Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes
New best jokes, funniest anecdotes
Full democracy - this is when ordinary people consciously choose to
management is very simple.
Woe from Wit, we periodically replaced the euphoria of stupidity.
- Hey, cabbie!
- I am not a taxi driver! I am the world champion checkers!
Two worms sit in the manure heap.
- Listen, we are so lucky! This place has got!
- You know, but I still home one!
The inscription on the plane: "when the accident pull the cord, squeeze out the window."
Previously, Russia was sad over his defeat, now laughs at his
Now when they met the Russians do not say HELLO, and Ole!
- I have no need, but you will soon come in handy, - said
Hiddink, Van Basten, passing the pack of condoms.
- What are the similarities between the words "goblin", "Dublin" and "bunker"?
- Oh, nothing, Shoot!
Gathered together well-known heroes of the story: Crocodile Gena, Lieutenant
Rzhevskii, Borman, Petka, Chapaev and all the rest. Gathered and discussed,
one of them knows more than poetry. Well, Cheburashka, of course, began to sing:
"Slowly minute swim away into the distance ...", him that the poems, the songs, all
well ... Chapaev, strangely enough, he remembered: "slept Golden Cloud"
Lermontov, it seems Furmanov at one time read. Stirlitz on
surprisingly more like something from Russian folklore and recited:
"My Bells, the flowers steppe ..." Sherlock Holmes could only
Robert Burns, remember: "You whistle, I'll make myself not wait ...",
he's more of a scientific part than on poetry. Lieutenant Rzhevskij of
Denis Davydov: "The poor hussar Put in the word ..." Well, in general,
who in had.
Here Lenin is all tired, and he said let's go the other way.
I participated in the contest will not, and each of you to ask one question
on knowledge of the poem by Pushkin.
Who will answer correctly, the fall in the qualifying group, much of it we
somehow choose the winner. However, as we choose, do not say, but
important, as they say start.
And we talked about the poem: "The less a woman we love, the easier
like us we have it. "
Many of them confused and say: "The less a woman we love, the more
like us we have it. "
Well, Lenin began to ask each in turn. Who said "more"
who are "less". Finally comes the turn of the Lieutenant Rzhev. He
Of course all of this poem does not know. Well, Lenin and asked how
he says ends with a poem: "The less a woman, we love,
so ...?" Lieutenant Rzhevskij decided, hey, was not, and said: "It
more x & nd we should! "Lenin said:" Neprrravilno! "
A blonde was eavesdropping on their conversation and thinks: "Yeah, everything is clear!"
Lenin to it again with this latest issue: "The less a woman, we
love, so ...?"
Blonde: "It is easier x & nd you should!"
Historians have established that Ilya Murom actually lay on the stove is not
Thirty years and three years, but thirty years without three years. And as soon as he
27 years celebrated, he got up and went himself to ... In the military authorities for military
If modern man is only one mistress, he considers himself
- Why most dreams, I see, I forget?
- And where did you see that you showed the movie for free?
With forum DDT and smiled:
"Hitler did not smoke here ... and Mussolini too ... All of a career baked ... But
Then came smoke Stalin, Roosevelt and Churchill and broken them healthy
life ... "
If the Russians have found the flowers-Semicvetik, the Turks - a lamp with an old man
Russia super team: even Ernst otmazali.
Not only that Russia won, so still and oranges vlomali!
Urgent message the world over here!
Last night in the Dutch cheese has holes for three more!!
(Sergey @ Hun)
Descends young devil in hell and crying. The old devils ask:
- What is it?
- Deceived! I was deceived!
- One magician said that he would give my soul, if I tell him three
secretion of the best magicians of the world, but if I do not, then I would become his lifelong
- And what he said?
- First, he asked how Houdini freed himself from the safe. I told him
that the whole case to divert attention.
- And then?
- Then he asked how David Copperfield Statue of dematerialized
Liberty, and I said that all matter in the direction of floodlights.
- And then?
- And then he asked a very short question: "How Hiddink does it?"
Find pleasure Dave!
and do not know pleasure without giving!
Sculptor Sidorov took over the breast 7 cups of beer and poured them in bronze.
UEFA Cup can be won and with the help of money, if
promise large sums of money:
1) their players for the victory
2) competitors for the defeat
3) judges for the execution of the first two paragraphs.
It should be outside the gates of our team to put "Topol M", and the gates --
big red button. And let it go this orange fag @ CLI would dare get in
Servants of the people do not take bribes. They receive a tip!
Three bears return home:
- Who ate out of my cup and ate?
- Who was smoking my pipe and smoked a whole?
- Who fucked my woman and VJ fuck??
If your friend is true, then do not be afraid that he will cheat you over
back, hiding her eyes and shyly chant that he offered you on
work, sleeping with your wife or that he burned your favorite summer residence. He
tell you about it himself, looking straight into his eyes.
In the sex-shop comes Dedok and appeals to the salesgirl:
- Docha, I was dissatisfied with their sex lives and work computer. There have
You inflatable Bill Gates?
- You know that Dmitry Medvedev met with the King of Spain Juan
- Well, that is still governed by the two countries prime ministers.
Woman sits in front of his door, crying bitterly. Neighbors trying
find out what happened, and consoles.
- Oh, girls, my something again yesterday booze. From the house all drunk, money year
not bring. I'm tired, so I pointed him to the door, and now elbows
- Well, rejoice, for ... you have taken the Balkans ...
- Baba .... because he's drunk and ITS.
If you are owed nothing to anybody, then you are to anyone why you do not.
Hottabych upset. One tore her hair, the other was fucking the third
Passing near any gay bar, it is important not to answer the question
two unknown men: - you'll be third?
At the nude beach wife says her husband, who comes out of the sea:
- Jean! Do not sit on the sand! I hate it when the teeth squeak.
Dana Borisova asked: why is the equator hot? The answer - because
they all go barefoot, and can freeze.
- You will learn to swim for one session,
- Surprisingly, you learn so quickly?
- No, we have a crocodile in the pool is found.
The modern concept of loyalty: "In thee, and her husband, I have no one!"
- And what Sidorov more than I receive?
- So you train to do nothing!
- And he more than me is not doing anything!
- Why Mademoiselle bares belly button?
- To all seen, he had not yet worn.
Moscow court once again did not satisfy the gays.
Medical Center offers a large selection of quality donor sperm
Scars adorn a man. And this is perhaps the only one of the ornaments
which can not lose, and get in a dark alley ....
She has sung the goldfish every wish of the President - and football, and hockey, and
Contest, dismissed President fish. Floating fish and thought: weird
but desires-let's ask, why such. Returned asks:
- Where did such strange wishes?
- Well, usually kings, kings, presidents have asked me where all sorts of war
help win, the capital of the new build, a strong state to do so.
- What could?!
Planted by most Swedes Netherlands.
Say (s) in stores IKEA launched an internal instructions not
report screws and bolts in the furniture sets.
Our players with the Dutch will be a bit more complicated, because they give the same
Now, thanks to the victory over Sweden, many even know that
long ago a battle took place between the same opponents.
I wake up late at night, turn on the TV, watch: Russia - Sweden
2:0. I thought - a dream, and more sleep.
He was always in the shadows. But it was he involved in all the latest in a loud
sporting successes Russia. The country must know its heroes!
Meet: Dobrodeyev Oleg Borisovich - Director General of VGTRK!
That's what makes the second channel of the life-giving!
Swedes after the departure of the group coming to the attacker:
- Zlatan Ibrahimovic, and when we share our money?