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Wife:
- You do not love me and never loved. I can swear that after my
death a few months you get married to another.
Husband:
- Do not oaths, and so I'll believe it.
Joke #627 —  
 
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Advertisement:
"Boat station requires the director. All questions refer to
keeper.
Joke #626 —  
 
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- It's ridiculous to think: probormochesh few words with full consciousness
--
and you're already married.
- Exactly. A probormochesh few words in his sleep - and you've already beaten and
divorced.
Joke #625 —  
 
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Maxim Galkin:
- And here's how it was necessary to arrange these genres in order to reduce their
reliability: science fiction, fairy tale, advertising, election
program deputy.
Joke #624 —  
 
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Festival of films based on Russian bestseller "Hen-Ryaba.

American film - action movie "Hen-Rimbaud.
Villain (Tony Goldwyn), manipulating the mouse tail, gets access to
personal computer simply American family - his grandfather (Richard Gere) and women
(Whoopi Goldberg) - and terrorizing them with viruses. Comes to the aid of their
ward - Hen (S. Stallone), and nearly conquers the villain, four
dropping him from the roof of the skyscraper the Chrysler, but be infected by computer
virus chicken plague, nearly die. In the final Stallone demolishes the villain
simple egg.

Emigre film. "Zolotishko from the womb, or Adventures Hens Ryabinovich.
Film Studio "Brighton Film.

Mexican TV series "My grandfather and a woman cry, too."
Over 67 episodes grandfather, Luis Alberto can not connect his fate
a young woman of her sister because of rumors that he had defiled his maid
- Nice chicken Ryabynyu Izaura.

Indian film - a musical drama Disco Dancer and the golden eggs.
The main character (Mithun Chakraborty) wants to become a good dancer, but he
constantly hampered.

New cinema in Israel - a religious-erotic tape and Hen
rabbi.

Estonian painting "And the years pass.
A young couple decides to start his business - poultry. To this end they
buy laying hens Ryaabe local breed. Just a few years she
removes the egg. Years pass, but the chicken had not hatched. Grandfather and a woman
trying to unravel the mystery, and soon realize that no chickens will not be
as an egg, oh, horror!, gold. In anger, my grandfather beat the egg, the woman beat grandfather
paralysis beats a woman. But Ryaabe promises to demolish a simple egg, and after three
promises to come true.

Russia has submitted three paintings.
"Hen - Ryaba Love" (directed by Nikita Mikhalkov). The main heroine of the wet
Chicken (II Churikova) turns into a secular guinea fowl (D. Roberts).
Hopelessly in love with the manager of a large academic gypsy
Choir New York Philharmonic (O. Menshikov), it gives soul to God (in
the role of God - N. Mikhalkov).

Telefilm "tail in the balls. From "Gangster Petersburg.

"Ryabany chickens" - chernushnaya tape about the manners of a modern army.
Summary: Grandpa beat, beat ...
Joke #623 —  
 
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He stops a Mercedes at a red color. Then run up to the car gypsy
and said the window steep:
- Hey, handsome, give me 10 rubles, and know what will happen to you!
- Listen, wench, I'll give you 10000 .. if you say that to me this
not!
Joke #622 —  
 
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Alcoholics once asked:
- You can say what is love?
The one moment's thought, said:
- Love - is a natural inclination to share sexes for alcohol
drinks ... and preferably on a freebie ....
Joke #621 —  
 
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Student occasionally late for lectures. Professor irritably
asks:
- You served in the army?
Student:
- Yes.
Professor:
- Well, what you said the foreman, when you're late for the building?
Student:
- "Good morning, Sir!"
Joke #620 —  
 
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From a textbook for military drivers:
Rear-view mirror serves as the rear view in the driver's eyes.
Joke #619 —  
 
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- Hello, my name is Ivan. And, as we say in Russia, walk
we all Ivanovski.
- Hello, my name is Juan. We are also in Mexico, bad rest.
Joke #618 —  
 
