Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes
New best jokes, funniest anecdotes
Transitional period - in kindergarten did not play hide and seek
and have not played in a gay parade.
- Gogi, if y tebya forehead viros x # d, how long it should be,
to you it videl?
- Paul Maitre how seychas, Vakho.
- Nat, though Maitre, still not uvidel would patamushto eggs pered eyes
You know what women's logic is different from men?
The absence of logic!
To the question "Which drink you love most?" he grimly replied:
"Mineral water. Cold. Morning."
I caught a guy goldfish, and she tells him a human voice:
- Let me go, please, and I for the three will fulfill your desires!
The man thought, and said:
- First: I want to be stopped worrying alcoholic
gallyutsionatsii. Second ... Op-pa, but where have you gone, golden fish??
Wife with a worried look comes to flowers and said:
- Just imagine, in my Pelargonium whitefly.
- What - what ...?
- Yes trahikarpus ill, I say.
News Justice. From 1 March this year for prisoners introduced
probation. If a prisoner for three months work in the camps show itself
as a good worker, then it is left to work for the remainder of the term.
Discussing the other day about the girls weightlifter. They all say that they
not afraid to walk at night. A day something terrible!
- Son, Carlson came to us!
- Dad, Finish is paint the floor!
- If you arrived at the fire, you feel that there is something fried ...
- That the cause of fire was careless use of fire in
cooking shish kebab - interrupted him a journalist.
- No, - shakes his head fireman - that means we have suffered.
The company Gazprom and the factory "Red October", a joint
project, prepare a new generation of candy, which soon
decade will suck all of Europe.
Putin - Bush:
- Tell me, George, what do you Missile Defense in Europe?
- Exclusively against missiles of North Korea.
- But Korea is a completely different side and their missiles must fly to
you across the Pacific Ocean, rather than via Europe.
- So there is a dictator Kim Jong Il!
- So what?
- What! Worth it just blinking - and the missiles will fly to us not
across the Pacific Ocean, and in Europe!
American modesty, straightforwardness English, Russian
forethought, the elegance of the German and French intransigence --
All this inspires confidence in the future.
Russia comes to the reception to the doctor.
- Something I feel bad, not health ...
- Yes, sir, let's see what you have here ... So ... Yes you have the same GASES! But still
tumor - in the Kremlin ... Bad deeds.
- What should I do?
- Amputate Belarus - and so loose, hanging - barely holding together.
- Doctor, but maybe not necessary?
- NATO, Russia, NATO!
Russia. 2200. The lesson of history.
- In the 21 century the primitive population of Russia was engaged in subsistence
farming and gathering ... Cars at the car factories.
Pain in the stewardess. The captain invited my friend, not
stewardess, her substitute.
The aircraft accelerates on the strip, the captain said a brand new:
- Tell passengers that take off.
That takes the microphone:
- Dear passengers, now, our plane will fly in the air ...
Flight difficult to obtain.
Summer. Peter. Nightclub dumped two Ku Kluxers.
- What a fine night!
- Main - white!
Gifts to give love to buy - hate.
A man and his wife arrived at the place where they were 25 years ago had a honey
- Darling, what you thought when I first saw my naked body?
- I want to suck your tits dry and fuck you up losses
- And now? (she undressed)
- I see, I did.
If you ice cleaning money hand over fist, having attended to a number of challenges were
opportunity to do the same thing differently, standing in idleness, one of
They ogreet you over the head with his empty shovel.
Who has heard the ringing of an alarm in the early morning on Monday, Togo
trumpet hour Judgment - not frighten.
Live a full life - this is when delishsya happiness with another misfortune
give the enemy, and the care and forsake him.
The patient comes to the doctor.
- You the last time I had?
- Eight years ago. You are then told that I would live six months
and prescribe treatment.
- Apparently, I have appointed the wrong treatment.
The village went to the river to bathe. Divided, guys - left,
girls - to the right. The girls dress up in the bushes - the noise, the laughter is.
- Oh, girls, guys are spying on us!
- Oh, girls, and boys have a swim!
