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The main difficulty for the national team of Russia on football is that
European championship winner is not determined by sms-voting.
Joke #44788 —  
 
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In the present co price of cognac his need to dial in the pipette and drip into the eye,
yet okoseesh.
Joke #44787 —  
 
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Over Vietnam crashed UFOs. All UFO-navty survived the crash and
quickly mingled with the crowd.
Joke #44786 —  
 
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He was so modest that the girls learned that he had finished only when
disappeared monthly ...
Joke #44785 —  
 
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- Dad, what mom told you before my conception?
- Not me!
Joke #44784 —  
 
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- A man should be like a fairy tale.
- Why?
- Because fairy tales are always a good end.
Joke #44783 —  
 
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- My Bride - stupid stuffed. Three days before the wedding, accidentally left in
her phone nezaparolennoy notebook, in which an entire room
heaps of girls, and it is not what the scandal, the noise does not even raised.
- And how much do you earn?
- Three million dollars a month.
- No, she does not fool you.
Joke #44782 —  
 
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Tariff plan "charlie".
The new service - "Tracker" - will show where plump without you.
Joke #44780 —  
 
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Thick aunt comes to sexologist:
- Doctor, my husband recently, I was not paying attention. But
constantly stare at other women.
- Try to somehow after a bath podefilirovat before him
overtly sexualized attire, and then make it dirty
offer.
- Do you think this will help?
- You bet! He then two years on women in general will not be able to watch!
Joke #44779 —  
 
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Election poster for United Russia: "New roads - is our business."
Below marker postscript: "A new fools - ours!"
Joke #44777 —  
 
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Not in every barrel there is a Diogenes, but in each there own
plug.
Joke #44776 —  
 
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Scientific researchers in the field of sex empirically established that no
too bad to be a research scientist in the field of sex!
Joke #44775 —  
 
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It is much easier and it would be better understanding between the sexes, if
ladies were served to men easily readable signs on their expectations from
communication ..
For example, hairstyles:
I light flirt - flowing hair
I want sex - Spit a la Tymoshenko
I want to group sex - two braids on each side
I do not want sex - under Kotovsky
Joke #44774 —  
 
0
 
Historical parallels
1981
1. Prince Charles married
2. Liverpool won the Champions Cup
3. Ali Agca shot the pope
2005
1. Prince Charles married again
2. Liverpool won the Champions League
4. Pope died
If Charles vzbredet head to marry again, and Liverpool again
win the Champions League ... someone warn the Pope!
Joke #44773 —  
 
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Management fartovogo channel "Russia" waived broadcast
matches of European Football Championship with team Russia.
"Everything has a limit," - succinctly commented on this decision
the press-service.
Joke #44772 —  
 
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The competition RTR "Seven Wonders of Russia" took first place elections
President.
Joke #44771 —  
 
0
 
GOSZNAK Russia has developed anti-corruption bill. They themselves
automatically knock on the bodies of their respective owners.
Joke #44770 —  
 
0
 
In Formula 1 races around the Kremlin to take part svezheprezentovanny
Russia's Topol-M car.
Joke #44769 —  
 
0
 
Yulia Tymoshenko congratulates Ani Lorak with victory at the Eurovision. Now
their congratulations waiting Ukrainian team hockey.
Joke #44768 —  
 
0
 
- Volodya, I did not understand, Th for garbage?
- What again?
- Volodya, with you at the Central Bank bought 100 billion dollars
American securities.
- Dim, well and Th?
- Volodya, America is bankrupt!
- Well?
- Do you understand? Bankrupt America, a-ban-Cro-ty You're caught!
- Dim, I did not understand, you feel sorry for is 100 billion?
www.msk2004.narod.ru
Joke #44767 —  
 
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Toast
So your organs work better than government
Joke #44765 —  
 
0
 
May, 2008. :
- Vladimir Vladimirovich, whether political prisoners be released?
- I think President Medvedev must independently decide
possible amnesty.

May 2012. :
- Dmitry, whether political prisoners be released?
- I think President Putin should make their own decisions about
possible amnesty.
Joke #44764 —  
 
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In Russia there are three branches of government (legislative, executive and
judiciary), no ... In Russia, power - one, and the rest - no branches, as well
himself - processes ...
Joke #44763 —  
 
0
 
First, the Council on combating corruption, decided to find out what happened
rollback of the $ 100 billion stabilization fund, invested in U.S.
mortgage banks? And why do we (members of the anti-corruption)
almost got nothing, eh? ...
Joke #44762 —  
 
0
 
If you fly in a dream - it means growing well, or you simply thrown out
window.
Joke #44761 —  
 
0
 
A guy comes into a brothel.
Towards the pimp out and says:
- A guy, a girl you older or younger?
A guy said to me a young ....
There comes a five-year girl ... The man in shock ... not know what to do ...
I decided ... puts on his penis ribbon and govoritdevochke:
- Uchi-Way-Way ... Go-ka to me ...
Balls girls are square and she says:
- Shit, LIFE EBUS, never had ever seen.
Joke #44760 —  
 
0
 
Blonde solvers:
- Czech writer ... Unclear whether Hasek, whether Capek ...
- Write: Hasek, - says another. - Capek not Czech, and Karel.
Joke #44759 —  
 
0
 
At offended carry water.
Urgent: Looking for those on whom carry oil, gas, coal, timber and other raw materials.
Joke #44758 —  
 
