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Old anecdote from the GDR.
- What happens if they fall, the Berlin TV tower?
- At the West will ride the elevator.
Conversation of two snowflakes.
- Where are you flying?
- In Greenland. Arrange a vacation. And you?
- In America. Arrange them to panic.
Adopted a law on the procedure of organ transplants. From the law:
Man presumed dead when his brain is dead "
Many politicians very angry.
Old German anecdote.
Kohl (former Chancellor) and Schroeder (now Chancellor) sit on the bank of the river and
rybachat. A crowd of curious watching both. Kohl caught a fish and immediately
hitting her on the head. We hear disgruntled cries: "The villain, a murderer,
glutton! ". Kohl unsettled, threw the fish back into the water.
Here Schroeder gets a fish on a hook. He pulls it, puts on his knees
and gently stroked. Spectators sentimental.
Schroeder said Kohl:
- Understand? Everybody is happy, and fish all the same die.
- What to do if you see in front of little green men?
- Cross the road ...
- Little Johnny, you are who you want to be when you grow up?
- President, Chenopodium Ivanovna!
- Little Johnny, but it must learn!
- Chenopodium Ivan, do not dry my brains! Yesterday, I enrolled in judo.
Pump, all I'll tear your mouth apart! You'll see!
- Honey, can-quick scheme?
- In contrast to what?
You have two choices in life: to live celibate and miserable,
or married and want to die.
What is the difference between men's and women's magazines?
The difference in the amount of clothes on the girls with covers.
Mother and son-retarded on the beach.
Son: - Mom, guess, and whose traces it! (pointing to the footprints in the sand)
Mother: - This is probably cat ran?
Son: - No, Mama.
Mother: - Well, maybe, a dog ran?
Son: - no.
Mother: - Well, then, vorobishka galloped?
Son: - No, Mama. This I pipiskoy morsel!
Robber meets in a deserted street passerby, and requires him
- Do you think the wife would believe me when I tell her that I was robbed? --
frightened muttering passer.
- Do you think my belief, if I say that nobody today
Paradox: I love myself, and% boo you.
- Yesterday someone stole my passport and shoes. I went to the police. It's not them.
The actress starred in the lion's cage. One of the journalists asked her:
- You are very afraid of?
- Of course, because these animals, probably a lot of fleas.
- In this box you can see the lion. This is a very bloodthirsty and dangerous
animal and get away from it can be only three ways. Questions
- Yes. What ways?
- Method first. You are building a high wall, and when after you shall follow a lion
you jump over it, and the lion is on the other side. Any questions?
- And as I jump?
- Leo chase learn. Method Two. You dig a hole and when yours
shall follow the lion, you pass by, and the lion slips and falls in
- And for what it slips?
- At shit.
- And how shit?
- Leo chase - learn. And, finally, the third way. You dig
deep pit, and when the lion shall follow behind you, you jump into the pit, lion
jump over you and then you're Cruising the eggs himself on his arm.
- And if it is a lioness?
- Then wound their - you are no longer needed.
Game Lines - is a strategy. But it is too soon see what
of you strategist ...
(c) Alexander Anikin --
If corrective labor institutions do renovation, then
get the euro area.
- Congratulations on the Day of Defender of the Fatherland!
- But what I counsel? I rather striker ...
- Lieutenant Rzhevskij! I challenge you! Today we will shoot!
- Today my ball! Let's you shot today, me tomorrow!
Abbreviation Iraq - IQ. This is exactly what m-p Bush hopes
acquire there. Who that hurts:)
Grandson comes to the village to Grandma and Grandpa.
Went once in the corral, where there was a cow.
Started over her joking, teasing, here is my grandmother and yells:
- Move away from the stall!
- Sama OTSTOYLO!
- Doctor, is it true that health can not be bought at any price?
- Yes, God be with you! Who told you such nonsense?
There are two medical practitioners. One of them is extremely
- What happened? - Asked his colleague.
- Just imagine, yesterday the first time in my life, I made a doctor
- What? - Did not understand buddy.
- I cured person for two visits, but it turned out that he's a millionaire.
The office of the doctor's secretary calls to one of the patients who did not
paid for treatment:
- Hello? Since you said the Secretary-Dr. I would like to talk to
- I'm listening. Why?
- Excuse me, that we trouble you, but check that we sent to you
payment returned unpaid.
- Yes? In that case, give the doctor that sciatica, which he told me
promised to cure, returned untreated.
Little Johnny has resorted back to the kitchen. There, his mommy is cooking dinner. He cheerfully
shouted to her:
- Mummy, Mummy ... I love Ninochka from the first floor!
- Oh, Little Johnny - do not love you Ninochka from the first floor. She has a piece of glass
He is upset and goes to the hall. It grandmother in a rocking chair knitting, and looks
- My grandmother and my grandmother ... I love Ninochka from the first floor!
