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New best jokes, funniest anecdotes from category Russian Vovochka

Top jokes from Russian Vovochka category

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The teacher said Vovochka:
- Little Johnny, you in the book too many errors.
- Yes, really. Prior horseradish!
Teacher is shocked:
- What? To where?
Little Johnny, taking off his pants:
- That's because every fool shows to much!
Joke #4103 —  
 
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- And now we have to transfer "O Lucky Man!" Vladimir Putin. I
ask a question: "When Ukraine pays for gas?" There are 4 variants
answer: "A" - in the first quarter, "B" - in the second quarter, "B" - in the
the third quarter, and the "G" - in the fourth quarter.
- And you can call a friend?
- Please ...
- Hello, Leonid Kuchma, when you will pay for gas?
- Well, rozumiiete ...
- No, Leonid Kuchma, I need a correct answer.
- A yaki with varianti?
- I'll be brief: "A", "B", "B", "G".
- A "X" there Niemen?
(WHC)
Joke #3190 —  
 
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Ha change Vovochka approaches Maschke said:
- Masha, go to the toilet, play the adult game.
Masha agreed, they went to the toilet, Little Johnny was behind Masha, pulled
her skirt and let her in adult games to play. Masha says Vovka:
- Here you are, Vovk, invited me here, and himself, instead of a hug,
stood behind, so even his hands in his pockets zaphal.
Little Johnny:
- Hu, of course, I'm so last change Irka tra # al, so I have it from
pockets all povytaskivala candy wrappers!
Joke #3477 —  
 
0
 
Youth movement "Walking on the dick" carried on Vasilevsky descent
rally on the anniversary of the inauguration of Vladimir Putin.
During the meeting the motion proposed to the President to go along with them.
Joke #2889 —  
 
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- Hello, I am a mother Sidorov Vova, you calling me?
- Hello, dear Olga, sit down, grace
ask. Your son recently, as if it accurately expressed,
some lohanuty became inhibitory. Ha lessons for the market does not respond,
driving something that performs occasionally, and sometimes none at all about anything
you will forgive me for God's sake!
Joke #2940 —  
 
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Once Lenin sent a telegram from the province: "Shkraba starving.
- Who? - Did not understand Lenin.
- Shkraba - told him - is the new designation for school employees.
- What a disgrace to call such a disgusting word teacher! --
indignant Vladimir Ilyich.

A week later came another telegram: "Teachers are hungry"
- Here is - quite another matter! - Delighted Lenin.
Joke #2296 —  
 
0
 
From the reports of news agencies: from the Moscow detention center, "Butyrka" made another escape. As it became known for escaping prisoner use the credentials the president of Russia. According to the first results preliminary investigation, the president of Russia Vladimir Putin has to escape irrelevant. The investigation continues ...
Joke #1105 —  
 
0
 
- Why are people more than the monkeys? - Asked the teacher Masha. - I do not know - said Masha. - I know - pulling hand Vovochka. - The trees fuck hard.
Joke #1127 —  
 
0
 
I sent my mother Vovochka the store and says ... buy me a bra and two of three
cowards! He ran to the corner tripped, fell and forgot that it is necessary
buy ... Ran home and said:
- Mom! I forgot what to buy!
- Three bra and panties, two ...
He ran again in the corner and stumbled, fell and forgot what to buy ..
Returned ... his mother and said:
- Three bra, panties, two ... more shall not repeat ...!
He ran and fell again, and again forgot! I think that is necessary ... then
remembered and ran into the shop on! Rushes and says the seller:
- I'd like three and two nasisnika napisnika!
- Boy! Are you e.nulsya??
- Aha! Three times at the turn!
Joke #899 —  
 
0
 
Literature lessons Vovochka says an excerpt from Eugene Onegin: - "Were the hope I had at least rarely, though once a week ..." Marya Ivanovna: - Well, Little Johnny, again, remember? - No, just think how still beautiful name - Hope.
Joke #1074 —  
 
0
 
The teacher gave the students a task to invent a quatrain. Little Johnny:
- Can I Chenopodium Ivan?
- Please Vovochka.
Little Johnny is now recites a quatrain:
- Masha went to the disco
And pleased with the bridge into the river,
As she gazed at the stars
And wet his knees.
Teacher:
- Little Johnny, why at the end of your quatrains no rhyme?
- So after all was fine.
Joke #668 —  
 
0
 
There is Vovochka New Year's Eve with his father on the Red Square:
- Look, Dad, how many trees standing, and gifts, gifts-what
more ...
Joke #698 —  
 
