Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes
New best jokes, funniest anecdotes
Young timurovtsi filmed prostitutes and tightened them in algebra and
Create the world can unit
destroy the world may be dozens
change the world can be hundreds
think that they belong to the first three categories .... may
Husband and wife quarreled and did not talk. After a while she
decided to make it up and says:
- Okay, okay, do not cross, we're both to blame.
Few paused and added:
- Especially You!
I am against the slogan "Russia only Russian. Let others too
The greatest demand among all printed materials are still used
At the exam in medical school: "What is the chance to pick up at the same time
avian flu and swine? "
Student: "Gus pig is not a friend.
- I should not have prevented yesterday beer with vodka!
- What a headache?
- No, just today there was not beer, not vodka.
Joy in Russia decided to share immediately with all the sleeping quarter.
If, after a long trip my husband swears that he has nothing to women, then he or onanist, or impotent, or blue, or a liar! True, girls, the fourth option is preferable?
By the Government decided to make Togliatti - our true, Russia's "Silicon Valley". It was decided to produce at AvtoVAZ domestic vibrators made of silicone. Let now not only our men but also women have sex with the production AvtoVaz!
Pompous arrogant Texan floods in the Irish pub and says:
- I heard that you, the Irish, whale, part lay the collar. But the dispute and put 500 bucks on a bet that none of you drink without stopping 10 cups of Guinness.
Everyone is silent and no one wants to communicate with the Texans. Only one of the visitors quietly slips out the door - and returned half an hour later, winking at Texans:
- Well, the dispute is still in force?
Texan confirmed, and the bartender pours, and builds on the rack 10 mugs of dark frothy Guinness. Peasant dries them in one sitting.
Beer on the ears, and the Texan in amazement, staring at the Irishman and gives him five hundred pieces of paper:
- You do not answer, but where you been these half an hour?
- Yes ... I went to a nearby bar to practice, get it from me.
At the entrance to the Swiss town stands a roadside shield: "We ask to drive carefully!" The doctor, the undertaker - both on vacation.
The school handed out report cards with marks for the year. Little Johnny comes home and, looking into his father's eyes, said:
- The main thing that we are all healthy, though, Dad?
My husband says to his wife:
- Well, are you an idiot!
- Of course, idiot! I was married for the general, would be the general's.
One man directly in the field machine broke down. He got out and lifted the hood.
- Do you hiccup distributor ignition, - said a voice.
The man looked around but saw no one and continued to inspect the car. Again he heard a voice: "Do you hiccup distributor ignition. Lifting his head, a man saw a black horse. "Exactly, the whole thing in the store," she said. Shaken, the man checked the ignition distributor, and he was not in order. He quickly eliminated the breakage, drive to the nearest village, ran into the bar and ordered a double whiskey. "You would not believe what I just saw" - he told the bartender and told him the whole story.
- You are lucky that you have not met a white horse, - said the bartender.
- Why? - Surprised man.
- It just did not understand anything in the cars.
- You know how to cook pilaf? Cutlets zharish? Well, at least salad?
- Why are you badgering me? I put the kettle bad!
Devils offered angels play football.
- We agree - answered the angels. - Moreover, the best players are with us ...
- Perhaps - did not argue the devils - but all the judges of our ...
Woman complains friend:
- Imagine, my husband was furious ... Yesterday Koljan volunteered to take me home from work, and my husband both run out so it gives Cole his foot in the groin!
- Oh, No! Poor Kolya, with him all right?
- Yes to it all perfectly, but I had three fingers broken!
From the trolley leaves the visitor and asked the first comer:
- And where is your famous Deribassovskaya?
- So you had four more stops to get!
- And me in the bus told me that I now have to go!
- Excuse me, but you were standing or sitting?
Wife oligarch scolding a young maid:
- What, Manya, dogulyalas? I see you're pregnant!
- So what? You're too ...
- How can you compare? I am pregnant by her husband, and you?