- Oh, what you Vovochka, vnuchik my dear ... Do not you love this bitch! She
a piece of glass is broken ...
He was almost in tears goes into the bedroom. There on the bed and father
reads the newspaper.
- Pa and Dad ... I love Ninochka from the first floor ...
- Well, and love yourself to health ...
- Yeah - and my mother with a woman say, that did not like. Allegedly, she had
piece of glass is broken.
- Oh, Little Johnny did not listen to them. When I married your mother - she did not
only a piece of glass was broken - but this time frame, and staggered.
- Vasya - you after have sex, moeshsya in the shower?
- Of course!
- You have sex is long overdue!
From deaf Tatar village (aul) took his son (ulym) on the Great
After some time, write him a letter:
- How are things, like your health, whether you have given new boots and warm
hat, if you feed .....
Ulym wrote the answer:
- U menya all AlaAshiker (good), new morocco saposhke given, mihavoy
shapke given, fed three times, going back to 50 kilometers each day,
so shte Allabirsa (God willing) Sabantuyga (at Sabantui) I'll be home .....
We should pay for everything. If you are not being taken for the blowjob, then do
its you ...
- How do you look nice today!
- You are all beautiful girls are talking about? - She said.
- No, I have another beautiful saying.
From the song "Leningrad," the word "bl% d '" not throw out!
- I've been chair for his mother in law's master!
- And many more left?
- No. The remaining work only for the electrician.
Web magazine VokrugSmeha.ru "- http://vokrugsmeha.ru
This is to say openly: we have the lowest taxes in Europe
lowest wages in the world!
The essence of the national system of taxation: property left at
entity after payment of all taxes, is considered to be sheltered from taxation
and subject izyatiyu.
The physician reassures the patient:
- Calm down, please. I tell you, that's okay you do not.
I did a few years ago, ill with the same - and, as you see, alive.
- Yes, but you had another doctor ...
Doctor for thirty minutes listening to the chest of the patient.
Then, after graduating, said:
- Or the stethoscope broke, or you have long died.
Little boy, walking with his father on the pacu, drew attention to
equestrian statue of General Sherman, which his father often said, and,
passing the pedestal, and respectfully said:
- Hello, Sherman.
Father is so moved by what he gave the baby a coin. After a
time the boy asked:
- Dad, who was the uncle of Sherman?
The boss of a big enterprise dislike for something one of its
assistants. Assistant extremely distressed by this fact, decided to find out
- Sir, - he turned to his patron, - tell me, please,
that you hate me so?
- Unfortunately, young man - the boss said, - and I myself very often
- In this case, everything is clear, but I have something for that?
Boss pronounces belated worker:
- Not only that, and you're so bad, so even allow yourself
late for two hours. In your place I would do in this case not
was at work.
- It's you ... - With a sigh the guilty - and I have a feeling
Debt is ...
Old in a new way ...
- Bober, why you have such white teeth?
- I do not beaver, I'm a doctor narcologist.
Small town. Near the shop talking two.
- I can draw from this shop any thing, "says one.
- I'll bet you 15 bucks?
First comes into the store, after 5 minutes makes a set of spoons, and said
second, well, they say, let the money.
- For you to hell, - he replied. - I am a private detective.
- At you two figs. I am the master store.
After the ball Cinderella complete only then, as with rats biting pumpkin
and as a drunken prince wore on her legs crystal bowl.
If you came to the little green men, do not hurry to call
narcologists. Maybe it's just Master Yoda with his disciples?
The secretary said her boss:
- Sir, if you know what the gossip about you dissolve your vice ...
- All this is nonsense! The main thing that he is not telling the truth.
Blacksmithing club is holding a contest among young people under
motto "Strike while with us!". Competitive products will be exhibited in
cabin club "Every kuynya"
The chief turned to his accountant: - Listen, you're in my company
working more than 10 years and never asked for a raise in salary. What
mischief you get away with here?
I love it when mother-in-law is correct ... Not yelling at you, watching along with you
football, after work can drink beer! ... That test - correct
Lieutenant Rzhevskij the ball aristocratic elite.
At dinner declared contest for the best spicy toast.
- I drink to speak: - "Dame!
In the new Bimmer-seven flies in the ass hooked constipation. Voditl constipation
naturally makes the legs. Meanwhile bimmerovky ah-drive delivers
female voice with a German accent: "Found New Hardware ...
Set? "New Russian with ofigenno pokes at YES. The system continues:
"in the new device driver not found. Set?"
There is no ugly women, because there are even worse.
They talk to two friends:
- Imagine! I have a guy such a tight-fisted, just awful!
- Very greedy?
- No, just as will squeeze, so as much boobs burst!