0
 
There is a game "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire", the last question before
million. New Russian could not figure out a leading said - you
Two tips: help and support each other room. New Russian selects assistance
friend calls and says:
- Vova came a couple of kids, there's a million man does not want to give.
Joke #709 —  
 
0
 
Putin online:
- Just what the Internet has come a good question:
"And beneath one's dignity is not for you, Vova, to answer questions anonymously on the Internet?"
Answer ask this question the holder of IP (such and such), host (such and such),
provider (such a) Ivanov, Sergey Vasilyevich, living in
Ivanovo, 13 / 2.
NOT beneath one's dignity!
Joke #753 —  
 
0
 
They talk to two alcoholic:
- Listen, Vova, say, on New Year in sobering
be significant discounts ... Al Th, we will serve
almost free?
- You're a fool, Tolia! This means that we have thrown off
for them much!
Joke #787 —  
 
0
 
(c) Russia's President Vladimir Putin gathered his colleagues from the Central
Asia and asked them:
- How do you manage so many years of sitting heads of state?
- I declared himself a monarch of Turkmenistan and as a result of this was
life head of the country - Saparmurat Niyazov said.
- Every year I call a referendum in the country and extend the second term
office as president of Uzbekistan - Islam Karimov explained.
- We Askar Akayev began to relatives, married our children. Now
We swapped places - Kazakh President Akayev is working, but I --
President of Kyrgyzstan, - shared experiences Norsultan Nazarbayev.
- I once elected from the government, and another time - from the opposition,
- Said the President of Tajikistan Imomali Rakhmonov.
Putin pondered and then said:
- Maybe I every five years to scroll on TV
Boris Yeltsin's statement on the voluntary resignation and my appointment
his successor?
Joke #8262 —  
 
1
 
Comes Vovochka darker clouds on the lesson. His teacher asked
happened.
Little Johnny:
- Dad called from abroad, said to my grandmother and I hid
bomb shelter!
Teacher:
- And what happened?
Little Johnny:
- He came to our embassy and saw my mother flirts with
peasant. Well, the man once in the face and received.
Teacher:
- Oh, do not worry, you're saying that your dad every day
hit someone in the face.
Little Johnny:
- Yes, right. But not every day that my father hit on the face
American President!
Joke #8278 —  
 
0
 
In the car is a woman:
- Good people, who submit as my little boy will be able to operation ...
my little boy Vova for operation ... on anti-terrorist operation in
Chechnya ...
Joke #8293 —  
 
0
 
According to foreign news agencies yesterday, Vladimir Putin received a gift from Boris Berezovsky: package bagels and a few cassettes of American football. Vihor
Joke #8318 —  
 
0
 
According to Israeli newspapers, the country has fallen sharply the demand for monthly
tickets. Bus companies recommend that passengers in order to
savings to buy tickets only at one end.

I've got it, Vladimir Pankratov.
Joke #7372 —  
 
0
 
- Vladimir Vladimirovich, why do not you want to move the capital to
Petersburg?
- You know, good to have a house in the village ...
Joke #6797 —  
 
0
 
You have lived too long in Ireland, if (all the facts - real):

You are not surprised that a hangover - a sufficient reason not to come to work. We must only notify the manager.

You do not know how many pubs in the ten-minute walk from you, but just sure that you do not drink so much.

Ceased to frantically look around, crossing the street: the drivers themselves have to guess where you have gathered to go.

Firmly know that eight in the evening is open only pubs.

Hearing the weekend in the heart of the city proper English speech, understand it - a tourist.

Hearing that something you would do to the environment, mentally make a note call on Friday and find out when you can come.

Surprised that the company had not yet realized not only to issue vouchers to free drink in the nearest pub, but also on the appetizer: all the same tomorrow still work.

Know that the road be repaired in 2006.

've Learned that half of the passers-by in the winter wears shirts with short sleeves, and in summer - in sweaters.

A street tree is no more emotions than oak or pine.

