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New best jokes, funniest anecdotes from category Political jokes

Top jokes from Political jokes category

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The western TV flashed another wave of anti-Russia propaganda.
Always move videos from the Chechen Republic of the atrocities rossiykoy Army
and the suffering of the Chechen people. The matter went to extremes - he Clinton
I went to Chechnya, to check what was happening.

Passing it once through the forest, with all his retinue, of course. Suddenly

hears a growl, heart-rending cries. Approaching closer and see this picture:
Chechen gangster type typically tied to a tree - and it attacks
bear. Just a little further - and the end of the Chechens.

Then from behind the bushes fly three Russian officers and began to shoot the bear
head. In general, the bear was killed, dragged away from the horrified Chechens;
well, and begin the skin of a bear to shoot on the hill.

Here it is suitable to Clinton and says:
- I bow before you for your noble deed. Some
dishonest the Western media are trying to spread slander about your
actions in Chechnya. But I am now convinced that in Russia's society
and close no hatred towards people of Caucasian nationality.

For sim Clinton left. One officer asked the other:
- Hey, Vasya, and who it was that??
- Yes you Th!? It's the president of America, Bill Clinton!
- I do not know, he was president or not the president, but in the hunt for a bear dude
No fumbling.
Oleg, Melbourne, Oz
Joke #4407 —  
 
-1
 
There are Bush and Putin.
Bush:
- In America, an unprecedented achievement. For example, we have a professor,
which can revive long-dead people.
Putin:
- We also have a very big achievement.
- Where?
- Well, in sports, for example. We have an athlete who can run
at a speed of 100 km / hour.
Bush:
- Really? It's amazing how much progress in our countries. Let
will share their accomplishments. We will send you our professors,
it is significant to you someone will revive, for example, Lenin. And you us
send your athlete, we will arrange it on a U.S. tour.
Okay?
Returned Putin at the Kremlin gloomy causes Kasyanov, explains
situation:
- Well, and where we take a runner? Shame!
Kasyanov:
- Yes, okay. If this professor Lenin revive, we have so
people with a speed of 100 km / hour run ...
Joke #4085 —  
 
0
 
There are Bush and Putin.
Bush:
- In America, an unprecedented achievement. For example, we have a professor,
which can revive long-dead people.
Putin:
- We also have a very big achievement.
- Where?
- Well, in sports, for example. We have an athlete who can run
at a speed of 100 km / hour.
Bush:
- Really? It's amazing how much progress in our countries. Let
will share their accomplishments. We will send you our professors,
it is significant to you someone will revive, for example, Lenin. And you us
send your athlete, we will arrange it on a U.S. tour.
Okay?
Returned Putin at the Kremlin gloomy causes Kasyanov, explains
situation:
- Well, and where we take a runner? Shame!
Kasyanov:
- Yes, okay. If this professor Lenin revive, we have so
people with a speed of 100 km / hour run ...
Joke #4085 —  
 
0
 
There are Bush and Putin.
Bush:
- In America, an unprecedented achievement. For example, we have a professor,
which can revive long-dead people.
Putin:
- We also have a very big achievement.
- Where?
- Well, in sports, for example. We have an athlete who can run
at a speed of 100 km / hour.
Bush:
- Really? It's amazing how much progress in our countries. Let
will share their accomplishments. We will send you our professors,
it is significant to you someone will revive, for example, Lenin. And you us
send your athlete, we will arrange it on a U.S. tour.
Okay?
Returned Putin at the Kremlin gloomy causes Kasyanov, explains
situation:
- Well, and where we take a runner? Shame!
Kasyanov:
- Yes, okay. If this professor Lenin revive, we have so
people with a speed of 100 km / hour run ...
Joke #4085 —  
 
0
 
Nazdratenko asked to lead the Fisheries Committee.
- He has great experience in the freezing, - commented
proposal in the Kremlin.
Joke #4111 —  
 
0
 
Remembering the children's poems.
Putin: - And from our window is visible to the Red Square!
Borodin: - And from our window, only statue of a little ...

