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Stops inspector driver:
- You have exceeded the speed - violated the rules.
Driver:
- Well you have was there on the road sign is - "Overtaking is forbidden.
Inspector:
- And that's what being here!?
Driver:
- Well, I was driving at a speed that no one surpassed.
Joke #6494 —  
 
0
 
The doctor asked the patient:
- So, your memory has improved?
- Of course improved! And you vasche Who is that you cares?
Joke #6493 —  
 
0
 
Resorting to the donkey Eeyore Piglet and shouted:
- Eeyore, where Winnie the Pooh? He offended me, give me a knife, I will kill him!
Donkey says:
- Winnie the left, and the knife lost. So neither of Pooh to you, no pen, Piglet.
Joke #6492 —  
 
0
 
By the captain of the passenger steamer runs agitated passenger and
stammering exclaims:
- T-r-r-s h-h-h-h-elovek NW-abortion!
- It's not me! Since abortion - to the ship's doctor!
Joke #6491 —  
 
0
 
I'm not attractive. You damn unattractive. Only your time
lose ...
Joke #6490 —  
 
0
 
Teacher in school:
- Children who know what drugs?
Masha:
- Panadol.
Ivan:
- Aspirin.
Julia:
- Activated Charcoal ...
Little Johnny:
- Viagra ...
-?? Tell me, Little Johnny, from which this Viagra?
- As from what? - From the diarrhea!
-?? As for diarrhea? Where did you get?
- A mother every evening gives the Pope a pill and says: "Here, take
Viagra may shit you harden ... "
Joke #6489 —  
 
0
 
New Japanese robotostroiteley!
The new model kiberkota virtually indistinguishable from the living, but requests
is in fifteen languages, fights wallpaper and furniture under the musical
support and shit strictly in the field, programmed master.
Joke #6488 —  
 
0
 
Petka resorted to Vassily Ivanovich, and says:
- We have in the yard saying, well appeared.
Well went to watch. Suitable for him.
Petka:
- Who does not sleep in the dead of night?
- Dick-dick-dick.
Petka:
- Who we fuck with the lamb?
- Anya-Anya-Anya.
Vasily:
- Absorb - knows too much!
Joke #6487 —  
 
0
 
According to experts, many Russians continue to bury their savings
rubles.
Joke #6486 —  
 
0
 
Gingerbread rolls through a mine field ... "That bastard, commander, says - only
hands and feet separates "- time to think Gingerbread, spreading the brain ...
Joke #6485 —  
 
0
 
... As soon as I saw the planes in the sky, I realized that - mine. But
then I had only a slingshot.
Joke #6484 —  
 
0
 
His wife, met her husband returned from work:
- Finally!
- Am I too late to come?
- I do not know. Finally some of you smells decent women's perfume.
Joke #6483 —  
 
0
 
- Honey, I think that the family must all face together.
- That's correct.
- So go here, and we will work together to address our problems by Dimka
mathematics.
Joke #6482 —  
 
0
 
- Dear, how are you I suspect!
- And with you no other way.
- Can. Just do not in every man, sitting in the closet, to see my
lover.
Joke #6481 —  
 
0
 
Talk three ladies.
First:
- I recently slept with a user DOS, he liked me so:
black, bright-eyed, it was a thrill.
Second:
- I slept with the user NT, it is a night and I was satisfied,
and my girlfriend, and girlfriend girlfriend. Such a fine fellow.
Third:
- A Win98 user, I wanted to sleep, so he midnight your
member of the set, and then he, you know, drivers do not come.
Joke #6480 —  
 
0
 
Psychoanalyst - a man who for your money give you advice
you have already given other free.
Joke #6479 —  
 
0
 
And where, my daughter, you are gathered in such an outfit?
And these lips do not paint the lipstick!
Joke #6478 —  
 
0
 
I went, I web-page to read his personal mail, go to the Inbox, and below
Counter: this page until you have visited 345713468 man ...
Joke #6477 —  
 
0
 
How are winter tires from blacks?
- Tires not begin to read the rap when they put on the chain.
Joke #6476 —  
 
0
 
One friend says to another:
- Thou knowest my grandmother died from sex.
- How's that??
- A naebnulas the stairs.
james hetfield
Joke #6475 —  
 
0
 
- Stirlitz! Maybe we will not flog a fever? - Grimace, asked
Muller.
- You are what you like, but I will. Although on face and terrifying, but the girl - fire! --
Stirlitz replied, hugging junior sergeant Catherine Goryachko.
VK 21.07.02
Joke #6474 —  
 
0
 
- Company Figlipeydzh "... Zdpavstvuyte!
- Girl, you pepedaete message nenopmativnoy vocabulary?
- Het!
- Then for the subscriber 13213: "Dopogaya! Lunch in the refrigerator, musop made,
the dog walked, postapayus be vovpemya. Your pupsichek.
Joke #6473 —  
 
0
 
- So, on whom do we stop? - Asked the lieutenant, waking in the morning
after the ball ...
Joke #6472 —  
 
0
 
We hipupga.
- What ails you?
- Doktop! I bposila girl!
- You to psihotepapevtu ...
- I ppoletel ten some meters - and udapilsya head against the wall ...
Joke #6471 —  
 