Vladimir
Joke #6220 —  
 
0
 
- You heard Vovan threw smoke?
- It can not be, in life I will not believe!
- Nevertheless, it's true! He stubbed out his last cigarette? On
gas station.
jonas
Joke #5890 —  
 
0
 
Little Vovochka bringeth his mother endless questions. Namuche it
says:
- Listen, dear, if you are going bad and naughty boy, I
sick, the doctor comes, I die, and I was going to take to the cemetery on a large
black car. Will play sad music ...
- Tell me, mother, and I might sit next to the driver?
Joke #5884 —  
 
0
 
Petersburger arrived in Moscow. Walks along the Arbat. Suddenly suitable
ment and asked documents.
Petersburger (puzzled):
- And what, with Vladimir something happened?
Joke #5282 —  
 
0
 
Finally Spartak earned their first points in the Champions League! Yesterday, UEFA President Johansson L. gave Vladimir Beschastnykh glasses!
Joke #4996 —  
 
0
 
Walk down the street drunk, a new Russian, keeps the ear a banana and something
mutters. Towards come across a friend with surprise and asked:
- You are cho, Vova, in kind, lepish?
- N-n-not you see? P-p-to m-m-mobile b-b-b-Bazaar!
- Well, as there in Africa?
Joke #4734 —  
 
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Continuing news. President of Georgia Eduard Shevardnadze sent to President Putin greeting, in which, inter alia, said: "Hi, Vova!". President Putin, in turn, sent to President Shevardnadze message. On the text messages have not been announced.
Joke #4739 —  
 
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Little Johnny has resorted back to the kitchen. There, his mommy is cooking dinner. He cheerfully
shouted to her:
- Mummy, Mummy ... I love Ninochka from the first floor!
- Oh, Little Johnny - do not love you Ninochka from the first floor. She has a piece of glass
broken.
He is upset and goes to the hall. It grandmother in a rocking chair knitting, and looks
tv.
- My grandmother and my grandmother ... I love Ninochka from the first floor!
- Oh, what you Vovochka, vnuchik my dear ... Do not you love this bitch! She
a piece of glass is broken ...
He was almost in tears goes into the bedroom. There on the bed and father
reads the newspaper.
- Pa and Dad ... I love Ninochka from the first floor ...
- Well, and love yourself to health ...
- Yeah - and my mother with a woman say, that did not like. Allegedly, she had
piece of glass is broken.
- Oh, Little Johnny did not listen to them. When I married your mother - she did not
only a piece of glass was broken - but this time frame, and staggered.
Joke #11896 —  
 
0
 
We Vovochka visiting friend of an aunt. It is going to go. Mom Vovochka
teaches:
- What do you say?
- I do not know!
- Think Little Johnny! What I always say, when Aunt Nancy us
going?
- Finally toppled, you fool! Once all the sausage and cheese, ate!
Joke #11927 —  
 
0
 
Dzerzhinsky Lenin:
- Well, how's the new young assistant, Vladimir Ilyich?
- Poyabyvams ... , Cough, cough - cough Lenin.
- Oh Yes, you igrets, my friend!
- I govoyu, singing WOULD YOU sudag, pekyatit these gyaznye hints!
Joke #11550 —  
 
0
 
In BN Yeltsin interviewed:
- Boris Nikolayevich, you think you held a man? Still,
You just finished off yourself, you came from the Urals were the hero of the barricades,
eight years were president ... Sorry what else?
- The only thing I regret, you know, it's that eight
years of my prezidenstvovaniya I have not had a single trainee.
Joke #11595 —  
 
0
 
- Vladimir Vladimirovich! How would you advise people to call
white bread: in St. Petersburg roll or in the Moscow loaf?
- I would advise to switch to black!
Joke #10954 —  
 
0
 
On Monday, Minister of Economic Development Herman Gref went to work after
leave and immediately suggested to the President: "You are instructed to double the GDP, and I
developed a plan. Let your wife will give birth to a son and call him Vovochka! "
Joke #11019 —  
 
0
 
My mother was born Vovochka more twins, and the father said Little Johnny:
- Tell the teacher that you're week is not going to go to school and explain
why.
The next day, Little Johnny returns from school, and his father asked:
- Well, what you said the teacher?
- She congratulated our family with the birth of the child.
Father, an angry tone:
- How is the child? Why did not you say that we came up with twins?
- And second I have reserved for next week.
Joke #10707 —  
 
0
 
Putin (R) rings Interior Minister Gryzlov (D).
P: Report to please, what percentage of the personnel of the Ministry of Internal Affairs arrested on
to police, werewolves?
G: Vladimir Vladimirovich, a very large percentage - 99.99876
P: How much-how much?
T: (seeing that the study includes people in masks), exactly one hundred percent
Vladimir Vladimirovich, exactly a hundred!
Joke #10085 —  
 
0
 
- Dad, and the Pacific Ocean really quiet?
- Vova you that you can not ask a more complicated question?
- Okay ... Then tell me, where the Dead Sea dead?
Joke #9786 —  
 
0
 
America. Office of a company from the field of high technology. One
divisions of the company. Cabinet chief.

