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What would happen if, in those times, when sent the dogs Belka and Strelka
space, it would have been the new Russian ???..... They have scored
Arrow, and sent into space only a squirrel.
Joke #8572 —  
 
0
 
Constitution Day holiday to the past as far back as last Sunday.
Joke #8571 —  
 
0
 
In Russia, ended with the Germans, and the deputy remained out of work.
Joke #8570 —  
 
0
 
Paradox clothing market: it is possible for U.S. money to buy from persons
Caucasians Italian products made in China,
then purely in Russian indignant, saying that the Jews brought the country.
Joke #8569 —  
 
0
 
Georgians decided to put a new fence. Suitable for him neighbor:
- You're wrong, Vano, a fence to build!
- Why, Givi?
- Krivoy it you will!
(and tells him how to put a fence)
Did Vano fence, and calls Givi thank him.
- Givi, for what you helped me to make this fence, on the ram for you!
- Are you crazy! I'm not helping you to do it, just suggested. And!
- You simply must take from me this ram!
- I would not take it!
- Well, imagine that I have long, long ago, you took the ram, and I forgot!
And I now I will give it to you. ...
In general, so they have a half-hour of sheep fro
move, completely confused.
And beyond the fence the whole picture watching a third of Georgians. Charter in the end, they
Georgian to address this:
- Hey, my friend! Help me to judge. What we want to do?
He thought a moment and said:
- In my opinion, you want my horse spizdit!
Joke #8568 —  
 
0
 
Comes a skeleton in a restaurant.
Waiter:
- What would you like?
Skeleton:
- As usual: a bottle of vodka and a rag.
Joke #8567 —  
 
0
 
The gallant young man, helping the girl up:
- Oh Ppekpasnaya stranger! How I envy the ice, you are now on the eccentricity
fell!
- It is better to be envied by Vaska, eccentricity my pipe hayot #!
Joke #8566 —  
 
0
 
Mueller walked along the narrow corridor of the Reich Chancellery and saw the
graceful, powerful, courageous back.
- Stirlitz - thought Mueller.
- Yes, this time, you are right - in response thought Stirlitz.
Joke #8564 —  
 
0
 
There are two friends. One enthusiastic:
- Oh, finally, my dream has come true! I am in the theater! I breathe it
unique theatrical air!
- And who are you seeking?
- Duty in the toilet!
Joke #8563 —  
 
0
 
Yesterday, finally slept for the first time with the girl. Well, nothing in this particular
no! Warmer, of course, but it very closely!
Joke #8562 —  
 
0
 
There is a man on the street, watching, where yesterday the usual slot machines
stood - casino ofigenno. And the ad - only we have no regrets
gambling. Well, he goes - within chic and shine. Played - won
still played - again. Joyful such enough of how much you can carry,
only wants to leave - music box fit, fuck, the money was confiscated, and peasant
vyshvirnuli. And what do you want? Jackpot change the style, the rules remain
same.
Joke #8561 —  
 
0
 
After yesterday's drinking were all bad. Body does not wish to obey
hosts. Back to Top of it was quite impossible.
First opened his eyes Newton. Ostogramilsya. After 100 grams of Newton has
easier. He could not even walk ...
Half an hour later he took another hundred grams. Has become quite well.
Suddenly, Newton realized that he made a discovery. More precisely, even two. First:
all bodies are attracted to the Earth. Second: it, Newton's body still
can overcome the force of gravity, but it must take
100 grams.
... Since then, the force of Earth's gravity acting on a 100 gram
alcohol, called 1 Newton.
Joke #8560 —  
 
0
 
Veshnyakov announce the results of the election:

B - United Russia!
Gryzlov - I!
B - 40% of the votes (winks)

In - the Communist Party!
Zyuganov - I!
In - 13% of the votes ... and do not argue

In - the Liberal Democratic Party!
Zhirinovsky - definitely we are!
B - 12% of votes

B - Block, Rodina!
Glazyev - Here we are!
B - 10.5% of votes

E - Against all!
silence ..
E - Against all!
silence ...
B - Here's a pancake, a title, and such a party - they have 6.7%, and they even
on the announcement of the results did not come!
Joke #8559 —  
 
0
 
What is the similarity Democrats and martyrs?
Both are not passed in the State Duma ..
Joke #8558 —  
 
0
 
The slogan in the student canteen: "Catch Mouse - EAT Do not hurry!"
Joke #8324 —  
 
0
 
Last night, President Bush came to consciousness, lying on the floor next to his dog, after he choked on a bagel. At the same time president of North Korea came to consciousness, lying on the floor next to the bundle bagels, after he choked on a dog.
Joke #8323 —  
 
0
 
You suffer from hair in the nose, women do not like your bald head? We will solve your problems! Clinic Real Trans Hair.
Joke #8322 —  
 
0
 
Anecdote-a story told by former American soldier in Vietnam: Samovlyubenny general is on a small street American town. Towards - a drunken soldier, who thickly asks: "Where should I go now?" General: "Do you know with whom you say?" Soldier again: "Where should I go?" General, sulkily: "Do you know with whom you say?" Soldier: "Disgusting ... I do not know where to go, but you do not know who you are yourself!
Joke #8321 —  
 
0
 
Seems my cat is gay. The last few times when I had, he hardly struggled.
Joke #8320 —  
 
0
 
From today's news:

"In hockey team Russia will no longer be a player under the number" one ": form with that number players team gave at today's meeting President of Russia.

