New anecdotes list

New anecdotes list


Different # 104818

- Will you drink vodka? - There is a reason? - Have money.

0 0 Different 8/26/21, 1:09 AM Color

Aphorisms # 88847

It's easy to live in Russia
It's hard to survive.

0 0 Aphorisms 8/26/21, 1:09 AM Color

Quotes # 2661

bubleg to obtain a license there it was necessary to bring a certificate from a psychiatrist. bubleg in the hospital, in order to pass the time in the queue for an appointment, I decided to get a PDA to read Bashorg ... what was next to tell?

0 0 Quotes 8/26/21, 1:09 AM Color

Family # 22176

The young lie in a haystack. They see a stallion covering the mare.
Manya: - Wan, how did he know what she wanted?
Vanya: - Fuck knows, by the smell, probably.
Manka says: - Van, you seem to have a runny nose.

0 0 Family 8/26/21, 1:09 AM Color

Folk # 24275

In Paris, in the famous restaurant "Maxim", there is a New Year's show. Into the smoke, a drunken new Russian calls the waiter and asks:
- Bro, do you have frog legs?
- Of course, monsieur!
- Well, then quickly jump into the buffet for a beer!

0 0 Folk 8/26/21, 1:09 AM Color

About students # 7862

The student asks for a lecture from the professor.
- Professor I have a sore throat!
After the lecture, the professor returns home and sees that the student who has asked for leave is walking with a stunning lady. The professor recalls the student and says:
- My friend, with such a sore throat you should lie in bed!

0 0 About students 8/26/21, 1:09 AM Color

New Russians # 116247

In the house of the new Russians. The girl-housekeeper (who came from the village) while cleaning the bedroom of her mistress noticed a condom on the floor. She took it in her hands and began to look with surprise. This was noticed by the hostess: - Why are you so surprised? Do you know how to make love? ... `` I know, but so that the skin peels off ...

0 0 New Russians 8/26/21, 1:09 AM Color

Intimate # 436

A man wakes up from a terrible Budun and would have slept some more, but he wanted to go to the toilet. He came to the toilet along the wall, did his job, shakes off his "friend" and says:
- You see, when you need to - I get up

0 0 Intimate 8/26/21, 1:09 AM Color

Army # 48293

Evening verification on a submarine:
- Ivanov?
- I!
- Petrov?
- I!
- Sidorov?
- ...
- Sidorov!
- ...
- Sidorov !!!
- Well, I.
- Phew! (relieved) Where are you going ...

0 0 Army 8/26/21, 1:09 AM Color

Medical # 104854

- The easiest way is to meet a girl for a policeman. To find out her name, it is enough for him to salute and ask for documents. And to invite you on your first romantic date, you just have to say: "Girl, let's go!"

0 0 Medical 8/26/21, 1:09 AM Color

About men # 60611

Two men are choosing flowers. One asks the other: - You do not know how to choose roses? Here is one friend of mine who thinks that the thicker the stem, the longer it costs. How do you like her opinion? - Well, this is not her opinion, this is her dream.

0 0 About men 8/26/21, 1:09 AM Color

Fabulous # 128025

The writer Volkov distorted the plot of The Wizard of the Emerald City. In fact, Ellie first got to a poppy field and only then met a talking lion, a living scarecrow and a woodcutter.

0 0 Fabulous 8/26/21, 1:09 AM Color

Chukchi # 10278

Geologist got lost in the taiga, shouts: "People! Where are you !? Help!"
The Chukchi comes out from behind the tree and speaks in a demonic voice:
"And, as here - so" people! ", And as in Moscow - so" pans with ears "!"

0 0 Chukchi 8/26/21, 1:09 AM Color

Foreigners # 47359

- Why do old maids wear black skirts?
- In order not to light up the film.

0 0 Foreigners 8/26/21, 1:09 AM Color

Movie heroes # 20548

Petka and Vasily Ivanovich are running from the whites. They were surrounded from all sides. We jumped into an empty well. The main one approaches the well:
"Is anyone here?"
Petka was not taken aback:
"Is anyone here?"
- Maybe there is no one here?
- Maybe there is no one here?
- Maybe they ran further?
- Maybe they ran further?
- And can we throw a grenade ???
- Maybe they ran further?

0 0 Movie heroes 8/26/21, 1:09 AM Color

Black humor # 118421

Two neighbors gossip on the bench:
- Petrovna, did your son take such a terrible wife?
- Nothing, there will be someone to guard the house ...

