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New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

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New spin-doctoring. In the papers returned item "against all".
It's enough to vote for all candidates at once
Joke #46858 —  
 
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This sense that the nomination of Andrei Vladimirovich Bogdanov
ballot for president of Russia, there is some alternative
line "against all" ..
Joke #46857 —  
 
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After the presidential elections on March 2 Russia can be renamed in
Medvedistan.
Joke #46856 —  
 
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From the promise of a new president: Women for a second child will be given
250 thousand rubles, and the peasants - to pour in 250 grams to its
age.
Joke #46855 —  
 
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- Please, you Muscovite?
- No, I'm Russian ...
Joke #46853 —  
 
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With the advent of Friday in the power hierarchy uninhabited island
been important changes. From the election of the governor distant province
Robinson moved to its intended purpose.
Joke #46852 —  
 
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2010. USA. Washington.
Huge zalogovok in The Washington Post
Scandal in the White House!
President Clinton in the Oval Office doing blowjob trainee!
Joke #46851 —  
 
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American on Sunday, is resting at home from heavy everyday.

Russian on Monday rests on the work of the heavy weekend.
Joke #46850 —  
 
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- Girl, and you take in your mouth?
- Only after you!
Joke #46849 —  
 
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- Imagine how tormented his wives, our wild ancestors. Mozgov
zero and shaggy, as Kikabidze.
- And now what has changed?
- Well now, shaggy significantly decreased.
Joke #46848 —  
 
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Issue of the Armenian radio: - What you need to create a good film?
- Two guys, one girl, a bed and a video camera!
Joke #46847 —  
 
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The richer the patient, the endless possibilities of modern medicine!
Joke #46846 —  
 
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The lesson of literature in school. Marivanova:
- Little Johnny! What, in your opinion, differ The present-day people from the heroes
Russian classics?
- Literary hero proud and ashamed of honest poverty, unjustly
acquired wealth ... The modern man - on the contrary!
Joke #46845 —  
 
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Hand on heart, it is difficult to resist in order not squeezed
chest.
Joke #46844 —  
 
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Largest bream caught the wife of a fisherman Sidorova, when forgotten
wake her husband's fishing.
Joke #46842 —  
 
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Dine grandfather, grandmother and grandson. Suddenly, the grandson asked his grandfather:
- Grandpa, and you're a young man in what was the captain of the ship? I kept
I forget the name .... whether "prostitute", or "Courtesan"?
Father:
- Who told you that?
Grandson:
- Grandma.
Grandfather took the spoon so it gives Grandma on the forehead ...
- How many times have I told you ... "NO-OT-KAZ-tion" ship
"Failsafe"!
Joke #46841 —  
 
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Supplement to the Administrative Code ch.12
1. You stopped too soon at the request of an inspector. Braking
Path - 15 centimeters.
2. You stopped at the request of traffic police inspector standing by
wrong place.
3. You may be defective trap warning.
4. The machine is not equipped strekozyatnikom.
5. Why do you have tinted glasses?
6. In the armory there antipolitsaya. So eat up!
7. Extinguisher in the cabin is not on the fen-Shua.
8. When approaching your car at a distance of 100 meters tube turned green.
And radar misted.
9. Dog in the cabin minors, and traveling without a special child
seat.
10. You are somehow not reflected in the rearview mirror. In the armory there
garlic. Yes, and you managed to catch only the silver radar.
11. Why not washed the car? Do not you have seen on the road with my son
rag and a bucket?
12. Failure to breathe in the third tube is extremely suspicious. The fact that two
tubules did not show, yet nothing said!
13. The man in the trunk of poorly packaged. And clearly overdue.
14. You too dirty thoughts. Impossible to read them.
15. You are late show from the window of the middle finger.
16. You look crossed the double solid line.
17. You unlucky number.
Joke #46840 —  
 
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Of duty I often have business trips and therefore
I often use the kettle. But from frequent boiling
appears on the boiler scum. Therefore, I very often added to tea
little "Kalgona": boiler and clean, and the tea cool.
Joke #46839 —  
 
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Announcement. Hire damage, evil eye, alcohol dependence. Hire everything
you have with you to the last thread.
Joke #46837 —  
 
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Unidentified played a cruel joke on Petrosyan, and he did not manage it
record.
Joke #46836 —  
 
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Georgian President Mikhail Saakashvili said that would not stand on
knees in front of Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin. Russia Foreign Ministry described the
this statement as unfriendly and frankly boorish.
Joke #46835 —  
 
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- Imagine, working from morning till night, even at home job I take,
and the wife is dissatisfied.
- And who do you work?
- Patalogoanatomom.
Joke #46834 —  
 
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A particularly sharp point of view, hit me in the eye.
Joke #46833 —  
 
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Tourists sailed to the island of Robinson Crusoe. Viewer - the girl on the sand
plays. Ask: Girl, and you come from? - M-me-e-stnaya.
Joke #46832 —  
 
