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The inscription on the gates of the cemetery: "Ministry of Health warned!"
If a newly elected vice-substituted Ivanov did not say it will
- How are you acquainted with my wife?
- I am going once in the train, and in front of me a pretty girl
sits, smiling at me. And suddenly there are controllers. And she's got no ticket.
Well, I, as esquire, took and paid for it fine ...
- Well, then?
- And then all the same - she still travels without a ticket, but I like
fool, weeping for her fines.
Employees SELA, cowered down talk of a release of radiation.
You have not yet turned off the hot water? Then we go to you!
Not many know that Medvedev won the nominee to succeed in Ivanov at
According to media reports, the organization of sexual minorities Russia had great
Medvedev hopes on government policy to mitigate them.
Interestingly, with what they get that idea?
A woman you should be fine! And the soul, and mind, and everything you
- Why trolleys four pieces in a row go?
- It's simple - led to the final play dominoes ...
Lord gave Moses only one commandment: "Do not" with verbs written
separately. "The rest - these are examples of ...
A lot of bears "United Russia" is brewing cleaning series entitled
"Net paw ...
England fans went on the Red Square, and thought that more issues
it alien - either a cap-cap with a red star, or T-shirt
with the inscription "USSR", whether a portrait of Putin, under his arm.
In distant England was ruled by the King and Queen.
And the Queen was lovely breasts, which were very popular with Sir
He longed to kiss them.
Then one day he asked the court magician Merlin, if he could
help him in his desire.
Merlin agreed, but said that it would cost Lancelot 1000
gold coins. Lancelot agreed without hesitation.
Merlin went to his laboratory and prepared a liquid, which caused
Then he quietly made his way into the apartments of the Queen and processed this
fluid bra Her Majesty.
The next day, the Queen felt very bad: do not know where
to do with himself - so she scratched his chest. She complained to the King and the King
immediately sent for Merlin.
Merlin, surveying the Queen, said that it was a very strange case, and
that it will only saliva Sir Lancelot.
The king sent for Lancelot, and that within half an hour licking
Lancelot's joy knew no bounds - it happened long cherished desire.
The next day, Merlin came to the situation to him royalties, but Lancelot
chased Merlin, not giving him a penny.
Indeed, Merlin is not going to complain to the King.
But Merlin was a guy does not miss: the next evening he handled
magic liquid cowards King ...
Moral: you have to pay their debts.
After the feast on your favorite white blouse formed speck?
For the Tide is not a problem!
Take a liter of ketchup, a glass of ink and a basket of strawberries. This
mix and pour on her blouse.
Now you really have a problem! And the Tide is no problem. The same
Powder - it generally all FSUs!
Purely Tide - purely for fun!
Abkhazia has once again violated bessamoletny
- Yuri Mikhailovich, what is your favorite song?
- How? You do not know? My dear CAPITAL ...
Medvedev returned home after a hard day, comes in
bedroom, where Putin is sleeping with his wife.
- Vladimir Vladimirovich, what does this mean?
- I mean, Dima, the fact is that over the last 8 years ever slept
with the first lady - a habit!
When Yeltsin resigned, he asked people for forgiveness. When
Putin had resigned, he said that the work was not without "failures and
serious errors. "Most likely, Medvedev announced that its board
was perfect and cloudless.
From anecdotes about Chapaeva:
- Vasily Ivanovich, but you for whom? For Putin, Medvedev for Al?
- A Lenin for whom? ..
People put vaccination Mantoux.
Robota pose Kaspersky anti-virus vaccination ...
In the furniture store arrived with water bed mattresses. In the kit:
double bed, mattress, pier, buoys, life preservers.
Signs of specific kids:
If during the disassembly bro threw a salt shaker you
salt and wake up - this is to quarrel.
If the table has fallen fork - comes a woman.
If a knife - will mate.
If a grenade - will riot.
- You know what I call a girl who does not?
- Impregnable of a slot.
Moidodyr found a couple. Her name - TvoyaDoDyrki.
Have driven the bandits in the new Russian: let's grandmother! New Russian: how much?
- 100 thousand! Be. The next day brings a new Russian money
gryat: delayed for a few minutes, let a couple of hundred. New Russian: no
problems. The next day the situation is repeated. Bandit liked
began to flock to detail, and the new Russian all the drum, how
demand - and gives it so much. Once bandits say new Russian:
now you two years ago promised to return the payback, but did not return. It is time
remember, and then kranty you! New Russian coolly: how much?
- 700 thousand! - Tomorrow at 6 pm I will give. The next day, waiting, no 18.00,
18/05 no, runs 15 minutes - hollow. Half an hour later a new resort
Russian: all, bro! can not go - the ink ran out! Here you
machine, how much - so much and print!
Peculiarity of our mentality: everyone is ready, if anything, go to the front,
but nobody is ready to go into the army.
End of the war. The German intelligence report to his superiors: "Russian
concluded a secret alliance with Japan. "" Why do you think that? "- ask
them. "We listened to talks on the Russian radio" - they answer - "So
Here, they always pronounce the Japanese word NIIBATSO.
Reign for two - It's not Russia's tradition. Remains
wait, when he realized for three ...
Judging by the actions of the President, in a special copy of the Constitution,
they swear, to write something quite different than in the Constitution,
we all know ...
The Kremlin does not seem to know how to play chess: the rules, King
can not make a castling with a pawn.
In connection with recent events emblem of Russia is replaced by the double-headed
How Putin came to power, and leave - now Prime Minister,
then - head of the FSB ... then - the assistant mayor of St. Petersburg ...
And to finish his career as a spy in Dresden.
Putin opened the Constitution of Russia, and read:
"In the event of death or incapacity of the President of his powers
transferred to the Prime Minister. "
And I thought - sin, of course, is great. A little idea something - good!
The first decree Medvedev: by 2100, all veterans of the Second World War to provide housing ...
- Do you know who the new President?
- No, but Prime Minister Putin had explosives.
Putin, who lives as a roof ... He flew away, but promised to come back!
"All that we have so selflessly steal, you must be reliably
protected "(from the abstract to the Victory Parade)
Finally it all became clear with the arms of Russia
remains only to determine: who is looking to the left ...
GDP or DAME
As the parade tanks (on spec. Caterpillars) in Tver passed 4 times
back and forth and the roads are not broken, but the mayor has already earmarked one billion, over
last tanks had to put two brigades of Tajiks from the compressors
and jackhammers ...
Armenian Radio asked:
- Is it possible to build socialism in one country?
Armenian Radio answers:
- You can build socialism in one country, but then have to live in
Love is learned in comparison
I stated thinking anatomically!
It is interesting that they have a view of girls, when acquaintances write:
"Romantic Evening, blowjob, anal??
- Little Johnny, who you love more?
- It never happens at home!
I never wished for himself what others want.
Russia did not win, millions of invaders can not be wrong.
Sitting man with a hangover at home and wrote a note: "Lord, give me two hundred
rubles, and then hang myself, and threw it out the window, past the house passed
district and a note fell at his feet, he picked up, read it and think:
sorry Vaska, a normal sort of guy, went to him and gave me a hundred rubles.
Guy hangover and again sat down to write a note: "Lord, do not trust
more money debris, but they are half of them.
Marriage - is this kind of relationship in which one side is always right
and the second - her husband.
To be Abramovich to have my father Abraham ...