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If you have an egg in a duck, then it does not mean that you Koschey Immortal - maybe you just fell from his hospital bed.

Joke #58308 —  
 
4
 
One diver was enjoying the beauty of the underwater world of the ocean at a depth of 10 meters. Suddenly he saw a peasant, who swam at the same depth that it is, only without the diving suits.
Diver down another 5 meters, looked around - again next guy.
Diver down another 10 meters, but the man without a spacesuit at his heels, not lagging behind.
Absolutely zonked from such a bold diver, the diver pulled a waterproof board and a special underwater slate written on it: "Man, you Th ohrenel, dive to 25 meters without a spacesuit??"
A guy took the board and the diver's slate, and wrote a reply:
"Fool, I'm drowning!"

Joke #58307 —  
 
4
 
They come Ilya of Murom, Alyosha Popovich and Dobrynia Nikitich, and to meet their mother and his horde. Mamay thinks: "We then let them, but they gave me half the horde slaughtered, inviting them to debate, they argue like Russian." OFFER:
- Guys, if your members in the amount of 2 meters will then I'm taking the horde, and there you have the whole horde will suck.
They hit me on the knuckles.
Ilya took out - a half meters. Dobrynia hop - 45 centimeters. Alyosha took - 5 centimeters. Short 2 meter failed. Inc horde of Genghis Khan.
Ilya:
- Now, if I stood up, then 3 meters was used and we would be released immediately.
Dobrynia:
- If I stood up, then five feet, it would be as life.
Alyosha:
-And if I had not stood up for all the horde would suck.

Joke #58306 —  
 
3
 
What would any man treated, just to have a bite.
Joke #58305 —  
 
1
 
U.S. Senator Richard Lugar told me that visiting Russia
immediately after the collapse of the USSR and speaking with both our democracy and to
our generals was surprised to find that the majority of the Russian wish
personally go to the United States. And only years later, he realized that those and other
mean different things ...
Joke #58304 —  
 
-3
 
You can argue for a long time, which of the inventions of humanity - the most
great: the train, radio, television, internet, space rocket. But
just got home from work, you understand that all these inventions - such
garbage compared to the foot massager!
Joke #58303 —  
 
-3
 
Because the school works: First, Turgenev wrote "Mu-mu", and only then
Bitter made a continuation of "The Lower Depths
Joke #58302 —  
 
0
 
Once in childhood Lenya, in consequence, Leonid Ilyich, argued with one
boy, that will bring more icons than that. Years passed, and Brezhnev
won the dispute.
Joke #58301 —  
 
0
 
- Petya! You have a rifle - as much red from all the corruption!
- This Corrosion, Vasily Ivanovich!
- Ah Another thing! And I thought - you have given the enemies of a bribe in order not to clean!
Joke #58300 —  
 
0
 
- And how is it you were not afraid to transfer control?
- This power of attorney for 4 years and without the right to resell!
Joke #58299 —  
 
1
 
In order to improve athletic performance in training Kenyan runners
tied to the leg of a lion.
Joke #58298 —  
 
1
 
If you came in the first hour of the night home drunk from his mistress, a wife and mother-in-law
pretend that nothing happened - hence, the food is poisoned, ax
sharpened: you can not sleep!
Joke #58297 —  
 
3
 
Company "Nescafe" - the leading manufacturer of cans for cigarette butts!
Joke #58296 —  
 
3
 
At the air show MAKS-2009, police detained a drug addict, who with his
forces tried to take part in the flights.
Joke #58295 —  
 
1
 
Oligarch complained spices to Feng Shua.
- Like everything correctly, I: the house in the west, gold mine in the east,
rest always in the south, but no luck!
- It's all because the north has long jail crying for you.
Joke #58294 —  
 
1
 
Mueller knew that the Russian after the stir the sugar in a cup of coffee
or a spoonful of tea leaves in a cup, and he decided to follow in Stirlitz
cafe. Stirlitz prevented sugar, pulled out a spoon and put it on the saucer, and
showed language Mueller.
Joke #58293 —  
 
-1
 
If the signs of attention a woman she has a pleasant personality, it
called courtship, and if the same unpleasant - harassment.
Joke #58292 —  
 
2
 
Suddenly, from a business trip returned to a jealous husband. Roughly pushing
wife, he immediately rushes to the door to the bedroom. Nyrkov under the bed, and there
man.
- No, he - very laknichno states seen her husband.
Rushes to the closet, uproot the door and ... there is also a man.
- Again, not he - already furious growls cuckold, - yes, where is he?
- Who, dear?
- My laptop, you fool!
Joke #58291 —  
 
1
 
Good to be trusting. Wife does not change, but just sometimes spends the night at
girlfriend. At work, will soon increase in the post: not the end of this year, so
the middle of the next - for sure. Nice people, missed the train, and
therefore non-native, who in recent months on a daily basis
gave money, just the other day finally gather the money for tickets and
catch up with their second-class trains.
Joke #58290 —  
 
-1
 
Women are divided into two types: with some good, but without them even better, with
other bad, but without them even worse ...
Joke #58289 —  
 
5
 
- Good evening, dear friends and enemies are cheap!
Joke #58288 —  
 
4
 
I can not calmly twist off bottle cap Pepsi, which with emoticons.
She smiles at me, and I rolled up to her neck.
Joke #58287 —  
 
3
 
Comes in late 1940, a German officer home. What a thought.