0 0 Black humor 8/26/21, 1:09 AM Color

Little Johnny # 100381

Grandma reads a bedtime story to her grandson:
- It means that the Serpent Gorynych is flying across the sky and screaming furiously ...
- Grandma, how is it - "furious"?
- Hey gay, fuck your mother ...

0 0 Little Johnny 8/26/21, 1:09 AM Color

Computers # 43047

- And what do they call you, granddaughters? - You move the cursor and left-click, grandfather.

0 0 Computers 8/26/21, 1:09 AM Color

Drug addicts # 42771

The woman is the most powerful drug known. Some examples are addictive even before the first use.

0 0 Drug addicts 8/26/21, 1:09 AM Color

About Jews # 17200

Two Jews are sitting, one complaining to another: - "Here came to us guests, and then, we lost our silver spoons ..." - "And what?" - asks another? - "Yes, we found the spoons, but the sediment remained!"

0 0 About Jews 8/26/21, 1:09 AM Color

Sport # 53639

After the Italy - Croatia match, the Japanese law enforcement officer noticed a suspicious masked man running along the backyard of the stadium and trying to somehow get out of the stadium. Well, the cop also asks: - What - a professional hare? - Not! Professional Arbitrator ...

0 0 Sport 8/25/21, 5:02 PM Color

Soviet # 74271

686.The plenum on literature and art was called
"ruining the obstinate".
687. in order to know how obedient the people are, they decided to put
experiment - about "show the nation-wide licking of the ass of Khrushchev on
Red Square. were somewhat afraid of the reaction of the creative
intelligentsia.
the Writers' Union was the first to respond. writers asked to provide them
honor and admit them first.
688. - what is a scum?
- a writer working for the don.
689. Mikoyan writes a memoir entitled: "From Ilyich to Ilyich without
heart attack and paralysis. subtitle: fifty years in a stream .
690. - what kind of collision did Brezhnev have with Shelepin?
- the conflict of the bad with the even worse.

0 0 Soviet 8/25/21, 5:02 PM Color

Animals # 113530

The granddaughter asks the grandmother: "Grandma, why do you have such big ears?" "To hear better." "Grandma, why do you have such big teeth?" "To chew better." "Grandma, why do you have such big ears?" "Yes, we are elephants, grandchild, elephants!"

0 0 Animals 8/25/21, 5:02 PM Color

Road # 76424

I'm driving along the highway. Traffic cop slows down. Young. Begins to check. Documents, first aid kit, fire extinguisher, trunk, engine number, etc. checks for a long time, begins to @ happen. After about 20 minutes he takes the radio and says:
- Sergeant Major Ivanov. Check the car number: .. for theft.
A voice comes from the radio, even I can hear discontent:
- Fuck you, Sergeant Major Ivanov, fucked up already, b %%% b !!!
Without batting an eye, the foreman hands over the documents:
- It's all right, go!

0 0 Road 8/25/21, 5:02 PM Color

Crime # 35048

In a store, a citizen turns to the seller:
- Tell me, please, where is your manager sitting?
- And how do you know that he is sitting?

0 0 Crime 8/25/21, 5:02 PM Color

Lieutenant Rzhevsky # 35823

The lieutenant and Natasha are sailing in a boat. Lieutenant sitting on the oars
asked:
- Natasha! Have you ever been kicked in the balls with a paddle?
- No, why?
- No, nothing, it's me to keep the conversation going.

0 0 Lieutenant Rzhevsky 8/25/21, 5:02 PM Color

About women # 96664

- Mum? You? And how to stick a bow correctly - right? Or so?
- Daughter! Do not be foolish! Take a cucumber!
- WOW !!!

0 0 About women 8/25/21, 5:02 PM Color

Stirlitz # 120290

Stirlitz was a pervert. Therefore, in Rotators, he was given
monument.

0 0 Stirlitz 8/25/21, 5:02 PM Color

Wow # 83595

A dwarf hunter walked through the forest. Suddenly I will meet him - a tauren. Well, the dwarf was not taken aback and kicks him from both trunks. Everything around is in smoke, nothing is visible, and the dwarf stands and thinks: "Did I hit or did I not hit?" The smoke clears ... he sees - there is a tauren: "Well, man, you hit!"

0 0 Wow 8/25/21, 5:02 PM Color

Alcoholics # 62193

Having carefully studied the menu, the restaurant visitor asks
waiter:
- What is your signature dish chicken a la Peugeot made of?
- From the chicken that got under the wheels of our chief's car.

