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New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

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Is not true that the only Russian word with seven letters "O" is
Defenses. There is NOSOROGOPODOBNOST, as agreed by many
New Russian.
Joke #34915 —  
 
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A January 1, the whole country wakes up face in a salad.
Joke #34914 —  
 
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Most rating TV show in January 2006 - turn off gas
live Ukraine.
Joke #34913 —  
 
0
 
31/12/2005
23-59-59

ORT appears instead of Putin on the screen what you scum (similar to
Kasyanov) and (maliciously so):
"First, nach!"

Nick Sagittarius
Joke #34912 —  
 
0
 
Cuts, then Petrosyan at its zoporozhtse at 600 Merce ...
Joke #34911 —  
 
0
 
December 31, 2005 opened the biggest mystery of Gazprom.
It turns out that he does not and there was no valve to shut off gas supply.
There is only a pipe.
Joke #34910 —  
 
0
 
The sensational discovery made geopolitologi:
Anal opening of the Earth is in Russia.
Now it became clear how much gas from Russia.

Ukraine is, according to the study, took another hole land
next to Russia.
According geopoliticians, this discovery explains much of the behavior and
lifestyles of the country and its inhabitants.
Joke #34909 —  
 
0
 
January 1, the new name of Ukraine - Lohlyandiya
Joke #34908 —  
 
0
 
If everyone in Russia agree that the authority was merged with the criminal element, let
Afghanistan demands for compensation for the destruction caused
Soviet Army, consider the drug mafia.
Joke #34904 —  
 
0
 
GAZZAVATT-virtual war for the volumes of gas and electric power.
Joke #34903 —  
 
0
 
To the anniversary of the rock band in the Northern Capital Shevchuk updated cult
name. Now the sea fortress called KronshtaDDT, and sculptural
Party at Anichkov Bridge - "Horses KloDDTa.
Joke #34901 —  
 
0
 
Activia by Danone, liabilities of pedirastii.
Joke #34900 —  
 
0
 
Dec. 31 at the peasant asked:
- How are you feeling?
- Thank you already drunk!

Good Barin
Joke #34899 —  
 
0
 
In Ukraine, a new type of flu - orange. Incubation period
- One year. Kievans overate oranges in the previous winter, and freeze them
beginning in this.
(C) Robie
Joke #34898 —  
 
0
 
Prepared for the release of a book on methods of struggle on the political mat.
It's called "My Struggle." Release is scheduled for 20 April 2006
year. Author of the book - the president of Russia Vladimir Putin.
Joke #34897 —  
 
0
 
New Year in Ukraine:

2005: Yes!

2006: as.
Joke #34896 —  
 
0
 
- You what? Do not believe that miracles happen? - Playfully asked the doctor.
- Of course we believe! - Chorus shouted patients madhouse.

Happy New Year! ,
Sergei Sesame
Joke #34895 —  
 
0
 
In response:
Just one letter could have prevented the "gas crisis":
If the name of the President of Russia was Puquina - he certainly hesitate
pressure on Ukraine gas. Europe would have laughed.
www.censor.net.ua
____________________________________________________________
If Mr. Yushchenko's name begins with Hu, laughter would have been more.
Joke #34894 —  
 
0
 
Vladimir Zhirinovsky in the video-conference on the gas problem
on Ukrainian TV channel ICTV:
- There was never Ukrainian state, and you are all traitors,
Mazepa grandchildren. But in general I wish you a year of the dog, my year!
Joke #34893 —  
 
0
 
It became clear why Lenin try reburied. Adding
only one letter "E" in front of the word "Lenin" at the mausoleum and laid there
man who had recently adopted the name, a dream come true today
slum housing and employment of the complex which is located directly behind those
most mausoleum.
Joke #34892 —  
 
0
 
- Bitch!
- Sam dog!
All clear - thought Vovik. - Celebrated New Year.
- And what are you listening, puppy?
Joke #34891 —  
 
0
 
If the morning's wife sends you for the vodka, then you do not wake up at home!
Joke #34890 —  
 
