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Khorkina, Kabaeva and other stars - in the new show "Circus with the deputies --
the arena of the State Duma!
In the grocery store.
Go girl two years to 14:
- Well, on "trenazherchiku?
- Come on.
- Two Chupa Chups, please!
Oka did not pass a road test --
unable to move to a dual continuum.
Girl on foreign car in the service station. Engineer says:
- And that you, beautiful?
- Yes, she twitches and deaf.
The mechanic opens the hood, underneath note:
"She's a fool does not know how to ride. I'm not going to pay. HUSBAND"
The mechanic closes the hood.
- Sorry, but we can not help anything, you need another service.
- What kind of nonsense is already in the seventh service denied?!
We live in the most beautiful city in the world, and all the other cities we
envy. This is our city gave its name to the whole geological period, and
Therefore, this period is better known than our city, which is constantly
confused with the Penza and other cities. This is what we came up with Baba-Yaga, to
prove that our women are the most beautiful in the world. This is our salty ears
and sour faces. That we have invented bistroganov to feed the whole world
except us. That we have smelt copper, to coin false
coin. That we have been printing money. And not only on Goznak! Perm
gourmets love dumplings so severely that they eat them with bread! That our
city for many years bore the name of Molotov, simply because they did not know that
give him a birthday. It is here in the harsh years of the Great
World War II produced a helmet, from which the bullets bounced off and
directly injured by the Nazis in the heart. And the T-34 tanks, shells which penetrated
even our helmets. This is for us to evacuate so many things that still
can not be returned. That we hacked impenetrable jungle of the taiga,
to bring to our city accidentally fallen in 180 kilometers away
Astronauts, and called the clearing Highway Cosmonauts. This is our flag
edge suspiciously similar to the flag of the Dominican Republic. It is our
Svetka Zhanka, Kohl and "beaver" The popularity of our governor! This we
Internal Affairs building in the center of the city called the "Tower of Death." This we arranged
Museum in the former Stalinist camp! This is our headmaster almost ruined
Corporation, Microsoft! This we burn in the city missiles, which themselves
did, and affirm that it is even good for your health. That we have with
monument to the founder of missing gun and the core made of
concrete! That we bear a monument next to the building
Legislative Assembly long before he became known Medvedev!
That we have the monuments ears, heart and sober Plumbing! This we
devised to patrol the streets on airships and with egg-shaped
robot-policeman! If you say that Perm - a large village, it is not
Believe! Perm - a small village!
"I love you, but he can not!"
The hands of the majority of women - well-groomed and with manicures, so they just
forced to wear Erinaceidae rukavitsy to keep the thick-skinned men.
- And Gennady Andreyevich something again in the elections obzyuganilsya.
From the masters of horror:
"The insurgents from outside Moscow"
Untwist your anti-spam filter by using our lists!
Hail, my lord!
Are you sure you want to delete this directory, my lord?!
Sorry, I can not delete this file, my lord, without my
existence would be impossible, my lord!
Do you want to do this? Go ahead!
What oh shit?
I asked you to do this?
Shake Tambourine now, I'll listen!
Issue of the Armenian radio:
- What is the good news?
- This is bad news, which came not unto thee, but to a neighbor or colleague.
In the election of directors Puppet Theater majority of elected
Parsley. Former director demoted to simple Petrushka puppeteers.
Son named Vladimkoy - because the happiness he want in the next 20 years.
No illusions, they are without you well fed.
The first new person - will be created the latest new computer, which
be created the last old man.
There is only way how you can bring the quality of roads in
Russia by 2012 to a level of quality of roads in the U.S. and Europe --
bomb the roads with them.
The problem of our time is that the child is no longer a mat
exclusively chess term.
- Dad, what is a bad joke?
- This is when my mother said that taking the pill, and
thou art born!
- Mom, what is a bad joke?
- This is when the Pope said that manages the company, and after your
birth is that the company - his drinking companions!
Sit three students and solve the problem of probability theory: One-hundred times
tossed a coin and all times had the tails. With fall in the hundred and first time?
- With a 50% fall tails.
- The experiment showed that the tails should fall.
- Fall eagle.
- And what - all the time tails but tails. Eagle, too, wants ...
Primitive society - nobody can not be forced to be a slave
The slave system - the slaves there, but they need to feed, drink and
forced to work.
Serfdom - slaves fed-watered themselves, but nevertheless they should
forced to work.