Tractor Bel
Joke #3520 —  
 
1
 
U.S. President Bush said once that in Russia the IMF loan stolen
Chernomyrdin and others. Chernomyrdin immediately filed a lawsuit against Bush for
vile slander.
Others too.
Joke #3777 —  
 
0
 
- And now we have to transfer "O Lucky Man!" Vladimir Putin. I
ask a question: "When Ukraine pays for gas?" There are 4 variants
answer: "A" - in the first quarter, "B" - in the second quarter, "B" - in the
the third quarter, and the "G" - in the fourth quarter.
- And you can call a friend?
- Please ...
- Hello, Leonid Kuchma, when you will pay for gas?
- Well, rozumiiete ...
- No, Leonid Kuchma, I need a correct answer.
- A yaki with varianti?
- I'll be brief: "A", "B", "B", "G".
- A "X" there Niemen?
(WHC)
Joke #3190 —  
 
0
 
Fyodor Gribochkin third graders, returning from school, said the armed
people went to the mausoleum and found the corpse of an elderly person. Left on
scene task force highlighted the brutal cynicism
criminals, buried in a nearby wall is more than 50
their victims. Arranged on the spot ambush seized by four armed
bandits, made his way to the Mausoleum parade step.
Joke #3201 —  
 
1
 
From the annual message of President Putin: The revolution has passed, it's time
go to civil war, purges and terror.
Joke #3204 —  
 
0
 
Youth movement "Walking on the dick" carried on Vasilevsky descent
rally on the anniversary of the inauguration of Vladimir Putin.
During the meeting the motion proposed to the President to go along with them.
Joke #2889 —  
 
0
 
In Slovenia, after the official talks held an informal meeting
Putin and Bush. As a result, dating from the Russian technique of
talks, Bush on the way back:
- In Germany, conducted a German orchestra.
- In France, could not get out of the aircraft due to fatigue.
- In England just did not go because he did not know that a country
exists.
- He gave his secretary to order as soon as possible to prepare
following a meeting with Russia's president.

(C) Robinson of Odessa
Joke #2646 —  
 
0
 
In Slovenia, after the official talks held an informal meeting
Putin and Bush. As a result, dating from the Russian technique of
talks, Bush on the way back:
- In Germany, conducted a German orchestra.
- In France, could not get out of the aircraft due to fatigue.
- In England just did not go because he did not know that a country
exists.
- He gave his secretary to order as soon as possible to prepare
following a meeting with Russia's president.

(C) Robinson of Odessa
Joke #2646 —  
 
0
 
Blonde Jodie pretty overspend and decided to get some money. Nothing
smarter than to steal a child and to demand from parents for money, it is not
invented.

In the park on the playground, she found rebyatenka, sgrebla him in his arms,
characterized for the nearest bush and told him: "I stole.

Then she wrote a note: "I have kidnapped your child. Tomorrow morning,
at 9 o'clock, put $ 10000 in tens and twenties in a paper bag
and bring the package to a spreading oak tree on the bank of the pond in the park. "
And signed it "Blonde Jodie.

This note is pinned to the shirt on his back to the boy and sent him
home so that he showed the message to parents.

The next morning, Jodi went to the oak tree and, of course, found in
deepening between the roots of the package, in which lay 10000 tanks and a note:
"Are not you ashamed?" How could a blonde so mean to do with
other?
Joke #2345 —  
 
0
 
During the election campaign, Putin was asked:
- You do not have any program. Tell me where you lead us?
- I'm not going to lead, I will send you, - said the next president.
And we saw that he had fulfilled a promise.
Joke #2022 —  
 
0
 
From the reports of news agencies: from the Moscow detention center, "Butyrka" made another escape. As it became known for escaping prisoner use the credentials the president of Russia. According to the first results preliminary investigation, the president of Russia Vladimir Putin has to escape irrelevant. The investigation continues ...
Joke #1105 —  
 
0
 
Putin's visit to Germany. On the morning for him in the residence you done Schroeder. Comes into apartment and saw a strange picture: the GDP stands, thrusting head in the refrigerator, and pressed a hot iron to his chest. Then suitable to the sink and washes his hands thoroughly. Schroeder: - ?????? Putin: - A-ah, do not pay attention, Herr Chancellor. This is an old habit -- remained from the old service.
Joke #1115 —  
 
0
 
According to Interfax, Colonel-General Valery Manilov said that in addition to the previously listed 15 captured terrorists, still free roam such well-known separatists, as Slaughter mulattos Hillock Naro Dowry Bag Milker mouflon Zamora Medvedev Kosar Bezrukov Begun legless Morgun eyeless Parsing Zavalov Atas Bandits Pritulok Gay Cattle-pen SHAKHANOV Connoisseur manure Creator Nightmares Poddel Products Accounting Pygmies Data provided converts to our side of the famous terrorist by the name Kidok Partners.
Joke #1133 —  
 
