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New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

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After watching the match Russia-Sweden had the idea, but not whether to hire us
Presidents of Russia Dutchman?
Joke #45063 —  
 
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The victory in the UEFA Cup.
The victory at Eurovision.
Victory at the World Hockey Championship.
Now here's the first time in 20 years, beginning team to the quarterfinals ...

Some think it happened because we have chosen the correct
president. This is not so. In fact, it is assigned the correct
Premiere!
Basil / 2
Joke #45062 —  
 
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Epitaph on the grave humorist: "stabbed to death on their own acuteness."
Joke #45060 —  
 
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Granny sex shop.
- Grandma, what are you all to feel, touch, hesitates? And in general, go away
on guard!
Joke #45059 —  
 
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Russian tourist in Italy asked the interpreter:
- How to say in Italian "wonderful", "great"?
- Ohuissimo!
Joke #45058 —  
 
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Why are there so many jokes about bad game team Russia?
They compose the England fans who have got a lot
free time.
Joke #45057 —  
 
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As a child, Medvedev was a quiet and zastenchevym boy.
In his youth, Medvedev was a quiet and zastenchevym boys.
Growing up, Medvedev was a quiet and zastenchevym man.
Medvedev now quiet and zastenchevy president.
Joke #45056 —  
 
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Drink up for justice!
Standing!
... no clinking glasses.
Joke #45055 —  
 
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Science News. As part of a plan to combat corruption, Russia's scientists
developed a special robot to replace all
officials, corrupt. Tests of the robot in the laboratory
were successful, but when implementing it into commercial operation robot
suddenly became obsessed with the word "Rollback".
Joke #45054 —  
 
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God is tired, having created man and then rested on the woman.
Joke #45053 —  
 
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- Dad, who are the ordinary people?
- These are people with limited horizons, which have no high ideals,
who do not care about any global issues, and who believe that
state exists only in order to ensure their personal
needs.
- Dad, you're with people you meet often?
- Of course, I'm a deputy, and constantly go to a meeting of the Duma.
Joke #45052 —  
 
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Worst of permanent revolution can only be a permanent repair.
Joke #45051 —  
 
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As the company's power in her moves from startupers to
old fart. Personnel at the same time can not change.
Joke #45050 —  
 
0
 
They come two friends after nemerennogo quantities of beer. Rather, one
another to a drag. Suddenly the drunk wanted for a small need.
Those who supported the (First): "Well, you at least fly rasstegnesh?"
ITES: "Ughu. Indeed unbuttoned, started to cast.
ITES: "Well, all you can withdraw."
First: Listen, do not understand, just that you pulled on me, but
Now you're standing on my feet and not even swing?
ITES: Do you remember the saying: The table on three legs never sways?
First: So what happened to her?
ITES: What do you mean that? So I rely on the jet train ...
Joke #45049 —  
 
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In Russian athletes, a new game:
To come to the competitions in Lithuania, there to take first place and make
Lithuanians freedom to listen to music banned.
Joke #45048 —  
 
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If a friend tells you "What are you beautiful!" --
it just time to change something!
Joke #45047 —  
 
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Once in Russia, legislation was enacted to reduce the release
alcohol 50%, the country appeared on the shelves of beer
"One and a half bear."
Joke #45045 —  
 
0
 
There are two.
- How has the weekend?
- I went to my friends at the cottage.
- Is it far?
- 25 kilometers from Moscow. 3 hours by car.
Joke #45044 —  
 
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Mr. Luzhkov! Taste delights point of building!
INCOME TO YOURSELF Baska starling!
Joke #45043 —  
 
0
 
To be free, it means not feel the need to lick someone else's
ass. But some still specify "... and do it with pleasure."
Joke #45042 —  
 
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A good deed - forget it. It is better to remind you.
Joke #45041 —  
 
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On the way to a bright future we have two enemies:
own laziness and lack of money.
Joke #45040 —  
 
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Reception at the resort hotel on three brochures. One in German,
the other in English, the third in Russian:
German - Memo beer lovers. "
English - Memo sunbathers.
In Russian - "In memory of sunbathers beer lovers.
Joke #45039 —  
 
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Glucose - the only girl in Russia, which can ask:
"Girl, and you are not filmed in cartoons?"
Joke #45038 —  
 
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What is the end, if the dripping start a new life?
Joke #45037 —  
 