- And I from him ...
Women known to be very good at doing several things
simultaneously. However, they somehow never fails to combine
headache with sex.
In Russia, in order to find out what the crisis is over - enough
To find out what the crisis is not over - just turn off the TV.
(c) MoonWolf, 2009
Principle of operation of Yulia Tymoshenko: Once worked hard - seven times
Why does the president pay much more than my own, because leaning on us
equally no? ..
Americans, French, German and Russian showed the same light and
asked what their thoughts arise in his form.
American: What is an old model! We have such a long time there.
Frenchman: Under the same lantern I first declarations of love.
German: A piece of glass from a lamp quite dusty. Must be wiped.
Russian: It is surprising that such a large glass lamp still
No one broke. Disorder.
Street learns to defend itself. Law teaches for himself to sit. The market has taught for
a sweat. A lazy teaches for himself to lie.
One third of Russians want to improve their living conditions! The remaining two-thirds
simple: the pessimists, Let It Ride and dependents.
Offer hands and hearts in the Netherlands:
- Please, become my husband or wife ...
If you find a soul mate itself - is love, if it found no
your participation - then you've fallen under a tram.
The working day will seem shorter if you come to work after
A friend asks the other:
- Why are you so fond of women?
- Because I - intelligent, kind and beautiful.
- Why do not you get married?
- So, I repeat - because I - intelligent ...
- Morpheus, I'll be elected, and you?
- I'm with you, Neo, the Prime Minister will!
The review of income turned out that Yuri Luzhkov, 17 million rubles and GAS with a trailer. Look in the trailer inspection ashamed.
If a person is swimming breaststroke, everybody thinks that he bathes.
If the back - relax.
If the crawl - compete.
If a butterfly - you # happens.
One priest, the simplicity of his heart, got into the habit of a parishioner.
I walked and walked, and she became pregnant.
Cause the priest to the court, said:
- Well, sir, get married!
- I can not, I am not supposed to rank ...
- Well then you put him in jail.
- Yes you that, on whom I have come a leave!
- Well then get married!
- Yes, I can not! It's damned bell ringer! I'm all for polshishechki - on
polshishechki, and he as the main bell deryabnul, so I'm full and
Well, hang on the bell-ringer alimony.
Ringer on the day goes to work, climbed the tower, there
sat-smoking-smoking-smoking, then leaned over the railing and:
"Lay-A-A-A-Ana! DO NOT fuck who wins?! STRIKE-A-i-ide!"
Girl-timlid persuades lead programmer to go to work on
- Well, I must! In general, the word "team" no "I"!
A programmer, looking pensively out the window:
- But is "sissy" ...
Despite the fact that I was a genius and the perfect, self-criticism - also my strong
Director of the match factory for non-payment of workers' wages
moknuli head in sulfur and struck her on the floor.
Odessa, 3 o'clock. The apartment Rabinovich phone rang:
- Alla, this apartment Tsibulko?
Sleepy Rabinowitz says:
- And you can not imagine how deeply mistaken ...
People sign: If you can not understand why on TV so
often show some damn, she is a rising TV star.
When the crest was born a Jew and only cry in our day, it became clear
why: tuft same Jew, only without the money.
Democracy in Ukrainian - is a unique opportunity to choose from
dregs of a huge number, but the biggest ...
To die of old age is not the sapper who feels, where mines, and he
who feels, where they are not.
- Captain, Captain - smile ... - fun singing colonel, approached
Major, first learned of decreasing order of rank.
- Horror! Look what you dirty. For three days no rain, where you
found a puddle?
- Barely found.
COD was awarded the National Fish Russia. Her biggest
Most trained bladder from operators of large cranes.
Pigeons should be afraid of bad people. And at the very moment when
fly over them.
Nobody scored in the life, as undertakers.
In an antique shop:
- How much is this pot?
- ... is not the pot, this vase!
- I know better, as I'll use ...