0
 
New Year's toast - 2006:
- They say that this new year on the eastern calendar - the year of Tierra del
Dogs. So let us drink to the fact that in Russia this year has not turned in
year singed Bitches!
Joke #34889 —  
 
0
 
Village. Evening. At the edge of the village sitting on a bench grandfather and grandson. Flying
plane, threw parachutist. Grandfather, smoking a cigarette, thoughtfully:
- Minesweeper flies.
Grandson:
- Father, why do you think that this is a sapper?
Father:
- Well, who else would be a minefield to land.
Joke #34888 —  
 
0
 
Why is moved off gas to Ukraine for three months? Because,
a normal Russian at 10 am on January 1 would be something to do?
Joke #34886 —  
 
0
 
- Well, well, - in the hearts of the husband says to his wife after another
scene. - You are an angel, and I'm a monster, you will enter into heaven, and I'm in - hell,
go! Although there rest of your scandals.
The next day, their car crashes into a truck, boom, boom, a long
black tunnel, flash ... The man looks around: the normal room, but
something wrong ... incorporeal some ... died, or what? Oh, and wife
Here, smiles ...
- Where am I, Lord?
- You are a lot of sin - is heard voice of the LORD - drinking,
fornicate. Your punishment - you'll always listen
reproaches of his wife. You got to hell, man.
- Lord, and his wife something here for that? - Asked unfortunate.
- And for her it is a paradise ... - Meets the Lord.
Joke #34885 —  
 
0
 
- Already in school, when the notebook no longer invest blotter, I realized
that the country is falling apart.
Joke #34884 —  
 
0
 
News from England. Families are allowed to adopt gay
homosexuals.
Joke #34883 —  
 
0
 
- Oh, not that young people now go! Here is a case sixties!
Then everyone wanted to be at a minimum, an astronaut!
- Ha! This is because if it was the only way to shift from
country!
Joke #34882 —  
 
0
 
Buy a traffic police car number with tsirfami "777", "666" or "555" for
$ 70,000, and received a car BMW, Mercedec or Lexus for FREE!
Joke #34881 —  
 
0
 
Evening broadcast on December 31. Young announcer, who managed to "note"
Lunar New Year, read the program:
... 23.55 to the numerous requests from viewers will program
"Old songs about the main thing." Oh, sorry. "New songs about the old. Oh
"Old songs on the new".
Joke #34880 —  
 
0
 
Want a new year well have a drink? Get dressed Santa Claus!
Joke #34879 —  
 
0
 
The answer to the anecdote of 30.12.2005 (quote)

Russia. January 1, 2006. 09-57. For all central channels is
anthem, show the Kremlin, waving flags. Announcer solemnly
voice announces: "We are starting a live broadcast from Gazprom to
close
Gas valves Ukraine. "show the central office of Gazprom,
there is a lot of people are visible, even the clergy, has
solemn patriotic music. Something solemn says
announcer. They show a group of some people in expensive suits, as well as
clock with second hand. Remains a few seconds to 10-00. One
man in an expensive suit, goes to the big red button. Exactly
at 10-00, he pushes her. All participants begin to clap.
Applause turned into applause. Everyone congratulate each
other. Again, playing solemn music, show the office of Gazprom
distance, then again the Kremlin, flags, temples. All solemn and beautiful.

During the day, all the news begins with this story in different
angles. The country felt the atmosphere of the festival, more than just
1 January. Protvrezvlyayuschiysya and pohmelyayuschiysya people happy, satisfied, and there
opportunity to continue the celebration ...

(Continues):

Parallel report from Ukraine: 01.01.2006. Independence Square. Crowds
people heed Mr. Yu "Never!", "No way!", "Russia --
criminal! "," Famine, "" Moskali klyaty! "," Crimea watered with the blood
Ukrainians! "," Do not give on a freebie - we steal, stole ten years,
Surely even a little will not last! NATO will defend!. "(Hereinafter referred to
taste )..... 10.00 overlain gas valve. Curtain. Change
government. Russia's refusal to take a part of Ukraine. Public
penalty Yushchenko.
Joke #34878 —  
 
