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10 commandments for a slacker.
1. They are born tired, but they live in order to rest.
2. 'Love your bed, like himself.
3. If you see that someone is resting, help him.
4. Enjoy the day, so you can sleep at night.
5. Work - it is holy, do not touch it!
6. If you can do something tomorrow, do not do it today.
7. Work as little as possible, let someone else be working for you.
8. Calm down, from the rest no one has ever died.
9. If you feel the desire to work, sit down, sit down, and everything goes.
10. If the work - this is health, let them work sick.
When I did Shurik blowjob and he told me that Ira does so much
better - I said nothing, and just silently gritted teeth ...
- Weaker now wit petty officers corps - someone complains commander
Regiment. - This used to be foreman - a fact! My grandfather told me how to
in the company of guests come from a nearby shelf. Had to spend the night. Where
place, if there is no extra seats? So starshina packed guests
beds, and their soldiers forced to wear coats and all on the shoulders
hung on the rack in the storeroom. Slept all - but how!
There are two before it:
- Classroom dublenochka you! Many gave?
- No, little things ... Butt in the skull, foot on the liver ...
Q: Why is pubic hair curly?
Answer: To my eyes do not put out.
Remembering the children's poems.
Putin: - And from our window is visible to the Red Square!
Borodin: - And from our window, only statue of a little ...
- Women - like letters in the alphabet. There are vowels and consonants are. But
last few outrageous!
A guy walks into a neighboring office, to "fire a shot" cigarettes:
- Hello Give me, my friends, smoke!
- Here, take this. What have you there at all cigarettes are over, that to us
come? - And holds out a pack of cigarettes.
- Similarly, all that was MCSD!
- Hey! Hey-ey! Where were you took the whole pack?
- Duc, I told you - all ended ...
Night. They come in coupe Russian and Georgian. Georgian hangs from the top shelf and
- Listen, daragoy! Leningrad - two words or one?
- One, of course. Rest in peace.
- Listen, daragoy! Leningrad - two words or one?
- I told you - one. Sleep!
- Listen, daragoy! Leningrad - two words or one)?
- Leningrad - this one word, Edita Peha - is two words, but blimey
at * yd - three words!
Man comes to the doctor and says:
- Doctor, I have a big problem!
- You know, doctor, with female beggar, in short I'm impotent!
- In principle, I can help you. Only here will cost treatment
The man sad, where they say that kind of money to take and comes to a Friend
- And I know how to help you!
- In short you take a newspaper, you find there is an advertisement for
credit without collateral. You take money from them, and walk on the money in
pub. Then you call this office and say that you have no money and
give you their not going!
- And then?
- And more ...... Impotence for you - no longer a problem!!
Little Johnny at school or in the tooth foot.
- Why did you upoki? - Sppashivaet teacher.
- Yes, at home constantly ssopyatsya mother and father.
- I saw your mother, and who is your father?
- This is what they are and time and find out ...
Is Red sunset lights up the first stars, light ripple on the water, the sea breathes
fairytale romance. The luxurious cruise ship slowly and smoothly
coming to Odessa. In the captain's wheelhouse bursts Young and frightened,
- There, there, there ... For the stern!
- Mermaid? - Prompted the captain with a grin.
- Yeah. And how did you guess?
- First time in flight to the CIS?
- Yes. But mermaids?
- Calm down, son - it's not a mermaid. This is a local old lady behind us
picked up the bottle.
(C) Robinson of Odessa
The inscription on the monitor automobile computer running Windows
"Right at the rate found an old woman. Click on the gas to keep it
in the form of wallpaper. ":)
Little Johnny asked her mother:
- Mom, so I grow up, marry, and where children come from the children?
- You know, boys have such a handle, they put her girls in your pocket
and shaking until the ink does not spoil.
- And that the twins were, in x # nd have 2 servings of ink poured or his wife
in n-de 2 pockets should be?
There is a third stage of completion of continuing the installation is finished
Microsoft Office 2000
- Sweet, but what is your most favorite fairy tale?
- With a good end ...
Congratulating his wife on March 8 - the main thing is not to move to scream!
Mature wife remembered his childhood and decided to visit that school
yard, where they first met. There they found the tree in which
they once carved his initials and a heart, and kissed each other in the same
corner, where they had once kissed the first time. On the way home, they
suddenly found a wallet, stuffed to overflowing with money, and, of course, decide
to assign. The next day, come to them two police officers and
- We questioned all the inhabitants of the area, could not find anyone
Yesterday purse full of money.
Wife denies, and her husband, feeling guilty, decided to confess.
- You'll have to excuse me, - said his wife - he is already old, and with his head
He ... Please understand.
However, her husband insists:
- No, I'm quite sane. Yesterday, when my wife and I returned
- Clearly, - said one officer to another, - went further.
Hadpis display new kapmannogo compass under yppavleniem
Windows CE: "north not found ..."
He wanted man to buy a car on credit, and money for a down payment
and not enough. Vechepom he passkazyvaet my wife about it.
- Do not passtpaivaysya, darling. I account and five thousand dollars.
- Five thousand? How much money?
- You know, it may and sentimental, but I took myself for Addresses>
delay dollap every paz, as you and I were making love.
- Lord, if I knew about this panshe, I would have long bposil Employment
and took for you vsepez!
Truth in wine. Rastvop 1:6.
Quarrel two Hollywood stars:
- Do not act like a lady. You do not even know who your mother and grandmother!
- Indeed, my grandmother told different. For example, it is - you!
A husband and a neighbor playing chess. Suddenly is returned from
trip wife. Neighbor jumps up and jumps out the window.
The next day, man visits him in hospital.
- What do you suddenly jump?
- Do you know ... Somehow I was afraid for you.
