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If your perseverance wins your laziness, the usefulness of this event
depends on whether you are a fool or wise.
Joke #40286 —  
 
0
 
Representatives of the male are divided into those who see a woman
person who does not see a woman's rights, and those who are in every man
sees a woman.
Joke #40285 —  
 
0
 
Free incoming!
They come friends signalers, then one of them is calling a mobile number
determined - his wife, well, think again ... Provides connection, but it
he says:
- Darling, I have chosen a jacket, a pair of tops, jeans, well and still
something in detail.
Confirming the intention to pay these costs, the soldier completes the challenge, and
second one says:
- What, again papados? And they say - free incoming.
Joke #40284 —  
 
0
 
The man considered to be mature, when it ceases to be allocated among pregnant
women.
Joke #40283 —  
 
1
 
Each man must remember that the human brain is appreciated, and eggs - in
ram.
Joke #40282 —  
 
1
 
We build capitalism with a human face ..... On the construction of capitalism
enough money .... On a human face - no ....
Joke #40280 —  
 
1
 
GDP reading a newspaper
"... Boris Berezovsky, now dwelling on the banks of the Thames, said
on Friday in an interview with Guardian, he was preparing a revolution in
Russia and personally finances the group of his supporters in Moscow,
involved in a coup ... "
(http://www.vz.ru/politics/2007/4/13/77267.print.html)

Call: "... Nikolai Rakhmanov, please send us a report,
how many groups of supporters BAB has already organized and how much money
comes from a special operation in the state budget ... "
Joke #40279 —  
 
-1
 
Vladimir dials.
In response:
- The subscriber does not respond or is temporarily unavailable ...
- Hey, Putin is gaining.
From the tube:
- Wait a second, connects.
Joke #40278 —  
 
1
 
Still smarter than a dog person. It's Pavlov's experiments proved. In dogs, so
easily formed conditioned reflexes ... Not that people! In humans, after
as: drink - a headache, drink - have a headache ... and so on
infinity. No you conditioned reflexes!
Joke #40277 —  
 
-1
 
All problems are solved with time, but the problem of lack of time.
Firstonx
Joke #40276 —  
 
1
 
- I come to give you freedom!
- With whom is he talking?
- Yes, with your hands!
Joke #40275 —  
 
1
 
- Grandpa, how you a new TV?
- Amazing! Close your eyes, otkineshsya in his chair, and feeling
if you listen to the radio!
Joke #40273 —  
 
-1
 
Doctor:
- Unfortunately, your mother-to live for one hour.
Visitor:
- Nothing, the doctor - a little bit, I put up ...
Joke #40272 —  
 
-1
 
Every mistake Minera increases the chances of a second in the life of a bug sapper.
Firstonx
Joke #40271 —  
 
1
 
The First Law of Economics for bartenders: sales volume increases in direct
proportional to the volume of water added to the beer.
Ivan Fuckov
Joke #40270 —  
 
1
 
And enema is a favorite place of work.
Joke #40269 —  
 
-1
 
- And where we Sidorov?
- He is sitting with a child!
- And what they did?
Joke #40268 —  
 
-1
 
Known firm VERTU released a mobile phone model
for jail guards. It's called VERTU HI.
Joke #40267 —  
 
1
 
How pigeon or feed, but he still shits on his head.
Joke #40266 —  
 
-1
 
If Chuck Norris is married to Ksenia Sobchak, and took her name - would
Chuck Sobchak ...
Joke #40265 —  
 
1
 
- Why do rabbits do not climb trees?
- Because the fall, when the fuck.
Joke #40264 —  
 
1
 
If someone had wings, not necessarily that he was an angel,
maybe he just bug.
Joke #40263 —  
 
0
 
Chukcha sitting in the tent, paint eggs lipstick. Wife comes to:
- You are what my lipstick translating?
Chukcha:
- I said to my father - boil eggs for Easter, and paint, however.
Wife:
- So you have them and cooked?!
Joke #40262 —  
 
0
 
- Why is on stage many gays?
- The law of physics that someone unwind, it must impose on
any axis.
Joke #40261 —  
 
0
 
Damned komunyaki not able to build everything so, so Democrats
used 30 years without general repair.
Upyr
Joke #40259 —  
 
