranka is strongly inculcated bagel
Joke #33437 —  
 
0
 
I'm his son in MATKLASS gave - let his studies ... mat curse.
Joke #33436 —  
 
0
 
At the match Spartak Moscow 0 Dynamo Kiev, Spartak fans were
posted 2 posters - "Who are we?" Meat! " and "And we in Russia
gas! and you? ". At that Dynamo fans are prepared to tinker 3
their poster - "Who are we?" Salo "," And we have your fleet! Here! " and "And we still
lighthouse! how? ")
(c) Zitski
Joke #33435 —  
 
0
 
Relatives of my second half is always prefixed with a "U".
Joke #33434 —  
 
0
 
Effervescent dance performed Lyubov his son-after
arranged for them to short-circuit iron.
Joke #33433 —  
 
0
 
Misunderstanding year.

At the Brazilian carnival came to the team of Russia school Sambo ...

Nicodemus Hill.
Joke #33432 —  
 
0
 
"The waves of protest against the insults of fine feelings of the Muslim world
already dispersed around the world. Zahlesnuli even China and Brazil. Millions
killed and maimed, billions in losses in the economy and infrastructure. "
That was the main theme of the "News" Japanese television, as, indeed,
and everything else in the febrile world. Minister island power
leisurely sipping sake and enjoying the calm that has survived, thanks
geographical features led them to the state. On the screen
this time there were shots of burning Pentagon. His eyes lit up the Japanese, but
mind flashed the thought: "But we not only know how to draw anime!"
Joke #33431 —  
 
0
 
Seled plot to advertise a well-known coffee "Another morning in
Arctic "decided to shoot in Moscow.
Joke #33430 —  
 
0
 
I never understood why Mennen deodorant is 24 divided by 7?
Joke #33428 —  
 
0
 
Praise be to God that my beloved cat does not speak, otherwise it
would declare aloud about Whiskas as my dear white parrot
about my most favorite mother in law.

Harun al-Rashid
Joke #33427 —  
 
0
 
Following advertising ...

Masha: - And why nobody told me that the wedding - it is so
trouble! ...
And after the wedding, and more ...
And yet, and wash dishes ....
Joke #33426 —  
 
0
 
Soviet Union - Stalin Speth Hundred Dollars
(c) BL! nD
Joke #33425 —  
 
0
 
Because of some cartoons Muslims for massacre.
And that they take?. They had in 1426. Middle Ages.
Joke #33424 —  
 
0
 
- Hello, George? This is Tony. Tony Blair. Which? Prime Minister
Britain. Blin, well, you're still thinking that this is the 51 th American
state!
George! Putin gets me! After this spy scandal, he calls
every night for several times and said all this nonsense - he is now
English teaches and trains here. Today, for example, called in 5
morning, he asked, Who is on duty today?! George, I'm all wiped out, I'm
nerves of the whole ... I beg you, talk to him. Just do not give him to powder
your brains, you know those Russian! .. Thank you!

At 4 o'clock the next morning the phone rang:

- Hello, Tony? This is George. Do you speak English?

www.msk2004.narod.ru
Joke #33423 —  
 
0
 
In the village AMERICA

Dear Grandpa Bush, I am writing to you from the state of Georgia.

Take me away from these Russian.
Tsereteli robbed.
Mandarins did not take.
The pipe exploded.
LEP rushed.
Snow-covered.
Already an earthquake arranged.
The upshot was that herring make clean on their language.

Dear grandfather, Christ, God I pray, take me to NATO!
Joke #33422 —  
 
0
 
Man, stand on your feet! Raise your head above the breastwork!
Joke #33421 —  
 
0
 
There Was an old man and a woman. And they had no children. Because my grandfather worked
hazing. Himself.
Joke #33420 —  
 
0
 
In politics there is always one truth in stock.
A good policy is always more than one truth in stock.
In very good policy always has supplies, and he does not care about the truth.
Joke #33419 —  
 
0
 
Recently opened a shop where women can choose and buy a husband.
At the entrance hangs a set of rules for the shop to read.

