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- You stung me with a fork!
- Oh, excuse me! I thought, once the elbow is in my plate ...
- Soon will take the last bus.
- Nothing, soon will the first tram.
What to give the girl, girl, woman, depending on age?
- Up to 14 years: a stuffed hare
- 14-18: live hare with ears
- 18-24: rubber "rabbit" from sexshop
- 24-30: Angora rabbit
- 30-40: a set of saucepans emalirovarovannyh with painted hares
- 40-60: monumental painting "Father Mazzei and rabbits" (to the country to hang)
- Over 60: a set of porcelain zaychat (on a sideboard set)
- Over 120: family crying porcelain rabbits (to place around
- Where have you broken rib?
- Yes, in your own bed.
- And how did you managed?
- And just like that. He pressed to his woman and say: "Manya, writing ...". Well she told me
and gave with all his elbow.
- Yes, and you have the same pernicious woman! This is it always gives you?
- No, only when the names confused.
Strongly screwy guy walks into a woman's toilet and starts to cast it.
Around the perturbation:
- Where do you come? Here is only for women!
A man with a grievance pointing out that in his hand:
- And this, I ask, for whom?
Wife - her husband:
- My dear, you know, our new maid though hard, but too
inexperienced. Only that it overcook your steak. But as
compensation - playfully adds his wife - you get a kiss!
- Very good - responsible husband. - I'm waiting for her in the office.
Kohl (former Chancellor) and Schroeder (now Chancellor) sit on the bank of the river and
rybachat. A crowd of curious watching both. Kohl caught a fish and immediately
hitting her on the head. We hear disgruntled cries: "The villain, a murderer,
glutton! ". Kohl became nervous, threw the fish back into the water.
Here Schroeder gets a fish on a hook. He pulls it, puts on his knees
and gently stroked. Spectators sentimental. Schroeder said Kohl:
- Understand? Everybody is happy, and fish all the same die.
In the railway carriage elderly woman turns to athletic
- Young man, you could not release for me, the bottom shelf?
- I can! You in any coupe?
There are two friends. One of them asked:
- What is it? For you ill!
- Oh, nothing, just happened to me yesterday with a terrible case.
- Come tell me!
- Why, I returned home yesterday. Suddenly I ran up to the maniac with
fly was open and took out voooot such ...
- And then what?
- I'm away - ran away, he followed me. I ran with all my strength back streets - it does
behind. And suddenly I found myself in a deadlock! I look around to see if
door, how to knock, ask for help - nothing! And then he gave me as
- Well, it will all end?
- You know, I was lucky: he just slammed me. And imagine
if they gave me on the head - would kill!
- How old maid can "revive" their sex life?
- Change the batteries.
- How to double Russia's GDP?
1) Get a few bottles of vodka.
2) Put in front of a portrait of GDP.
3) Drink until doubled.
- As the Bush Jr. Jr. Jr. ...- Jr., in connection with the fact
that in Iraq there is no longer any Iraqi, U.S.
Administration will look for Iraqis around the world and still
give them freedom, democracy and liberate the Iraqi people
What is common between gos.chinovnikom and the code of the program?
- On what basis can judge, that a man can
- He is a member.
- What do you call a man, obviously despises women and makes all
possible to put them a laughing stock?
- The great couturier.
A woman tells a friend:
- Just imagine, yesterday we had dinner with her husband by candlelight.
- Wow! And then what?
- And then the light in the house repaired.
- Who is more at the time of feigns a love relationship, man or
- Naturally, male: female, of course, has a remarkable ability
simulate orgasm, but a man simulates the senses from the beginning to
- Dad, but it's true that swans sing before he died?
- True, my son, though.
- Why did they sing before he died?
- Well, what do you have me silly! Are they able to sing after death?
- Little Johnny, get dressed, we'll take you to the grandparents.
- Mom, I do not want to go and see them!
- Little Johnny, go faster, but then we're late.
- But there is such a bore!
- Little Johnny, not naughty, now 8 am and 5 we'll take you.
- Well, what I will do up to 5 hours at the cemetery?