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One well-known Russian explorer Przewalski horse met.
... A year later she moved to his name.
Joke #617 —  
 
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If you have something hurts, and how to eat a pill you do not know, swallow
all of them without looking, what you have in your home medicine cabinet. Which one of
They probably will come to your byake.
Joke #616 —  
 
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With tears in his eyes last the hero has received 3000000 ... recent
Soviet rubles!
Joke #615 —  
 
0
 
At the airport in hand:
- I would like to fly to Frankfurt.
- We have a lot of flights to Frankfurt, what kind of company you would like to fly?
- What other company - I want to fly one.
Joke #614 —  
 
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Caucasian with a suitcase pops up on the platform. Before it leaves the train.
- Oh damn gone, oh bitch gone!
Suitable policeman and asked:
- Who's left? Where did she go?
Caucasian says:
- The train's gone!
Cop relief:
- The train did not go away, and left!
Caucasian with indignation:
- You go to x * d! In such a tragic mament ty budish mine giagrafii
teach!
Joke #612 —  
 
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Papen - devyshke:
- What are you, my dypachka depzhite? ..
- Yeah, but you nikomy it no longer shows ...
Joke #611 —  
 
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A guy sitting between two Yulyami and sighs:
- So you want to sit between two girls and make a wish, and then
lie between them and him to do.
Joke #610 —  
 
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After the match Lokomotiv - Maccabi (Israel).
Semin runs up to the crowd of journalists:
- Yuri Palych, what is? We are now losing even Jewish!
How?
- A surprising, shit. After Cup - after all, Eurocup, Nah.
Asket
Joke #609 —  
 
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Built by Russia's chess supercomputer "Ivan the Fool". Although
that he was a little inferior to foreign analogs, it has one
excellent quality - he's always lucky.
Mhs Captain
Joke #608 —  
 
0
 
If you take out the neighbors loud music until three in the morning, call them
in four, and tell us how you liked it ...
Mhs Captain
Joke #607 —  
 
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Sitting Donald Rumsfeld and Colin Powell at the bar up to them and the guy
asks:
- Do you really Powell and Rumsfeld?
- Yes - meets Powell.
- Wow, - says the guy - and what you talked about, I wonder?
- We, - says Powell - are planning a third world war.
- Yes? And what will you do?
- We will kill 10 million Afghans and one locksmith - meets Powell.
- About a pancake - surprised guy - a fig for you fitter watering, can
do not?
Here Powell turns to Rumsfeld and says:
- You see, Donald, I told you, all of these 10 million dick
Afghans.
Joke #606 —  
 
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New Russian approaches to the bookstore to the seller, stretches sheet
paper and asked
- Man, you have this book?
The seller takes a sheet, it is written, "DK Miron. No-what."
Sold for a long time looking at the list, then the buyer, finally knowing
nods his head and gesticulating.
- Unfortunately, we do not have this book. Instead, I propose
Shakespeare's last work on interior design - Decoration rafters.
Joke #605 —  
 
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The guy asked a girl on the first date in a restaurant. They brought the menu, and
girl began to choose the most expensive dishes on the menu. Little guy
upset, but thinking that everything can repay later, after
Restaurant, nothing. When she ordered the tenth dish, he
could not resist and asked:
- You are always so much to eat?
- No, only during the month ...
Joke #604 —  
 
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- Charming girls will leave the house to a solid, respectable
men, if they help them to do for tomorrow lessons in arithmetic,
Russian, reading and drawing.
Joke #603 —  
 
0
 
- Hello! I'm your new tenant.
- And where the old one?
- And the old is no longer a tenant ...
Joke #602 —  
 
0
 
U millionaire interviewed:
- Tell me the secret of your success?
- Patience, my friend, patience.
- But I can name a thousand things, which does not help, no patience.
- For example?
- To carry water in a sieve.
- You are wrong, just have to take a sieve and have the patience to wait for the winter.
Joke #601 —  
 
