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If 1 kg of jam + 1 kg = 2 kg of shit shit, why 2 kg of shit
minus 1 kg of shit is not equal to 1 kg of jam?
Joke #8287 —  
 
0
 
Advertising: - Tell me, would you have traded in Putin's three conventional
Presidents?
Joke #8286 —  
 
0
 
Met once Clinton, Kohl and Putin. And tell each other
about the worst case of their careers.
Clinton:
- Well, then I put on the table, Monica and let her cook. Then hear
steps in the hallway ... opened the door and enter the room Senators
journalists. We barely had time to make it appear that inspect the room!
Kohl:
- I decided to do something to see porno in the Bundestag, here called
door, and I have as luck would have seized control ... I barely had time to run
to the telecom and pull the cord from the wall!!
Putin:
- And we somehow got to the table with Yeltsin in the Kremlin .. and only Boris
Nikolaevich began to pour, when suddenly the door opens, on the threshold
Berezovsky appears and begins to shout: "Boris Nikolayevich
Lift the glass !!!!" Yeltsin: "What say toast?"
BAB: "What nafig toast ??!!! glass on the nuclear button !!!!"
Joke #8285 —  
 
0
 
Client - dull vicious beast that must constantly convince
reverse.
The basic principle IMAGEMAKING.
Joke #8284 —  
 
0
 
Message to pager: "Dear, take early Katya from child
garden, will cook meat in aspic. "
Joke #8283 —  
 
0
 
Chef gives the secretary two diskettes:
- Lena, now copy this floppy on this, clean.
A few minutes later, she resorted to tears:
- Ivan Ivanovich, a blank floppy disk copier zazheval!
Mr.Big Snake
Joke #8282 —  
 
0
 
The telephone rings. 1 tone, 2 tone, 3 tone, 4 tone .....
Included Answering Machine:
- The Pentagon, the laboratory for launching nuclear missiles, leave your
coordinates after the beep. Piiiiiii
Amazed caller:
- Eeeeeeeeeee ............!???? I better call you back later !!!!!!
Joke #8281 —  
 
0
 
Muslims invented the harem in order to avoid whoredom,
like Russian.
Joke #8280 —  
 
0
 
Bush appears on television with blue eyes under the eye, a scratched
eyebrow and says that choked on a bagel, when viewed
football match, lost consciousness and hit.
From somewhere far away, behind the scenes, Bush heard the voice of his wife: "Once again
Caught with this bitch, you're with me yet and not choke! "
(C) Robinson of Odessa
Joke #8279 —  
 
0
 
Comes Vovochka darker clouds on the lesson. His teacher asked
happened.
Little Johnny:
- Dad called from abroad, said to my grandmother and I hid
bomb shelter!
Teacher:
- And what happened?
Little Johnny:
- He came to our embassy and saw my mother flirts with
peasant. Well, the man once in the face and received.
Teacher:
- Oh, do not worry, you're saying that your dad every day
hit someone in the face.
Little Johnny:
- Yes, right. But not every day that my father hit on the face
American President!
Joke #8278 —  
 
0
 
1-e blade shaves cleanly, 2-e is cleaner, 24-e polishes teeth ...
Joke #8277 —  
 
0
 
At the reception, namely a sexologist at the
- Doctor, masturbate is harmful?
- What you! This is contrary strengthens muscles.
Bagno from gimnasium
Joke #8276 —  
 
0
 
Milk doubly tasty - if it is pure alcohol!
Joke #8275 —  
 
0
 
Elton John arrives in Moscow. In the evening his friend invites to Moscow
restaurant. Well, sit down, drink. Suddenly, Elton John began to fidget. Friend
he asks:
- Why you need the toilet?
- Generally yes, but I have it.
They sit on. Elton John begins to get nervous. A friend of him:
- Well, what are you doing? Go quietly pee.
- No, no, stand for it.
More time passes. Finally, Elton John sighs, gets up and goes to the toilet.
Returned from there sad and all wet.
Friend:
- So you do not doterpel?
- What is not doterpel. Everywhere the same. Just get up in the urinal, as
immediately all those who side - CAN NOT BE! Why, it's Elton John! - And
Of course, all turn.
Joke #8274 —  
 