0
 
- All right, I finished reading this wretched book ...!
- I do not know that you know how to read, but I'm sure you all will be able to
iznosilovat!
Joke #34877 —  
 
0
 
Ukraine said on Friday that its territory is open major
diamond deposits.
In response, Russia announced that its territory is open major
deposit fat
Joke #34876 —  
 
0
 
Celebrate the New Year Dog dog weather!
Joke #34875 —  
 
0
 
In connection with the possibility of flooding as a result of Jerusalem
warming and the melting of the Greenland ice inhabitants
Russia's Chukotka region, through its governor asked
to the leadership of the OAU with a request to accelerate and expand
program for the construction of ski resorts in the Arabian desert.
Funding for the program will be implemented jointly
OAU, Sheikh Khalifa bin Zayed Al Nahyan and Chukchi parliament.

MICHAEL IAKOV LEVIN SANKT-PETERBURG RUSSIA
Joke #34874 —  
 
0
 
At the talks with Gazprom gas company and the Government of Ukraine
compromise:
Price will be $ 50 per 1000 cubic meters subject to the replacement of methane
of hydrogen sulfide. Collection of hydrogen sulfide in the territory of Russia has already begun.
Russians are happy to part with their surplus gas.

MICHAEL IAKOV LEVIN SANKT-PETERBURG RUSSIA
Joke #34873 —  
 
0
 
After the live coverage exercises for disabling gas to Ukraine beat
all imaginable and unimaginable ratings on Russian TV channels, the leadership
ORT has decided not to rest on our laurels. In the near future
will be organized by a number of interesting and cognitive plays,
that could seriously increase the power of authority. Among them will
are:
Rehearsal victory of United Russia in the 2007 elections (Veshnyakov screams in
receiver: "I order you to calculate interest, click tabletops, lit
bulbs ...)
Rehearsal of the report of D. Medvedev for early implementation of all th.
projects
Rehearsal disable channel REN-TV ( "Echo of Moscow") for violation of rules
fire safety;
Rehearsal arrest in England businessman Platon Elenin personally disguise
N. Patrushev (it would be particularly bright).
All! Very soon! Only at ORT!

www.censor.net.ua
Joke #34872 —  
 
0
 
Horse fidentsionalno pridlagayu change the party VLSI for strategic
Product "Arctic Fox" on onalagichnuyu party tushonki "second front" proizvosva
USA.
Possible sale on the occasion of sabbaki.

Art. Ensign Shmutko
Joke #34871 —  
 
0
 
By anecdote

Joke #34800 —  
 
0
 
"Turnip" unexpurgated:

Old man took hold of grandmother
Zhuchka to her granddaughter ...
Harvest roots died due to late harvesting.
Joke #34636 —  
 
0
 
Little Johnny comes in. the pharmacy. He saw his mother laying classmate
buys. Little Johnny looks and says:
-Hello, Nadezhda Petrovna!
The woman turns around and awkwardly greets. Vovochka suitable
nearer and softly said:
- Masha pads can not buy.
The mother's eyes on his forehead.
- Sorry, Nadezhda Petrovna, but Masha herself to blame. Buy, says
grass so as not to stuff, here on a condom and the money is not enough!
Joke #34635 —  
 
0
 
Act to combat terrorism is dedicated.
What is the competent division of labor? --
This is when the hijacking themselves terrorists
as many victims provided by the Government.
(C) Robie
Joke #34634 —  
 
0
 
Priceless gift is not dependent on its futility.
Joke #34633 —  
 
0
 
Stalemate on the exam - one does not know the answers, and other issues.
Joke #34632 —  
 
0
 
Many drink at work silly, but few - senselessly.
Joke #34631 —  
 
0
 
What a girl or feed, still have to fluster.
Joke #34630 —  
 
0
 
Based on the methodology of Academician Fomenko, using his ideas ways
analysis of historical characters and fully in line with the teachings of his school, we
come to the irrefutable conclusion that the academician Nikolai Fomenko and
Fomenko - one and the same historical personage.
Joke #34629 —  
 
0
 
Announcement on the post:
We buy hair. Scalps not offer.
Joke #34628 —  
 
0
 
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