Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes

New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50
In the interview, the director asked the secretary to the future:
- Do you smoke?
- Only after sex!
- And how much you have loaded on the last job?
- Smoked 2 packs a day!
Joke #48080 —  
 
0
 
Was trying to come over Red Square, the clouds dispersed.
But at the same time and beat.
Joke #48079 —  
 
0
 
Announcement.
Politics color-blinds to buy a bucket of black caviar and a kilogram of red
currants. We hope for your honesty!
Joke #48078 —  
 
0
 
- How to keep his coat in the summer?
- Put in a bath and pour water. Mole does not know how to dive!
Joke #48077 —  
 
0
 
DARAGAYA RIDAKTSYYYA!
(Letters to the newspaper in the section "Tips Sexology")

Refuse to Oleg I wanted, but could not because it has long been lying in his
beds, moreover naked.

I'm just tired of these relations, and the bed for me is not important.
Can, after all, standing.

Looking at Boria, I feel like there, inside, begins to stir
egg.

During studies at the Institute, I mastered all kinds of sex. And Institute
behind, soon I'll be working on a specialty.

I gave him all night, but to sex and not reached.

After a stormy night with Gosha, when he left, my soul was formed this
emptiness, that I ate a whole pan of soup.

Then Igor announced a "night of free love." All split into couples and
went from room to room, and I was left alone on the cot. What kind
freedom is that?

She opened the robe, and there - all without anything.

Since my childhood I dreamed to become a woman, and when decided, it was too late.

I stared for a long time all his tattoos, correcting grammar
errors.

I was so sad and lonely that Mitya at once began to comfort me as
could. And he could only twice.

Admirers of Masha, I gradually began to beat. Udelal one, then the second,
and the third I was puzzled. Wiping the blood, he said: "Everyone does not perebesh."

After an intimate relationship with her husband of her friend, I became quite differently
look at her. How can it change to such sensitive and enchanting
man?

That is why she has such capable hands, I realized, upon learning that she was almost ten
years worked milkmaid.

And when Boris began to love me back, I could not resist and bumped
head of the pack. Only then, I thought: a condom
forgotten!

When I found her things artificial member, the first thing he thought:
"Well, at least not real ..."

My personal vibrator quickly broke down, although I am under instructions
exploited to no more than 14 hours a day.

In bed Nina snapped at me with such warmth that I thought: "If
stay alive, your wife will not change more .. "

Dasha yelling so that the neighbors are beginning to call and interest when
Finally, comes orgasm.

I do not have a husband, and a sexual maniac. And all my friends too so
considered.
Joke #48076 —  
 
0
 
In Russia, they drink to the end!
Wages. Or light ...
Joke #48075 —  
 
0
 
Some are waiting for the prince on a white horse, the other romance under the scarlet sails, and
then there is some young reptile featured on the jeep, which
spit on the rules of the road ...
Joke #48074 —  
 
0
 
During the parade on Red Square were flying at low level attack aircraft
Su-30.
On the way back was shaved: U.S. Embassy, British Embassy
and the embassy of Georgia.
Joke #48073 —  
 
0
 
Color Shtirlitsa looked and realized what to do after school amateurs
draw blanche Mendeleev - they get on TV channel Russia!
Joke #48072 —  
 
0
 
Blonde with a suitcase running for the train on the platform.
She said: This goes to the depot.
"Oh, - said - thanks, but I could not catch up."
Joke #48071 —  
 
0
 
Blonde on Convertible backwards you done in your garage.
She said: good to open the gate.
"Oh, - said - thanks, but I did not vedu.
Joke #48070 —  
 
0
 
I understand that Jesus Christ was also a carpenter. But he did not work
drill in the tower block on weekends.
Joke #48069 —  
 
0
 
If Dmitry Medvedev, the first half of his term after serving in
the Presidential chair as successfully as he had completed his first year, to
it can be applied to paper for parole.
Joke #48068 —  
 
0
 
- Dad, come on I went to the bowling balls to roll!
- In the bowling - it's expensive. Zasun hand in his pocket, and Katai.
Joke #48067 —  
 
0
 
Chelyabinsk fag is so severe that a number of them even
real boys - pidarasy.
Joke #48066 —  
 
