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I fly from obesity. The deputies and traffic cops are served out of turn.
Joke #40873 —  
 
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A letter of congratulation from March 8 to the elite brothel begins:
"Dear women .."
Joke #40872 —  
 
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Zoo director complained to a friend:
- Elephant quite hungry, but no money.
- Yes, you see how many tents around the fruit.
- And who will give me no money?
- Why do you want, you let an elephant, let him try not to give.
Joke #40871 —  
 
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... We are paying bribes to officials of his country alive dead presidents
foreign countries ...
Joke #40870 —  
 
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Wife - is when the money on whores and Buchloe zakus accumulate in
purse of a single woman and is unlikely to have when they
used for their intended purpose.
(c) Sj ...
Joke #40869 —  
 
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Mikhail Boyarsky did transplant hats.
Joke #40868 —  
 
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Everyone, if desired, could get into the top ten shooters of the world.
It all depends on training, distance and ... whether they will fire back.

Efremov Gennady (Tver)
Joke #40867 —  
 
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Press conference in the outer town:
- Tell me, why space tourist, one of the founders of the company
Microsoft, refused a flight to the ISS last moment?
- We ourselves can not understand, but once he learned that the ISS
life support systems managed by a computer-based operating
of Windows, he became very pale and had disappeared. We have it
By the way, until we found!
Joke #40866 —  
 
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They sent in Hebrew, translated here:

To my dear husband!

I am writing you this letter to inform you that I am leaving you. Telephoned your
Head to tell me that you quit your job and yesterday was your
last day on this site.

I am friendly to you and respect you had for wife
seven years, while you absolutely did not appreciate me. Last two
weeks were like hell. A week ago, coming home you do not even drew
attention that I hair cut hair, nails, a manicure and stacking. You
not notice that I made your favorite food and put them in your honor
nice underwear, bought me. You did not react to it
within a few minutes, finished with a meal, and then looked Football
on TV and went to sleep.

You do not tell me that you love me and do not touch me. I
I am sure that you change or do not love me. So I leave
you.

PS.

Do not try to find me, you do not find it. I and your brother are leaving for
remote place, where we will live happily. Search for another life.

Your ex-wife.


Letter husband

Thanks to you it was a good day. After reading your letter, I
jumped for joy.

We really have been married for seven years, but lately you do not vedesh
himself as a loving wife. Yes, I watch football - is to
calm yourself after what you tell me scream. I drew attention to
your nails and hair, but the first thought was that you are very similar to
man.

I have not told you about this because my mother taught me that it is better
silent, if nothing good to say. When you are ready my
favorite food, then probably you confused me with my brother: I do not eat
pate with Hasa for 10 years.

Once I saw that on your bra hanging price tag "49.99
NIS, I remembered how a week ago, my brother lent me 50
NIS and immediately went to sleep.

I still loved you and hope that we can cope with
problems.

In any case, after I won the lotto 14 million, I
quit his job and bought us tickets to the world tour. However,
returning home, I found you. I wish you a happy life,
as you always wanted.

After I showed the attorney a letter which you wrote me, he
said that now I do not owe you a single penny. Take care of yourself.

PS.
I do not remember whether I told you that my brother, Ariel received at birth
name ariella?
Hopefully this will not be a problem.

Your very happy ex-husband.
Joke #40865 —  
 
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Japanese singer Ibatsa Nibaitsa.
Joke #40864 —  
 
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At the demonstration:
- And here is a column of gays - the glorious workers in the rear!
Joke #40863 —  
 
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All around good woman, but for me, the pirates want treasure.
Joke #40862 —  
 
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- Good things are not done at night.
- And the people?
Joke #40861 —  
 
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Male gay and lesbian girl with each other having sex and
thought, every me and said: "One time - not heterosexual!"
Joke #40860 —  
 
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From the perspective of a pedestrian, a large traffic jam - it is only the opportunity to quietly
cross the road. And anywhere! ..
LoveMeDo
Joke #40859 —  
 
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Soon Moon will be mastered by man. "Beeline" does not fall behind
progress - on this Earth satellite company will place its stations. But
only on the sunny side - on the reverse side of the moon Beeline network "does not
will ... Live on the bright side!
Joke #40858 —  
 
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Power - the bureaucrats! Factories - Oligarchs! Shopping - Mafia! ... Earth --
Chinese ...
Joke #40857 —  
 
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In any government office is divided into the socialist ministers and
Ministerial-realists.
Joke #40856 —  
 
