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- And my mother-in-law - "tear off and throw it!
- Bad egg?
- No, the conductor on the trolley runs.
Hospital number 389, after long and unsuccessful attempts to find a cleaner
transformed into mud baths.
In the fifth year of marriage the couple broke the TV.
- Damn! - Exclaimed the husband, turned on the light and picked up a book.
- Well, I never! - To surprise his wife. - Can you read?
The terrible pangs of conscience leads to her death.
At the Odessa market.
- Young man, why did you score such a small rabbit?
There is almost no meat!
- I scored it! Good day! He's dead!
Advertising: This kid is so weak and defenseless, but at 3 o'clock and his trampling
meow convince you otherwise. Buy this scum Whiskas and Catsan,
that he had something to do.
/ / Demiurg
Army - a place where people combines with the unpleasant useless.
The army regularly suffer from strokes: subordinate shove them to you in the wheel
and bosses - in the ass.
Where's the blonde hair might be black?
Between the teeth.
- Blondes - fools, brunettes - cruel boy, red - whores ... A normal woman
in this world is? ...
- Yes. Look in the mirror, dear!
Cocoa is the slogan for Arnold Schwarzenegger in the next election
Governor of California?
I `LL BE BACK!!!
Elections in California:
"victory of brute force over reason"
As a guy met a girl by a contrario?
Tell a friend: "Go away, you nasty!"
Petya found a popular magazine on the flight case. Decided to Vasili
Ivanovich trophy fly on a plane. They sat in the cockpit, Petka reads,
- Create your own engine - the key clockwise to the right.
- Gas to go.
- Rudder themselves.
- Made and fly!
- Dead loop - until the end of the wheel itself, must fly up.
- Now driving on my own - must fly straight down.
- Made, Petka, quickly something like flying!
- Vasily Ivanovich, writing that "Continuing in the next issue!
If California was not in America but in Russia, it
Governor would not Terminator, but Cheburashka, or Masyanya.
Marijuana LITE: just want to smile!
- Well, just a hundred and fifty or one hundred and first, and then a hundred
Estonian Shooting Sport Federation has once again turned to
The International Olympic Committee with a request to target "running
boar "on target" sleeping sloth. "
- What's your name?
- Sam Samych!
- So girls you do not have?
The morning crush ...
What could be nicer? Action available to all comers. You will be surprised not
only the effect, but the process itself. All day you'll remember those moments
who conducted a stampede. Wake up and immediately participate!
Details you can find in any of our public transport
Come, we are waiting for you!
- Guess sooner any desire!
- And what?
- Star Falls!
- Yes, out! - Kirkorov with the 20 th floor!
In the presidential elections in Russia in 2008 won by a native
With anguish State Duma deputies were preparing to move to
Far Eastern northern capital.
Former husband and wife meet in a few years after the divorce.
It is - it will not look, it - on the contrary: the road to Impress, car
bryuliki and all that ...
He sarcastically looking at all this luxury:
- Well, and who are these lucky people?
Sgt been produced on a unit for the visit of the inspecting
- Colonel usually ask three questions: "How old are you?" How long have you
serve in the army? What kind of life you prefer - the military or
Civil? "Your answers must be such as:" Twenty years "
"Six months" and "Both." Hack to death those answers myself on the nose.
On the appointed day the colonel arrived and, bypassing the formation of soldiers, turned
one of them:
- How long do you serve?
- Twenty years, sir.
- How old are you?
- Six months.
The colonel leaned toward the soldier, and quietly, as a friend asked him:
- How do you think, whose head is not in order, your or mine?
- Both, sir.
- Here's your baby!
- But I have no children!
- You are a girl of easy virtue year ago called?
- Well ...
- Do you have it all happen?
- Well ...
- You are her money for services provided?
- Well ...
- Well then your child!
Beeline - that paid for it forever!
- Do you have hobbies?
- Yes. I - Green numismatist!
- Collect American bucks.
In the same office appeared vacancy accountant. Girl comes to
interview, they ask: How much is two plus two?
The first replies: four.
The administration figured: not suitable, too right.
Second says: but how much do you want?
The administration thinks: not suitable, too pliable.
The third one is: 79!
Bosses: How so?
Girl: very easy, 50 you, 25 I, 4 in cash.
Was the Papuans Russian, German, American. They said that if
one of them will say a word, which they do not know - would be released,
Well, no - go to feed!
German thought and said: "Mobile phone". Papuans aside retreated
whispered together, fit: "This gryat such shtuchka with buttons - do they
press and then you can talk with one another ". ate a German.
American thought-thought: OK, mobiles with a nation carries --
seen. Come on: "Computer!" - Says.
Papuans aside withdrew whispered together, fit: "This is a box in
bukovki which you can print and play with toys! ". ate and
Russian, I realized that disappears and says: "FSB!