0
 
Barber shaves shaking hands, a prominent politician. When he
accidentally cut a third time, the politician was indignant:
- It's all on booze, my dear!
- You are absolutely right! From the endless drinking bouts, the skin becomes a
flabby!
Joke #40258 —  
 
0
 
It was Putin himself to Abramovich:
- I know, Roman Abramovich, that you have great contribution to the development of our
state. Raised the metallurgy, oil industry,
football
economy, the Chukchi people of much help ... I wish you the money
premium
reward. That checkbook - now shall enter any amount which
call it. Well, so what?
Abramovich's silent.
- How much? Fifty? Hundred million?
Abramovich awkwardly crumpled and snorting.
- TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY MILLION DOLLARS ENOUGH?
Abramovich, sighs, and hesitantly said:
- Enough, Vladimir ... Thank you, Vladimir
V. ...
Putin is smiling gently, enter a check in the amount named, signs,
folded piece of paper in half and shove it into his jacket pocket Abramovich.
Then he gently took his elbow - and calmly, but with the value
says:
- But the rest must return, Roman Abramovich ...
Joke #40257 —  
 
0
 
In connection with the plans of Bill Gates' flight into space in the world began
unprecedented fund-raising company, which will be listed
Rosaviakosmos that the lander has never returned to earth.
Joke #40256 —  
 
0
 
Ksenia yesterday told anecdote. SO neighed!
Joke #40254 —  
 
0
 
On the screens of the country left the film "Love-Carrot." The working title of the picture
- "Two Ig Nobel.
Joke #40253 —  
 
0
 
"The witness testified that the surveyors had gone from village to the north.
However, the point where the north, the witness could not, because
from the moment has passed more than a year. "
Joke #40043 —  
 
0
 
Oil painting: mother-man buys a bouquet of flowers, and glanced at the wreath ...
Joke #40041 —  
 
0
 
Pedestrians afraid Tavria!
Not only that crush better than a Lexus, so even in that world
obsmeyut ...
Joke #40040 —  
 
0
 
Children make a fool of parents, it is easily verified.
As a child, they beg for them to buy a hamster, tearfully assuring them that he
vital. Children grow up, die by the school, institution, are
work, receive first salary. And if they really were
vital hamster ... but no one bought.
Joke #40039 —  
 
0
 
Wife husband forecasters:
- On TV said: tomorrow 6.8 degrees, wind south 7-10 meters in
second, overcast. Can you at least to me, my wife, tell the truth,
What will the weather be?
Joke #40038 —  
 
0
 
- And where are you serving?
- A submarine.
- A submarine?
- Yes.
- And you got inside did not let?
Joke #40037 —  
 
0
 
The most tasty sound of a slap - a blow with his foot encased in karate
fins.
Joke #40036 —  
 
0
 
Cat saying: Do not swarm to another hole ...
Joke #40035 —  
 
0
 
- A girl, not whether you agree with me supper?
- Right so soon? Maybe to start at least you will get up out of bed and
make me coffee?
Joke #40034 —  
 
0
 
Rent a room to two young girls. Three not rent, the years are not the same.
Joke #40033 —  
 
0
 
One well-known liberal economist, was invited to read
lecture on the globalization of world economy to working an audience.

- How do you easily explain the essence of this process? - Thoughtfully
began lecturer. - Just imagine that in our country are made
clay whistles that come to Mongolia for local
shepherds. Shepherds bred sheep, the skins are available ...

- We? - A voice from the spot.

- No. That's the meaning of globalization, that the Mongols deliver these
skins in Greece, where it appropriately excrete receive
fine fur and deliver it ...

- We? - A voice from the spot.

- No. Fur postavyayut to France, where the best of Paris fashion
sew them great coats and deliver them ...

- We? - A voice from the spot.

- What are you all "us" yes "to us" - angry liberal. - No you
global thinking. Shuba supply in the United States and sold in stores
New York City.

- And us?