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Teacher at the school offers children think of the proposal, which
the word "perfect" is used twice.
- Masha: Yesterday, my father bought my mother a great dress, in which the mother
great look.
- Peter: My grandmother is preparing a wonderful biscuits, which I very
eat.
....
- Little Johnny: Yesterday at dinner, my sister announced that she is pregnant, and her father
said: "Well, blyat, simply beautiful!"
Joke #44814 —  
 
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Evgeni Plushenko - the first skater in the world, won the Eurovision Song Contest.
Joke #44813 —  
 
0
 
Several parties suggested Anton Ural membership as
special representative to debate with Zhirinovsky.
Joke #44812 —  
 
0
 
My husband went on a business trip, and his wife, too. So they could not know
who and how to change.
Joke #44811 —  
 
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They fuck, it gets stronger. Meet, pitching Gay!
Joke #44810 —  
 
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- Hello, I lost the password to the terminal!
- Condolences.
- And you tell me it can somehow reset?
- No, 9 days had passed.
Joke #44809 —  
 
0
 
Russia imposed the railway troops in Abkhazia. Now, from Russia are trying to
make a scapegoat.
Joke #44808 —  
 
0
 
In the sixth month of solitary sailing Wealden Psychology offended by the oar and
two days with him not talking.
Joke #44807 —  
 
0
 
Read in the newspaper that the symptoms of pregnancy - drowsiness,
absent-mindedness, lack of balance ... Concluded that I was already three years
as pregnant.
Joke #44806 —  
 
0
 
Contradictions in the evolution: now we are restoring the old palaces, castles
and estates, although no one had tried to restore the cave and
camp.
Joke #44805 —  
 
0
 
-... Why are you poking me president? Yes I am, if necessary, until
Prime Minister I will go!
Joke #44804 —  
 
0
 
The country shifted from socialism to capitalism. In connection with this offer
Change screen saver music TV program "Time". Instead suite George
Sviridov "Time Forward" should perform a new motive "cash in advance".
Joke #44803 —  
 
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Nothing makes a person a student so senseless as getting a ticket.
Joke #44802 —  
 
0
 
The lieutenant said Rzhevskij orderly:
- Vanka, boring.
- I do not want to, with a fun riddles?
- Guess.
- Here's a riddle seminarians. What is common between the choir and eros?
- What?
- Both the Greek words.
And once the ball Rzhevskij says:
- Gentlemen, a riddle: what is common between the clitoris and elders?
- What?
- Oh, and I really do not remember. Whether fuck, whether singing in Greek love.
Joke #44801 —  
 
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Plushenko was unable to break into the Junior Eurovision 2008.
Joke #44800 —  
 
0
 
The most ridiculous death for an oligarch - under the wheels of the Oka.
Joke #44798 —  
 
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Many people feel that they can go far, but none of them there is not
sends.
Joke #44797 —  
 
0
 
I am dubious gambling do not play, because not so poor
to buy lottery tickets, and not rich enough to buy
political parties.
Joke #44796 —  
 
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Well-known Japanese writer Haruki Murakami wrote a story about a businessman
Kimonoto Nedoshito. Wife businessman named Asaketo unfinished. Bodyguard
hero - the master hands Seppuku. Mistress of the hero - Geisha Feet Origami.
Joke #44795 —  
 
0
 
International Competition hackers won the old accountant Moshe Katzman with
arithmometer "Felix".
Joke #44794 —  
 
0
 
Journalists:
- Dmitry, tell me what song is Russia's pop you
like the most?
- Outi-Ways! - Said Medvedev and thoughtful, and not whether he blurted
something extra ...
Joke #44793 —  
 
0
 
Armenian Radio asked: why has not started
Russo-Georgian war?
Armenian Radio answers: because in the Soviet Union politburo their
money abroad are not preserved and the palaces for Brezhnev in France
built.
Joke #44792 —  
 
0
 
- Again, get drunk, you beast!!
- For Sieving ...!
- What is it?!
- "Zenith" ... pobbedil "Eur ... Eurovision ... with a score of 5.4!
Joke #44791 —  
 
0
 
Goskomsport amended the Sports Classification.
Now, after "candidate master", "Master of Sports", "Honored
Master of Sports "you can get the title" to have backup dancers Bilan.
Joke #44790 —  
 
0
 
Debt good turn deserves another - now Bilan must sing and dance at the winter
Olympics and Violin Competition. Tchaikovsky ....
Joke #44789 —  
 
0
 
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