0 0 Alcoholics 8/25/21, 5:02 PM Color

Advertising # 94925

Grandfather beat - did not break
Baba beat - did not break.
Watch in theaters from August 1 Super Action:
The egg strikes back.

0 0 Advertising 8/25/21, 5:02 PM Color

Bearded # 31731

There was a shipwreck. One beautiful young woman escaped. She swam ashore. Two aborigines approached her - a father and a son. The father thoughtfully examines the woman, and the son says to him:
- Let's gobble her up, look how delicious!
- No, sonny, we will now take her to our house and devour mom!

0 0 Bearded 8/25/21, 5:02 PM Color

About children # 12568

Lullaby

0 0 About children 8/25/21, 5:02 PM Color

About Putin # 28123

Advertising campaign of the CEC:
Vote for Putin twice and get him for a third term without elections!

0 0 About Putin 8/25/21, 5:02 PM Color

About programmers # 114351

xxxLook last night laganul!
yyyWhat is it?
xxx I was sitting, looking for errors in the code, 4 o'clock in the morning ... Suddenly I realized that for some reason it was getting darker than it was! At the moment it became completely dark, I don't see a nifiga !! stsuko got over it ... blRd, it turns out that my eyes just closed -_-

0 0 About programmers 8/25/21, 5:02 PM Color

Judicial # 123531

The judge informs the defendant that he is acquitted.
- What does it mean?
- This means that you are free, since it has not been proven that
you robbed a bank.
- Thank God! So I can keep all the money with me?

0 0 Judicial 6/7/21, 8:53 PM Color

Friends # 106209

Friendship is an acquaintance proven over the years.

0 0 Friends 6/7/21, 8:53 PM Color

Militia # 130204

At the plant P.O. Box 578544 the call rang:
- Is this the Rocket Intelligent Guidance Systems plant?
An hour later, the chief of the regime shot himself. A few days later
The bell rang:
- Is this the RISN plant?
The director of the plant went on trial, changed all the guards, at night the plant
evacuated. A few days later, the phone rang:
- Is this the RISN plant?
- Yes!!! What do you need?
- Call Marusya.

0 0 Militia 6/7/21, 8:53 PM Color

Politics # 121905

Kuchma demanded a million dollars and an airplane, on board which he promised to sign the law adopted by the Verkhovna Rada.

0 0 Politics 6/7/21, 8:53 PM Color

About the sysadmin # 127989

Text. Letter:
Hello dear Mr.Povider! Your user is writing to you. Please help me.
My Internet broke down today. Yesterday he was working and today I tried to open Yandex and the monitor wrote to me that he could not display the page.
My computer friend said that this could be due to the fact that the Internet broke.
Please fix it or give it to me while another Internet because I really need to open Yandex there, yesterday a link was written to information important to me, and today even pings to Yandex do not go, and you can see from the password that an intermediate server is in the dark, but do what you want:
change the DNS server routing table, I don’t care how you will bypass it, but the fact that all your traffic goes through the dead server doesn’t bother me, I’m crying for the wrong money.

0 0 About the sysadmin 6/7/21, 8:53 PM Color

School # 127203

A lesson in one of the Vladivostok schools discusses the exciting topic of love and marriage. Student question: Why do we need glowing condoms? The student answered very quietly and shyly: They light the way!

0 0 School 6/7/21, 8:53 PM Color

Show Business # 128934

Nikolai Trubach laughingly says to Buinov:
- Sasha heard the news Borya, our Moiseev bought a parrot. And do you know what he called him? Ass!

0 0 Show Business 6/7/21, 8:53 PM Color

About mother-in-law # 129079

Also not bad - said the man hitting the stone not in the dog but in the mother-in-law.

0 0 About mother-in-law 6/7/21, 8:53 PM Color

About money # 83032

Lost suitcase with money. Return at least the money.

0 0 About money 6/7/21, 8:53 PM Color

About Bill Gates # 115248

American School for Gifted Children, 1970, computer science lesson ...
- And now, kids, what programs would you like to write when you grow up?
Here you are, Peter?
- I would write such a cool utility that would quickly heal the hard drive
from mistakes!
- Well done, Peter! And you, Eugene?
- And I would make such a program that would compress files quickly and without glitches!
Good girl, Eugene! And you, Billy, why are you silent?
- Well, nothing, nothing! ... It will be all of you quickly, it will be without glitches ...

0 0 About Bill Gates 6/7/21, 8:53 PM Color