0
 
Last four american president was stripped of tornadoes in the country Emerald City. They met there magician Goodwin, who they promised to fulfill one wish. Jimmy Carter comes to the magician and said: - I have a little courage ... - Will you have courage. President Reagan: - And I would add brains ?!... - Well, let's add - great and terrible responsibility. President Bush: - People say that I have no heart. Oh, I have heart ... - Here's a heart ... Turn came to Clinton, who hesitantly shifting and silent. - Well, why do you want, come on, I'm in a hurry - hurrying him a magician. At that Clinton timidly asked: - And where, in fact, Ellie?
Joke #1145 —  
 
0
 
There is Brezhnev in the Kremlin corridors, quite does not understand anything, and meet him shuffled Konstantin Chernenko. Brezhnev, when he saw a familiar face, happily: - Hello, Comrade Suslov! Chernenko was taken aback: - Leonid Ilyich, yes you, Comrade Suslov had long been dead! Brezhnev (after a pause): - YES!? Well then, Comrade Suslov, goodbye.
Joke #1144 —  
 
0
 
Labor gift. By birthday Putin railroad known
station Moscow Ranzirna renamed it in Moscow Sortirvovochnaya.
Joke #875 —  
 
0
 
U.S. President Dzh.W.Bush met at the White House of President of Russia
Putin. He was genuinely surprised and said that he was here
does.
Joke #924 —  
 
0
 
U.S. President Dzh.W.Bush met at the White House of President of Russia
Putin. He was genuinely surprised and said that he was here
does.
Joke #924 —  
 
0
 
Single line.

Bill Gates: The bottles are?
Putin: I travel!
Alla Pugacheva: In your country can join the choir?
Kasparov: A horse as a go?
Luzhkov: Yes, here's my stamp on the residence permit!
Berezovsky: Police?! I Zaporozhets hijacked!
Dzhigarkhanjan: And in the movie is difficult to be removed?
Michael Jackson: Who are negros?
Chernomyrdin: What is the essence of the conceptual foundations of your very
odious political paradigm of ambivalence?
Joke #533 —  
 
0
 
YB. President Bush!
U. Bin Laden is from my mother in law (a member of the Taliban in 1996). Veda with
them fiercely. Please support by bombing from the air.
Joke #582 —  
 
0
 
The latter decree the President Putin:
With the new 2002 in Russia canceled a bribe.
Joke #681 —  
 
0
 
Putin online:
- Just what the Internet has come a good question:
"And beneath one's dignity is not for you, Vova, to answer questions anonymously on the Internet?"
Answer ask this question the holder of IP (such and such), host (such and such),
provider (such a) Ivanov, Sergey Vasilyevich, living in
Ivanovo, 13 / 2.
NOT beneath one's dignity!
Joke #753 —  
 
0
 
Christmas tree in ...:
In American style: a big, lush, lots of toys and at least 50%
black children nearby.
In German: dress up a small artificial Christmas tree with a price tag on it
itself and on toys, most of the toys, stands next to a tree in
boxes.
For Mexican: dress up as usual, only after the decorations have
say "cha-cha-cha."
In Colombia: dress up as birch (they still do not know what
spruce).
In Chinese: dress up as anything, but not less than 4 billion pieces.
In Japanese: the most sought-most-largest tree is cut down, and Meletios
into small pieces (so that no one went to), then going
artificial, which makes dress up toys and takes them on a timer
in the new year.
In the Kremlin: to decorate a Christmas tree removed children left with
past the new year. At 00:00 begins President
and lasts for as long as the whole country does not pay taxes.
Joke #783 —  
 
0
 
(c) Russia's President Vladimir Putin gathered his colleagues from the Central
Asia and asked them:
- How do you manage so many years of sitting heads of state?
- I declared himself a monarch of Turkmenistan and as a result of this was
life head of the country - Saparmurat Niyazov said.
- Every year I call a referendum in the country and extend the second term
office as president of Uzbekistan - Islam Karimov explained.
- We Askar Akayev began to relatives, married our children. Now
We swapped places - Kazakh President Akayev is working, but I --
President of Kyrgyzstan, - shared experiences Norsultan Nazarbayev.
- I once elected from the government, and another time - from the opposition,
- Said the President of Tajikistan Imomali Rakhmonov.
Putin pondered and then said:
- Maybe I every five years to scroll on TV
Boris Yeltsin's statement on the voluntary resignation and my appointment
his successor?
Joke #8262 —  
 
1
 
"George Bush fainted and fell off the couch in the night from Sunday to
monday. This happened during the soccer matches on
television, when he was lying on the couch and eating pretzels. "--
reports Reuters.
Two blocks from the residence of Bush's car was found abandoned with
Koran and the instructions for baking pretzels in Arabic.
/ / Basilisk
Joke #8259 —  
 