0
 
The smaller drivers understand why established stupid road
signs, the more cops are waiting to explain it to them.
Joke #8273 —  
 
0
 
Anniversary - this is where a lot of colors, but you're still alive.
Joke #8272 —  
 
0
 
Morning in an ordinary apartment. His son's room rumbles music. Rushes
enraged father:
- What kind of filth you rumbled!?
- Dad, this same "Ramstein"!
- Harsh music your Jew wrote.
Joke #8271 —  
 
0
 
In Russia, we introduce a new higher rank - degeneral.
Joke #8270 —  
 
0
 
There is a dispute the American, German and Russian on who made the most useful
invention. American:
- We have invented such a thing through which you can see the most distant
stars. Called a telescope.
German:
- We have invented such a thing through which you can see the smallest
atoms. Called a microscope.
Russian:
- And we invented the thing with which you can look through the concrete
wall a meter thick. Called a window.
boria@boria.de
Joke #8269 —  
 
1
 
Povap and waiter watching visitors from kyhni:
- Smotpi, Fed, he eats it, honestly, eat!
Joke #8268 —  
 
0
 
International news: Amendment to the dictionary of Dal. Now, instead of the world
famous phrase "I went to dick" should use the phrase "And who will
in Klin.
Joke #8267 —  
 
0
 
The problem of our country is that workers do not work.
Joke #8266 —  
 
1
 
"Well, that is eaten, but now you can and get some sleep ...
Well, that's sleep, and now she could eat ...."

World History ... the New Year in Russia.
Joke #8265 —  
 
1
 
Male (lovingly):
- You - the best of what happened to me.
Girl (surprised):
- So in fact we're still not happened!
Joke #8264 —  
 
0
 
Ha some ppezentatsii pazgovapivayut podpygi:
- Zin, and Th is something with your tvopitsya? Mopda all kpasnaya eyes
povylazili ...
- Yes again I navepnoe with galstykom pepemydpila ...
Joke #8263 —  
 
0
 
(c) Russia's President Vladimir Putin gathered his colleagues from the Central
Asia and asked them:
- How do you manage so many years of sitting heads of state?
- I declared himself a monarch of Turkmenistan and as a result of this was
life head of the country - Saparmurat Niyazov said.
- Every year I call a referendum in the country and extend the second term
office as president of Uzbekistan - Islam Karimov explained.
- We Askar Akayev began to relatives, married our children. Now
We swapped places - Kazakh President Akayev is working, but I --
President of Kyrgyzstan, - shared experiences Norsultan Nazarbayev.
- I once elected from the government, and another time - from the opposition,
- Said the President of Tajikistan Imomali Rakhmonov.
Putin pondered and then said:
- Maybe I every five years to scroll on TV
Boris Yeltsin's statement on the voluntary resignation and my appointment
his successor?
Joke #8262 —  
 
1
 
Guinness Book 2032: A resident of South Africa Numbi
Kutumba plunged into the water to a depth of 120 meters without scuba gear and stayed
there for ten minutes ... 14-year-old Englishman, Thomas Kafni spent, not
breaking away from computer games, three years ... Ten years without outside
assistance living alone in Antarctica Korean Kim Van Dy ... At the next
referendum again extended his term as president
Islam Karimov ...
Joke #8261 —  
 
0
 
(c) arrives "new Russian" in Turkmenistan, walks in Ashgabat,
guide it says:
- This is a monument to our great Serdar - Turkmenbashi ... This hotel
which belong to the Turkmenbashi ... It's personal plane Turkmenbashi ... This
Palace residence, where, and rules the country ... This Turkmenbashi
University of Turkmenbashi ... This Ruhnama, which was written
Turkmenbashi ... This Turkmen manat, which shows
Turkmenbashi ...
"New Russian" gets a cell phone and call a friend in Moscow:
- Listen, bro, this one is too small, that you too, but he
was steeper than you - local bucks its snapshot!
Joke #8260 —  
 