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There is a rabbit in the woods. Towards the wolf. Hare:
- Gray! What I have ear ringing?
- In the right!
- And how did you guess?
- So I'll show you yesterday left pulled!
Joke #600 —  
 
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Businessman saw the presentation surprisingly sexy woman.
"That would fuck her!" - He thought and said:
- Mademoiselle, you do not want to work in my company?
The woman measured him from head to toe look. "What the devil do I need it!
- Flashed through my head. - I have two, and so rich is her lover.
But her lips said:
- Thanks, I already worked in two firms. Uploaded it to my neck!
Joke #599 —  
 
1
 
The airplane is flying long-haul flights, the third hour of the flight. Passengers safely
asleep. Suddenly the door opens wide in the cockpit - and the crew on the move
pulling the chute, rushing to the door. To the perplexed question
Passenger: "What happened?" calmly replied:
- Do not worry you, just we have trouble at work ...
Joke #598 —  
 
0
 
St. Peter-sacristan at the door to paradise:
- You who nA earth was that?
Deceased:
- Football judge!
St. Peter:
- I know you, all they sell!
Deceased:
- No, I was honest! In the final match against Russia, France, played on
Russia's box a minute before the whistle, when the score was 2:2, I have appointed
a penalty in the gates of Russia!
St. Peter:
- Something I do not remember this ... How long was it?
Deceased:
- Five minutes ago.
Joke #597 —  
 
0
 
The Americans returned to Afghanistan, Zahir Shah. Shah screamed and tried
escape.
Joke #596 —  
 
0
 
A guy holding his dick and talks with him:
- Yes, mate, a lot of you and I have experienced in various alterations took place.
Suddenly he up pernul. She looks at her ass and says:
- And you shut up, fool.
Joke #595 —  
 
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're Coming tris obkupennyh napka car. Stop at svetofope and
long standing. Svetofop flashes: kpasny, green, yellow, kpasny,
green, yellow ... Two sitting in the backseat, sppashivayut addition,
eccentricity of pulem:
- Vasek, and Th stand, then?
He answered them:
- Yes I fucking do not have time!
Joke #594 —  
 
0
 
Which is better?

What could be better wake up late in the day off? - Only
awakening later on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday!
What could be better wake up late on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,
Thursday and Friday? - Just waking up with a woman!
What could be better wake up late on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,
Thursday and Friday with a woman? - Just waking up with two women!
What could be better wake up late on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,
Thursday and Friday with two women? - Only sex with them without
condom.
What could be better wake up late on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,
Thursday and Friday with two women and sex with them without a condom? --
Only sex with them without consequences!
What could be better wake up late on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,
Thursday and Friday with two women and sex with them without a condom and
without consequences? - Only a crystal glass of champagne on the bedside table
after sex!
What could be better wake up late on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,
Thursday and Friday with two women and sex with them without a condom and
without affecting the crystal glass of champagne on the bedside table after
sex? - But all this and a million in a bedside table!
Joke #593 —  
 
0
 
Resorted to a little boy my father.
- Dad! Dad! I was bitten by a grandmother!
Dad, not looking up from his newspaper:
- Hu, and who are you, fool, asked to stick his hand in a cage?
Joke #592 —  
 
1
 
A certain Lorrain Bobby scissors cut treacherous body of her husband. More
not in itself, she sits in the car, traveling at random on the street and suddenly
throws pernicious member of the window. With a wet, nasty spanking, body
falls on the glass road car and leaving the slippery track, slipping
away ... Sitting in the car little girl, so tiny, good, surprised
asks:
- Papa, papa, what is it?
Many ohrenevshy dad, preserving, however, a sweet girl from a
dirty,
says:
- Yes, it's just a bug, the glass broke ...
Not surprised, a little daughter answers:
- Oh, Daddy, what this beetle, however, a huge dick!
Joke #591 —  
 
0
 
We lived with two gay Granny Goose: One - gray, the other - white, both
blue.
Joke #590 —  
 