- Little Johnny - the teacher asks sarcastically - you could not
I explain why the essay, which you yesterday, I passed the word to
word coincides with the composition, written by your brother in the past year?
- And what is there surprising, Chenopodium Ivan? We've got a general nurse.
Hamsters died of obesity, but happy ...
- You frequently arguing with his wife?
- We do not quarrel!
- How can it be?
- And immediately turn to fight!
Win not a number, but ability!
Boy - girl:
- What have you got in your hand?
- The strange birthmark, DMB-96 "...
- Men! Give the girl a spin!
- And what do you give for it?
- All you want ladies!
- Well, you're writing a first - and then we run over him.
- No, it does not work ...
- Why not? In sober morality does not allow?
- What nach * th morality?! I've got a dildo stuck ...
Interesting. Beer is nonalcoholic, and heartburn - is real.
- Listen, Vanya is something a homosexual, it turns out!
- How do you know?
- Ass feel ...
After the next turn off the water and heating was held in Vladivostok
demonstration dirty scumbag.
Night call the police to a street intersection:
- Hurry! Here the man from the "zebra" crushed.
- Well, crushed - it is understandable. And that's where he took a zebra? Yes, even at night?
My wife comes home, holding the steering wheel. Says her husband:
- Tell me, do you think about my car just as the usual means
movement or is it you sentimental feelings is more important?
Experienced deputy without complexes fulfill any fantasies of wealthy
gentlemen. Voting without breaking virginity faction, group
vote, play with the change of orientation, anger, oral presentation,
massage speaker, conducting the necessary legislation without gum.
Transvistit according to the customer large sums abroad.
Two heads are better safe atom.
Here, at last, and to the cannery came to high technology - now
they produce data banks!
Previously electronics repair shops resemble scientific
and now at the brothels for women: disconnected - pop in and pay money.
In Azerbaijan, held a rally: "No Drugs, yes!"
Koljan asked his friend, a drug addict:
- Pavlik, and you can get hooked on marijuana?
- No, two years of smoking every day, you see - not sat down!
35 - Baba berry again.
41 - Baba again mandarin.
How to have the perfect relationship - five rules for women
1. It is important to have a man who helps at home, cleans, prepares and sometimes
2. It is important to have a man who has a sense of humor.
3. It is important to have a man you can trust and who will not deceive you.
4. It is important to have a man with whom good in bed, and that you
5. Very, very important that all these 4 guy did not know each other ...
Today, one of the police, passing intelligence test,
showed a stunning result: as soon as he picked up a Rubik's cube
it took him only 10 (!) seconds to swallow it.
- If you listen to me, that was born a boy!
A man arrives in a provincial town and stops at the hotel not
the highest class, and there are a number "lucky": in the next room
newlyweds were conducting there honeymoon. Since
soundproofing there such a purely symbolic, to reach all the peasant Ohi,
Ahi and moans from the next room and he can not sleep. Across
some time, he does not stand up and starts yelling:
- Hey, you, how many can? Other people want to sleep!
After a pause, a male voice from behind the wall says:
- Repeat, please, louder, she can not hear you!
"Well it's time and money to earn," - said Harry Potter and painted their
stick in black and white stripes.
Husband and wife.
- My dear, let him in our house never heard those horrible two words:
on x * j, bl * d ' "
- Well, what a certain word?
Abiturientka Hohriakova at a stretch was the contest in
Theater Institute. Although it stretched all the members of the commission.
- Because of what you loved me?
- Due to the eye!
- You just like my eyes?
- No, just my bad eyesight.
Wife - her husband:
- I was leaving, I was out 6 weeks! And now I go - and that
see? You do not care, you're a mouth full of water, you is not
no words to tell me! Not a kind word after
my six-week absence!
- Why? There is a word.
- Thank you.
They talk to the two 'brother:
- Do you giving what?
- Well, how ... Regular ... Six hundred square ...
- Normally ... a plot?
Lover, he is also a member of the family ... as Acting
The new Nokia 3100 with batteries based on enriched uranium - to light!
- This is your Sunglasses?
- No! Lunozaschitnye!
- How is it?
- For the lunatics!