1
 
Advertising: - Tell me, would you have traded in Putin's three conventional
Presidents?
Joke #8286 —  
 
0
 
Met once Clinton, Kohl and Putin. And tell each other
about the worst case of their careers.
Clinton:
- Well, then I put on the table, Monica and let her cook. Then hear
steps in the hallway ... opened the door and enter the room Senators
journalists. We barely had time to make it appear that inspect the room!
Kohl:
- I decided to do something to see porno in the Bundestag, here called
door, and I have as luck would have seized control ... I barely had time to run
to the telecom and pull the cord from the wall!!
Putin:
- And we somehow got to the table with Yeltsin in the Kremlin .. and only Boris
Nikolaevich began to pour, when suddenly the door opens, on the threshold
Berezovsky appears and begins to shout: "Boris Nikolayevich
Lift the glass !!!!" Yeltsin: "What say toast?"
BAB: "What nafig toast ??!!! glass on the nuclear button !!!!"
Joke #8285 —  
 
0
 
Met once Clinton, Kohl and Putin. And tell each other
about the worst case of their careers.
Clinton:
- Well, then I put on the table, Monica and let her cook. Then hear
steps in the hallway ... opened the door and enter the room Senators
journalists. We barely had time to make it appear that inspect the room!
Kohl:
- I decided to do something to see porno in the Bundestag, here called
door, and I have as luck would have seized control ... I barely had time to run
to the telecom and pull the cord from the wall!!
Putin:
- And we somehow got to the table with Yeltsin in the Kremlin .. and only Boris
Nikolaevich began to pour, when suddenly the door opens, on the threshold
Berezovsky appears and begins to shout: "Boris Nikolayevich
Lift the glass !!!!" Yeltsin: "What say toast?"
BAB: "What nafig toast ??!!! glass on the nuclear button !!!!"
Joke #8285 —  
 
0
 
Bush appears on television with blue eyes under the eye, a scratched
eyebrow and says that choked on a bagel, when viewed
football match, lost consciousness and hit.
From somewhere far away, behind the scenes, Bush heard the voice of his wife: "Once again
Caught with this bitch, you're with me yet and not choke! "
(C) Robinson of Odessa
Joke #8279 —  
 
0
 
The old tongue-twister in a new way: It was Bush on the highway and sucked dry
Joke #8290 —  
 
0
 
According to foreign news agencies yesterday, Vladimir Putin received a gift from Boris Berezovsky: package bagels and a few cassettes of American football. Vihor
Joke #8318 —  
 
0
 
Last night, President Bush came to consciousness, lying on the floor next to his dog, after he choked on a bagel. At the same time president of North Korea came to consciousness, lying on the floor next to the bundle bagels, after he choked on a dog.
Joke #8323 —  
 
0
 
FBI celebrated Valentine's day. Broke ten plush
bears.
Joke #7975 —  
 
0
 
- Earth! - Wearily exclaimed shipwrecked, getting
shore.
- Meat! - Shouted the natives happy, running out from behind the bushes.
Joke #7683 —  
 
0
 
In connection with the problems of Chechnya and the Kuril Islands, Russia
Government has Solomonic decision, based on past promises
Bush Jr.. give the Japanese Kurile Islands, namely: that all Chechens to carry on
Islands and rapidly bring them to Japan. All claims to Bush.

Mihalich.
Joke #7681 —  
 
0
 
On the way scampish Putin enmeshed confused.
Joke #7419 —  
 
0
 
Column psychoanalyst.

- Hey Steve, how are things. Writes Jack Botldrinker from Paris (in Texas).
Steve, I have a problem. My boyfriend said that he did not like
do all these things the old way, and offered me a shove there ferret.
I doubt it worth it? For some reason I think that it is not
very good idea.

Hi, Jack! Your boyfriend is right, and you - and retrograde
conservative. No need to fear the new, because if it was not, Thomas
Jefferson would not have discovered England, and Sir Oxford not founded to Harvard
University. Feel Suy ferret which says your boyfriend, and forward
toward the future!

- Hello, Mr. Shrink. My name is Susie. I really enjoy cooking
pasta, standing in front of the TV. But recently I began to pay
note that, when on the TV supports Mr. Bush, I
obtained insipid pasta. On my left a husband and a maid. What I
do?

Hi, Susie! Hmm, and it is true, it seems that you have a difficult situation.
Of course, let's face - and your husband with the maid to understand
also possible. Not everyone liking insipid pasta. I would advise
you switch the program when it begins to speak, Mr. Bush, but you
also understand that in times such as now, it would be unpatriotic.
So try to cook pies with rhubarb, Susie. And remember - United We
Stand.