1. You can visit the store ONLY ONCE.
2. The store 6 floors, the quality of men increases with
serial number of floors.
3. You can choose any man on any floor or climb
the upper floor.
4. Not allowed to return to the ground floor.
One woman decided to visit this most "Shop husbands" to find
a companion.
Reading at the entrance to the first floor the sign: "Men who have work" --
it goes directly to the second floor.
Sign on the second floor: "Men who have jobs and love children."
A woman goes to third.
Sign on the third floor: "Men with a job, loving children and
extraordinarily beautiful. "" Wow! "- Thought the woman, but still went on
fourth floor.
Sign on the fourth floor: "Men with a job, loving children,
dazzling beauty and help around the house. "
- Incredible! - Exclaimed the woman. - I am very hard to resist!
But, having said this, still rises to the fifth floor.
Sign on the fifth floor: "Men with a job, loving children,
dazzling beauty, helping around the house and very romantic. "
The woman really wanted to stay on this floor and choose a pair, but
Yet she overcame himself, went to the top floor.
And on the sixth floor, she reads the sign so this effect: "You are on this
floor visitor number 31 456 012, there are no men, this floor
exists only in order to once again prove that the woman
impossible to satisfy. Thank you for visiting our store!

And right in front of the shop was opened "Shop wives." The first
floor are the women who love sex. On the second - the rich
women who love sex. And on floors three to six so
And no one should ever not gone.
Joke #33418 —  
 
0
 
- Do not suggest how to pass on the street Gogol?
- Carefully, trying not to offend passers-by ...
Joke #33417 —  
 
0
 
The man, being in the terrible depression, talking to himself:
I do not want to live anymore! I'm going to accept potassium cyanide. No - not reliable.
Suddenly I would be a natural immunity. Perhaps better go hang myself.
And suddenly the rope broke, the doctors would save? Also do not go. And here - found.
I will go to our rockers say that they have yet to learn to sing and learn from
Boris Moiseyev.
Joke #33416 —  
 
0
 
Our proprietary tool for rejuvenation is sold bundled with
tablets from childhood diseases: pertussis, and mumps!
Joke #33415 —  
 
0
 
How to determine that she is free
* Color of her lipstick brighter the color of her blood.
* It both draws in the abdomen, the chest that rests on the chin.
* The amplitude of the swaying hips when walking like tipsy
sailor.
* On the question "What time is it" responsible "course, I will not refuse."
* When shooting eye was injured guard and traffic cop killed two pigeons.
* Rings on her fingers, all but anonymous.
http://stimo-kiss.ru/arsenal/5/
Joke #33414 —  
 
0
 
Goes couple in a car outside the city, suddenly their passes at breakneck speed
motorcyclist. Well, they go further and see he is standing on the sidelines with his hands
waved, lights blinking. Stopped.
- Did you see that I'm ahead of you?
- Well ...
- I was behind a woman?
Joke #33413 —  
 
0
 
The action takes place nowadays. The boy asked his father:
- Dad, but as I come from?
- Oh, well, sooner or later you would still asked me that question,
I listen to. Your father met your mother in the chat. Then the mother with
Pope met in an internet cafe, and there in the toilet mom wanted
do
a couple of downloads from my father's JOYSTICK. Then, when my father was ready
for
Uploads, we suddenly noticed that we have not installed Firewall ...
but,
Unfortunately, it was too late to press CANCEL or ESC, and the window "YOU
SURE THAT YOU WANT TO BEGIN DOWNLOAD? "We switched off at the very beginning
in
Options and properties. Mother's anti-virus for a long time is not updated and
why not noticed my father's Blaster worm. In general, we have pressed ENTER, and
y
Mom opened the window "Expected download time: 9 months.
Joke #33412 —  
 
0
 
In Russia there are three degrees of cold:

- It's cold!
- It's cold, shit!
- Shit it's cold!
(c) Wow!
Joke #33411 —  
 
0
 
By law, employees must speak Ukrainian intelligence at work
exclusively in Ukrainian. Now you understand why all Ukrainian
scouts on the "legend" deaf.
Joke #33409 —  
 
0
 
According to rumors, leaked from the secular parties, Parris Hilton made
expensive gifts for their long-standing friend Ksenia Sobchak. Heiress
hotel empire "Hilton" has given Russia's television presenter elite
Emerald stallion from the stables of Sheikh Hamdan al Maktoum, on the same
rumored stallion feels good and very pleased with the new owner.
Joke #33408 —  
 
0
 
Dissatisfied with long-running TV series senior fitter, allegedly for non-payment,
bite the cable at the villa writer and wanted to take it on the heat
gun. However, the wise old man so on fire with inspiration, that does not
frozen, and the gun refused.