The son said his father:
- Dad, I want to be patalogoanatomom!
- Over my dead body!
Novorussky courses driving instructor admonished says:
- Most importantly, you will need for a long and successful
"career" the driver - is the ability to control skidding.
- And this is Th - drift?
- Well, it's quite easy, boys. The input - this is when you want
ride in rush hour on the Garden at speeds under 100.
- What is the difference between a man and expensive jewelry?
- Expensive decoration of a woman is always satisfied.
Sietltsa choose two from the ruins:
- John, this "World" has fallen on us?
- It's an earthquake!
- Glory to God, and I already got scared.
The Chinese Xinhua news agency confirmed that the earthquake in the U.S.
was caused by a hundred million Chinese workers rally to protest
against the bombing of Iraq. Xinhua is authorized by the Chinese
Government to declare that if America does not stop predatory raids
on sovereign states, the Chinese not only to stamp his foot on
indignation, but also jump. EVERYTHING !!!!!!!
- Doctor, I have five members!
- Hmm, really. How can you sit on the pants?
- Like a glove!
Can a program written for Windows, called a sill?
Announcement: Hereditary programmer in the seventh byte rid of System
Polisy and Access Denied. Will remove the password. Navorozhit credit card numbers.
Fast, anonymously, with a guarantee.
Spring 2001. Once adequately respond today to the good-natured Americans
wish "World of your home!"
The Mir station tonight translated into treatment "To whom God would send.
When the Lord God within half an hour the 15th time the computer is frozen, it
B. Gates decided to issue a final warning. The result you know:
Earthquake in the United States foiled an address by Bill Gates.
Finally the old dispute all computer users: "Who are the main
and steeper - Bill or God? "completely resolved in favor of the latter.
Yesterday in Seattle, after mention of Bill Gates's new beta
Microsoft's program was an earthquake. Community horror
wait for announcements of the final version of the product.
"On February 28 in Seattle, an earthquake of 6.8 points.
American soldier: "This is Bill Gates dropped his wallet."
Yesterday there was a clash of sexual minorities
with the sexual majority. Most minority
delivered to the hospital.
The man - a fortune-teller:
- It seems to me, my wife is changing with the neighbor!
- Diamond mine, how can we change this handsome?
- Yes, yesterday I came home from work, and no wife. A neighbor on the balcony
smokes in shorts!
- So what?
- So he's in her pants smoking!
- Doctor-pohmetologa called?
- At that complaining?
- Why, doctor, binges tortured ...
- And often they do you have?
- Yes, four times a year.
- And for a long time?
- Yes, three months ...
Duma deputy, said another:
- Why did you say Mr. Gaidar "Hello Egor Mihailovich?
- He lives under a pseudonym. His father - Mishka Kvakina.
Ha bench before the student dormitories miss two before it:
- Wan, let Blacks beat! - Says the first.
- Why? - Surprise second.
- And interestingly, they are bruises?
The doctor after examining his patient was very pleased with his condition
- And have sex with you, of course, all right? - Asks the doctor.
- Once or twice a week is obtained ...
- Two times a week? Yes with your complexion and data you can be three
times a day to do it!
- I'd like more, but a Catholic priest in a small
village is quite difficult!
A guy dies and goes well into the next world. Well, find him and ask, "
What do you want?
Guy: - All my life I lived unrequited love. When I was in school,
I liked a girl, but she liked another guy. When I was
the Institute, I was in love with a beautiful girl, but she married
other. When I worked, I was mad about a woman ..... but
gone abroad. In old age would make the proposal a grandmother, but
She threw her hoof. In short I want to be loved!!
Then came a peasant, he looked - he is standing naked in the middle of the room,
and around - fagot!
In the rabbi's wife was the first time to give birth. On this occasion he
assembled congregation and said that as children - is costly,
it would be good to increase the size of donations. And the meeting decided
that parishioners should increase its contribution, each time when the family
But as soon is the sixth child was born, all the synagogue was
resented. Then the rabbi said:
- Why are you dissatisfied? Do not you know that the children - a manifestation
will of God?
Then from the back row came a voice:
- Since the snow and rain - also a manifestation of the will of God. But this does not interfere w
Still wearing a hood!
A guy comes to the fortune-teller. That card spreads, and says:
- So, the first thing you should remember - not far from your home
- No, but it is already too! What are you, my wife conspired? Can
talk about anything except her first husband?
Ilya of Murom drove up to the stone at a crossroads. It says:
"To the left you go - you will find a thousand, you go right - lemon dig directly
go - goats face nabesh. "And at the bottom of the stone something else
in tiny, not tell it is written. Tears of Ilya of Murom his horse, went to
stone, leaned over and reads: "If you're so curious, then further
foot arguing! "Looking back, a horse and vanished without a trace ...
- Ah, well, blah! Okay - thought Ilya, hiding behind a rock, - wait
Ha change Vovochka approaches Maschke said:
- Masha, go to the toilet, play the adult game.
Masha agreed, they went to the toilet, Little Johnny was behind Masha, pulled
her skirt and let her in adult games to play. Masha says Vovka:
- Here you are, Vovk, invited me here, and himself, instead of a hug,
stood behind, so even his hands in his pockets zaphal.
- Hu, of course, I'm so last change Irka tra # al, so I have it from
pockets all povytaskivala candy wrappers!
- Waiter, you brought me all the chicken with one leg!
- And what about you, wanted to invite her to dance?
The hunter shoots a floating duck and misses. Duck does not fly away and
continues to swim. Hunter shoots a second time - again miss.
The third, fourth ... After the fifth time a duck says:
- You can not shoot at me, it's useless: I was enchanted.
- Look at you! And who is it you are so bewitched?
- Who taught you to shoot ...