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Yesterday went to the store "All for football." Bought a beer, cigarettes and television.
Joke #49911 —  
 
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So I joined a well-known people: yesterday wife threw in my shoes.
Joke #49909 —  
 
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Crisis visiting tale

Donkey Eeyore asks the Rabbit: - Where is Piglet? - Yes, he went Winnie BBQ! Pooh poobeshal next time and take me with you!
Joke #49908 —  
 
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News: This afternoon the Government announced the collapse of the economy of our country. The first arrived at the SOS signals somalyskie pirates ...
Joke #49907 —  
 
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To survive the current crisis should be a great businessman. And so large to get stuck in the window opening even with the takeoff run.
Joke #49906 —  
 
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Thief robbed the houses of the rich. The judge asked him: - Why do not you have valuables, and took away the old, useless things? The thief jumps out: - No, it is already too! Besides his wife two weeks we'll go eat, but even now you!
Joke #49905 —  
 
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Son cheeked husky, killed their ancient mother and father. Judge: - What caused such a terrible crime? Synulya hugging, picking at the toe of the floor, his eyes lowered down - a shame, says bass: - A chevo-oh-oh-and they-and ...
Joke #49904 —  
 
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- I asked last time, why do you want to terminate your marriage? -- asked the judge. - The wife longed to have a boy, and I was against it. - Why? For children - the decoration of the family. - But she wanted to have a twenty-boy!
Joke #49903 —  
 
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The judge asked her husband: - Every evening, returning home, you find in the closet of another man? - Yes! - And this was the cause of your disagreement with your wife? - Yes! Because I could not get there to hang his jacket.
Joke #49902 —  
 
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- It's beneath my dignity, sir. - Sorry, when you are excited or vice versa, sir? - When you, sir, have seen me excited? - Then it is really low, sir.
Joke #49901 —  
 
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Frost and snow storm in Russia lead to the fact that it lived otmetelennye rogues and unfrozen panicles.
Joke #49900 —  
 
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Previously, people yearned to reach the stars, but now many enough to hold out until Friday evening.
Joke #49899 —  
 
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Ukraine rested on its border 20 camels for the smuggling of fat in humps! Parsley
Joke #49898 —  
 
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Off course ballistic missile fired at Israel from Iran. It went into orbit the first Iranian satellite.
Joke #49897 —  
 
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Liquidation of companies: restructuring - 15 000, the merger - 40 000, the accession - 60 000.

Bonus: the elimination of Chap. Accountant - for free.
Joke #49896 —  
 
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If the fences and in the elevators began to appear the inscription - "penis" hence the crisis reached the intelligentsia.
Joke #49895 —  
 
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Here's the problem with these creative people: they always want to be composers, artists and writers. As a result, the production of large diameter pipes are engaged mediocrity.
Joke #49894 —  
 
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Alcohol kills brain cells, but not all, but only those refusing to drink.
Joke #49893 —  
 
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What do you call someone who colorblind? Blind.

And how is a person who distinguish colors? A racist ...
Joke #49892 —  
 
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I decided to marry katsap hahlushke. He came to the Pope and said: - Dad, and how to behave with hahlushkoy during the wedding night? - Yes, son, a complex issue. It is necessary to consult with his grandfather. Gathered together. Hryapnuli a glass, zanyuhali sleeve. Pope and asks: - Son, what do you think he do it? - I think - the head of the room and with all his strength as a throw on the bed. To see what I'm bold! - Well done son! - Said my father. - And further, I think you should go to the bed and with all his strength to take off his shirt on his chest. To see that you strong. Hryapnuli more to drink. - You say - is echoed by his grandfather. - And further, grandson, sit on edge of the bed and Purdue. To see how many of you gas.
Joke #49891 —  
 
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Due to lack of money blonde dramatically gain weight - not enough money to buy magazines with the new diet.
Joke #49890 —  
 
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The programmer comes home and tells his wife: - Come quick dinner and then straight to bed. Children are going to do. I even specifically on the road to the chemist looked! - And in a pharmacy, then why? - Why? So that condoms do not buy ...
Joke #49889 —  
 
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- Are you going to skate to skate today? - No, I do not want, and so the whole body with blue spots. - What happened? - Allergy to skating and snowboarding.
Joke #49888 —  
 
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Due to increased demand for U.S. currency by the Central Bank of Russia numerous requests of workers decided to print U.S. dollars.
Joke #49887 —  
 
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Lecture. Lecturer: women vagina live lacto bacteria, bifidus bacteria .. A replica of the back row: straight n not "the Buildings and the miracle yogurt of some kind.
Joke #49886 —  
 
