Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes
New best jokes, funniest anecdotes
Putin made a pre-election program on Red Square.
Back in USSR!
The people applauded.
Humble people do not exist. Just some have nothing to boast about.
- Hey, how are you my wife in bed?
- Yes ... Just as with car ...
- I am looking for some it, but she did - no ...
He fired Ivan Tsarevich the bow and went to seek their destiny. Came to
swamp, looking - and there sits a frog and it holds the arrow. Looked Ivan
its boom in the frog's legs, sighed: "Nothing can be done - fate
have to marry. And married. I did not know that the frog is tricky
eve just lifted this arrow from his quiver.
Moral: Do not marry on frogs, even if you think that your destiny
is in their paws.
See autumn at cinemas in Moscow
Episode 3 - The Matrix - Still reloading
Karen and Armen lifelong dream to visit the Tretyakov Gallery ...
But their joy was not complete, if they were being held with stolen
New version of Windows can perform 50 new unacceptable errors.
Three St. Petersburg sloggers Paste "moment" on the facade of dilapidated
building an image of windows, bas-reliefs, etc ... Suitable two
street: "Dyayad ... Give us a tube nyuhnut, you have to vooon
much ... "The workers, sternly:" Eptet, come on you dick, guys, we still
50 meters iron fence on the embankment glue ... "
After watching the second "Matrix":
- How fortunate that the "Titanic 2" is not removed!
Already soon! New two-hour thriller "Windows: Reloaded"
(look at the computers of the city)
On Monday, Minister of Economic Development Herman Gref went to work after
leave and immediately suggested to the President: "You are instructed to double the GDP, and I
developed a plan. Let your wife will give birth to a son and call him Vovochka! "
The son asks his father's road policemen:
- Dad, are you afraid of motorists?
- Why? They're afraid of us!
- And what if the way you want them hiding in the bushes?
In today's Russia lacks an analogue of the symbolism of the character "Cerp and
hammer. "There is a proposal to legalize the image instead of other
really symbolic for us subjects - "Bolt and a rake."
The dollar is falling.
Euro - artificially.
Jena and others - is not serious.
In the stability of the ruble reasonable people over the age of seven years did not believe.
The world will only have a stable currency.
You know her - half a liter.
Oral, anal, classic, from Leningrad, sochinka ...
We have almost all already understood.
In the province - clean air, old Russian monuments and wonderful
In Odessa - the sea, southern flavors and witty wonderful people.
In St. Petersburg - architecture, state traditions and wonderful,
very talented people.
There are so good, as we never dreamed.
We did not understand only one.
If it's so good, why do all these wonderful people are pushed to us
The new tariff MTS "retired" - with us until the end of life!
- New Abkhazian fare. No incoming and outgoing calls. You wear
"Abkhazian surprise" Sukhum
- Under the New Year all eighteen-year girl guess.
- And in the thirty realize that not guessed.
"Disasters of the week", Vladikavkaz
- You had a dream about monkeys and hippopotamus?
- No, not seen.
- Look. Cool dream!
- I am unfamiliar with the men in the elevator do not visit. I am waiting for them there.
- In the girl's not the beauty and intelligence.
- It turns out the most beautiful girl - Alexander Druz?
"In isolation, Blagoveshchensk
- Sensation: Chukchi scientists discovered ...
- Do not "discovered", is simple: the sensation - Chukchi scientists.
Returned by Neo from the Matrix. Comes to the Trinity.
That he asks: "You damn, where female, wandered?"
And he said, wiping the sweat from his forehead, she replied:
"We are Agent Smith choked, strangled, suffocated, strangled, suffocated, choked ..."
According to the Government of Russia for the first quarter of 2003 V.V.P.
grew up in a 1,465-fold. Breadth.
Paul McCartney in Red Square:
- Those who are on the cheap places - to rattle their jewels
those who sit on the road - applaud. Putin.
At the meeting, Putin and McCartney.
Your music was like a breath of freedom, said gebist.
Armenian Radio asked:
"Can a programmer to become a good politician?"
Armenian Radio answers:
"Never. For a programmer, any statement can be either true,
or wrong, and in politics the truth lies somewhere in between. "
Today masquerade all came in masks:
- Serge Leo in a mask;
- Constantine in the mask of the Wolf;
- Natalya masked Lisi, our manager in Lesch 255.255.255.0
MTS - the new tariff PRESIDENTIAL: The first 10 years - it's free!
Q: What is a roach?
Answer: This is a whale, swim to communism.
Look for a girl to give her everything that I think about you --
Here, women say that chocolate is good for the brain ... Where
From advertising: Buying 10 packs of condoms Contex, you get
10% discount on treatments at venereologist.
- Honey, I somehow do not feel well today!
- And I love you, too!
We ask the alien to Earth after tours:
- Well, as the Earth?
- Mysterious civilization. Most of all, I did not understand their method of relaxation,
mandatory part of which is the ritual of "poblevat over the toilet."
An American journalist takes a group of Iraqis interviewed.
- How have you lived during the reign of Saddam Hussein?
- We were angry and hungry.
- And how do you feel now, during the American government?
- Angry, hungry, but deeply grateful.
Eve of 300-anniversary of St. Petersburg. The telephone rings somewhere in the Middle East.
- Bin Laden? Hi. That Putin. Prepare your aircraft. Get all like you
requested. All the important guests will live in one house!
"Moscow distillery" Crystal "- enlarge your liver!"
- Do you smoke?
- Yes! ..
- Did you know that smoking reduces life twice?
- Yes, but as it is?!
- Well, here's how many years?
- And it would be sixty!
They talk to two friends:
- Yes, I had even never changed!
- Well, I do not believe, do not once!
- Yes honestly never, not lucky me somehow ...
The inscription on the gate:
"Knock louder, deaf dog!"
- But you do not interested in sex.
- You're not right, dear. Can you still feed me.
... you want to be outlined in chalk on the pavement?
Yuri Luzhkov, cutting the ribbon at the opening of the new facility, wonders:
- And why is this suddenly a blue ribbon, and yesterday at the same facility
- So yesterday opened a woman's toilet train, and now men!
- World Health Organization has warned that the atypical
pneumonia is expected epidemic of deadly flu.
- And how do they know? How can we predict the appearance of unknown
- You understand, they see that they have there in medical laboratories
Announcement at the entrance:
Our district serves the yard dog rescue. Approaching
to the entrance, in case of danger, she shall set out the signals:
"At the entrance killer"
"In the basement of RDX"
"In the house of the SARS outbreak"
"At the entrance of the killer, but the order is not for you."
"Again, without Energiser!!!" - Shouted grandfather Mazzei, breaking another rabbit.
- Chinese scientists have decided to launch the missile.