- Hey, nigger, like your nothing. My name is Cool Skryu Yes, and I'm from
little thin in the apple. I am writing to you because my pants rub
one place, and I am because of it dropping on the right foot, and sometimes simply
fall on the ass. Tell me what to do? All the lads laugh at me, I
can not even really dance easy passage in the hip-hop.

Hi, Yes Kul Skryu. I consulted with leading dermatologists, and they
told me that you probably are using the wrong soap. Remember that
A good soap acidity of pH 5.5. If you're going to use such
soap irritation will pass and you can dance hip-hop. By the way,
send one's best Johnny Big Fat Ass. We are with him finishing Yale.

- Hello. I am a top manager of the company Rizerch Liquid Systems, Ltd., Inc.,
Ko. My name is Jack Daniels. In his previous column, you indicated that
for
third quarter of 2001 we sold the goods in the amount of fifteen
millions of dollars. But this is not true. We sold the goods to fifteen
million one hundred and fifteen thousand dollars. You are scared of our
creditors
and our company is no longer subscribes to your newspaper.

Hi, Jack Daniels. You're a goat, and the firm's your fuflovaya. Understand,
hrenogolovy? I do not care what you've sold. Good Luck!

- E, in general, like, my name is Marge, and I like to learn, like, in the tenth
class, and I'm well ... is, in general, wanted to know what the baby boom.
I
told a friend, but I do not believe him. He said that it is not very painful,
and
I thought this type of something from history.

Hi, Marge! Baby boom - an interesting phenomenon, which is
that, when a child is born, parents give birth to loud music,
which makes this: Boom, Boom, Boom. This can be observed in different cities
America, especially in small, for example, in Moscow, St. Petersburg,
London, Paris or Bulls Jajce.
Joke #7068 —  
 
0
 
~ ~ ~
Joke #6632 —  
 
0
 
2003. American Special Forces landed in Moscow. Withdraw all
obitaleley Kremlin on Red Square, down the line is Bush and
announces:
- The Communists, a step forward.
Nobody comes out.
- The last time I say, the Communists, a step forward!
Issued Berezovsky.
- What are you, a Communist, Boris Abramovich? - Asked Bush.
- No, just do not want to stand alongside collaborators
Al-Qaeda ...
Joke #6804 —  
 
0
 
2003. American Special Forces landed in Moscow. Withdraw all
obitaleley Kremlin on Red Square, down the line is Bush and
announces:
- The Communists, a step forward.
Nobody comes out.
- The last time I say, the Communists, a step forward!
Issued Berezovsky.
- What are you, a Communist, Boris Abramovich? - Asked Bush.
- No, just do not want to stand alongside collaborators
Al-Qaeda ...
Joke #6804 —  
 
0
 
Putin's speech on television after the assassination of U.S. President:
- I would like to express my condolences to the people of the U.S. for the untimely
death of U.S. President George W. Bush ...
- Wait a minute, but he survived ...
Putin Kasyanov beckons and says:
- What are you, my boy, my shame?
- This very minute fix.

--- WebDi ---
Joke #6495 —  
 
0
 
Putin's speech on television after the assassination of U.S. President:
- I would like to express my condolences to the people of the U.S. for the untimely
death of U.S. President George W. Bush ...
- Wait a minute, but he survived ...
Putin Kasyanov beckons and says:
- What are you, my boy, my shame?
- This very minute fix.

--- WebDi ---
Joke #6495 —  
 
0
 
- Here in this place my last section - the woman says,
pointing to the bushes near the entrance.
- Are any of the tenants did not call the police?
- Why? summoned. But you know our police. Always they
late! When a car drove up, I was dressed ...
Joke #6172 —  
 
0
 
Press release: "VTsIOM conducted an anonymous poll on the issue: "Will you vote for Putin, VV, if the presidential election held tomorrow? "The responses revealed that for Putin VV would have voted 75% of respondents, 2% of respondents had not yet made a choice and 23% - would have voted against. Currently, the administration President Putin's actively engaged in work on the study list of 23-x percent of the respondents anonymous. "
Joke #6211 —  
 
0
 
Photo exhibition "The Kremlin today."
Photo 1. Putin shirt.
Below the caption: President inspects the Pacific Fleet.
Photo 2. Putin in his helmet.
Below the caption: President inspects Magnitogorsk mine.
Photo 3. Instead of photos plaque: "Withdrawn pressluzhboy."
Below the caption: Putin in the factory rubber products.
(C) Robinson of Odessa
Joke #5619 —  
 
0
 
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