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New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

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Dialogue in the gynecologist's office:
- Oh, Doctor - I tickled.
- Excuse me, please - think about ...
Joke #38512 —  
 
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Mankind is still bitterly regret that it is time bitterly not spared ...
Joke #38511 —  
 
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Give us a hundred million dollars and we will turn the world!

Give me two hundred million and we will leave him alone!
Joke #38510 —  
 
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At the party Gazprom Ricky Martin received a bottle of eight times
champagne on his head. Singer said that sue because
contract was only seven.
Joke #38509 —  
 
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Came the husband with his pregnant wife to the gynecologist. He remains her
wait a cabinet. It turns out it after the reception - no husband. Sought,
searching, finally found it under the polyclinic, nervously smoking.
- What are you away?
- Yes, I was sitting there waiting for you under the cabinet, looked at all and thought:
who just do not fuck!
Joke #38508 —  
 
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Two idiot on a nudist beach with binoculars.
- Give, give. Look for the one stone, it seems now to be to wear a bra.
Joke #38507 —  
 
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Post on the forum:

Quit smoking - recovered 3 kilograms.
Started smoking again - she lost 3 kilograms, again, quit smoking --
again, plus 3 kg, once lit - minus 3 kg.
Tell me this is normal during the day?
Joke #38506 —  
 
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- Man, you been bad or good?
- Who are you? Angel?
- Man! I am a nurse!
- Well then, apparently, still bad.
Joke #38505 —  
 
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- It is terrible to you, the Estonian girl?
- That's pretty scary. Fsya ispukalas ...
Joke #38504 —  
 
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I like to use what she has between her legs, holding that it
between hands!
Joke #38503 —  
 
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- Lenka remember?
- This is Lenka, that God forbid?
- Yeah, resulted.
Joke #38502 —  
 
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Two guys on a cellular agree with the girls for an interview:
".... Hui ours! Pussy and vodka with you! "
Joke #38501 —  
 
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- Oily me very, very fond. She even my name tattooed.
- And where?
- On the left armpit.
- A strange choice.
- Yes, you know .. Just more space never left.
Joke #38500 —  
 
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The child - the only thing in the house, which had to wash by hand.
Joke #38499 —  
 
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- This is a rescue service?
- Yes.
- In my apartment Fireballs!
- In the room?
- No, the kitchen ...
- Near the window?
- Was the kitchen ...
- And now?
- At the table sits ... Coffee drinks ... Bitch!
Joke #38498 —  
 
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Comes in. peasant home, and mother-in-law sitting in a chair and at the feet of the Doberman.
Mother-in-law looks at his daughter's husband, shows his finger at him and says:
- In-law!
Joke #38497 —  
 
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The winner of Miss World has decided to prove to all that pretty --
does not mean stupid.
- I will destroy this stereo, - she said.
Joke #38496 —  
 
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Armenian Radio asked:
what is the Russo-Estonian conflict?
Armenian Radio answers:
Estonia think faster than they say
but in Russia they say faster than people think.
Joke #38495 —  
 
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One lady asked the artist to paint her portrait.
When the portrait was finished, she sent him her husband.
- Bravo, bravo! - Praised the artist's husband. - Just like in life. Here it
be to swear!
Joke #38494 —  
 
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Male looking insoles:
- Honey, where are my insoles?
- At the tube.
He goes, and there are the insole on the tube one to the other, he pushes them, and
asks:
- And why are they on one leg?
- And you turn it over, - the wife is responsible, looking after their affairs.
He turned them both and asks again:
- And why are they back on one leg?
Joke #38493 —  
 
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- And I'm afraid to fly ...
- And I'm afraid of trains.
- By train, then what?
- Well prikin flying train ... Why is n ** dec!
Veland88
Joke #38492 —  
 
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Lochy - these are people for whom nothing is like something.
Joke #38491 —  
 
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In the tourist office:
- Tell me please, that my insurance would cover a 100 euro?
- Only the removal of the body.
- And 200 euro?
- Only the removal of the body.
- And in the 500 euro?
- Comfortable removal of the body.
- And in 1000 the euro?
- Well, actually .. also only removal of the body.
- Well, well! And in the 5,000 euros!
- Oh, ma'am! For this money, you even killed. But in this case the removal of the body --
for free!
Joke #38490 —  
 
0
 
If it were not specialized forum, we would never know WHAT

New foreign-made car is better used Zhiguli.

In Kursk, sales fell again "Lamborghini Diablo".

For the crash tests, "Oka, you can not use special equipment, and
ordinary swatter.

"Volkswagen" can write 11-Tew ways, using the Latin alphabet, and
23-name means, using the Cyrillic alphabet.

For a new set of winter tires is usually accompanied by second-hand cars.

Tavria - this is a machine.

Disadvantages of "Alfa Romeo 155" have become particularly noticeable if you accidentally
pour it into diesel fuel.

His opinion may be, only changing 2-3 cars per year.

