Hardworking is going to do a canopy over the entrance to the house of Tver. Suitable mate for him and asked: - Hey, man, what are you doing here jackals? - Why, I think the roof of the icicles are organized. - Naff-ka you, wise guy, here are rapid and remember: the roof a otsosulek here for a long time there.
Lieutenant Rzhevskij asleep. The officers walk on tiptoe, enjoying few neoposhlennymi minutes. Lieutenant opens one eye, gentlemen officers in a panic - now sposhlit. Lieutenant Rzhevskij opens second eye and thoughtfully says: - Lord, on which oil fried eggs? .. So, eggs, apparently, are fried in sunflower oil ... Lieutenant closes his eyes, and all look at each other shocked - Lieutenant Rzhevskij NOT SPOSHLIL! Lieutenant opens one eye: - But who agrees to it, ladies and gentlemen ...
- But my dad no ... - How does it - "no"? - And he went to the bath. - How long? - No, godika three years ago. Took a suitcase with clothes and left. - Is not washed for so long? - I do not know. Grandma said that he did beat it ...
There is a presentation of the room with laughter. Thither nice lady. Views - mirrors nowhere, but the middle of the room stands a table. Here she hears a voice: - Come to the table. She went. - Put your hands on the table. Put. Suddenly the open hole in the table, there appear metallic rods, which capture the ladies and wrist snap. Short, she can not escape. And then back up to her a certain type lifts up her skirt and starts fucking. The young lady: - Man, what are you doing? This same room with laughter! Guy: - That shit memory ... I forgot you tickle!
Vstpechayutsya drunk in the trash Piglet kpokodil Gena. Piglet: - Poor donkey Eeyore, you're quite green! And where are your chydesnye yshi? Gena (hard razleplyaya eyes): - A-ha! My God Chebypashka, pochemy you so pale, and what a bastard votknyla you in zadnitsy shtopop?
Pposypaetsya Hottabych with bolshyschego bodynischa. Povsyudy pystye bytylki pazbposany head gydit unbearable. He grabs his bopody, but there is no single hairs, grabs the golovy - it also bald. Ha breasts too pysto, under the armpits - all bare. Looks at tpysy and relief: - A! Ha beer left ...
Putin's visit to Germany. On the morning for him in the residence you done Schroeder. Comes into apartment and saw a strange picture: the GDP stands, thrusting head in the refrigerator, and pressed a hot iron to his chest. Then suitable to the sink and washes his hands thoroughly. Schroeder: - ?????? Putin: - A-ah, do not pay attention, Herr Chancellor. This is an old habit -- remained from the old service.
One librarian said another: - Listen, let's drive the peasant, who for the last sitting at a table? - For what? - So he's masturbated right in the reading room! - You fool, you better write down the book he reads ... We have it on the market for double the price we sell!
The telephone girl on the radio and requested a song for her boyfriend Alla Pugacheva about a woman who has hovered wind ... DJ wonders: - This one? - Well ... there ... - Word-what? - Click - and in response to silence, once again I was left alone, a strong woman crying at the window "
I used to wash the head by a simple shampoo and very sorry when, after each washing seen at the bottom of the tub a few fallen hair. Then friends advised me to new miracle shampoo. I took advantage of only once, and now a bath I always clean and shining, as my head.
The woman came to the First Secretary of the District Committee and complains - husband walks. He says: - This can not be! - Yes, here's the proof - Women's underwear brought. - Well, well, call, talk, - promised to the first secretary, and cowards wrapped and placed in a drawer. Then he remembered that it would be a delegation from Provincial Committee. And laid them in a portfolio. Home came in a good mood. The son asked the movies, and his mother was no trifle, turned to his father. He said: - Let the mother take in the portfolio. Mother saw a package in his briefcase, opened it, and says: - Well, Ivan, I have two days looking for these cowards, and you them, it turns out, portfolio wear!
If you have insomnia, do not panic. The maximum relax. Doschitai to a hundred. Throw away all thoughts of work, do not react at night noises and sounds, and gradually sinking into sleep, try not to snore, not to attract attention to your protected object.
Once upon a time there were two students. Studied in college. Time has come. And they finished university. One remained in Moscow, and another gave the direction in Khakassia. Time passes, and the one who was in Khakassia, wrote a friend in Moscow: "I settled in Khakassia. Everything here seems to be good. And water is the same liquid, as in Moscow. Here live bears, squirrels, sables. And Khakassia live "- and so on ... A friend from Moscow, wrote: "I am glad that you are well settled. I also like to nothing live. Only have one request. Send me a couple of Khakassia - wife of collar.