Papuans aside withdrew whispered together, fit: "We do not know, dear, come
his way. But first explain to us who they are! "
Russian: "Yes they are the same bastards like you! Depart, whispered together - and
no man! "
Man was created to love as a bird for flight. Roosters do not count.
The professor wrote on the blackboard with colored chalk. Voice from the back row:
- Professor, blue is not visible!
- Blue can move to the first row.
The Holy Synod has deprived father Vladimir dignity priest,
for the fact that he married in church two gay men.
"Pidarasy" - he thought his father Vladimir.
Neto Governor Terminator is better!
Schwarzenegger became governor of California. The first decree of the Prosecutor
state appointed terminator T-1000 ...
Politics of America:
Stage 1 - George Bush Junior - President
Stage 2 - Arnold Shvartsnegr - Governor
The next stage - Mike Tyson - Secretary of State (Foreign Minister)
Diplomat from it will not be worse than the first two presidents and
A man from the distant wilderness shares his impressions with odnoselyanami after
trip to Moscow.
- Wonders where I've seen enough ... The first miracle - the underground tram. Metro
The second miracle - the bus with horns - trolley called.
But the miracle of miracles - football is.
In: is a huge bowl of it to the people by the thousand.
Suddenly, at the bottom of the cup run out of eleven men in red shirts and
red shorts and eleven white maykh and white shorts.
All lined up.
Well, we still drank.
Here one runs out in black and with the ball under his arm.
Well, we drank more.
This in a black whistle blew ... and rain.
On Sunday, Anastasia Myskina personally congratulated the first president of Russia.
On Monday - the second.
You do not know who she was talking on Tuesday?
John Paul II has proven that he can still be Pope
Title to Lenta.ru
Inspired by a trip to Switzerland.
Q: What would happen if Mount Everest was in Switzerland?
Answer: At the top of Everest would be hotels, restaurants and pub.
Board of Directors: If a job must try to understand --
honest man or not. Because noticed that honest people steal
"And yesterday sent by mail
Two mysterious letters:
In each line, only the points --
Guess, they say, very ... "
- And Th thinking - so the encoding must be changed!
In the bus:
- Man! Once you lay down on me at all, then at least do not sleep!
- Mama, can we will be friends with Petya?
- Make friends, but only in a condom!
Two friends talking:
- My wife was a whore in a past life.
- How do you know?
- I killed her yesterday.
Teacher in the classroom:
- Guys, a feat of great man you would like to repeat?
- I want to repeat the feat Zoe Kosmodemyanskoy!
- I - Alexander Matrosov!
- And I want to repeat the feat of Giacomo Casanova. All, all his deeds!
One man says to another:
- I've bought my wife a vibrator!
- I'm all for old-fashioned way - all hands, hands ...
There comes a lady to a sexologist and complains, they say just can not
arrange sex life.
- Yes what is it? - Asks the doctor, rather handsome man.
- You know, doctor, I have "this very" small, delicate, so
I just mortally important penis size. But nobody on the street
no-shows, so I did and I can not start a dating service, still afraid to
too large bump.
- Well, it's just elementary. That walking down the street, you saw
liked the man, looked at his nose, ears - but multiplied by
three - here's the size of its economy.
- So easily?
- Of course, all women are so determined - responsible doctor, rubbing his long
- Ha-ha-ha (lady, mouth wide open)! The doctor, now I have all the men
- Yes, but they have a way to judge you.
- How is it?
- Yes tripled the size of your lips!
- (Worriedly narrowing lips) Oh, chtio fi koforite, chtio fi koforite
Sitting two blondes in the room. One other said:
- Do you want the focus to show?
- Like, come on!
- See the light burn?
- Well, I see!
The first approach to the switch and turns off the light and says:
- And where is he now?
Second: - I do not know! (puzzled)
The first approach to the refrigerator, opens the door and shouted:
- But OH!
- Why are not you eat cake? Afraid that no vlezesh in a new dress?
- Yes to the dress that got! But in the elevator ...
I opened my eyes. I was lying on his bed, a ceiling white sheets in the flower.
- Sister! - Scream. - Sister-ah!
- Sister! Duck!
- Carry Duck! Force no longer.
Included, finally. All this in a dressing gown. In terry. Hair curlers on her head.
- Enough to lie, - he said. - Utku give him. Sam Go heating in
microwave. God gave her brother. Breakfast is a cook can not
- Why in your store logo Zaporozhtsya and Mercedes are in different
- And what, you want to bullfights and bull and bullfighter together
Why is Israel in the countries bordering it find aggressor nation?
- Because the country itself is small, but as the name of the card write,
want-not-want, but in foreign territory MYSTERY.