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Experienced master show to anyone who wishes, from the hands grow.
Joke #49043 —  
 
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There are two kinds of people: me and the rest.
Joke #49042 —  
 
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When footballer never at a loss for a word in his pocket, then the judge reaches into his pocket
the yellow card.
Vasil Lucas
Joke #49041 —  
 
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Calories - this is such fine dirty dog, who come at night and take in
your clothes!
Joke #49040 —  
 
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The young lady's Tips: If you and your husband are going to visit, but there will
unmarried ladies, feed her husband a couple of cloves of garlic ....
Joke #49039 —  
 
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- I heard that you got married. Well, how's life?
- As in the theater ... Some of the scene.
Joke #49038 —  
 
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Tiffany's fear - in the registrar's office not to go!
Joke #49037 —  
 
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Comes a man in the library and said:
- I took your book "How to make a million", but now half of the page
torn!
Librarian:
- So what! Half a million too bad.
Joke #49036 —  
 
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- You love your wife?
- Of course! What makes it worse than others?
Joke #49035 —  
 
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Despite the global financial crisis, many large domestic companies
open in his new job at the post Internet Secretary.
Menezhdery these companies claim that the use
specially trained team of people performance dramatically
increases. The duties of these people is in correspondence
"Odnoklassniki" for all staff of the office, the answers for them on the forums, they
also have a staff member immediately upon his return from holiday to rewrite
and to spread photos from vacation in Egypt or Turkey, as well as
invent their creative signature. According to managers, they do not
have to educate people, the highest level of expertise in this area
much.
Joke #49034 —  
 
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- What growth should be a guy to please women?
- 55 centimeters. And the weight of 3,5 kg.
A couple of years you will dote and resort to the first squeak.
Joke #49033 —  
 
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There is drug to the Louvre, sees a portrait of Mona Lisa. Minutes peers,
another ... with envy in his voice returns a verdict:
- Gently woman torknulo.
Joke #49032 —  
 
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Transmission Malakhov +
Here is a letter of grateful readers. We wrote a novel of Moscow.
After applying a "cabbage" on his forehead to his wife she's really fast
held a headache. Roman asks to help him, how to cure neighbor
of abdominal distention. Soak nothing else, Roman, cabbage, and then
panacea, but in the future smaller baluytes with pepper, so
No cabbage is not enough.
Joke #49031 —  
 
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Life in the house flowed quietly, while my wife watched as a neighbor washes
common hall mop, which nakrucheny my underwear.
Joke #49030 —  
 
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- And what of you smells of alcohol?
- It is ... I have used, in order to prevent ...
- Why?
- Not simply to!
- What would you have forgiven?
- So I swam in the sea, and it is cold!
- Why?
- It is ... order to sober up ...
Joke #49029 —  
 
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- Sweetheart, and where the meat in this dish?
- Dear, I decided that we would become vegetarians!
- But, my dear, it's tasteless, and yet I lose my male power without meat!
Why would you do?
- Tales of all this, dear! I am now "In the world of animals" looked, and there
rabbits showed, but they do not eat meat.
Joke #49028 —  
 
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If you Azerbaijani and in your hometown of many large beautiful
homes, but the cold and foul weather, you are in Moscow.
Joke #49027 —  
 
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In insayderovskoy disseminating information about health
Chairman of the Board of Directors of one of the largest Russian banks
suspected worms.
Joke #49025 —  
 
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In Japanese gyms good sumoizolyatsiya.
Joke #49024 —  
 
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- Youth - green - often heard in childhood Crocodile Gena.
Joke #49023 —  
 
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Counter-terrorist operation in Chechnya is over. Now there is
just war.
Joke #49022 —  
 
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- They say that in 120 years are beginning to grow new teeth!
- Yeah, and they are called trees .... at the grave.
Joke #49021 —  
 
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Lawyers who have been unable to make a career specialty, do not worry
and fed to the presidents and prime ministers.
Joke #49020 —  
 