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Instead of hats zakidatelskim sentiment in Iraq came ankle zakidatelskie mood.
Joke #49885 —  
 
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Experts "Nokii" designed a phone that creates the illusion direct communication. Together with quadraphonic speech he passes drops of saliva, breath, cigarette smoke, perfume interlocutor, and microbes in the cold.
Joke #49884 —  
 
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The new supercomputer - the new superglyuki. Proved Hydrometeorological
Joke #49883 —  
 
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Each time the tenants complained about the cold battery, head ZHEK generously warmed their kind words.
Joke #49882 —  
 
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Mom, Dad, get acquainted. This ... This will be with us live!
Joke #49881 —  
 
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What is common between golimoy girl and car vacuum cleaner? Both took place in the car, buzzing and not suck.
Joke #49880 —  
 
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People sign. If the road is barbeque - then somewhere near hid traffic cops.
Joke #49879 —  
 
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The incident in the Gulf of Aden. Yesterday on board seized by Somali pirates, Ukrainian ship MV Faina was taken to a ransom of 3.2 million dollars. Seeing such amount money, Ukrainian sailors strangled with bare hands of pirates, divided money and fled in an unknown direction with the vessel and cargo.


Andrew (c)
Joke #49878 —  
 
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Russian men rarely go to the dentist, because they are afraid. Afraid that then two o'clock you can not drink.
Joke #49877 —  
 
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Volkswagen - Das Auto! VAZ - you used das??
Joke #49876 —  
 
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I know what a "black stripe in the life" ... This magnetic strip of my credit card ...
Joke #49875 —  
 
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Tajik turtles live for eight pieces in one shell. www.Creative3D.ru
Joke #49874 —  
 
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- Play, and why he bought such a small car? - Just had a set of big member!
Joke #49873 —  
 
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- I came to you from a fairy tale come. - And what I mean? - From the good. - Kicked out?
Joke #49872 —  
 
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- Waiter! A bottle of vodka! - Koljan, we train in the morning did not eat! Tear would be ... - Okay, okay ... Waiter! A bottle of vodka on the rocks!
Joke #49871 —  
 
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- Pilgrim! We give you a new task. Leave the Saraksh and fly to progressors to backward planet Zem La. Do you have a new legend: You -- representative of a black race Zem-Liang (yes, it is necessary to get a tan solarium ...). Headed a very strong country - our agents in banks Help you. Help them deal with the crisis and inflation on the Earth Le ... Call you will be very simple - two fool-on ... No, perhaps it too ... No, not so, that's - Barack Oba-ma! Well, a week on vacation -- and in the way!
Joke #49869 —  
 
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Invention of a new model of mobile phone. Unlike ordinary, He whines all the time. And when you call someone, he is silent and cryptically smiles.
Joke #49868 —  
 
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Crisis hovers above the Earth ... Who is to blame for that? (...)
Joke #49867 —  
 
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Important state-forming industry in our vodka. Here, it in the first place and need to be saved from the crisis. Remember, the Soviet Union collapsed when the disruption began with vodka.
Joke #49866 —  
 
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Cowboy boot from ducked, and kungfuist stopped his gaze.
Joke #49865 —  
 
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Frost and subsequent blizzard make people otmetelennyh scumbag.
Joke #49864 —  
 
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- Ivan, I look at you gearbox gear, let me for 100 bucks its initiative. - Fyodor, I have a couple of familiar mechanics, lend me 10,000 dollars, I want to open a beauty salon. - Nicholas, I have a big business (car dealers, service stations), is now planning take credit in your bank in the amount of $ 1,000,000 for construction Automobile. - John, the customers of our bank - a large domestic automobile holdings, I suggest you invest 10 lemons in the opening of our new branches. - Bill, I'm here I want to buy a large network of banks, it has branches in Europe and Asia, I need a total of 100 million dollars. - Lee, my company is planning to merge with a large financial group, and for purchase of this business requires only a $ 1 billion. - Takeshi, plan, please, Issue gos. bonds for 10 billion dollars. Urgently need money to buy a transnational corporation. - Lord, do I get my subjects work better, do not ask raise wages and pay taxes regularly. - And you would not go to the dick.

Thus began the world's financial and economic crisis.
Joke #49863 —  
 
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- Granny! you are in the countryside is AIDS? - No, son, all had chickenpox long.

Joke #49862 —  
 
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Iranian spacecraft never went into orbit: in the fuel compartment over dung.
Joke #49861 —  
 
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Russia takes first place in the world by spitting power per capita.
Joke #49860 —  
 
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