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New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

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During the duel Pushkin was seriously wounded in the stomach, and Dantes
tangential wound in the arm. If it happened now - our medicine
could not only save a great poet, but also to heal the Frenchman
death.
Joke #49526 —  
 
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The three friends agreed to sell their virginity.
After 3 years meet.
- Are you sold?
- Yes. For 1000 bucks.
- And now what?
- Behind him married.
- And you sold?
- Sell.
- How much?
- For 2000 bucks.
- And what?
- Yes, now enjoy life.
- Well, are you?
- I? ... I also sold ...
- How much?
- .... for 10000 bucks
- Wow! What?
She lifted her skirt and showed chastity belt:
- He said that the property use does not necessarily ...
Joke #49525 —  
 
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Enjoy only from the Internet - it's like to eat caviar
other people's teeth, nose to smell a rose stranger, a woman hugging strangers
hands ... But what if you do not own?
Joke #49524 —  
 
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Full version anecdote N16 for 17 March:
Fighting teens party program: Capture porches, discotheques,
McDonalds and paint fences.
Fighting Party Program lovers: Capture parks, pharmacies, and the last
rows of movie theaters.
Fighting program Pensioners' Party: Capture Savings Bank, post office and
clinics.
Fighting Party program "Who from 30 to 60: to provide material
support all the previous parties.
Joke #49523 —  
 
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Little Johnny politely walked into class. Marivanova was alone. He took off his pants and
Marivanova lifted her skirt.
- Little Johnny, stop it right now!
- And what is it? I'm still on the threshold you asked: "Can I come?"
And you answered: "Yes, please!"
Joke #49522 —  
 
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Judging by the number of colors and alcoholic beverages, bought in International Women's Day, all the beautiful half of humanity -- terrible drinkers who drink in the incredible quantities, and a snack prefer low-calorie colors in order to not add to weight.
Joke #49318 —  
 
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Anyone who thinks that his race above all others - a racist.

He who knows what the race is actually above the rest -- honest scientist.
Joke #49317 —  
 
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Size "No one complained."
Joke #49316 —  
 
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Wanted seer, sorcerer or psychic that can predict quotes, to help in a profit or to speak for money. Per share of the business.
Joke #49314 —  
 
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Samaraenergo yesterday filed a lawsuit on orotodoksalnyh Christians. They do not believe in electricity and do not want to pay for it.
Joke #49313 —  
 
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In the case of the collapse of the country from "United Russia" will remain a "United Rublyovka ...
Joke #49312 —  
 
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Medvedev collected in Barvikha successful women. Successful girls prefer Courchevel.
Joke #49311 —  
 
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Yesterday, riding in the Tula station ... Everything! Vodka with marijuana joint is not will!
Joke #49310 —  
 
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As a young man enters a restaurant and orders a waiter bottle vodka, then beckons him and asks to change the bottle of vodka in a bottle brandy, cognac drinks, and heads for the exit. Waiter: - Young man, you do not pay for the brandy! - Then I beg you to give her a bottle of vodka. - So you do not pay for the vodka. - So I'll show it and not drink!
Joke #49309 —  
 
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Who has not dreamed of the men sleep on March 7, to awaken 9-th? ..
Joke #49308 —  
 
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Call her husband by phone: - My dear, you love me? - BITCH THAT the Machine?!
Joke #49307 —  
 
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In his youth, even betraying those whom you love, because in old age is not change, even to those whom fell out of love.
Joke #49305 —  
 
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When I was a kid, I thought that the teachers - asexual. What is sex - is a mockery of men over women. As women go to the toilet only in order to fix her hair, clothes or details of the person. When I became great, I was surprised how close I was to the truth.
Joke #49304 —  
 
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Do you want to return from vacation later, warn the Chief, and you want earlier - to warn his wife.
Joke #49303 —  
 
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Love - is a nervous disease: first in the beloved man you all care, and then all annoying.
Joke #49302 —  
 
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The number of women who were with men, there is a constant magnitude: it decreases in conversation with a woman and growing in his conversations with man.
Joke #49301 —  
 
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Read the new issue of women's magazine "Lisa" ... How to win the sympathy of the superior; How quickly move up the career ladder; How to be a favorite employee doing nothing at work; And other secrets to oral sex ...
Joke #49300 —  
 
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There are three girlfriends. One wife for ten years - another lover - the third betrothed (the bride). Well discussed his men, this and that - decided to experiment: wear black leather underwear - sexy stockings with belt - high heels - a mask over his eyes and so to meet their favorite.

A week later again encountered.

"Bride" tells - he came home, I met him in stockings, mask on high heels - he pounced on me said that I love his life and we had sex all night.

Mistress says - I came to his office - shut the door -- opened the cloak - and there leather clothes, mask, heels - he did not said, but we have 5 o'clock without a break had sex.

