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New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

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Call the office.
Vova, came an urgent fax, I was over toilet paper.
Joke #13710 —  
 
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Family militiaman watching TV, the announcer of "Time"
reports:
- Today the State Duma in the third and final reading approved a law on
increase fines for being absent registration with the ten times ...
Child:
- Dad, well, now you can buy me a new computer?
Joke #13709 —  
 
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They sit two old Jew, talk for life. The kitchen is busy wife of
them.
The conversation turned to women, a half-whisper, confidentially asked:
- Sam, Skoko and you just beat women?
Sema thoughtful and proudly, half-whisper answers: - 25!
From the kitchen voice of Sarah (ironically):
- Sam, you do not ask how many times have you had, and how many women!
Joke #13708 —  
 
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Greenpeace teamed up before the election with RNE, thinking, thinking what to choose
campaign slogan, as a result decided on this: "Death to Jews --
Escape the whales! "
Joke #13707 —  
 
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We met two ... Odessa. One asked another to tell an anecdote
but "just not about the Jews." He said that now non-stop
Shops are not marked in the window 7 / 24 and 7 / 40, unless, of course,
owner - Jew ...
- But I asked not about the Jews!
Then went to the course of the history of the Spaniards, having received the heart failure ...
in the synagogue, when there came to Spanish king: synagogue in the visitor
head should be covered, and in the presence of the king's headdress should
shoot ... Again, Jewish history has ... Violent protests
by listeners.
- Well, here's an anecdote is not about the Jews. There are Chinese with
Blacks. Chinese man asks: "Haim, where are you so tan?" A Negro
responds: "Abrasha, you need a doctor urgently, you have jaundice!"
Anat
Joke #13706 —  
 
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Yesterday at the match Spartak-Dynamo at the gate of a rival was shot down Dynamo striker
and the national team of Russia Dmitry Bulykin. The driver fled from the place of accidents.
Joke #13705 —  
 
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Smoked as a priest of grass. Colleagues ask - like, say, feel?
He replied:
"And laughter, and sin!"
Joke #13704 —  
 
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Girl! You are so blindingly beautiful that you have to walk in the mask
welder!
Joke #13703 —  
 
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- Dad, what is spam?
- Well, just imagine - you sat on the toilet, then reached for the boxes for
newspaper, and there everything was covered with duct tape, sandpaper and
excavators.
Joke #13702 —  
 
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They stand on the lawn of the theater, two goats and chew film "Night Watch".
One goat is another:
- Listen, film anything.
Another response:
- Well, I liked the book ..
Joke #13701 —  
 
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... I ran Finist-Bright Falcon into the yard, turned around three times around itself,
bumped onto the ground ... Well, what can you do, epilepsy.
Joke #13700 —  
 
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Twins give the first class. They bring a note from the mother
teacher: "Signora Rossi, your children say that their name is bin Laden and
Saddam Hussein. It is true, or they make fun of me? "The mother responds
question with a question: "What if you had two of the bandit, how would you
them? "
Joke #13699 —  
 
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Learn to say NO! "When you offer sex without condoms.
Joke #13698 —  
 
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What is the difference between a-ah-ah and ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah?
- 10 centimeters
What is the difference between a-ah and oh-oh-oh?
- Not the one hole!
Joke #13697 —  
 
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Analyzing a song about Stenka Razin, Russia's scientists have identified
true murderer Persian princess. As expected, they proved
Jew, as amply demonstrated by the famous words of folk
Song: "Izzy aboard her throws in the dismal tide!"
Joke #13696 —  
 
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99% of women are satisfied with the nimble Estonian guys ..
Joke #13695 —  
 
0
 
The company released a new Gillette razor blades Gillette 4 Super Shave
specifically for residents of the Caucasian republics. Its hallmark
is the presence of four blade system: first, second and third only
gently, but very carefully shaved off the bristles, but the fourth shaves
setae, which managed to grow after the first blade.
Joke #13694 —  
 
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Epitaph for riding:
"What can not be lawfully demolished - you can accidentally burn!"
Lelik.
Joke #13693 —  
 
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In the bakery:
- Girl, I am a white loaf and a loaf of red ...
Joke #13691 —  
 
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- Night ardor! Everyone jump out of panties!
Joke #13690 —  
 
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The doorbell. From the apartment asked:
- Who's there?
- And this is me, Plumber.
- And we are not called.
- And I'll come.
- And we have no one.
- And me, and nobody should.
- And what came?
- A toilet seat check.
- And with him all right.
- And here is wonderful! I only need.
Joke #13689 —  
 
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- Mom, why did our Dad working as a dentist?
- Well, because it is a very respected profession.
- What else?
- Well, because they paid handsomely for it.
- What else?
- Yes, because your father Sadist!
Lelik.
Joke #13687 —  
 
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They talk to two neighbors:
- Over the years, I realized: my wife has a better cook.
- And I think that you have over the years, obtained immunity.
Joke #13686 —  
 