0
 
The two met a drug addict and talk.
First:
- My narcologist said that they have a new problem - the Internet.
Second:
- About the class, it is interesting to try. You do not know it or sniff kolyat?
Joke #44757 —  
 
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"In a good year Pope Carlo cuts with Pinocchio 3.4 kilograms asleep!"
Joke #44756 —  
 
0
 
A new discovery by astronomers:
Black hole, it turns out, inside pink.
Joke #44755 —  
 
0
 
- And it's not fatal, doctor?
- Before you have no one died.
- It soothes, doctor.
- How do I know, personally, I call it - a failed experiment.
Joke #44754 —  
 
0
 
In Russia began the season roadworks. As always, the road repair
only in some places ... But could, for variety, try this
do with his hands.
Joke #44753 —  
 
0
 
If money is not important to you, the most important thing for you, do not talk about it
superiors.
Joke #44752 —  
 
0
 
A cop stops a car with a drunk driver. A man comes out of car
and lamented:
- Well, everything fell.
A cop says:
- Bet on the piece that got caught!
Joke #44751 —  
 
0
 
By the day of the Air Force.
Flies transport aircraft from its cruising speed, it
Two fighter escort. Pilots of fighter boring "crawl"
with such speed, well, they started:
"Second, as you so you can?" And again, the loop.
"Third, I can" and repeats it: "Do you so?" Makes bell.
Show off, and the pilot transporter is hurt, he radioed:
"The second, third, and arguing, I'll do such things that you do not repeat."
These are attached in the back, the better to see. "First, go!"
"Look!"
And it continues to fly in a straight line. Minute, two, five. Fighters not
stand:
"First!" Well? "
"But I already did!"
"What?"
"Go take a shit with a cigarette!"
Joke #44750 —  
 
0
 
The difference between talent and talent is so small that no talent
do not notice.
Joke #44749 —  
 
0
 
Accident in training: sparring quietly moved to
pairing ...
Joke #44748 —  
 
0
 
At the Olympics in Beijing, all participants will test the game on sex
grounds. This work will involve the most experienced and worthy
Chinese citizens of both sexes, the last great contest and
medical examination.
Vasil Lucas
Joke #44747 —  
 
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In the shop:
- Do you have filters!
- Yes, here's a look, please be so kind! You thin or
rough cleaning?
- Gross!
- At, choke, dog!
Joke #44746 —  
 
0
 
Taught the cat to the toilet. Now he sleeps there.
Joke #44745 —  
 
0
 
After the match Vshinnik-Tyrik judge accused that he was drunk. But he is
Russian and in such a game without a bubble does not understand ...
Joke #44744 —  
 
0
 
Lunch in our office - is a crucial moment of the day. Before lunch
nobody works, and after dinner all the rest.
Joke #44743 —  
 
0
 
Barber:
- Keep the head evenly. What it you fall?
- Thoughts heavy ....
Joke #44742 —  
 
0
 
- You know the descendants of Genghis Khan?
- No, but I know a descendant of his horse!
- Who?
- Ksenia Sobchak!
Joke #44741 —  
 
0
 
Roman Abramovich once threw money on your mobile phone and accidentally bought
company "Beeline".
Joke #44740 —  
 
0
 
Olympians gave President Medvedev Cheburashka. However, no
expected from the athletes so subtle irony:
"I was once a strange
toy nameless ... "
Joke #44739 —  
 
0
 
By prosochivshivmsya data, Hollywood is preparing to shoot a new blockbuster
called "Terminator 4". The action film is set in our
days. Promised nuclear war has not started. John Connor calmly
living out their days in nursing homes in the godforsaken town America.
People from the version of the future, where flying in Terminator 1, 2 and 3,
and did not wait for their leader. Humanity is almost completely
destroyed machines. In desperation, the council decided to send people to
Past hitman to kill the old Connor and thereby change the course of
history, resulting in they will have to find another leader,
and who will lead them to victory. For this purpose, they are caught,
solder and trafficked in the past that fell among the first terminator. By
Ironically, it was already painfully well-known T-101. Race cars
Aware of the danger of this action, taking a step back.
Given that long ago fallen into senility John Connor would not understand
responsibility of the moment, but, thanks to features senile
sclerosis, is likely to be able to remember his old friend
Terminator, the machine is also sent to an outdated past, but
proven model T-101, but in two copies. Now events
develop the exact opposite - the good terminators race cars
save your ward from the evil terminator race of people. Then - all
as usual: shooting, trap, something like a formula 1 on the wheel
wheelchairs ... The old man, John Connor, quite opupevshego of happiness
again see their friends, and in such quantities, finally
denies the roof and a pacemaker. Spectacular battle of good and evil
terminators on the body of the failed leader of the resistance
ends with the death of the evil terminator, but also the forces of light - too
loss. Totality is only one robot to the same disqualified
self-destruct. Due to the fact that the principal opponent of America
all the nuclear missiles had already been cut and turned in for scrap, and start the third
world there is no way he finds the need
once legalized among people. As a result, he knocks large
grandmother for the surrender of a military laboratory in the remaining parts of their former
colleagues and begins to fight for the California governor's seat.
Joke #44738 —  
 
0
 
The second day is the collision of two aircraft in the skies over
Estonia.
Joke #44732 —  
 
0
 
Thinking is not harmful, but difficult.
Joke #44670 —  
 
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