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New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

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- The owner, at what altitude will strengthen the sink?
- I was on the dick.
Joke #42420 —  
 
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- Girl, you are so beautiful! Let me make you an elegant tattoo
shoulder!
- No! And so all ispohabili ass!
Joke #42419 —  
 
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In written matches away from children, the lighter the same thing. And as children
will get a light?
Joke #42418 —  
 
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Plumber Sidorov took a chance and diluted alcohol lemonade "Pinocchio." A Che
who are not at risk - he does not drink champagne.
Joke #42417 —  
 
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- We now have the costumes and Snow Maiden Ded Moroz and the program))))
- Cool, but we bought vodka and will improvise))
Joke #42416 —  
 
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Market research has shown that the most profitable business in
Today is the production of badges with the inscription: "I'm fired!"
Joke #42415 —  
 
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Congratulations from staff:
"New Year's gift for their excellent work in 2008 - is an opportunity
work in 2009.
Joke #42414 —  
 
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The protagonist of 2008 - Financial Crisis:
- Hello, dear. 10 years have not seen.
Bored, relaxed?
250 rubles for a cup of coffee began to pay?
Lada is not a machine?
Tea bag one time boils?
I just knew immediately came.
Joke #42413 —  
 
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Offer! Five New Year's road routes for
Russia and fellow off-road.
Joke #42412 —  
 
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In animals in the forest glade holiday, drinking, eating, sound toasts.
Hare says:
- Well, let's drink, boys, yet fox did not come!
Only gathered on ryumashke slam, out of the bushes, crackling branches,
appears the bear, and next to it - fox.
- Hey, guys, fun whether you are walking with vodka, which Misha
stolen?
Bear:
- Chtooo?
Hare:
- All right, fox came ...
Joke #42411 —  
 
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- Broken crockery - 3,000 rubles on the map Visa
- Champagne all! - 10.000 rubles on the map Visa
- Lost number card - 200 rubles on the map Visa
Morning hangover - priceless!
Joke #42410 —  
 
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Say no to alcohol and drugs!
.. Choose one thing ..
Pokramovich Egor.
vkontakte.ru/id1046377
Joke #42409 —  
 
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When the boss can not smoke in his office without harm to health!
Joke #42407 —  
 
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In the restaurant:
- If it is - a tasty soup, I - Spanish pilot!
- By the way, how did the flight, signor?
Joke #42406 —  
 
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In connection with the growing crisis of Sberbank offers for new people
kind of deposit - "Vodka": The customer brings in the bank account of vodka, and a year later
no matter from what inflation gets back on the same box of vodka
all without a single bottle.
Joke #42405 —  
 
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Languid lady on the beach in Sochi expiry date.
Joke #42404 —  
 
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What our men are different from overseas?
Our quantity of vodka at New Year's table does not depend on
attractiveness of the assembled women.
Joke #42403 —  
 
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Guys, do not be lohami.
If your wife opens the door to you and at the same silly smiles, then
she made a new haircut. Pay attention and praise.
Joke #42402 —  
 
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Still, the woman behind the wheel, anyway, that guy in the gynecology
chair.
Joke #42400 —  
 
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- My darling, do not forget - today we go to the birthday of my mother.
- Why go? Fly to the gift, I bought her a broom!
Joke #42399 —  
 
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A guy solves a crossword puzzle:
- The first letter of the Finnish alphabet - 16 letters.
Joke #42398 —  
 
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This last retirement was waiting senile.
Now, in the Internet era, we are waiting for social networks.
Joke #42397 —  
 
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- After installation of meters for water notice for themselves that
was to stand in the shower longer ... Forbidden fruit is sweet ... Fact!
Joke #42396 —  
 
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The sign on the wall of beer in Texas:
"If our food, drinks and service not meet your needs,
advised to temper their requests.
Joke #42395 —  
 
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In a survey of the population most recognized family holiday Day
Airborne troops. This day is better to stay home and watch
TV.
Joke #42394 —  
 
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"Things are moving, gentlemen crusaders" - said Alexander Nevsky.
Joke #42393 —  
 
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Kutuzov on all parties were near the girls and build their eye icon.
Joke #42392 —  
 
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Michael Jackson bought his latest skin in the shop "in the world of leather
Heartwarming.
Joke #42391 —  
 
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A letter from the boy Viti Santa Claus: "Dear Grandfather, you know that
now Ukraine hryvnia devaluation ... Do it so that it no longer
was!