- Tell me Shultz, as today is working in our department?
- Everything is going according to plan, Mr. Jones!
- And what about our Sergei and Vladimir? What's doing?
- They are from yesterday and all night fussed with the new program, and
Now sit for an hour nap.
- Ah, their mother! Do not fuck them to sleep during working hours. Budi and let them work hard!
... And what about our Wang and Lee? What to do?
- They invented a new mechanism for debugging, and then secretly in the toilet
talking about how to find a way to patent his idea in such a way
that at least 5% of perepalo.
- What! While not think about it! Once they are working in our company,
all that they did belong to our company. Neither 1% do not get! A
for what I want to cheat try - to take away their pay award for this
month.
... And what about our Smith and Bill - what do today?
- These are usually in the morning and before dinner, discussing the results of yesterday's match, but
After dinner had bought popcorn and cola and locked themselves in the video studio, where
watching porn.
- A. .. Well then do not bother them. Let the work ... Yes! And tell Diego to
well after they removed the room, I doubt there today, too little
will work ...
Joke #9836 —  
 
0
 
- Hello.
- Can Vladimir Vladimirovich?
- Speak, Boris Abramovich, it's me.
- How do you know me, Vladimir Vladimirovich?
- Yes, that's so, so that the rich will not be.
Joke #9469 —  
 
0
 
Media tycoon Vladimir Gusinsky, who was arrested in Greece, decided
buy prison, where he sits.
(c) Beseder?
Joke #9468 —  
 
0
 
Quality criteria for alcoholic beverages:
- If you drink comes and goes through the same hole Rights --
a falsification!
Vova.
Joke #9485 —  
 
0
 
Mom says her daughter:
- Daughter, you first go to a meeting with a young man. In you
everything should be fine: and clothing, and cosmetics, and underwear ...
- But my mother - her daughter is responsible - I met him the first time. What
difference, what I will have underwear?
- At your age I was not such a pessimist - sadly sighed mother.

Vova.
Joke #9505 —  
 
0
 
Calls Putin to his Kasyanov and sternly said:
- Put before you the task within three years to double GDP.
Kasyanov stood at the counter and says:
- Tomorrow morning to try to do!
.... Putin surprised
- Well ... OK, let's see. Until tomorrow.
The next day comes in the Kremlin, Vladimir Vladimirovich, comes in
his office.
Views and sits in his chair ... Another Putin.
EVM
Joke #9522 —  
 
0
 
The Holy Synod has deprived father Vladimir dignity priest,
for the fact that he married in church two gay men.
"Pidarasy" - he thought his father Vladimir.
Joke #9187 —  
 
0
 
Vovochka kicked out of the pioneer camp. Father:
- Why have you again sack?
- In pioneer fire first detachment of amateur singing contest
song:
"Pionerskaja potatoes - Toshka-Toshka-Toshka-Toshka ... "
- So what?
- And our party at my suggestion in this fashion he sang:
"We all love a good rowing ... "
Joke #8874 —  
 
0
 
election 1999
U.S. attacked Yugoslavia, and the Chechen rebels attacked Dagestan.
... for the new year, Boris Nikolayevich tired and goes away ...

election 2003
U.S. attacks Iraq, and the Chechen rebels again attacked Dagestan.
... Vova, soon a new year ... are you not tired? :)
Joke #8616 —  
 
0
 
Direct Line President of Russia with the inhabitants of the country. Phoned the woman: "Hello,
Hello, my name is Ludmila. Vova, buy bread home. "
Joke #8628 —  
 
0
 
- Vladimir Vladimirovich, but where other puppies?
- Drowned.
object.livejournal.com
Joke #8627 —  
 
0
 
Internet-conference of Vladimir Putin.
- I came here 4 million messages with one question: when
Finally, increase the salary? In my opinion, it's just spam!
Joke #8626 —  
 
0
 
Gennady Zyuganov and Vladimir Zhirinovsky in the transfer of "the Stand!" On
charges Zhirinovsky Zyuganov long and detailed talks about
how at the Communist Party gathered a lot of money. Zhirinovsky interrupts
him: "All this nonsense!" There is just one way to be honest
earn big money! "
Zyuganov: "Well, what this means?
Zhirinovsky: "In!" I was sure that you do not know! "
Joke #8625 —  
 
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