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2025, 1 st class. Teacher:
- Today, children, we begin a new subject "through registration in
Internet services ", will be 5 years old, and you learn to recognize
Chubais's plan to overcome the crisis: the economy will turn
nanoeconomics, windfall - in nanodohody!
The emblem of the Ministry of Finance of Russia has a staff and wings: before the crisis, money
left, during the crisis - they fly away.
- George! Why do you interceptors? Against us
- No, Dmitri! Only countries against terrorists: Iran, North
Korea, Cuba, Venezuela.
- So they do not have atomic bombs or ballistic missiles.
- Will! Definitely will!
"And this idea," - thought Dmitri.
- Dad, how did you meet mom?
- Actually, at first we were not going to learn, but then she went
to me and said: "Is not it time we meet, because soon you will have
After the wedding night ...
- Honey, I realized that I was not the first you ...
- Yes ... And I realized that and not the last!
- Recently, I realized how serious the problem of parking: tow truck
towing a car in a forbidden zone, but close to another car
guy and waited for it will be possible to take the vacant place.
- Hello! Dispecherskaya? I'm stuck in the elevator between floors!
- Master is in 30 minutes. You just do not go anywhere.
It is man in the street and sells rubles. Requests for one ruble 98 kopeks.
The line is terrible. Suitable second guy and says:
- Che doing?
- Ruble sell for 98 cents.
- What's the point? Profit-where?
- Profit? Earnings ... fuck knows, but the turnover mad.
Statement in the SAI to issue a duplicate numbers.
"Going to the technically faulty car for the oncoming lane, in
drunk passed the intersection at a red light.
Seeing this, an abrupt halt, lost control and crashed into
ice-covered snow. As a result, the car fell off the bumper with
front number. Not realizing it, handed back and went home. Loss
found at the end of the next day ... "
The first decree of Barack Obama as president:
1. Introduce a tax on white color ...
- Baaarak! Paaadem!! ...
- Well, you, by God! We're in the white house! Wake up, your
Excellency! You expect great things!
1 - go to eat ... shakes ever since yesterday.
2 - approx. that shakes? and ...
- Dad, and there are intelligent and honest politicians?
- Intelligent and honest - how much you want! Sorry, did not understand your last
Education Minister Andrei Fursenko expressed concern about
overload children in schools. It's so they do not
enough time to have to drink beer in front of entrances, the increasing in
doorways and watching "House-2".
- Veronica Mavrikeyevna heard Mademoiselle, who according to Forbes richest
people of Russia?
- And who is it?
- Oleg Piderasko some!
- U-hu-hu, but not Piderasko and Deripaska! A piderasko Director of
Sberbank works! Knowing time to Avdotya Nikitichna!
- A girl and let's go to the movies!
- Do you have tickets?
- A condom?
- And let's go!
- What are you shameless! Should you see a pretty girl like you
forget that he was married!
- On the contrary, my dear! Just then I immediately reported this recall! ..
Fork many times dumped from the table that, willy-nilly, had to
call "call girl" ...
Tell me, how to live in Moscow in December, without an umbrella?
Somehow, with the onset of crisis, people are increasingly a desire
support the alcoholic beverage industry.
What does not fit into the logical chain: syphilis, herpes, AIDS,
condominium in Miami?
Answer: syphilis - could be resolved.
Snakes Gorynych can drink, eat and breathe at the cops simultaneously.
- Vladimir Vladimirovich, when the snow?
- Observe, please subordination. Refer first to God.
What unites the Somali pirates and Gazprom? And so, and the other does not pay
Lunch in a family of cannibals. Little lyudoedik dissatisfied picking
- Grrr! Again, lamb, veal, pig! Once again, let us eat
- Eat, know what they give! Outside crisis!
May 1945. Berlin. Crisis.
- Who do you work, Stirlitz?
- I do not work, Muller!
- Well, thank God, Stirlitz! And then we'll be like, and you cut!
If a married man says: "I have to think it over", it means it is not
knows what to say to his wife.
- I'm calling you from Jerusalem, Holmes. I traveled with her mother.
And she suddenly died.
- My condolences, my dear Watson. I know you are with it were not in the best
relations, but nevertheless ...
- Holmes, I want to ask your advice. If you bury her in Britain
then only for the transportation of the body require three thousand pounds. While
as for the funeral to take place only five hundred.
- Vezite it in England. Where you are now, once was
case. He was buried, and three days later the dead man was resurrected. You are
must, my dear Watson?
One well-known actress and TV presenter asked:
- What, in your opinion, is the secret of success?
- Main - be the right place at the right time.
Sense of humor - is what helps a Russian man to make a comedy out
any constant routine and did not make a tragedy out of each regular asshole.
People carding characteristics: nose itches - for drinking, hand - to money, and
eggs itching - to love.
Santa Snegur and Morozochka!
- Hot New Year greeting to those gay.
- What will happen to Yushchenko, when come to power a coalition of the Party of Regions and
Bloc of Yulia Tymoshenko?
- Well-oo-oo ...
- And if leniently?
Straight line with Prime Minister Putin fluctuated synchronously with the general
line of the ruling party.
Putin's approach to the mirror and sees that it is not reflected in the mirror.
Asks the mirror:
- Why do I not show?
- Yes, you know, you're the head of state, and the first person
States we Medvedev, and I do not know any of you show.
... Putin wakes up in a cold sweat, thinking, "Hu%, health is more expensive
retired Medvedev. "
Normal people on Sunday, fuck at home, and abnormal - to work with
In our country major companies in advertising do not need.
And the most serious need not even sign.
In connection with the crisis in Russia cheaper bread and petrol. Now unemployed
be able to drink the first second.
(remade in the anecdote of quotes from bash.org)
- I'm on the right is not passed.
- What flunked? practice theory?
- Pedestrians flunked ...
Four new Russian in Russia ended.
Now is the time of new non-Russian.
Issue of the Armenian Radio.
- How to deal with illegal immigration?
- Hmm ... Try again to enter limit and Pale!
Criminal news: Pickpocket Sidorova detained and bitten by werewolves
in uniform. Now, Sidorov, too, has shoulder straps and keep order in
Optimist - a man who, going to a bakery, takes with him
condoms, and a pessimist - Vaseline.
Sits opposite-sex company. Drink, all fun, all Choroszcz. Here one
- Pancakes, vodka is over!
The girls looked at each other uneasily ...
Dentist withdraws from the cabinet, where he stayed patient, and nervously walks out
side to side, stroking his chin. Nurse:
- What happened? Complex case?
- Heavy! The client has a lot of money, and his teeth all healthy ...
World crisis: beaches Vorkuta rapidly losing visitors.
Sensation! Ksenia Sobchak no longer waiting for the prince! He galloped on