0
 
"George Bush fainted and fell off the couch in the night from Sunday to
monday. This happened during the soccer matches on
television, when he was lying on the couch and eating pretzels. "--
reports Reuters.
Two blocks from the residence of Bush's car was found abandoned with
Koran and the instructions for baking pretzels in Arabic.
/ / Basilisk
Joke #8259 —  
 
1
 
ELEMENT: 115. TITLE: Woman SYMBOL: Fm DISCOVERER: Adam Atomic mass: 60 kg; also found isotopes from 40 to 250 kg. Prevalence: Very common.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES. Melts at a certain impact. Self-boils and cools without external causes. Coefficient of expansion: increases with age. Hesitates at squeezing in some places.

Properties. Very good interaction with Au, Ag, Pt and other noble metals. Absorbs expensive substance in large quantities. Can suddenly explode. Quickly saturated with ethyl alcohol. Activities vary depending on time of day.

APPLICATION. Widely used for decorative purposes, especially in sports vehicles. Is very efficient and detergent. Helps relax and relieve stress.

Qualitative reaction. Learner green color, if there is another example of a quality.

PRECAUTIONS. When injected into the inexperienced hands represents a serious danger. Do not have more than one sample. However, you can have a greater number of samples, but should keep them separate from each other, so way that they do not interact with each other.
Joke #7997 —  
 
0
 
Cabinet tooth. Doctor: - The patient, you are now emboldened? Patient: - Yes, doctor, now just try to come to my tooth. Rock Hawk (2:5020 / 1243.5)
Joke #7996 —  
 
0
 
Businessman comes home, sits down, opens his notebook and makes it tick: - So .. debt owed to the bank repaid. Wife: - Kohl, you know ... I'm now changed. Businessman makes a second check: - Double duty - too!
Joke #7995 —  
 
0
 
Moderator: - You do not win, but how did you enjoy the race itself? - Spanking we liked, so I do not win. (a) MAG
Joke #7994 —  
 
0
 
How does an intelligent man from a fool?
Silly tells anecdote
Joke #7993 —  
 
0
 
Forty years Moses led the Jews through the desert, but all to no.
Susanin something with a couple of days coped.
Joke #7992 —  
 
0
 
We've got a tragedy ... In our tower block burst sewers,
which flooded the switchboard, because of what turned out the light.
And at this time riding in the elevator attendant, plumber and electrician ...
Joke #7991 —  
 
0
 
If you're crushing a toad, a toad above mean!
Joke #7990 —  
 
0
 
My wife just amazing sexual compatibility: for example,
day before yesterday we were both tired, and yesterday they both had a headache.
Joke #7989 —  
 
0
 
One couple for many years lived a very active sex life. But suddenly her husband
suffered a heart attack. The doctor warned him that if he wants to live
further, it would have to stop all kinds of sexual contact, otherwise
heart may simply not survive. To avoid temptation, husband and wife
decided to sleep in different rooms. After a week of such a life husband had
sad and thought: "Whether that will be!" At night he goes out of the room is
the corridor and suddenly faces there, nose to nose with his wife. He says:
- You know, dear, I am now going to commit suicide.
- I - murder.
Joke #7988 —  
 
0
 
What happens if you are from Moscow and become acquainted with the provincial girl.

