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Viewer TV night two men, one asks another:
- What is white on the screen crawl?
The second man answers:
- Why white??
- In nightie.
- You know when people are near death, they see the dark
tunnel ... and there, at the end of the tunnel - the light ... the inscription ...
- End game?
- No. "Next level" ...
In Soviet times, interviewed the famous Georgian milker:
- Can your cow to give 5000 liters of milk per year?
- Can your cow to give 10000 liters of milk per year?
- Kanechno can!
- And whether your cow to give 15000 liters of milk per year?!
- Kanechno can, but it'll be pure water.
Recently it became known that Stepashko leave the transmission of "Good night,
kids "and worked at the Comedie Club. His new creative alias --
The lady at the gynecologist:
- Doctor, never reach orgasm, falling asleep. What do I prescribe?
- Coffee in bed.
Man likened to a god, goddess woman for him, sex is divine,
and where the current after all this, did this little devil?
In Moscow, enter the fourth traffic light lantern - very red light.
It means - all the same stop.
In winter, the bears are divided into two types: the bears and bears sucker rods.
Today on the set of "Taxi" channel TNT in the car got three
Caucasians and, despite the fact that they could not answer a single question,
nevertheless benefited from the lead all the money, as well as radio and
- Lieutenant, you are a coward and a scoundrel. I challenge you to a duel!
- I did not come.
- Because I am a coward and a scoundrel.
Not so bad when the wife says in ICQ, you have a small member of the "worse
when she adds "oh, not you."
- Guys, I have two news. With what to begin?
- Start with the bad.
- It is dull and unattractive.
- Well, good?
- I got married!
Turtle - an intermediate state between an egg and an ashtray.
- Maybe someone knows, one can derive a ballpoint pen?
- And where did you put it?
Night. In bed:
- My dear, he is already inside?
- Funny, but outside it too, no!
Money does not corrupt men as long as there are women, to eliminate this
Devuschka calls his boyfriend of the taxi:
- Come out in 5 minutes, pay, and I've got no cash.
- Renders in kind, but today I will give!
Before you make a nice woman, think that she had, it would require.
Yushchenko's wife awakes from a terrible scream, woke up her husband:
- Shaw with you?
- Sho, sho ... Wife oblique pryshla for me.
Ukrainian trident - a fork for two Russian chicks.
Once God has disappeared somewhere, and send the Archangel Michael to find him.
Archangel was looking for it for six days, finally, on the seventh day of searching,
He found the same God, resting after great difficulty.
"Where were you, Lord?" "Look, Michael, that I created!"
God replied with pride, pointing downwards through the clouds.
"And what is it?" "This is planet Earth" - "God replied," I breathed
in her life, and it will place a perfect balance. "
"Balance?" Asked Michael, even more puzzled.
"Look here, God told him, pointing to different parts of the earth:
"Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth,
and Southern Europe will be poor. Middle East, over there, goryachenkim
borough, and Siberia - unhampered by the eternal ice. "
Archangel, struck by God's fisheries, pointed to a large piece of land
almost on top of the Earth and the question: "What's that?" "Ah!" Said
God, "This is Russia, the most glorious place! There beautiful mountains, turbulent
rivers, deep lakes and dense forests. People of Russia will fine connoisseurs
humor, hardworking and ambitious, they will travel a lot, to be known
diplomats and peacekeepers.
I am also going to give them superhumanly undefeated players
hockey, which will admire and who will be afraid of everything
who just lucky enough to measure them by. "
Archangel long groaning in amazement, but then still dare
ask, "What about balance, God?" You said that it would
Balance! "And God replied:" Just wait, you have not seen
THOSE Noisy bastards who I sat down with them the West. "
But in the 19 th century, the phrase "get link" had quite different
- My dear, let's go to the fork of a walk!
- Come on! Oh, by the way, won the associated bus! And it is empty!
- But we went for a walk!
- So on the bus and walk!
In the garden of stones, one drawback - blooms rarely.