A Santa Claus: "He played me your dream, boy! Hryvnia No more!"
Joke #42390 —  
 
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- Why is this road so thickly spat?
- Rote soldiers black cat ran across the road!
Joke #42388 —  
 
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Only through the crisis I'm back on my feet. The car took the pot.
Joke #42387 —  
 
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How can feed Saakashvili, broke the head chef before the meeting
Presidents without ties.
Joke #42386 —  
 
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New Year's greetings from the President:
- Citizens of the Russians, in connection with the financial crisis we have no money to
New Year's. We'll have to meet the old, but in good condition!
Joke #42385 —  
 
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Mastery is not a programmer to write programs that work without
errors, and to write programs that work with any number of
errors.
Joke #42384 —  
 
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There are "ten signs that a woman wants" - but only one sign that
man can ...
Joke #42383 —  
 
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- Imagine - mother-in-law - with .. ka, my wife in the section karate recorded!
- Well, and how?
- Engaged in ...
- And you?
- And what am I? He became much better cook, clean apartment, loved
wash and iron ...
Joke #42382 —  
 
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In order for the coming Year of the Ox was successful, we must necessarily
New Year's Eve cause heifers.
Joke #42380 —  
 
0
 
Met three friends after a vacation and boast who have done
massage better. The first says:
- I was massaging beautiful, beautiful boy and his nimble hands
gave me pleasure in every part of my body. I was in paradise.
On the second says:
- I was much better. Two beautiful young man massaging my body
only their own languages. It was unspeakable feeling as if I
re-born.
Blonde on a dreamily says:
- It's all nonsense. Oh, girls I had a massage, what then barely
I pulled the leg out ..........
Joke #42379 —  
 
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RUSSIA got up from his knees!

Russia rose from his knees ... staggered and ... hit the dirt face.
Joke #42378 —  
 
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Russia in the first place in terms of decline in production. Except
Ukraine.
Russia in first place on the level of devaluation. If
Apart from Ukraine.
Russia in the first place on the level of corruption. The exception of Ukraine.
Listen, let's do not count.
Joke #42377 —  
 
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- Oh, girls, yesterday I colander toothpaste "Blend-a-med" smeared. On
morning - no holes.
Joke #42376 —  
 
0
 
After another unsuccessful launch of the Bulava Americans decided to completely
abandon missile defense system. No system can not determine where
Plural fly this in a moment.
Joke #42375 —  
 
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- I'm with you though in the exploration!
- Let's go to issue you a loan.
Joke #42374 —  
 
0
 
There is such a sign: if three times to spit over your left shoulder in
crowded bus, you will certainly shlopochesh in the face.
Joke #42373 —  
 
0
 
What is a calm, balanced and completely balanced
Russia's family?
When my husband gets paid in dollars, and his wife in the euro.
Joke #42372 —  
 
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- Doctor, that you wrote to me in this recipe? Pharmacists only neigh and
give it back, without any explanation!
- Oh, dear, I'm sorry, I accidentally mixed up and wrote the text of the recipe in
medical history, but in the recipe instead of medical history written about you
anecdote.
Joke #42371 —  
 
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There is a sign: the longer a guy locked in a tie, the longer it
dick!
Well, no, you look at it, I was moved, he immediately began to compare the length of
his tie, tie neighbor.
Joke #42370 —  
 
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Where rolled the world? School uniform is now sold in the sex shop.
Joke #42369 —  
 
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The grandson asked his grandfather:
- Grandpa! You have not seen a tablet bearing the inscription "LSD"?
- Yes, to hell with it with this pill! You're better than what you look cool
dragon we fly in the kitchen!
Joke #42368 —  
 
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Poslenovogodnie news on Russia TV:

NTV: A scandal at AvtoVAZ! Drunken working on an assembly line bolted rudders
the wrong side!
ORT: The panic among Japanese automakers! AvtoVAZ began producing
Vase with a right-hand drive for export to Japan!

Tuning unit AvtoVAZ has mastered new products and services.
Now, any owner Kalina for a small amount on the car can
stick inscriptions: on the rear window - "ABS", on the steering wheel - "SRS Air bag"
Joke #42367 —  
 
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