0
 
Condition 60ti Russia's richest men and a half times
budget for 2008. Apparently, Putin understood what he is talking when he demanded
doubling of GDP.
Joke #40855 —  
 
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A living wage - it is a scientific calculation of what is needed
people to live well and power.
Joke #40854 —  
 
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Deputy Prime Minister Alexander Zhukov believes it necessary to start building
contingency fund in an amount not less than 10 percent of GDP. "It is necessary at that
case, if the Stabilization Fund still stolen, "- explained
Vice-Premier.
Joke #40853 —  
 
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A couple of months, after Pinocchio sat on a diet, he began as
match.
Joke #40852 —  
 
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Her husband abuses his wife, recently kupivshuyu a dress for 500 bucks.
- You know that we have very little money, and we can not afford
spend them on all garbage!
- Yes, dear, I know. But when I walked past the shop, I saw
dress, which has always dreamed of. I did not have time to recover, as
was in the dressing room ...
- So what? Could just measure up and quietly go home!
- That's what I wanted. But as soon as I was going to remove her dress, the devil whispered
in my ear: "You look damn good in that dress. Buy it!"
- We had to just send him to hell!
- I did, then he said that this side dress
looks even better.
Joke #40851 —  
 
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In Russia there is the concept of "yellow press", and with the arrival of Garik Martirosyan have yet another: "humor in the yellow pants.
Joke #40621 —  
 
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- Why is the party "United Russia" and "Fair Russia" call identical twins? - Because it's two eggs, one body, which the government we have.
Joke #40620 —  
 
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The transfer of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire." Galkin voiced regular question: "After what it collapsed the Soviet Union?" Possible answers: A. Boris, you're wrong B. Michael, you asshole Egorov, you schmuck D. Anatoly, you bugger
Joke #40619 —  
 
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Sobral once President of the oligarchs ...
- Vladimir Vladimirovich! How can I? When can we leave
underground and restore Soviet power?
- Right! The people making fun, anecdote
Joke #40617 —  
 
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Ivanov has slopes from the army.
Joke #40616 —  
 
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Appointed Minister of Defense Labrador Koni. Conversation two brave
General.
- Well, the new minister - bitch. Would the dog, it appears that
Had he done to us?
- And we are not accustomed. Still know how to accrue stripes!
Joke #40615 —  
 
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Armenian Radio was asked:
- What are the similarities between Windows and the Ukrainian government?
- And then, and another, rather than to manage the resources they consume.
Joke #40614 —  
 
0
 
Warm and muddy Indian Ocean - Sucks for Hindus and suckers.
People with a strong financial position, prefer to live and relax on
more temperate Pacific Ocean.
The really rich people will choose a more moderate of the Atlantic.
And only the most advanced post-Soviet oligarchs begin to slowly
develop the Arctic.
Joke #40613 —  
 
0
 
Man came to Mullah, asks him:
- Help me, my wife so much pussy that I did not feel it!
- Go home, and before you master it, zasun in the fridge for a couple
hours, the hole from the cold shrink, you might be interested.
Comes the next day again to the mullah, and he was praying, covered
heap of blankets.
- What is it? Mullah?
- Yes, that's just doing "Amen" - (folding his hands together) - so soon
remember your wife.
Joke #40611 —  
 
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"At least make fun of Cupids," - thought Goodwin, giving Iron
Lumberjack heart.
Joke #40610 —  
 
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- I own excise tax on tobacco imposed. 300 rubles a cigarette.
- And what do you think? He is so smoking quit?
- Smoking can, and do not give up .. A car for the next year I think to update.
Joke #40609 —  
 
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- Come in large numbers here! - Muttered the blacksmith Frol Denisych,
looking from the city wall on the surrounding Kiev Tatar-Mongol cavalry.
Joke #40608 —  
 
0
 
From the dictionary:
Familiar (prilag.) - a man whom you know well enough to
borrow money from him, but well enough to give him credit.