Wife: What is it, something to think about?

General: Yes, behold, the Fuhrer decided to attack Russia

Wife: On Russia? Interesting ... Show me the map of Russia.

General unfolds before her big map. She looks, looks, and
then asks:

- Tell me, and the Fuhrer saw this map?
Joke #58286 —  
 
-1
 
Lucy, what do you like most about men?
- Um.
- What else?
- Skins.
- What else?
- Intelligence.
- What else?
- Gallantry.
- What else?
- Humor.
- What else?
- Power.
- What else?
- Listen, I am about to lose my patience and I'll tell you the truth ...

Joke #58285 —  
 
1
 
From the notes of God:
- Yesterday evening, created vodka. It turned out too well. This morning had a headache.

Joke #58284 —  
 
0
 
If kebab on thin coals not fried, and eat very much want
it is the will of the leaders declared a picnic ready. That and
Democracy in Russia ...
Joke #58063 —  
 
-5
 
Dima Medvedev birthday. To visit him came his best friend
Vova Putin and gave him a nice shirt with the number six on the back.
Joke #58062 —  
 
-2
 
- Previously, Yeltsin called us "Daragie rassiyane!". Putin and Medvedev have
so do not call.
- This is because the life of Russians because of their incompetent government strongly
cheaper.
Joke #58061 —  
 
-2
 
- Dmitry, when you see yourself fighting with the crisis?
- Who are you to ask?
- We are your voters.
- Voters are during the elections. There are no choices. So
that go all the x * st.
Joke #58060 —  
 
-2
 
Studies have shown that women-seed took the men
almost a year of life. I do not know the year, but a few hours of work
time in the day for sure!
Joke #58059 —  
 
-4
 
How is the crisis in the U.S. and Russia:

The crisis in the U.S. - this is when the purse is no cash, but credit
cards are replaced by the discount.

The crisis in Russia - this is where the purse is no cash, but there
ration cards.

(c) MoonWolf, 2009
Joke #58058 —  
 
-6
 
Announcement. I'll give my conscience clean hands, very much want to sleep!
Joke #58057 —  
 
-2
 
I suggest for those people who responded to ads for sale
pills for penis enlargement or breast, the load to sell pills
to increase the brain. In my opinion, they need it more.
piton1959
Joke #58056 —  
 
-2
 
- Why Russia did not produce a vaccine against swine flu?
- Well ... are important to strike a balance - the main thing that the number
died from Vaccine not exceed the death rate from influenza.
Joke #58055 —  
 
-5
 
The crisis in Russia is usually confronted laughter and the first thing
people begin to laugh salaries.
Joke #58054 —  
 
-2
 
Flee not run, and not run away from happiness. It will overtake you, make
ring to buy and drag to the registrar.
Joke #58053 —  
 
1
 
The sign on the cage with a tiger:
- Fingers in the cell does not stick! Penalty one finger.
Joke #58052 —  
 
5
 
Prince Ivan kissed a frog and turned it into a good young man.
"Male" - guess Ivan.
Joke #58051 —  
 
5
 
(doorbell)
- So, quickly, hiding, hiding! In the closet come on .... No, in the fridge ...
- Honey, I do something your husband!
- (The door) Go away, my husband at home!
Joke #58050 —  
 
-3
 
In the 19 century, the phrase "get link" had a different meaning.
Joke #58049 —  
 
5
 
- What is the difference between a dog for the hunter and the fox?
- Approximately two glasses of vodka.
Joke #58048 —  
 
-3
 
The new drink "Tarragon of substitutes preservatives!
Joke #58047 —  
 
1
 
Can not be both smart and beautiful, and some have with this
tolerated.
You can be both stupid and ugly, and this accounts
accept the majority ..
Joke #58046 —  
 
1
 
- How are you?
- Nothing to please I can not. All is well.
Joke #58045 —  
 
4
 
- How old are you?
- How much give?
- Do not forget where we are, the defendant!
Joke #58044 —  
 
3
 
If you consider yourself a normal man, but all around you, and only
talk about your sexual orientation, then you --
judge a football match.
Joke #58043 —  
 
0
 
Russia-Argentina! Maradona against Hiddink! Addict against
evaders!
Joke #58042 —  
 
-2
 
Valuev was accused of Doping. Here's just say
him that no one dares.
Joke #58041 —  
 
2
 
Putin Medvedev complains:
- I then wrote a very harsh letter to Yushchenko, and he does not answer! I do and
video log presented it, and on TV the whole day chase, and the answer
no!
Putin lazily replied:
- And he sent me a strange sms-ku: Vladimir Vladimirovich, you
seems lace undone ...
Joke #58040 —  
 
1
 
Sasha volnuetsaya-time, Vanya worried or two, Peter is worried or three! Masha is on ultrasound.
Joke #58038 —  
 
3
 
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