0
 
Professor - PhD student:
- How many times repeat: no extraneous genetic experiments
in my lab! Immediately destroy that creature!
Joke #589 —  
 
0
 
Under the layer of paint paintings A. Kuindzhi "Night on the Dnieper, the researchers found
even earlier, censorship.The product of the artist: "Kama with
morning.
Joke #588 —  
 
0
 
Talk in the corridors of the office:
- They say the chief has decided to fundamentally reduce the staff.
- We are not touched. He just had a row with his wife and threatened her
dismiss all of her relatives.
Joke #587 —  
 
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Two businessman sitting at a table in a restaurant.
- And what is your plant do before perestroika? - Asks one.
- Let the tanks.
- And now?
- Now, as a result of conversion, making baby carriages.
- So how are buying?
- Buy only some fussy mother, say that the child
through the tower to pull uncomfortable.
Joke #586 —  
 
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A guy shows his friend his picture gallery. A friend stopped by
one painting and exclaimed with admiration:
- What a miracle! This picture, without a doubt. Rembrandt.
- Rembrandt or a Ferrari.
- What do you mean?
- I bought one and the same day now and the car. I have not yet been
time to figure out to whom and for what I paid.
Joke #585 —  
 
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One oligarch, said his main competitor:
- We had better negotiate and put an end to mutual recriminations, podlyanku,
which are harmful to me and you. That's what I propose: you stop
to slander me, and I, in turn, stop talking about you
truth.
Joke #584 —  
 
0
 
YB. President Bush!
U. Bin Laden is from my mother in law (a member of the Taliban in 1996). Veda with
them fiercely. Please support by bombing from the air.
Joke #582 —  
 
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For the first time in three years a young lawyer received a short-term leave and
came to his home town in Texas. Once he met there with
girl - the daughter of the owner of the local hotel. And now he is the first thing
decided to go to find out how her case. As soon as he entered the hotel,
immediately saw his sweetheart of two years with a toddler in her lap --
the same red as he is.
- Ellen! Why do not you write that you're pregnant? I would immediately
rushed to marry you! Or is it not one of us with you baby?
- We, our, my dear, - replied Helen, - but when the question arose
father, we all night with his parents talked and decided - it's better to
family will be a bastard than a lawyer ...
Joke #581 —  
 
0
 
... As stated earlier: "In our country we can find a lot of
various international locations ."... Well, here's an example of such
space can be a typical Moscow (or any other) market, where
Russian man, a person of Caucasian ethnicity, with the green dollar
U.S. may buy Turkish goods, the Chinese quality, and, then, because
their rapid failure of the complaint: "Behold, the Jews brought the country!"
Joke #580 —  
 
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In deference to the wishes of art lovers, with the new year studio
"Real Records" in addition to the collection of "Classical Music" begins
Issue disks "Music Luxurious," "Dark Music" and "Music of Wheat."
Joke #579 —  
 
0
 
Almost from advertising:

- These cowards should be, dear!
- Why?
- You wear them so that everyone can see.
Joke #578 —  
 
0
 
Comes in. man in his doorway and saw that the 6 healthy men fucking in
his neighbor's ass. He had wanted to harness, but I thought that now the most
killed. Then he thought that still need help, as a neighbor - friend
drink together, and generally a good guy.
A guy takes off his pants, leans over: "So, three of me!"
Joke #577 —  
 
0
 
Entrance exams in Theater Institute. Included regular
applicant. Committee Chairman:
- You are familiar with the work of Bulgakov's "Heart of a Dog"?
- Yes! Emblem!
- Well then take a balalaika, and create an image Sharikova.
... !...!!....!!!.....!!!!!
- Well! Bad! Honorable Mention temperament and naturalism! Only here
sing obscene limericks about the distinguished members of our committee and spitting
in
Chairman was not necessarily as much crap on the floor and pee
on
leg of the table - even better!
Joke #576 —  
 
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