Joke #40607 —  
 
0
 
In the zoo:
- On the right you see a male gorilla, top left - female gorilla ..
- Clear .. And where she gorilla?
Joke #40606 —  
 
0
 
Women are waiting much of the spring, as spring men.
(c) izhstyle.livejournal.com
Joke #40605 —  
 
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From the national calendar:
MAR. The village began to spring field harvest time, in the city --
spring-sexual suffering.
Joke #40604 —  
 
0
 
Inspired by the weekend:
As for us - good for the body - bad.
Joke #40603 —  
 
0
 
If a seagull flies ass forward so a strong wind, if the cow, so
powder-quality ...
Joke #40602 —  
 
0
 
- Defendant, that you can say to justify myself to a call
verdict?
- Your Honor! Be brief.
It is known that a complete and consistent theory unifying quantum
mechanics and gravity includes Feynman quantum
theory, based on the sum over the trajectories of particles. This approach
particle can move in all possible ways in
space-time, and any of its trajectory corresponds to a pair of numbers,
one of which gives the wavelength, and another - in times of waves
(phase). However, to avoid complications of a technical nature with
calculating Feynman sums over the trajectories of moving to
imaginary time.
The aforesaid approach leads to the fact that in such
space-time, referred to as the Euclidean, completely disappears
difference between the axis of time and direction in space. Real
same Minkowski space-time, where events are responsible
actual values of the coordinates of time, these differences are visible at once:
for all the events of the time axis lies inside the light cone, and
spatial axis - from the outside. If further Feynman summation
paths connect with the submission of Einstein's gravity, then
analogous to the trajectory of one particle will be all distorted
space-time, which is a history of all
events during the existence of the universe. In order to avoid
technical difficulties that may arise in particular
calculating the amount of history, curved four-dimensional space
be regarded as Euclidean.
This means, your honor, that the time axis is imaginary and does not differ
the spatial axes. That is, that so-called imaginary time --
it really is the real world, but what we call the real
time - just the fruit of our imagination. What should
conclude that, according to the Heisenberg uncertainty principle and the prohibition
Pauli, since it is known that the theorem of Hawking, Steinhardt has
unique solution for the implicit conditions, there is no possibility
to determine the discreteness of obtaining a bribe me, nor in real time, nor
in space, and all investigative actions are nothing more
than the diffraction optical illusion caused by spontaneous fluctuations
virtual electron-positron pairs in phantom fields Dirac our
space-time continuum, superimposed on the exponential
time series. While the presumption of innocence postulated a priori
axiomatic innocence of any differentiated thinking
subject and object of the monad, the wine which can not be proved
conducted the experiment or theoretical calculations.
I have finished.
Thank you for your attention.
Joke #40601 —  
 
0
 
Athletic kaleidoscope.

"On the football field should not just run, and score goals. That's what I
I will punch in and punch in, the heads of the players, "- said the new coach
football team, Nikolay Valuev.

Foreign commentators constantly confused with our Chinese athletes,
come out to start with a hangover.

Summit ended with fans jumping Finnish skier with
hundred-meter springboard.

Cog judge soon realized that the javelin thrower can throw it
not only far, but sure.

Very beautiful triple back somersault prognuvshis helped fulfill his
opponent around the ring Nikolay Valuev.

Athletes Sidorov, who claimed that he throws the disc to a hundred meters
therefore taken as a team first number, was not discus throwers, and
pizdabolom.

Only the second place was taken by our kayaker at the world championships in Sydney
and this is understandable - tired, due to lack of funding, they
traveled to Australia under its own power.

For the will to win was awarded Russia's athlete. It is within
hour swimming in shorts in the snow, trying to sober up before
start.

U swimmers pills that cause flatulence, amounting to doping.

World Championship fishing, led by Russia's rules,
is also the first stage the World Cup while drunk.
Joke #40600 —  
 
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Many consider themselves "few", but only a few consider themselves
nonunique.
Joke #40599 —  
 
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There is Ksenia Sobchak in the street and saw a mother beating her child and
cursed. Says she:
- What are you, the same child!
- Foal you will !!!!!!!!
Joke #40598 —  
 
0
 
Citizens who stands out!
Spring is coming!
We also have hormones by a fag!
Joke #40597 —  
 
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Girl coquettishly flirting, man:
- Did you know that young women are created for love
and great to work?
- And I love it when a woman in bed works!
Joke #40596 —  
 
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No need for a long time to sit on the coffee diet, unless you want it
imprinted on your ass.
Joke #40593 —  
 
0
 
The more the army boxes - the stronger is our defense?
Joke #40592 —  
 
0
 
- Holmes, why because of two idiots who failed to disperse
level road, all the rest are forced to hang around in the post -
accident
"jam"?
- Elementary, Watson! Should the same "kettles" to have at least some
opportunity to exact revenge on those who ride them better.
Joke #40591 —  
 
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