0
 
There are two old friends. One is singing a song, and the other
dark clouds. The one cheerful, tries to learn from his friend
why he was such grustnyyy.
- And here a month ago died a fool's wife and left me a five-room
apartment and a brand new sports car three weeks ago has died
zanudlivaya mother-in-law and left a lot of family jewels,
two weeks ago has died, my uncle, whom I never in my life have I seen,
leave me a round sum in the account at Swiss bank.
Cheerful friend wonders:
- It ought to be happy, they say everything is so well composed.
Sad:
- Yeah, this week is coming to an end, and yet no one has died.
Blossom
Joke #6470 —  
 
0
 
There are three girlfriends, wives of the new Russian. One says:
- Girls, I'm so shocked! My monster day after day, not spend the night at home.
Continuing in courage, hanging around is not clear where.
Second:
- Takya same garbage. Buhoy creep up in the morning.
Third:
- Yeah, even with lipstick on his cheeks and panties in his pocket. Let them
revenge. How zabuhaem, oborvemsya on all night!
- Come on, where are going, they also find us everywhere.
- Can the cemetery?
- Come on.
Well, they scored vodka, snacks, went to the cemetery, so get drunk! Up
unconsciousness. One says:
- Listen, friend, let's at least colors Narva, for ponta, let porevnuyut.
Picked flowers.
The next day found three of their husbands.
One says:
- The boys, tell not believe it! My Klava morning came home!
Second:
- Oh, that it was probably my. My too early morning buhaya, and with
flowers.
Third:
- No, boys, your not fly. My monster yesterday was a little
that morning, moreover, that buhoe, moreover, that with the colors, yes
else
neck wreath: From the Tale.
Joke #6469 —  
 
1
 
- Defendant, why, before you crack the box, you killed the old woman
deaf, so even slept in another room?
- Your honor, the box was written: "To be opened after my death."
Joke #6468 —  
 
0
 
"And with kisses hurry will not" - said the prince, tears from sleeping
beautiful ...
Joke #6467 —  
 
0
 
Sit pop a deacon, vodka drink ...
After another glass, pop, stroking her belly, sighing heavily says:
- Eh, not go-ah ...
- But how so, sir, what did not go. The second box drink, and you --
did not go.
- Back to not gone ... Pour over!
alexle
Joke #6466 —  
 
0
 
Chapaev Petka ordered to cook a rabbit.
- Where I will take him, Vasily Ivanovich? Here hares not found.
- This order, Petya! I take a nap for an hour, and when to get up, that was
zaychina.
CHapaev wakes up and feels the smell of meat. Sees Petka in the boiler
shuruet.
- Petya, you fellow! Tell me where you got it?
- I took the rifle, went out on the porch, runs a hare. I am in it broads! He
meow not have time.
Joke #6465 —  
 
0
 
February 23 in the Ring Road found the remains of a young people 20-23 years. The very young man walked briskly towards Art. Metro Domodedovskaya, buttoning his pants on the go.
Joke #6223 —  
 
0
 
A Georgian goes on Tbilisi. Black suit, cherye boots, snow-white shirt, bow tie. Suitable for shoe shiner, turns back to him, leans over and lifts up his jacket. - Paslushay, pachist here, yes, desyat rubles ladies! - No, genatsvale, nor will, shirts savsem clean, bely, wah, eh? - Pachisti, daragoy, 25 rubles ladies! - Net, ne ask, you come home, mirror look, evil budesh, dagger miss me cut, right? Georgian takes the dagger, waving to them. - Do not clean, I'm just here like a sheep slaughter, panimaesh! Chistilshik nadraivaet his white shirt, shoe polish, Georgians rejoices, gives him 50 rubles. - Tell me, dear, why do you need such outrages, respecting the old man. - And Listen, have you ever scratched back, right? Thief
Joke #6222 —  
 
0
 
In Tbilisi, Georgian Square sits on a box and goes fishing Winter fishing rod. Suitable other and asked - What are you doing? - The fish catch! - How? Tell! - Oh dear, so who's calling? Buy wine, meat - sit down to eat, talk! He quickly demolished, brought wine, herbs, barbecue. We sat down, eat, for Getting drunk, for parents, friends drank. - Well, tell me! - Well, well catch - you now a fourth! Thief
Joke #6221 —  
 
0
 
You have lived too long in Ireland, if (all the facts - real):

You are not surprised that a hangover - a sufficient reason not to come to work. We must only notify the manager.

You do not know how many pubs in the ten-minute walk from you, but just sure that you do not drink so much.

Ceased to frantically look around, crossing the street: the drivers themselves have to guess where you have gathered to go.

Firmly know that eight in the evening is open only pubs.

Hearing the weekend in the heart of the city proper English speech, understand it - a tourist.

Hearing that something you would do to the environment, mentally make a note call on Friday and find out when you can come.

Surprised that the company had not yet realized not only to issue vouchers to free drink in the nearest pub, but also on the appetizer: all the same tomorrow still work.

Know that the road be repaired in 2006.