My wife tells embarrassment - her husband came home from work, I opened the door to black leather lingerie, sex stockings and a mask - he looked and asked: "What's for dinner, Batman?"
Joke #49299 —  
 
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- I'll take you to work. - How much pay? - The food. - I agree!
Joke #49298 —  
 
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Dear compatriots! The world financial crisis bypassed us by. But it crept up from behind at the when we stooped to pick up the fallen ruble!
Joke #49297 —  
 
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Who comes to us with the stock market will come from the stock market and perish.
Joke #49296 —  
 
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In Russia conducted a public poll - how do you feel in crisis? Most Russians responded - Holos!
Joke #49295 —  
 
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Stages of crisis in terms of subscriber telephone: Stage 1 - no opportunity to call on the working telephone. Stage 2 - is not possible to call home. Stage 3 - there is no possibility to call on his cell. Phase 4 - there is no possibility to call even the pay phone. Phase 5 - no need to call.
Joke #49294 —  
 
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- How are you? - Thank chewing, thank God it sucks.
Joke #49293 —  
 
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K, G, B - sitting on the tube. K (Communists) - fell, B - (Boris Yeltsin) - lost ... What is left on the tube?
Joke #49292 —  
 
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In love is not important equality and mutual admiration, as a result which someone must feel smart, and someone - beautiful, or contrary.
Joke #49291 —  
 
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After the Verkhovna Rada of Ukraine Yushchenko pay cut in two times in the U.S. State Department also decided to consider this issue.
Joke #49290 —  
 
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Accident. Tow truck drivers of the two came to blows because of the Mercedes.
Joke #49289 —  
 
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- Why are you such a bedraggled and sad? - Yes, you know, yesterday with my friends bought a case of vodka and decided to wash, as posited that the longer use. - Help? - Signs has not worked - to midnight all drunk.
Joke #49288 —  
 
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He: Well, now meet as agreed? She: Yes. When you wait? He: fucked in 19 hours. She: Yes, you're committed to! He: I leave! I leave! Fucking T9!
Joke #49287 —  
 
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We met two women on the street. One says: - Just imagine, a neighbor, my eldest daughter now working in a brothel! The second responds: - It has always been a very sociable child!
Joke #49286 —  
 
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Patient: - Doctor, I have a headache. - I'm not at that and do not pretend!
Joke #49285 —  
 
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The game "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?". After the first question a player selects a call to a friend: - Bratan, do you think it is better to choose - help room, or 50/50?
Joke #49284 —  
 
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A woman comes to the synagogue and is looking for a rabbi. Assistant informs her that Rabbi went on a business trip, and asked what she had to deal him. - From my husband ran away and I wanted to ask whether he would return. - No - surely rests with the Assistant. - How do you know, I want to speak with a rabbi. - Well, I can connect you with him on the phone. Finally, the woman says with a rabbi on the phone: - Rebbe, the husband left me and I wanted to know whether he would return. - But before he shut the door looked back? - Asked the rabbi. - Yes, - said the woman. - Well, then come back, - the rabbi said. A woman leaves satisfied and, in passing, said Assistant: - Well, you see, the rabbi said - come back and you say - no. - Well, Rabbi, then you are unlike me, did not see, - said the assistant.
Joke #49283 —  
 
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Wonderful gift to women for March 8 produced a firm "Obi". Now they can choose a lining under the eye color.
Joke #49282 —  
 
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- What shall we give to women? - Yes, they all went to the bath ... - Exactly! Set sauna.
Joke #49281 —  
 
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Did you know that ... ... awaits you happiness, if you caught a pie with a coin, but only in that case, if you had noticed her earlier than swallowed. ... If you do not want to have children, take 3 grams of soda, a bottle of vinegar, 100 g of sand (not sugar), a jar of shoe polish (it is better - black) and 976 drops of iodine (available - more). Thoroughly mix all this and let eat a loved one. After that, he is unlikely to want to have from you children. ... If you want to lose weight, take 3 grams of rice, 5 g of cottage cheese, 20 g of apples 100 g potatoes, 1 kg of the test, 30 kg of sugar, 40 kg of oil, 50 kg of meat - and all anyone give. ... sleep should head to the north, and down south to the head was in cold, and feet warm. ... if in the morning in the mirror you see a swollen, unshaven face with dimmed eyes, then the day before yesterday, you still decided to drink 50 grams for the appetite.
Joke #49280 —  
 
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The persecution of the board, anecdote
Joke #49279 —  
 
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New Laws Murphy.
1. If in the establishment of a huge backlog in only one room, be
sure: you - there.
1a. If you are still sent to the other office, in the end
turns out that this path did everything before you get into a huge
turn.
2. If you want the machine to the next row has accelerated sharply and
came up with yours, make an attempt to reorganize in this series.
3. Little Mozart gizmos on the answering machine - not a guarantee,
that you disable them as soon as it scrolls once.
4. If you get to the desired location by train and bus, and
found him in the basement of an old house on a deserted wasteland - it does not
means that there is not crowding hundred people.
5. Maybe you do not sell friends just because you have them there?
Joke #49278 —  
 
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The main purpose of any state - to help its citizens
earn money to make them pay taxes.
Joke #49276 —  
 
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Sword swallower decided to pin and swallow a sword sitting, and
really pinned to a chair.
Joke #49275 —  
 
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The measure of the dignity of women may be the man she loves.
(Vissarion Belinsky)
A measure of the dignity of men can be achieved by their depth
knowledge of the dignity of women.
(Noirassiv Yiksnileb)
Joke #49274 —  
 
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Punishing the child, do not talk to him for that: he will think that it is not
for all punished.
Joke #49273 —  
 
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- You can swim like a dog?
- Yes that there be able to!? Swim, as usual, and gryzesh bone.
Ilya R. 7 years
Joke #49272 —  
 
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New candy "Kaprizka. Her whimsical give naughty children so that they
longer torment trying to chew hard candy. And in the house on
while everything goes quiet and calm.
Joke #49271 —  
 
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