... Learning of the initiative of Russian hockey, the National Sports Committee decided: from now on be awarded to all Russian championships only silver and bronze medals. Gold medals all the championships, as a sign respect, will now be awarded to President of Russia.

(c) Second Lieutenant Oak
Joke #8319 —  
 
0
 
According to foreign news agencies yesterday, Vladimir Putin received a gift from Boris Berezovsky: package bagels and a few cassettes of American football. Vihor
Joke #8318 —  
 
0
 
The patient is a surgeon preparing for surgery. From the surgeon's hands and the terrible smoke shaking. The patient realized that he was drunk and frightened, said: - I'm afraid to go for surgery. You can hardly stand on my feet! You are not able to operate on me. - Spokyno. Everything will be fine. Only show where you have a stomach, and I just do not see. Genius
Joke #8317 —  
 
0
 
Love to stroke, but broke the iron? - Buy a cat! Tomminoker
Joke #8316 —  
 
0
 
Lettings student session. The professor asks: - Where is America? Student shows on the map. - And where is Russia? Student shows again. - So, - the professor says. Three points. - WHY? For I know the geography well! - This is the first question has been geography, and the second on the anatomy ...
Joke #8315 —  
 
0
 
In fact, pedophiles are good people, only children of their spoiled.
Joke #8313 —  
 
0
 
Christmas offer from the network of restaurants "Firs-sticks": Children's Day - a holiday tree, as the night - for adults -....
Joke #8312 —  
 
0
 
Yeltsin watching TV, and sighs: "Ah, you had me, when dropped from bridge into the river, to say that choked on a bagel ...".
Joke #8311 —  
 
0
 
This woman must be cut down a tree, destroying a house and raise a daughter.
Joke #8310 —  
 
0
 
There are two guys. - Listen, I was recently in Brussels. Saw them "Manneken Pis". Nothing outstanding ... - Come on! He's a kid again!
Joke #8309 —  
 
0
 
A man sits and drinks in a dimly lit bar. He leans over to a large blonde on a nearby chair and said: - Want to hear a funny joke about blondes? Blonde says: - You should consider this well before you tell me such jokes. I - blonde, 188cm height, 94kg weight, professionally doing triathlons and bodybuilding. My neighbor - also a blonde, 185cm, 97kg - a professional wrestler in wrestling, and her neighbor -- blonde, 190cm, 103kg - "professional" in Thai boxing. So as you'll tell a joke? The man thought a moment and said: - If I have to explain it three times - then no.
Joke #8308 —  
 
0
 
... from all the seasons I hate morning and Monday ...
Joke #8307 —  
 
0
 
- You, too, from Peter? - Yes. - And a lot of you there yet?
Joke #8306 —  
 
1
 
Abraham! You know how I am to you! If you have tribulation: bankrupt your company, your bank will collapse, burn your house - come me. Laugh together.
Joke #8305 —  
 
0
 
Bal. Lieutenant Rzhevskij stands by the column, it is suitable for a girl. - Lieutenant, you dance? - Girl, I hate these crappy dancing, so I stand here and spew pull-in ... - Lieutenant, and you read "War and Peace"? - I?? "War and Peace"?? Girl, you're mad! Yes I do read hate, but it is thick as shit in his hands he took, so almost crap-in with disgust! - Lieutenant, and you were in Paris? - In Paris? I?? This fucking-with-a backwater?? You my Jew Hold?? I - Lieutenant RZHEVSK and smelly Paris ??!!! You know Zhmerinka? Here is the city! And pobuhat, and the piano can not give a shit, sir, and fun-s and Paris - the same dog-shit with ... - Lieutenant, and you ... - No! - Lieutenant, and ... - Bae! The girl is offended, goes away. Rzhevskij: - That's shit! Again failed to meet ... Crazy Dennis
Joke #8304 —  
 
-1
 
- Grandson, I understand how you young, it is difficult to live. Here, take this, I'll condom connected.
Joke #8303 —  
 
1
 
Letter to the Editor music programs: - Our sergeant hates Kirkorov. He said that if it again hear, then shot himself! Please convey Kirkorov's song "The only my "," My Bunny "and control the song" Shika ladies. "
Joke #8302 —  
 
1
 
Teacher: - The theme of today's class - "The solution of quadratic equations." The whole class: - Oo-oo-oo ... Teacher: - Hu okay, okay, we dance a little in the end, listen to music.
Joke #8301 —  
 
0
 
Buy for any coordinates grandmother who wrote anecdote
Joke #8300 —  
 
0
 
- I bought a car yesterday steep: five-liter, automatic, electronic
stuffed, operates silently, 2001 issue, with only Germany
brought to 1600 rpm keeps ...
- And what kind of brand?
- Stiralka Boshovskaya ...
Joke #8299 —  
 