In the village of Lower pie, there are people dissatisfied with the quality of assembly
"Mercedes-Benz E 63 AMG".

Whatever happens with your car, could be even worse.

Reviews of women about their cars better viewed with podstrochechnym
transfer.

Buying a car, fill petrol, service station and use
ride on the roads better than Russia.
Joke #38489 —  
 
0
 
Ad in Metro:
The train station should be ... Again, the train should be up to ... Last
I repeat, the train should be where you want to!
Joke #38488 —  
 
0
 
After raising the fines drivers stopped going to the front seats,
not to wear ...
Joke #38487 —  
 
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What are the similarities between man and car?
There are front-wheel - straights.
RWD - gay.
Wheel Drive - bi.
And of course with a plug rear-wheel drive as needed.
Joke #38486 —  
 
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- In Ukraine elections.
- Who was elected?
- Deputies of the Parliament.
- And from whom to elect?
- From Parliament.
- Then who cares?
- Parliament. Their is a pin.
(C) Robie
Joke #38485 —  
 
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There are two friends. One says to another:
- Why are you so sad?
- Yes, prikin, bought a dining room and converted it into a brothel, but two
months or one visitor. Place awesome - right in the center of the city,
Girls - just Otpad, one model, but people do not go!
- And, it's yours! I recently passed it!
- And what did not go?
- So have you got a plate on the door: I'm sorry we SELF!
Joke #38484 —  
 
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If you think this world is perfect, then you're either a god or drank.
Joke #38483 —  
 
0
 
Fashionable things - are the ones that are worth buying if you do not have enough
brains and taste.
Joke #38482 —  
 
0
 
A stick thrown by a dog returns to you in the form of accusations of bestiality.
Joke #38481 —  
 
0
 
To tall, leggy blonde blowjob can do no bending?
Carlson.
Joke #38480 —  
 
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Being sober mind and good memory, we decided to drink and forget everything.
Joke #38479 —  
 
0
 
Do you know why Yushchenko red mug?
- Do not smoke illustrations, when the gas is stealing!
Joke #38478 —  
 
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NASA is in talks with Moldova - an urgent need for repairs tilers
"Endeavor".
Joke #38477 —  
 
0
 
Watching another NASA-vskim shuttle launch to the ISS, have come to
conclusion that they fly at our station for repairs. As in car wash
:).
Joke #38476 —  
 
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- I've heard in Aeroflot now take only ugly stewardesses.
- Why?
- One of two beautiful ugly substitute.
- Why?
- To not turn ugly.
Joke #38475 —  
 
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I really like about the transfer zverushek - "In the world of animals", "Dom-2",
MTV ...
Joke #38474 —  
 
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Old turner teaches students:
- Everything should be done on a micrometer! "The Eye" a pussy is made - to her
All cocks fit!
Joke #38473 —  
 
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Family quarrel:
- You are not important, I, and my purse!
- Hell, I would like on your wallet, it is important to me content!
Joke #38472 —  
 
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Give myself for that. One way = $ 100.
Yefim Spiegel
Joke #38471 —  
 
0
 
Interview.
- Tell me, what's the most joyful day in your life?
- I have a joyful night.
- Oh, you have a beautiful wife?
- No, I have wonderful dreams.
Joke #38470 —  
 
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To heal the patient to death, hospitals are trying to quickly
write.
Joke #38469 —  
 
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- Each tablet antipyretic lowers the body temperature of one
degree. So, if you take 36 pieces, it will fall to zero?
- According to your logic it is clear that you are an amateur, in medicine, such
arithmetic does not work, but the end result, oddly enough,
You're right.
Joke #38468 —  
 
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Suitable for the little boy returned to watch his father and asks:
- Dad, is it true that I was told that all rotational personnel pidarasy?
The Pope, puzzled chesha neck:
- Do not ... they all lie, son. This is only their mate ...

Joke #38467 —  
 
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End of trading session. Exhausted, stupefied traders sit and stare
in terminals unseeing gaze. Included is another trader said:
"Guys, the buffet is already closed ..." And in response: "Yes?" ... And how
closed ?..."
Joke #38466 —  
 
0
 
Call:
- Hello, this apartment Petrovykh?
- Yes ...
- Girl, your Toyota, you have ordered, came to us in the salon.
- What is Toyota??
- As what? Toyota, blue, air conditioning, automatic gearbox
transmission.
Girl is pushing her husband's elbow:
- Vasya, and money-we are not drunk
Joke #38465 —  
 
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Seven with a spoon, and one ... And one without a condom, and because seven.
Joke #38464 —  
 
0
 
They come a blonde and a brunette on Africa.
Suddenly out of the bushes right at them jumps lion.
Brunette missing a handful of sand and throws it in the eyes of a lion, then quickly
climbs a tree and shouting with his blonde:
- Come quickly to me at the tree, while the lion does not see!
Blonde:
- I have sand in the eyes of a lion not abandoned.
Joke #38463 —  
 
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