0
 
- Listen, Stirlitz! I have instructed Holtofu check your file. So he
so frostbitten that we all lay with laughter.
- Judging by your laughter, I guess, that he froze, - answered
Stirlitz.
Joke #48065 —  
 
0
 
Julius Caesar, who knew how to do three things simultaneously, rests on
compared with any voditlem minibus.
Joke #48064 —  
 
0
 
- How do you think, across the Mexican tequila swine flu spread?
- Do not risk. Drink vodka!
Joke #48063 —  
 
0
 
Muller summoned Shtirlitsa and says: "Finally I have guessed!
No you're not German. German for you non-native speakers. Admit it, you --
Tartar?
Stirlitz (surprised): "How do you get the idea Standartenfiihrer? What nonsense?
If you have already played out a fantasy, it is not logical to assume that
I - Russian spy? "
Muller (crossing into Russian): "Abdullah Ibrahimovic, we Russian
scouts, learned German at MGIMO, and you, judging by his accent - in
Kazan Pedagogical Institute! "
Joke #48062 —  
 
0
 
Never before has a project channel "Russia" was not so close to failure.
Stirlitz was arrested in the first series when you try to go to
Reich Chancellery in skipped with color photography.
Joke #48061 —  
 
0
 
Press Service of Ministry of Internal Affairs of Ukraine reported that the Minister Lutsenko participated in
joint exercises with Ukrainian police and German police to simulate
methods of apprehending drunk scourers on air.
Joke #48060 —  
 
0
 
- Little Johnny, Tell me we extract from "Eugene Onegin". Taught?
- Of course, Maria Ivanovna!
"My uncle is the most honest rules
Unfair rules, too, he ... "
Joke #48058 —  
 
0
 
Russian victory over the Canadian hockey players before the match was marred
theft of watches from Russia's locker.
Now no one will believe that the win thanks to the skill. Be
speak - avenged hours.
Joke #48057 —  
 
0
 
- Abram, you would not like to drink wine? Answer quickly: "Yes" or "no."
- Sarah, why do you hide the bottle? After all, I have not yet responded.
Joke #48056 —  
 
0
 
- Mishka, and yet we are with you odnapalchane.
- But what are we countrymen, if neither you nor I were?
- But if you can only stick to one, then odnapalchanin!
Joke #48055 —  
 
0
 
Alimony - this is the marital debt, taken out a mortgage.
Joke #48054 —  
 
0
 
Yesterday Nicholas Nidvoraev was appointed ambassador extraordinary and plenipotentiary to
Sweden, the reaper, Nadude and Greece.
Joke #48053 —  
 
0
 
New Goth! New Goth! - Shouted Goths near the hospital.
Joke #48052 —  
 
0
 
The brunette, who has just returned from a trip to Greece, shows pictures
his girlfriend, blonde.
- Imagine there around the ruins and columns of all, and I stand all such
fashion and take pictures!
- Oh, how gotichnenko!
Brunette (condescendingly):
- Well, I see you did not understand this. Gothic - is the Middle Ages,
but there is very ancient times.
- Very old? Well, then ... antichnenko!
Joke #48051 —  
 
0
 
What is different from the Brezhnev Gorbachev?
Brezhnev, Soviet collecting awards, and Gorbachev American.
Joke #48050 —  
 
0
 
How to solve the problem of Somali pirates?
Send to cruise Russian skinheads.
Joke #48049 —  
 
0
 
- Where is your husband?
- I went for a walk with the dog.
- So this is it!
- Forgot.
Joke #48048 —  
 
0
 
When Cheburashka was a kid, he loved to catch lizards and tear
their tails. Later, after meeting with Gena, this childish habit
regularly gave him big trouble: there are often bits of
attempt to tear crocodile's tail.
Joke #48047 —  
 
0
 
The American president, as a rule, in addition to basic deputies, there are
few, usually wearing positions presidents of various countries.
Joke #48046 —  
 
0
 
Yesterday at the Victory Parade Defense Minister Serdyukov revealed a new mode for
Government:
- On his jacket FOUR! side pockets!
Probably two - have money do not fit!
Joke #48045 —  
 
0
 
During his speech, Paul McCartney in Red Square, Lenin
peering through the chink.
Joke #48044 —  
 
