Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes

New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50
The women do not like diffident freaks. At confident freaks
they write declaration made for rape.
Joke #40339 —  
 
0
 
Mates: not one, not marriage, and - so.
Joke #40338 —  
 
0
 
Woman is easier to borrow money from men during sex, while men are more likely
persuade a woman to have sex during her borrowing money.
Joke #40337 —  
 
0
 
"This man" - a man, a woman is able to provide
existence, in which her children's ideals will not enter into
conflict with the interests of its older.
Joke #40336 —  
 
0
 
Work for me - a second home ... Well, in a sense - DOM-2 ...
Joke #40335 —  
 
0
 
In Russia, the phrase "People - our wealth!" was said sincerely only
to 1861.
Joke #40334 —  
 
0
 
- And yet, I really VIP-person - thinking space tourist
Bill Gates, sitting in the chair of the Union. - One $ 3-seater
spacecraft, and even the window is not allowed to close.
Joke #40333 —  
 
0
 
Two British aristocrat came to hunt for rabbits.
- Sir! Are you afraid of rabbits?
- No, no!
- Then why do you need a gun?
Joke #40332 —  
 
0
 
Montenegrin arrives in New York, settled in a rundown otelchike,
begins to unpack veshchichki in the room. Suddenly sees - a mouse! Causes
duty and he is trying to complain, and the English language Montenegrin
do not know. Scraped up in memory of some words, squeezes himself:
- Do u know Tom and Jerry?
Duty to him:
- Yes, of course!
Montenegrin:
- E! Jerry!
Joke #40331 —  
 
0
 
- John, Joe, you have 35 years, and you're still not married and not living with anyone. Why?
- Well, you look at me! Well someone needs me? I have a growth of 170
centimeters! Well, who am I needed? And the ears? With me they lop-eared,
see? There is! Who needs with ears? And the voice? You hear what
he
I have ringing and unpleasant? As explained in a voice of love,
well
How? But look at your hand! On two fingers and nails yellow
stiff!
You see how my shortcomings! But who am I need ...
- You're Th themselves persecuting some, Vasya? Well, not Brad Pit, but so what? Who
one of us is perfect? You're a normal guy! Yes, most women and
look at such trifles!
- It's not trivial! It disadvantages! But who I am with such defects need? well
Tell me, who? Yes, anyone! Look how much my shortcomings! Yes, and dick
it is not necessary to the same ...
Joke #40330 —  
 
0
 
Dictionary of Russian language American eyes:
- It's strange when one Russian word is explained by other
incomprehensible Russian words.
Joke #40329 —  
 
0
 
Beginning 90 years, sitting two nurse at the morgue, smoke. Opens door
and are imported into the morgue corpse of a man in an immaculately-cut expensive black
suit. The body was escorted a few skinheads "real kids" in
chains, tracksuits etc. It turns out that the deceased himself being
new Russian, at the insistence of Tiffany's for the first time in my life put on civilian clothes clothes
and went to the opera, where, unable to endure fatigue high art
safely dead. Skinheads turned to the orderlies request
to disguise the deceased in due to his status as a sports suit,
reinforcing its request for 5000 American rubles ....

After a short time in the morgue are imported following the corpse, dressed already
tracksuit. From the words of inconsolable weeping widow and the accompanying
body of young men in ties and ochochkah, deceased elderly gentleman
was a professor at the Conservatory. During jogging Professor
suddenly lost consciousness and died. Young people - his faithful disciples
- Asking to disguise his teacher in a black suit, folds to this
case $ 500.

When finally all went away, one nurse, after a little reflection, says another:
"Look, Vasya, nahalyavu earned nearly five and a half tysch! A total
mess-then they cut off their heads and change! "
Joke #40328 —  
 
0
 
- Do you fresh pineapple?
- Only yesterday from Singapore!
- Probably, sailed under its own power ...
Joke #40327 —  
 
0
 
Buying a license Windows, you finansiruesh war in Iraq. And buying
Linux license for 50 machines, you finansiruesh pharmaceutical
companies, because the need to buy headache tablets and
Vaseline.
Joke #40326 —  
 
0
 
- Do you like Kafka?
- Yes, especially grefnevuyu!
Joke #40325 —  
 
0
 
I fly from drinking bouts method of "like cures like." The very small part.
(c) Sj ...
Joke #40324 —  
 
0
 
- That's fatigue, it is - from nervous tension, and this - from
depression.
- Thank you, Doctor, thank you ... And you, except vodka, nothing?

http://shift-insert.ru
Joke #40323 —  
 
0
 
Not all women are sold, some rented.
Joke #40321 —  
 
0
 
- Something you long time no see! Where did you get lost?
- Doctorate doing!
- Thesis?
- Sausages!
Joke #40320 —  
 
0
 
Ministry of Finance regularly provides the population of Russia and full
vsehobeblyuschuyu information.
Joke #40319 —  
 
0
 
- Dad, how to write in the book: On the road traveled, a convoy of five "Ok"
or "Okay"?
- Write - five cans.
Joke #40318 —  
 
0
 
It is hard to protect its intellectual property, in the absence
own intelligence.
Joke #40317 —  
 