Inokkenty
Joke #33407 —  
 
0
 
Roman Abramovich has decided to go from cold to warm England, Israel,
at the same time and to visit their historical homeland. And he got bored there without
football. It appeared Cup "First Channel" ...
Joke #33406 —  
 
0
 
At the sites of Russian gas sold for $ 230, and the Ukrainian sites
bought for $ 95 ...
And if you change providers?

mb
Joke #33405 —  
 
0
 
For the whole year, as debate unfolded in the country of the century. Argue
discuss, argue, everywhere in the media, at work, at home. Everyday
lead fascinating facts on the topic: "Who is smarter, man or woman?" But
most shocked men. They do not understand how in general could
begin this discussion?! (author: Plague)
Joke #33404 —  
 
0
 
How cute British spy. Occasionally go to link to a friend
cobbles, and the rest of the time expiate their guilt for the committed, engaged
charity among non-governmental organizations.
On the recruitment of objects of charity in the following anecdote.
Joke #33403 —  
 
0
 
President of Russia said that the smell of money, and some
non-governmental organizations (NGOs) who receive their smell too.
In response, NGOs, human rights activists and defenders of the smell of money
rights defenders began to campaign for freedom of smell and for the right not to give
a sniff.
Joke #33402 —  
 
0
 
President of Russia said that the Georgian president spits. He can
disagree. President of Georgia can not spit, because when it
political temperament of the saliva produced only foam and small
spray
Joke #33401 —  
 
0
 
In connection with the recent proposal Alla adopt Philip
Kirkorov, the idea to further strengthen family ties in this
family. Namely, to give Christina to marry Philip. Thus Philip
will account for Christine Pope, brother and husband. Family idyll.
Joke #33400 —  
 
0
 
Ministry of Health warns: severe frost can lead to loss of feeling
esteem
Joke #33399 —  
 
0
 
On the screen comes the film "bastards". On the early years special school graduates
internal organs Ivanov and Putin's ...
Joke #33398 —  
 
0
 
The teacher asked to write an essay in class. 30 seconds after
started rising Vovochka and deliver it to the paper. Teacher thinks - that
he wrote this? ". open up your paper and sees a single sentence:
"The first tries!"
Joke #33396 —  
 
0
 
When the American is clearly losing the argument Russian, it always refers to
theme "fools and roads".
Joke #33395 —  
 
0
 
GOD - Fighting Organized Group. (c) r1221
It seems that way in anterroristicheskogo legislation,
ateisticheskinastroennye citizens will interpret the word "God". Incidentally,
in every way trying to discourage its pronunciation and cults, in the name of "peace and
Security ...
Joke #33393 —  
 
0
 
Finally the Russians began to realize that the name "Putin" did not occur on
the word "way" and the word "entangled".

(c) Vova Orlov
Joke #33392 —  
 
0
 
Lie down! Lying scum! Lying-a-Insert!
Harey the floor! In the floor! Shut up, damn!
Only vyakni, fag! Only vyakni!
Passport! Passport ssuka! Pa-a-asport!
Schmuck-oh! Hands behind head, schmuck!
...???!!!???
Olya-ah. Olinka mine, do not ... I had more in mind.
Joke #33391 —  
 
0
 
Evolution + predikt

1. Burdock-newspaper "Pravda" toilet paper-Licking ...
2. Improved well-being of owls. people-the struggle against inflation, doubling
GDP-let x @ nd suck ...
3. Torch-candle-oil-ended ...
4. Yaryga-stukachok-chlenKPSS-"Walking Together"-go tries ...
5. Cheka-GPU-NKVD-MGB-KGB-FSB-bedroom vagonyobryv ...
6. Gold-bills toilet paper-anekdot.ru

mb
Joke #33390 —  
 
0
 
Read:
"I'll give a kitten in good hands." Eighteen years. Love. "
Edited:
"I'll give the pussy in good hands." Eighteen years. Blonde. "
Joke #33389 —  
 
0
 
The inscription on the bottle "Borjomi": "Thank you. Bush."
Joke #33388 —  
 
0
 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311