0
 
Tomorrow from 08:00 to 12:00 held subbotnik. The turnout of volunteer
desire - is required. All is not obliged to inform the volunteer
its unwillingness to managers and provide
documenting the rationale for their reluctance. Lists
unwilling to be provided by the administration and they will be nothing.
What they will not the administration decides later.
Joke #48043 —  
 
0
 
If you are a girl during sex whisper "I'm cumming ..." --
then shout to her ear, "not like me!"
Joke #48042 —  
 
0
 
- You have asked my dad permission to our marriage?
- Yes. I called him on the phone.
- And what did he say?
- "I do not know who it is said, but I agree ...
Joke #48041 —  
 
0
 
"Gus is not a pig comrade!", - Said the goose, on learning of the epidemic of swine
flu.
Vyacheslav Ostrowiec
Joke #48040 —  
 
0
 
Three provincial gone to New York in a brothel. First, the most brave,
went up to Madame, sitting at a desk:
- Madam, I have only $ 5. What can I do for them fuck?
Madame includes peregovornik: "Gina, now you rise to the client.
Debt service on its $ 5.
And those two men are waiting. After a while it goes down - a happy smile
to ear.
- Well, my boy, tell me. What got for $ 5?
- She took out my farm and coated whipped cream. Licked
and sucked.
Then the second man hurried to the desk:
- Madam, I have only 10 dollars ...
Madame in peregovornik: "Kate, now you rise to the client. Debt service to
$ 10.
After a while it goes down as the seventh heaven, too, with
smile from ear to ear.
- Oh, man, but for 10 dollars that away?
- Yes, too plastered whipped cream, sprinkled nuts, covered
chocolate topping. Licked and sucked dry.
Then a third guy enthusiastic:
- Madame, but for $ 15 ...?
Madame in peregovornik: "Melissa, Debt service client for 15 dollars.
Back he went down fairly quickly. Eyebrows nasupleny, in the eyes of standing
tears.
- How? Are you a cho?
- Well, too plastered cream, and stuck pieces of strawberry, pineapple covered
topping, sprinkled nuts, chocolate syrup and poured on the most
end
more cherry prisobachila. And it looked so appetizing! ... that I
restrain myself all ate.
Translated (blowing mouth)
Len
Joke #48039 —  
 
0
 
If you are going to hiking, do not forget to bring a pig. From her Piglet
You can always charge the phone.
Joke #48038 —  
 
0
 
Contents of Russia's foreign policy can be expressed in three words:
la-la, "Topol.
Joke #48037 —  
 
0
 
- You know, Hans, "Whatever you say, but what are all the same idiots were our
ancestors, that so fiercely moved to the east, - said one German to another
after a trip to Russia by car. - Power, such roads
theoretically impossible to win ...
Joke #48036 —  
 
0
 
Fallen in love with a Russian boy in a Jewish girl. We met a long time. And
the day came when he went to meet with her family. Supped. Dad
recall him aside and asked about the seriousness of his intentions.
A guy asks his daughter's hand, and Dad said "no."
- Why? - Shouted the young man.
- My daughter will marry only a Jew - is responsible dad.
- But I love it! What do I do?
- Become a Jew and have no problems!
Russian boy, despite the cries of his relatives, takes Judaism, is
study at a Jewish school, after going to the Promised Land, and through
three years, returned to the house of his mistress had a rabbi.
- Well, now I did so, I can marry your daughter?
- Alas, but she had already married.
- How! I? What do I do? I went through everything! Humiliation, chuckles at
back, loss of family and friends! All for her sake! What should I do now?
Dad thought and said:
- Do not despair. Just do as do all decent Jews
guys ...
- How ?!!!!!
- Marry a Russian.
Joke #48035 —  
 
0
 
And God saw that it was good!
And he named - boobs.
Joke #48034 —  
 
0
 
On the coast of India - a shield with the inscription: "Do not kill sharks, and so we
billion!
Joke #48033 —  
 
0
 
At the parade, foreign guests were impressed by the power of aviation. H-parameter
delegation was struck by missiles, air-ground, and M-kaya - Bombings
blow.
Joke #48032 —  
 
0
 
- I just learned that my wife is almost blonde.
- Red or what?
- No, the little dark. Just the same fool.
Joke #48031 —  
 
0
 
Director of one company was asked:
- You dismiss valuable employees who will work for you?
- Priceless staff!
Joke #48030 —  
 
0
 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311