- Oh, girls, take a look, but they are also naked!
- Oh, girls, we now let's go into the water, and they ca-a-ak pounce!
- Oh, girls from villages far away and not hear our cries.
Then one girl says:
- And let's climb up the river, there is a quiet backwater, no one - and
The total silence, all turning and looking puzzled at the girl:
- And what are we here, came to bathe ??!!!
... try new crackers taste dental office!
In Russian roads, there are two evils:
2. Speaking on his mobile phone blonde behind the wheel, thoughtfully
In the police do not keep bad people, there are people in general do not hold.
Himself as a body - do not be surprised that shove penny!
Anecdote is narrated by an Englishman (free translation).
The bar offers a Brit to tell an anecdote about stupid Americans.
Hearing this, it is suitable for a healthy representative
zvezdanuto striped country and said:
- Listen, friend, look at me, I champion Florida on kikg-boxing --
shows the next table - are my friends Mike and John, Mike --
captain of the New York rugby team, and John boxer and serves
Marines. Do you still want to tell your anecdote!
Briton looked at them and said:
- You know, I changed my mind - feel like three times to repeat!
Yesterday, three American astronauts went out into the open space, with
twice - because of problems in the bathroom ...
According to surveys, the greatest number of people wishing to start a new life Monday
observed on Tuesdays.
- Darling, I'm so tired - we're going for two hours!
- Have patience, my dear. Soon halt.
- I can not! I rubbed shoulders a backpack, sneakers are tight, the sun is hot!
- Well, what can I do, my love?
- Can you get out of a backpack?
Today I stopped by traffic police inspector Ivanova LA, and personal example
proved that, contrary to logic, women also have pidarasy.
Husband and wife in bed.
- "My dear, let's again.
- Honey, I can not.
- I think that you're drinking too much beer, and you begin
dominant female hormones.
- And do not you think that female hormones begin to dominate because
the fact that I wash the dishes, cook meals, wash-stroked clothes, tidy
Announcement: Any photos of all types of documents, as well as all types of
documents on any photo.
A guy runs home and cries to his wife:
- Get undressed and in bed, going to have sex, and if you had
lover, I feel.
Fuck wife with caution:
- And how do you feel it?
- If the matter has recently been a lover, then you will not receive
- Oh - Oh - Oh - Ah - Ah - Ah - Oh - Oh
What normal person is different from a saboteur?
The average person goes into the bushes to take a shit, and saboteur nasret - and in
Programmer to quarrel with his wife. Tu all sick of it in his heart:
- Enough! Shut pancake, a victim of abortion!
- Do you .. You assume a look, a victim of photoshop!
In the Russian version of the new OS from Microsoft will come in versions windose Vista,
half-Vista, Paz and windose miser. Latter with the ability to upgrade to
full version of Steam.
God first created man, that he had anything to say ..
Uncertain dignity in it compensated for the undisputed
- And in good weather, I see their hooves ...
Recently on the radio "Chanson" became more performers in the style
Fraer rock ...
- And this is our firm and very popular salad.
- The taste of something not very.
- Its main virtue in another person he does not soil.
Young caterpillar, happily twisting, crawling toward the older, the sly
- Do not be sad, old woman! And you'll make the same holiday!
- Prikin! Received "on demand" complimentary. Feast on
all day tomorrow: the birthday and engagement and wedding, and again
Birthday, anniversary ... just do not even remember! And the signature intriguing:
"A butterfly on the bottom Dnevka. However, pohmelyatsya not call ...
Women are not the answer for those who filed.
Newly created wife, called his mother:
- Mom, I do not like your firm porridge, repeat-ka recipe.
- You take grits, boiled ...
- Ah Boil ...
- P. What did you do it on a tractor ride?
- In the solarium.
- For diesel fuel.
Estonia lost to football in Russia, because the best players of the team
late in the match.
If you live on the outskirts, in a small town in an apartment on the ground
floor, do not despair. Remember that someday your city will
large margin become a center and an apartment for a fortune
buy for the store.