You are getting started in the institute, she said that she was from Belgorod.
If her name Kuropatkin, it must mention, that is
relative of the very famous General Kuropatkin.
You will learn that she does not drink. And if he drinks beer and then only in a small
quantity.
A week later, she said that in love with you.
A week and a few days you will know that you are second, with whom she has
sex.
Two weeks later, she invites you to get married.
After three - to get married.
He refuses to do blowjob, arguing that it can not and do: "it is --
disgusting.
A month later she acclimatized in Moscow, and you start to make out of it
rights.
You explain that:
In the subway on the escalator are right.
Clothing with Cherkizovsky market and the store Sasch two completely different
things.
McDonald's - not a restaurant.
Drink more liters of beer at a time and not get drunk for educated girls --
a bad habit.
There are many newspapers and magazines, except for "Seven Days".
Bought a cat is not called a human named "Pasha".
Internet is useful.
After three months of your acquaintance she receives from you the necessary experience
and knowledge and gets a job.
Four months later, said that greeted the work of a man who
became her friend.
You do not pay any attention to this.
From her learn that she lives next to Belgorod, a city Valuiki.
Come to find out and breaking her mailbox, you hit the number of its
friends, we were previously unaware.
Returning in the summer of Sochi, know that Valuiki are three hundred miles
from Belgorod.
The girl makes you the first time blowjob. Are you surprised her professionalism,
but do not pay attention.
Five months later, it notifies you that goes to a friend
running concurrently in foreign intelligence. You are surprised.
Having broken the brothers, cops, GE-Biesty, take a "friend" in the invisible mites.
Your favorite occupation is assembling and disassembling the machine Kalashnikov
5.45. Do you know the price of thick, plastids, TNT, ammonal, RDX.
Of murder want to commit himself.
When her life and the lives of the unsuspecting "friend" hanging on
balance, common sense takes up.
You send it to dick, asking the brothers, cops, GE-Biesty leave it
development.
You are nothing more surprised to learn that:
Six months of life thrown in the trash.
The girl threw and "other", found another Loja.
Even after half a liter of vodka girls from Valuiki not too intoxicated.
You poimeli morally and physically.
Your ex-girlfriend - a professional whore + list on three sheets with
whom, where and when.
But you still continue to think that the best girls - not
Muscovite.
And indeed it is!
vvv_555@mail.ru
Joke #7987 —  
 
0
 
After buying the Korean car KIA, for some reason I just wanted
get a phone NOKIA.
Dimarik
Joke #7986 —  
 
0
 
Bad habit of drinking vodka in the evenings creates a good habit to drink
morning yogurt and mineral water ...
Joke #7985 —  
 
0
 
A happy employee of private pension fund runs into
Office of the Director:
- Ivan Ivanovich, imagine, we have just had a client who
laid out $ 3 million in cash and has designed a lifetime pension
10 thousand dollars a month until the end of life. Cute such an expensive
cloak. In my opinion, this is a well-known actor singers ...
General, quickly reviewing the contract, turned purple:
- Idiot! You're fired! That was Duncan McLeod!
Joke #7984 —  
 
0
 
If the month were not so long, our salaries do not seem to
so small.
Joke #7983 —  
 
0
 
Wife to her husband:
- Do what is there for an hour gurgle? You allow the doctor
only one glass a day!
Husband:
- So I'm a glass! This for November 9, 2008!
Joke #7982 —  
 
0
 
Met two bachelorette pad.
First:
- Last night I was walking down a dark street, when suddenly I saw in front of a man's silhouette!
Well, I run!
Second:
- Caught up?
Joke #7981 —  
 
0
 
Viagra - 3-minute demo.
Joke #7980 —  
 
0
 
There are two Jews, who have long not seen.
- Hi Abram, how long I have not seen you!
- Hi Moishe, very glad to see you again. Come on let's go to the bar?
- And who treats?
- Well ... Come this way: out, you see the fountain? Each of us puts her head down under
water. Who was the first he shall take off the head of the water, and he treats.
- Come on.
... The next day the newspapers carried the message: "Yesterday in the fountain at
Central Square drowned two Jews.
Joke #7979 —  
 
0
 
Jew arrives from New York to Tel Aviv with two huge suitcases and
through customs. The officer asked the contents of suitcases. Jew
opened the first suitcase - he is full of notes for $ 1. The officer asked:
- How do you explain where you have so much money and all for 1 $?
- For several years I have traveled the entire United States far and wide. There
I often go to a public toilet, walked to some
American facing the urinal, and said to him:
"Donate one dollar in aid to Israel, and then I'll cut off the eggs.
Customs officer did not believe this, laughing heartily, asked:
- What have you got in the second suitcase?
- You see, not everyone saw me seriously ...
Joke #7978 —  
 
0
 
Two countries - the two tragedies.

USA - 11 September.
Canada - February 11.
Joke #7977 —  
 
0
 
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