0
 
Hell and Heaven are nearby and are separated by a high fence. Eventually
fence came into decrepitude, there were holes in paradise was to smell the sulfur.
The inhabitants of heaven began to complain about the neighbors. The matter went to court.
And what do you think, who won? Right, the inhabitants of hell, because all of the most
the best lawyers they have!
Joke #40316 —  
 
0
 
Parliamentary elections in Ukraine in accordance with the decree Yushchenko held
May 27, 2007. When it comes May 27, 2007, will be reported
later.
Joke #40315 —  
 
0
 
NO AGE SOUL OF VETERANS GB

- They say that in Russia the former KGB secret organization established in
Putin's support!
- First, the former KGB does not exist! Secondly, their membership, they
do not hide, and even flaunt! They are called --
"Ex-gebetsionisty for Putin!"
Alex
Joke #40314 —  
 
0
 
In the fight against wind power mills importantly - podgadat the weather
waiting for complete calm.
Firstonx
Joke #40313 —  
 
0
 
They say that when Aristotle invented logic, he arranged for joy
feast and ordered to slaughter 40 sheep.
Since then, the sheep do not like logic.
Joke #40312 —  
 
0
 
Prison warden asked: "How many innocent people sitting?". He replied:
"Innocent is still in the cradle."
Joke #40311 —  
 
0
 
- No, I will not settle down there, I think this work - shit.
- Where did you get?
- They've got five people with the surname Mukhin.
Joke #40310 —  
 
0
 
You hate the Chief ... And what about when the last time fed his
aquarium fish?
Joke #40309 —  
 
0
 
John Doe went to college for a bribe. In his place would have done
everyone!
Joke #40308 —  
 
-1
 
- Dad, why will power?
- The power of faith helps us to beat a nice ass and not look back to
not disappointed.
Joke #40307 —  
 
0
 
- Hello.
- Hello! And please make sure to Sasha.
- No home.
- And with whom I talk?
- With her husband.
- (Silly giggles) I do not know that Sasha - fag ... (whistles).

http://nasnet.ru/
Joke #40306 —  
 
0
 
Ah, right now, and at Chernobyl tozha Spring ... grass is blue, birds bark ...


Joke #40305 —  
 
0
 
After the concert Timati in Brooklyn even negros recognized that rap - bad!
Joke #40304 —  
 
0
 
New project NTV - "Zone with the Stars."
Naive.
Joke #40303 —  
 
0
 
After the united opposition led by Garry Kasparov
President Putin has finally announced the name of his successor. They found
computer "Deep Blue".
Joke #40302 —  
 
0
 
Husband complains about his wife:
- Honey, I'm at the end of the day so tired!
- Maybe you want to change my job, my dear?
- I can not. The country needs the president ...
http://nasnet.ru/
Joke #40301 —  
 
0
 
Baby, baby, how you have naebal ...
Andrew (c)
Joke #40300 —  
 
0
 
Once executed in France, optimist, pessimist and boring.
Optimist first brought to the guillotine, and asked him his last wish.
He said: "Life was so beautiful and interesting!" Put me
Please face up. I will be very interesting to look at the incident
knife.
They put his face up, pulled the lever and the knife creaked and stopped
above the neck.
According to custom, he was pardoned.
Asked pessimist last wish.
He said: "Life was so vile! And, here is the knife ... and eager to
bloody spectacle crowd ... You tie my eyes and plug their ears with cotton wool.
His wish fulfilled, pulled the lever, but the knife again and squeaked
stood above the neck.
He was also pardoned, according to custom.
Downer ask:
- Your last wish?
- Last wish, last wish ... Better had been repaired the guillotine ...
Joke #40299 —  
 
0
 
The question posed by an edge, certainly falls and someone prishibaet.

Firstonx
Joke #40298 —  
 
0
 
Monday was going to start a new life, but he checked himself in time:
old life is yet to be lived.
Firstonx
Joke #40297 —  
 
0
 
In order for patience after washing socks converges faster
Manufacturers must enumerate each pair.

(c) izhstyle.livejournal.com
Joke #40296 —  
 
0
 
In order to calculate the leader in an unfamiliar team, please
attention on whose desktop is remote from the conditioner.

(c) izhstyle.livejournal.com
Joke #40295 —  
 
0
 
One Jew says indignantly to another:
- Rabinovich, why you do business with Ivanov, and not with me? He goy
Uncut.
Rabinowitz says:
- Ha, Moishe, a Jew should be in your head, but not below the belt.
Joke #40294 —  
 
0
 
Dumplings soy young bulls.
Joke #40292 —  
 
0
 
- The king of Bhutan yacht more than Abramovich.
- What is that Abramovich?
KVN "Without Conscience"
Joke #40291 —  
 
0
 
D. Koldun with might and main sings the song with the words "I will kill any animal.
We look forward to when you are the song R. beast with the words "I will kill any magician."
Joke #40290 —  
 
0
 
At MCC came a strange message:
Reached the desired depth. Waiting for further instructions.
Station MIR.
Joke #40289 —  
 
1
 
Petrol price increased by 30 percent, travel - 10, the bread - at 20, Municipal Services --
50 percent, electricity - at 40. It is in how many times have
less rossiyaninu is that inflation is only for the year increased by 5
percent.
Joke #40288 —  
 
1
 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311