From the reports of news agencies: from the Moscow detention center, "Butyrka" made another escape. As it became known for escaping prisoner use the credentials the president of Russia. According to the first results preliminary investigation, the president of Russia Vladimir Putin has to escape irrelevant. The investigation continues ...
French couple traveling by car on Corsica. A policeman on a motorcycle catching up with them and shouting that they exceeded the speed. - Oh, this is Jean, - relieved husband says, looking at the police. -- I turn now, and we all worked out. We fought together with him. A few minutes later he returned, and his wife quipped: - Judging by your face, you fought with this Jean in different armies.
- What are you pripozdnilas today, Altenburg? - In the queue was long. The pharmacy. Condoms. - You? Condoms? Ha, ha, ha, ha! What are you thinks of them buy? - You know, Hikitichna, I'm very squeamish. And everyone says that soon instead of the products we will be x + th of ...
For lovers of exotic ydovolstvy in the Distance otkpylsya new "Alco-shop. Attention stpazhdyschih pokypateley We suggest: - Stakanoimitatopy, - Chekyshkozameniteli, - Vibpatopy of stopony in stopony - pezinovye myzhiki-sobytylniki, - As well as with wide assoptiment ppotivozakysochnyh spedstv.
Professor Suggestion returns home and sees in the entrance of his student fucks his daughter from cancer. The next day the professor calls the student to his office and says: - I understand deloe young, flat no, so in the doorway, but why same in such a vulgar pose? - You see, Professor, - is responsible student - both at 1 cm deeper comes. The professor comes home, locked in his office and an hour goes to heap covered with sheets. - Mash - sprasivaet his wife, - how we're living in? - You what is remembered - she says. - For nearly 43 years. - Imagine - frustration exclaims the professor. - During this time I not doebal you at 53 kilometers 147 meters!
There are two old Georgian, and one says to another: - Slyuschay, Vano, as it was before harascho: hochisch bely "Volga", hochish -- black dengi - How many pixels hochisch, zhenschiny, wine - please! A now what? Poslyuschay suggesting molozhezh: pv Net, Inter Net, nothing slyuschay, Nat!
TEN AND ONE REASON FOR WHICH SPORTS BETTER THAN SEX.
1. You do not have to secretly bring home and hide magazines
2. If you are not very strong in the pool, no one will judge you for what you
ask a professional go in with you for a fee.
3. If your partner takes the game to the camera, you can not worry
that this film will ruin your reputation when you become famous.
4. Your partner lacks you with questions about who else you have ever
5. You do not condemn, if you play billiards with the unfamiliar person.
6. If you see a beautiful billiards, and represent, as well
could play with him, you do not have to be ashamed of such thoughts.
7. If the partner with whom you usually play, could not come, and you
playing with someone else, he will not mind.
8. You can hang a calendar with the image of the game of billiards in his
office, telling anecdote
Queue at a gay club. Pass mode, face-control, security and other
joy. Near the metal detector queue.
First in the queue looks back and thinks:
- My boyfriend is delayed. I think I have time to smoke
a cigarette of my favorite "Parliament".
He gets and lights a cigarette.
- My boyfriend is delayed. I think I have time to smoke
a cigarette of my favorite "Parliament".
- Yes, all great. I think I have time to smoke a cigarette?
my favorite "Parliament".
Here flies another. Looking at all and thinks:
- Fuck-a-while. People of many! I think I have time to smoke a cigarette?
my favorite "Parliament" ...
- Even the latest Queer likes to smoke a cigarette? "Parliament".
There are two new Russian. One says to another: - Prikin, I've bought a tank, a huge, seated in his rare fish, clean a thousand bucks each ... - And Th? - And here, a week has passed, one fish is not enough. Where did not know. Another week, another was lost, then another ... - Well? - But yesterday, prikin, there are only two left, so they asked me, so I gave them to a separate aquarium in the center of Moscow!
Literature lessons Vovochka says an excerpt from Eugene Onegin: - "Were the hope I had at least rarely, though once a week ..." Marya Ivanovna: - Well, Little Johnny, again, remember? - No, just think how still beautiful name - Hope.
Man arranged for a new job. Comes into a department to get acquainted. He was one of the women sitting in the room, playfully says: - Come in, come in our flower bed! The man looked around and said: - Yes, you look at yourself! Not a flower garden, and herbarium!