- And deliver us from Bulgaria clay from which we whistles
for the Mongolian herdsmen.
Joke #40032 —  
 
0
 
Said the State Duma considered a new draft of the Order is the most "and
Medal "For all!"
Joke #40031 —  
 
0
 
After Putin learned that over 7 billion years the Sun
become a white dwarf, and all life on earth will perish, he immediately
ordered to accelerate the implementation of all national programs.
Joke #40030 —  
 
0
 
April Fool's Day - the only holiday that unites people of all
colors, all ages and all religions.
Firstonx
Joke #40029 —  
 
0
 
A friend calls a friend:
- Hello, Light, Today is the first of April, you have not played anyone?
- No, you know, I can not play. Let's chat later,
I now participate in competitions.
- What?
- Phoned her husband, said that I was invited to the competition among the best wives.
And he was waiting for me at the finish line with friends, with the camera, with flowers,
beer, and I am sure that I win. A need to heat homes and run with an iron
him to the pub, where the finish, who iron at the finish line will be the most
hot is the winner. All, I ran.
Joke #40028 —  
 
0
 
Goals men are trying to understand the logic of behavior of women. But in
relations between the sexes there is only one rule: do women
happy. The following table prize points will help you.
Do something that she likes - and you accumulate points. (But do not expect
bonus for something that she takes for granted.)

In the home:

You took her bed: +1
You took her bed, but forgot to put in places decorative pillows:
0
Pribiraya bed, you have left the fold on the coverlet: -1
Going to the bathroom mold, you raised the seat, so that it does not splash: 0
... and care forgot to delete: -5
You hung up a new roll of toilet paper, which ended the old: 0
Discovering too late that the roll over, you took advantage
comer newspaper: -1
Finding time, that the roll over, you decided to be patient until
get there at work: -2
You agreed to run the store for gaskets: +5
... the rain: 8
... but came back with beer: -5
... and without spacers: -25
You went at night to check a strange noise in the kitchen: 0
... it was a wall of noise from the neighbors: 0
... this was something in your kitchen: +5
... You welled is something broom: +10
... it was her cat: -40

At a party:

You spent the whole party with her: 0
You sat with her for a while, and then went to chat with anyone from the Khoi -
institute of old acquaintances: -2
... named Katya: -4
... which is now dancing professionally: -10
... and painting the newly enlarged breasts: -18

Her Birthday:

You remember her birthday: 0
You bought the flowers and candy: 0
You took her to dinner at the restaurant: 0
You took her to dinner and it's really a restaurant rather than an Irish pub:
+1
... OK, this Irish pub: -2
... and now the game your team, you just randomly show on
TV, hanging above the bar: -10

Evening with friends:

You went to the beer with old friends: 0
Friends of all married: 1
Friends all unmarried: -7
And for you, have you done each recently bought Beemer: -10

Evening with it:

You took her to the movies: +2
... the film that she wanted to see: 4
... as you drive the depresnyak in one type of poster: +6
You led her on a film that you wanted to see: -2
... with the word "dead" in the title: -3
... where there are people eating cyborgs: -9
... and you lied to her that it would be a French film about the conceptual
orphans: -15

Your physical form:

You amassed a discernible to the naked eye beer belly: -15
... and began to swing to get rid of him: +10
... and bought big jeans and a T-shirt: -30
... and said, "So what, you have precisely the same as": -800

Special issue:

She asked "Do not you think that this dress I look fat?"
Are you thinking about the answer: -10
You asked "Where?": -35
You said "That is not, your ass looks in any clothes": -100
Any other response: -20

Communication:

When she wants to discuss the issue bothering her, you listen to
considerate person: 0
... more than 30 consecutive minutes: 5
... not looking at it in TV: +100
... because you've fallen asleep: -20
You expressly understand and delishsya similar experiences: +50 (you're gay)
You mentally lose record of the last football game and
shudder when she asked "So what do you think that I was her
say? : -50
Joke #40027 —  
 
0
 
- What shall we do?
- Infant.
Joke #40026 —  
 
0
 
First they pull up her blouse down and jeans up. Then vice versa.
Joke #40025 —  
 
0
 
... I will bring you all the pure vodka!
Joke #40024 —  
 
0
 
According to statistics, in our football for every twenty people, not
able to work his feet, there is one who can not work whistle.
Joke #40023 —  
 
0
 
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