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There is no ugly women! Just men now have such
beautiful ...
Joke #46831 —  
 
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Mr. Phillips married. The next morning after the wedding night
his wife, blonde looks very upset. She asked why.
She says:
- It turns out that 24 inches from Philips - a diagonal TV screen!
Joke #46627 —  
 
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Call to the ED Help:
- Help! My son ate ants!
- Well, okay, he could digest. Give him a glass of milk.
- Yes? And I gave him poison for ants gave.
Joke #46626 —  
 
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The chiefs are divided into 4 groups:
1. By a fag.
2. Superpidorasov.
3. Antipidorasov.
4. By a fag-magicians.
Why?
Head-fag said: "I love you, Sidorov, you # boo."
Head-superpidoras said: "I have all of you # bu!"
Head-antipidoras said: "I am here with you, Sidorov, fucked # o.s not
going!
Head-fag-magician says: "I love you, Sidorov, you # bu so that you
before you could blink.
Joke #46625 —  
 
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Some, in order to calm down, just off the
chain.
Joke #46624 —  
 
0
 
If the name of his wife Vera - believe it;
if the name of his wife's love - love her;
but if Hope - all my life going to hope for something and kill you
first.
Joke #46623 —  
 
0
 
News glamor.
In fashion is a new kind of intimate women's hairstyles: seven pyadey in pubic!
Joke #46622 —  
 
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Sex symbol.
Two friends talking.
- In our company, on Valentine's Day was held joking
questionnaires, and 90 percent said they called me the most desirable
man!
- So what do you then such a concern? Ought to be happy!
- You see, the thing is that virtually all of our employees
- Men!
Joke #46621 —  
 
0
 
Leader - is not one who goes ahead of all but the one behind is not
adapted.
Joke #46620 —  
 
0
 
- Morpheus, I'll be elected, and you?
- I'm with you, Neo, the Prime Minister will!
Joke #46619 —  
 
0
 
As any experienced dealer, Russia let's begin the first dose of country
gas for free, gently causing habituation.
"I am at any moment can tie" - tried to convince myself Ukraine.
Joke #46618 —  
 
0
 
Sociologists have found that picking up the thread of the carpet, which was unable to suck
a vacuum cleaner, dvoe of the three men throw it back, let a vacuum cleaner more
chance.
Joke #46616 —  
 
0
 
- Anh, what are you crying?
- Yes, a sad book ..
- And what kind of book?
- Quantum optics ..
Joke #46615 —  
 
0
 
Folk songs - this is the stage where more people than in the hall.
Joke #46614 —  
 
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Runs to prostitute road policemen:
- Give a cap for an hour, give a hundred bucks.
A cop thought, and gave. An hour later comes a prostitute, paid money
and cap.
A cop asks:
- Why a cap was needed?
- There you see - the jeep is in it cool guys sit, wanted
fuck gaytsa, here I am in his cap as it gaytsem was.
- And how much money was given?
- A piece bucks.
- Blyayayaya, apiece would agree with me.
Joke #46613 —  
 
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Our break through the opponent's defense! Very accurate pass! O!
See! Our three! Against a goalkeeper!! They pasuyutsya!
Aah! Canopy! IMPACT! GAAAAAN-DOOOOOO-N-N Dureh our present
SPONSOR!
Joke #46612 —  
 
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According to the Koran, the Muslim countries for a boy to be
born at least 31 female, 30 of whom must die
virgins to wait for a Muslim in paradise.
Joke #46611 —  
 
0
 
For example, instantly. Duma and the liver know - the more authority, the worse
work.
Joke #46610 —  
 
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We have all read about AvtoVAZ and Renault? Yes, a future where the machine is called "Avno"
and want to buy more GAS ...

And now tell me, so if Mitsubishi redeem Ulyanovsk and Elabuga
plants, as soon the streets will run the first "Uebisi?
Joke #46609 —  
 
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Scenes from court life.
Judge:
- Defendant, why are you robbed a victim? After all, you and myself are very
a rich man!
- To blame for everything love and jealousy, your honor!
- What do you have in mind?
- I am passionately fond of money and jealous of them all, from whom they also have!
Joke #46608 —  
 
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How to insert a blonde in a stupor?
- Give her a bouquet and two identical vases for flowers!
Joke #46607 —  
 
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Tibetan means for men - ate, and by morning you are already a monk.
Joke #46606 —  
 
0
 
After all, Putin is a democrat. He allows his wife, even on official
ways to wear what she likes.
Joke #46605 —  
 
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Tomorrow is finally published the long-awaited operating system Windows
Vendetta, developed by Russian hackers specifically for sole
Users - Bill Gates.
Joke #46604 —  
 
0
 
I have nothing against what is not against me.
Joke #46603 —  
 
0
 
In connection with the continuous deterioration of the quality of home education
decided to transfer a large part of the State Archives
scientific and technical materials stamped "Top Secret" under the neck
"It is not clear" ...
Joke #46602 —  
 
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