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- Comrade Lieutenant, and what problems different from those difficulties?
- Just imagine. The enemy comes, and you are on the order of "dig!"
picks up a sapper shovel and start digging in rocky soil
trench. This is your difficulties. And the problem you have with
presence of absence of the scapula.
- Comrade Lieutenant, as you yourself, we have seized and sold the shovels!
- And this is not your problem. It's your prison, you are obliged to
endure, according to the Charter!
Joke #49019 —  
 
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Before the invention of the vacuum cleaner dust sucked so.
Joke #49018 —  
 
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Seeking smart, beautiful, with big breasts ....
- We at the farm one Burenka fully meets your requirements.
Joke #49017 —  
 
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Most people believe that if the Windows boot drive
cursor in a circle, then the computer will boot faster.
Joke #49016 —  
 
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Ravenous:
- I do not like people who have no taste.
Joke #49015 —  
 
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- You have a bachelor?
- No, I'm still fighting.
Joke #49014 —  
 
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Jogging in the mornings, the use of safe food and a full
rejection of bad habits can significantly extend your senseless
existence.
Joke #49013 —  
 
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Peter wanted the parents presented him with a pillow. But they gave
bicycle. All night he slept, putting a person on the pedal.
Joke #49012 —  
 
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- Hello What classroom blouse!
- Imagine, and I'm under it sooovsem nothing!
- Oh, do not worry, grow up!
Joke #49011 —  
 
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The April issue of the journal "Glamor" came out with a free test of
pregnancy ... Idiots! Better had put condoms in July!
Joke #49010 —  
 
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Conversation of mother and daughter:
Mother - in short!
Daughter - v. MD
- What?
- T. MD
- And what does this mean?
- I'm tired ...
Joke #49009 —  
 
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And zhilili they happily ...
Joke #49008 —  
 
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- And our bank operates in a non-stop. Once the client signs
under the documents and allegedly received the money, we say to him: "Stop!" - and
demand the right to return the already dismal interest ...
- And nobody complains?
- No, all under the law.
- And how is your bank?
- Gop-stop 24!
Joke #49007 —  
 
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A fine river Oka, but still spoils the impression of self-titled vehicle.
Joke #49006 —  
 
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Worth Ilya of Murom and before him the three roads and three-pointer.
The first written - go left - get pussy.
On the second - go right - pussy get.
In the third - just go - get pussy.
I went Ilya of Murom, first left and returned. Then he went to the right and
again returned and went straight.
Painfully Ilya Murom pussy to get liked.
Joke #49005 —  
 
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He: The sun than it smells so delicious? Are you prepared coffee or
baked pies?
She: Coffee, baked ...
Joke #49004 —  
 
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Today, once again there was a divorce presidential regiment. This
every president threw a regiment of 10000 rubles.
Joke #49003 —  
 
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- How to call a woman who has sex for money?
- A prostitute.
- And that is without money?
- Whore.
- And that is for pleasure?
- Mistress.
- And that is no fun?
- Wife.
Joke #49002 —  
 
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I would lie much less if the wife asked fewer questions.
Joke #49001 —  
 
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I decided to call Ivan Durak Sivka-Bourque. Came out in the open field, whistled, and ...
started the match CSKA - Zenit.
Joke #49000 —  
 
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I am very polite and when I send people to x * d, I always return phone
and ask how he got.
Joke #48999 —  
 
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I call her friend Aurora - drink in one gulp.
Joke #48997 —  
 
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- The saddest dish in the world - is mashed. It seems like potatoes
potatoes, but so depressed ...
Joke #48996 —  
 
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- Shoot him, so as not suffered.
- Doctor! We have a private clinic, not government, it's so impossible.
Joke #48995 —  
 
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- Oh! So what these guys scum, no skirts were not allowed!
- Do not tell my husband is not so! Be next to a naked woman lying - and not
touches.
- Tell Tales!
- Yes, I know for myself!
Joke #48994 —  
 
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GAI stops the car on the road:
- You were driving at a speed of sixty miles per hour, and there hangs a sign:
restriction of forty.
- And I say, I was exactly forty!
- But the same readings ...
Here intervenes the wife of the driver:
- Comrade Policeman, do not: when her husband was drunk with it better not to argue!
Joke #48993 —  
 
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- Why is temporarily closed down a circus in Sochi?
- Not able to compete with "elections".
Joke #48992 —  
 
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