Wild capitalism - the slaves themselves come into slavery themselves fed and
and themselves forced to work.
"Free World" - the slaves themselves come into slavery themselves fed and watered,
and themselves forced to work. Moreover, they consider themselves free
and they like it.
If you have interests, they can be sold with interest.
By and large, wives to husbands for centuries, only two printsipialno
important question: "Why did you bring back such funny money?" and
"Why have you been at work day and night seven days a week?".
- You have absolutely no brains!
- Suppose I have no brain, but there is a libido!
- And what's this?
- And you thought!
- Actually, to hell with them - with the brains ...
Machine, with the bewildered woman at the wheel, rushing into the wall. Remains
couple meters, suddenly sitting next to her man pulls the handbrake and
car stops in centimeters from the obstacles. Sitting in the salon start
to thank him. Guy:
- Yes, okay, I train a fighter pilot, just in my cabin at this location
I am not a racist, but people must be white.
What is the difference from the Russian for Russians?
Russian living in Russia, and Russians - in this country. "
"Gaming semiautomatic." Why semi? So should the same and customers
Is there life outside Moscow?
Posad - know.
The office clerk everyone feels the woman in the head, only one
- "To give or not give?"
How to close to the shore were not placed buoys, swim for them,
In the past year took place at Samara summit of the Council of Europe.
The other day summit held in Brussels.
I wonder whether there hastily repaired the roads and curbs painted it?
Ksenia Sobchak not passed the exam. Came unshod.
- Chef, usually flies out of the one who talks a lot. But I am silent.
- The problem is, as you are silent. The best you could say.
The persistence of the nation does not depend on the ability to live in extreme conditions,
and on the ability to survive in the normal.
In Russia there are many talented people and totally incompetent people.
Show-business - is what turns an ordinary mare in secular lioness.
Better to be a soldier of fortune, than failures. Especially in Russia. Especially
if separately write the letter "y".
To not betray you, not love, are uncomfortable and do not count.
Pervoklashka gathered from the sandbox to discuss what was in school. Word for
word, the question arose, where children come from. Considered all the options that
and the stork brings, and the cabbage are, and in-store purchase. Decided
Still, that my mother gave birth. Only Little Johnny said that the children give birth
Masha was surprised: what are you, BOB, just crazy?
Little Johnny took out of his briefcase and read the textbook on the first page: Abram
Isaka father, Isaac begat Jacob, Jacob begat Judas and his brothers ... "You fuckers
all. On the lessons of Orthodox culture should go - you know where
children are taken! "
When Yulia Tymoshenko will become president, then Ukraine will manage
blonde. And then in the Ukraine will not glamorous pink and orange.
Putin is on holiday abroad. Sea, sun, sea gulls. Remembers that long
did not call a friend. He gets a platinum "Vertu", dials a number.
Waits. Long waits. Maybe because the call - International. Connect.
"Hello!" Michael! "Hello, I will not ravage?" He asks politely
"No, shit! My inbox - free!" - Convulsively clutching karbolitovuyu
receiver on Wit cord, pushes himself out of Khodorkovsky.
The current situation in Russia - bears on the roads.
- Who runs Russia? - Asked the Armenian Radio.
- Putvedev. Or Medvedutin.
Oligarchs all countries, do not hesitate! You just 1874 people ... Give
poor man in 1000 U.S. dollars everyone! For you 1000 Euro - A trifle!
And for me - 1 874 000 USD!
Scientists Symposium on paranormal phenomena.
- I saw aliens!
In the hall:
- Just think, they all saw.
- I saw Bigfoot!
- Come on, everyone saw it, too.
- I saw a man who does not like beer.
- Get out! Charlatans have no place in serious scientific event!
Craftsmanship is the head of his subordinates, the ability to squeeze out juices
not squeezing out of them a slave.
Issued a book well-known trade union psychologist - "Anal sex as
way to increase productivity!
- Honey, I walk with colleagues yesterday, 500 rubles.
- Gad, bastard, bastard, I had no stockings, nothing to buy, and you
such DENZHISCHI guzzle! What the fuck?
- We celebrated my wage increases for 5000 rubles ...
- And what is there to celebrate? Is five thousand is the money?
- P., and where you took the vodka, do you Well there was no money?
- Yes there is, on the playground, two kills kick in, and she between them
- Why So she started!
- And you brezguesh?