Some of the students smoked and always throwing cigarette butts under a palm tree at the Dean
matfaka. Dean culprit is uniquely calculated by successive
exceptions. (However, if this were mistakenly excluded from the university for one
other forty-eight innocent students.)
Efremov Gennady (Tver)
If the Kuril islands belonged to Holland, then no one would
asked why they are called.
- What we can conclude that the Earth is round?
- All swill, which we lem to the East - pouring on us from the West ...
Election of the new president of Russia will be held strictly to the Constitution,
in 2008. On the offensive in 2008 will be announced.
Zenith bought a new football player. President of "Zenith", says to him:
- Here are the keys to the apartment, so the car keys, so a set of forms ...
- Wait a minute! And where is the captain's armband??
- You know, a Belarusian contestant of Eurovision Dima Koldun for
resemblance in Europe called "the illegitimate son of a lady
- Aha, Philip Kirkorov!
A summary of incidents now.
Yesterday, the employee garage estate Minister of Finance folding knife
"Hunter" played in "zemelki" the Minister of Finance of 0.5 hectares of land in the area
Barvikha worth $ 5 million.
In response to the desire of the world's leading manufacturers equip their cars as
least 8 th airbags, Russia's car industry said that
modern types of cars will be installed at least 8 icons on
around the cabin!
In Chelyabinsk, the men are tough, not only that the case "in a small, but
"at-large" celebrating standing.
The basic principle of psychotherapy: the patient is not hung up his nose, he must
hang noodles on the ears.
And you know that Ksenia Sobchak still does not know that can sing?
- You have the entire suit in the ground!
- Then no longer in the ground and in the moon.
In connection with the increasing number of accidents among the Guru and Bodhisattva
Health Ministry warns of Tibet:
If a long look at the sun, sitting in a lotus position on top
Chomolungma is fraught with the development of cataracts third eye!
Sent (a) Quartet II
Putin: In response to the deployment of U.S. missiles in Europe, because of the nuclear
threat from Iran, Russia may feel the nuclear threat
of Paraguay and place their missiles in Cuba.
Bush: But Paraguay is not nuclear missiles!
Putin: You already have, we have sold.
Flower - a butterfly, which has taken root.
Manager TV advertising department has sex with his secretary.
In the most tense moment girl vylazit from under him.
- What is it?
- Now we will have a technical break.
Then the commercial break.
Then switch to another channel.
The new draft law in the State Duma: to simplify the type of Document
Only two ethnic groups: Russian and come in large numbers. "
Putin arrives in Turkmenistan, out of the plane and asked the
- You have such a beautiful airport, after whom he named?
His answer: in honor of Turkmenbashi!
Putin sits down in a limousine and went to the residence. On the way, asks:
- Very wide avenue, in honor of whom it is named?
His answer: in honor of Turkmenbashi!
Putin Goes on, stands a huge monument. Putin asked:
- And who is this monument?
His answer: a monument to the Turkmenbashi!
- Do you have something that is not associated with the Turkmenbashi? - Asks
- Earthquakes, floods, volcanic eruptions, not related to
A sign in the Duma: "For the proposal of the law, including fines, the initiator
3% of the annual turnover of the law. "
Gazprom signed a contract under which the company becomes
general sponsor of Hell.
"We provide a worthy continuation of life" - said the press service
Stirlitz was driving and did not want to sleep. But he stopped and fell asleep.
Worked for years formed the habit.
- Stirlitz what this striped ribbon you tied to the Mercedes? --
Stirlitz pointedly did not say anything ... How could he explain that
soon Victory Day?
Husband to his wife:
- Where are the telephone directory?
- How where? We save on toilet paper.
Tales of ksler # 4
From Alex's all very well aware of his monstrous performance. About
is even an old Jewish anecdote invented.
- I gabotayu twenty-five hours a day.
- How so? Nights only twenty-four hours.
- I gabotayu without dinner!
I do not know what they say about me friends, but just know that this is not true!
Want to lose weight at seven kilograms a week? It's easy! Grow thin
a kilogram a day!