0
 
Kazakh steppe, it means that around, and runs a small stream ...
Shepherd is sitting by the river, the fish catches, a flock of grazing ..
Here, then, gold fish caught. Well she says:
- Come, shepherd, will fulfill three wishes, then let go ..
Shepherd:
- And you said, to make sure that somewhere in the distance
a thread Kazakh warrior galloped? Well, for example, Kabanbay warrior.
I, grit, fighting spirit from him I want to charge ...
... and somewhere in the distance galloped warrior.
Fish:
- Come other wish.
Shepherd:
- And you can do so that he galloped closer and sensitive slowly.
I, grit, I want him even more fighting spirit to get ..
Fish - I can grit.
Again Kabanbay warrior galloped been a little closer and a little slower.
Fish:
- Well, grit, let third wish.
Shepherd:
- And you can, grit, so Kabanbay warrior just around the corner and galloped
something told me this battle that I ever charged
fighting spirit and he was.
Fish - I can grit ..
And again gallops, then Kabanbay warrior around the corner, stops
and so menacingly at him though, grit:
- What are you, bitch, the names of other Kazakh Knights do not know?
Joke #8298 —  
 
0
 
Marriage, like life - is a constant struggle: first for the association
then for equality, and then for independence.
Joke #8297 —  
 
0
 
Waiting at hospital nurse father makes triplets:
- And you are not afraid that so many of them?
- No ...
- Then, hold these, but I'll go for the rest!
Joke #8296 —  
 
0
 
The motto of the laboratory:
"If something goes right - switch off and look for error!"
Joke #8295 —  
 
0
 
Milk doubly cheerful, if after the cucumbers!
Joke #8294 —  
 
0
 
In the car is a woman:
- Good people, who submit as my little boy will be able to operation ...
my little boy Vova for operation ... on anti-terrorist operation in
Chechnya ...
Joke #8293 —  
 
0
 
All the same people - the paradoxical essence.
If a loud cry of A-AAA at the library, then people just puzzled
look. And if you do the same in the plane, then join.
Joke #8292 —  
 
0
 
The caption under the sign "Overtaking is forbidden:
Dear women, the sign applies not only to cars
red and black!
Joke #8291 —  
 
0
 
The old tongue-twister in a new way: It was Bush on the highway and sucked dry
Joke #8290 —  
 
0
 
(c) finished one, then pedagogical university and came near to
find a job history teacher at a local school. He said there, they say,
There are currently no vacancies, but there is one place in the school for children
"New Russian". Sighing, the young man agreed and went on
specified address.
Sees, but there are mansions with iron gates, cameras at the fences,
"Parabola" on the roof, "Mercy" shestisotykh on parking, security comes from
weapons. They carry out the teacher to the director, and he says to him:
- That's good, we need teachers in history - the subject demand
chaps. Okay, go to classes, listen to how things are there
classes, and then go to your lesson.
Young man, of course, agreed and went into the first class.
There was a lesson of geometry. Strict teacher, making raspaltsovku,
told:
- Tale, the conversation will be short. He lived in Ancient Greece dude on klikuhe
Pythagoras, who went without pants. Once made himself out of scraps of his pants, but
trouser leg looked in different directions. Hence, Pythagoras made a discovery --
"Pythagorean pants all sides are equal" ...
Stunned, the teacher ran out of the class and moved to the next room,
which held a geography lesson. Fat teacher, throwing his feet on the table,
said:
- Not-story building, boys, Turkey is not on Kaifu - there Aspire One, there should not be
ride. Best of Cyprus - this is where all the real bratelniki deck
clog ...
And the island of Cyprus is in a puddle, referred to as the Mediterranean ...
Young man in amazement passes in the third grade lesson on the chemistry and
there listening, how to carry out experiments:
- Takes it fufolo, referred to as blue vitriol, mixed with this
chippie, which is known to you as the water ...
Unable to stand, a graduate university leaves the occupation, and runs into the office
Director.
- What did you teach the children here? - He shouted. - It nepedagogichno!
A director in response:
- Here the teachers are at a thousand bucks a month and tell lessons
as clear normal children. If you need a school for suckers, then
is the next street ...
A young teacher sighs and agrees to work. By accessing the classroom, he
looks at children and begins his subject:
- In the general case, boys, 600 years ago, organized crime from
Golden Horde harassed Kievan Rus', but in 1380 the local lads on
gathering selected authority - Prince Don, and together they scored
arrows Tatars on Kulikovo field ...
(Alisher Taksanov)
Joke #8289 —  
 
0
 
A man with a wife stopped a taxi.
Guy:
- Tell me how much it costs to get to market?
Taxi driver:
- One hundred rubles.
Guy:
- And if, along with his wife?
Taxi driver:
- One hundred rubles.
The man turns to his wife:
- I told you, you fool, that you did not deserve it !!!!!
Joke #8288 —  
 
0
 
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