've Learned that half of the passers-by in the winter wears shirts with short sleeves, and in summer - in sweaters.

A street tree is no more emotions than oak or pine.

Vladimir
Joke #6220 —  
 
0
 
Wedding night. Young absolutely insatiable. Once, twice, three, sixth ... In the morning the wife begins to doze off, and her husband staggered goes pee. Five minutes it is not, fifteen ... My wife wakes up and goes to look for him in WC. He sees, as he rummages in his underwear and whispers: - Come on ... get out ... I'll train say, she was asleep.
Joke #6219 —  
 
0
 
To save the family normal marital relationship and together find a happy old age, do not be lazy to call home yet from the station.
Joke #6218 —  
 
0
 
Husband on the eve of departure for the trip thinking: "How to verify that changes my wife or not? "I thought and thought and thought. I called my wife and said: - Take off your pants. She: - Why? Husband: - I'm pubic tractor tomorrow. If I arrive and the tractor will not be mean, you've changed. My husband left his wife went to the left. The last day ochuhivaetsya, looks -- tractor no. Says to her lover: - Draw on my pubic tractor, the husband arrives tomorrow. Lover asks: - Tractor with a smoke or not? Wife: - Draw with smoke. Husband arrives and tells his wife: - Take off your pants, show. Wife took off showed. My husband looked at me and said: - No dick you fucked, even brought a tractor!
Joke #6217 —  
 
0
 
- Sometimes we feel sorry that your friend was not a big pig -- sigh hungry Winnie the Pooh, Piglet's roasting at the stake.
Joke #6216 —  
 
0
 
On the shore of the lake rest Georgian, Armenian and Azerbaijani. Wine, barbecues. Suddenly the sky flying saucer, and from her humanoid. It appears and says: y on this planet a paradise! Who is the correct answer to my questions, he will go me. Grusin: I'm pervy! Humanoid: How much will 5 +5? Georgian: desyat! Humanoid: fellow Georgians, climbed into his plate! Humanoid Azerbaijanian: how much will 10 +10? Azerbaijanian: Fifteen! Humanoid: fellow Azerbaijani, climbed into a plate! Humanoid an Armenian: 4,597,892 multiplied by 2,894,560?? The Armenian thinking: Macaw, brother, Nat MEST - and tell me !!!!!!
Joke #6215 —  
 
0
 
Remake of an old joke.

What will people in the developed democracies? - They would have little feet because they will not walk, and will travel to beautiful cars. - They will have small hands, because for them everything will be done exiles and outcasts from the third world. - They will have a small stomach, because they will eat quality organic food and sports. - And they will have big heads, because they will think too much ... Think how to make work for themselves exiles and outcasts.
Joke #6213 —  
 
0
 
If you love sin, please contact the Paganism. Only there you can not upset one god, but several. lovingod.cjb.net
Joke #6212 —  
 
0
 
Press release: "VTsIOM conducted an anonymous poll on the issue: "Will you vote for Putin, VV, if the presidential election held tomorrow? "The responses revealed that for Putin VV would have voted 75% of respondents, 2% of respondents had not yet made a choice and 23% - would have voted against. Currently, the administration President Putin's actively engaged in work on the study list of 23-x percent of the respondents anonymous. "
Joke #6211 —  
 
0
 
- Lieutenant! What is our horse neighing in the yard?
- Yes he is an ass anecdote
Joke #6210 —  
 
0
 
Check your erudition. Try not to look into the answers. So.
What:
1. The device, which allows to see the distant celestial bodies?
Respond? Right, the telescope.
2. The device, which allows to see very small objects?
Of course, the microscope.
3. And here is a little more difficult. The device, which allows to see what is above,
when you are underwater?
Again true. Periscope.
4. And finally - a device that lets you see through walls?
Do not remember? Or not know?
Think again.
Yes, not so good with erudition. 'll Have to tell you the answer, this device
called the window.
Joke #6209 —  
 
0
 
There are two aunts.
- Hey, you know, I have my husband's birthday, so I do not know what
present.
- Do not you know that the best gift - a gift made by his
lips.
Joke #6208 —  
 
0
 
According to rumors, the Armenians developed a very effective vaccine against AIDS,
transmitted only through sexual contact.
Joke #6207 —  
 
0
 
Husband and wife meet in the evening in bed ... Wife:
- Darling, I'm so tired at work, can be bothered, this sex in the ass!
Male (dreamily):
- That's what I think - my ass!
Joke #6206 —  
 
1
 
Conversation between two friends:
- I love her so!
- Well this is great.
- Yeah, but you know how it all like?
- So what?
- Like what? I'm jealous! And suddenly ...
- Jealous - good. But quietly, to herself that she did not know!
- Why?
- You can tell her a great idea if she even before
not think!
Joke #6205 —  
 
0
 
- My love, my dear little wife, give me a jacket.
- And where's my kitty?
- Probably, pupa, in the hallway. I threw it there, when you, goat
my, beat me yesterday mop for my late return home.
Joke #6204 —  
 
0
 
- And the truth say that the cat was ungrateful, selfish
and wrong? Not that dog ...
- True, my pet ...
Joke #6203 —  
 
0
 
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