0
 
- Yes pancake, how could I not like that I was named in honor of my
great-grandfather ...
- So what the big deal is? What is your name?
- Great grandfather ...
Joke #13685 —  
 
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In the bakery:
- Two rifled and smooth one, please.
Joke #13684 —  
 
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In Moscow, revealed a criminal group, which sold counterfeit
dishwashing detergent Fairy, said Monday's press service
General Directorate for Combating Economic Crimes (GUBEP)
Ministry of Internal Affairs of Russia.
The main differences forgery - is cheaper, washes better.
Joke #13683 —  
 
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They talk to two Moscow MP:
- What we do with the subsidized regions, can not give them money?
- You can not give.
- Can turn off gas and electricity?
- Can and disabled.
- Can wages and pensions do not pay?
- You do not have to pay.
- A better way to separate them at all?
- Oh, no. We have ta-a-aki-e-s grandmother have.
What then will yourself to live?
Joke #13682 —  
 
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Licensing WINDOWS - they are terribly far from the people.
Joke #13681 —  
 
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Announcement. The restaurant requires a bouncer. The work piece.
For VIP-clients double tariff.
Joke #13680 —  
 
0
 
In Moscow, the Kremlin would be demolished. According to Interfax, the corresponding
decree was signed by Mayor Yuri Luzhkov. According to the source
Agency in the city administration, on the spot of the Kremlin
planned to erect a new mixed-use complex consisting of
several buildings and an underground garage.
Joke #13679 —  
 
0
 
Why April 12 drunken astronauts do not hit the tent and do not bathe in
fountain in Gorky Park?
Joke #13678 —  
 
0
 
Cut the side skirts means: "may be".
Rear: "Follow me."
Front: "what are you waiting for?"
Joke #13677 —  
 
0
 
- And now on the podium come the most beautiful girl, and will provide us
the best example of the new collection "Swimsuit 2004".
It turns out the girl. General exclamations:
- Wonderful! Bravo Wow! But ... where is the swimsuit?
Joke #13676 —  
 
0
 
Interesting that from the word "Paradise" can do math just two moves:
Rai-hi-x * d!
But from the word "Hell" to do math very difficult.
Joke #13675 —  
 
0
 
Wealthy American businessman arrives in Russia. Do not have time to get it
from the airport, as it was approached nosy Russian speculator
Estate:
- Sir, I do not want to buy a house in Chertanovo? I'll take cheap - 10
thousands of dollars.
American says:
- No, thanks. I arrived in Russia only to have to look at
St. Basil's Cathedral.
After half an hour to him again fits the same speculator:
- Sir, I do not want to buy a villa in Cheryomushki?
- No, thanks. I came here with only one purpose - to look at the Cathedral
Basil.
An hour later, was again speculator:
- Sir, I do not want to buy a mansion in Izmailovo? Total 20 thousand
dollars.
- No, thanks. I tell you that arrived here just for the sake of the Council
Basil.
Speculator says:
- Unfortunately, St. Basil's Cathedral is not for sale, but can
acquire the Kremlin for 30 thousand.
Joke #13674 —  
 
0
 
- Girl, weigh three hundred grams of erotic chocolates "Kuma cancer"
- Are you blind? Candy "Kara-Kum"!
Joke #13673 —  
 
0
 
Journalist Yanukovych:
- How do you think, you become the president of Ukraine? You choose?
Yanukovych:
- President, I will, but I did not choose.
Reporter:
- How is it?
Yanukovych:
- And where did you see that the ringleaders chosen?
(C) Robie
Joke #13672 —  
 
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On the eve of a vote in the Duma on Tverskaya appeared young demonstrantki,
protesting mineterizatsii benefits.
Joke #13671 —  
 
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Father's son:
- My son, my mother is now retired to the bedroom, but you still play and we
not bother!
- A piece of candy?
- What is candy?
- But the neighbor uncle Lesha always gives me!
Joke #13670 —  
 
0
 
When Vladimir Putin was a kid, he often looked enviously at
Somewhere past the Ferrari and Porsche.
- When I'm big, I thought Volodya, I'll chase through Moscow on
armored Mercy, but all these will be Ferrari and Porsche for hours sweating in
traffic jams, waiting, I'll pass!
Joke #13669 —  
 
0
 
There are two men. One says:
- Why are you such an unshaven?
- I shave just before meeting with his girlfriend.
- A-ah ... So are you trying to quarrel?
Joke #13668 —  
 
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The campaign.
- Fu-hoo ... Private, you took something from mosquitoes?
- Yes, comrade sergeant! From mosquitoes, I took all the best --
speed, agility, courage, perseverance!
Joke #13667 —  
 
0
 
All the armies of the world is a secret order: in case of war with China no prisoners
take.
Joke #13666 —  
 
0
 
Estonians went fishing, father and two sons, early morning. eldest son: no
bite. at dinner the younger son: do not bite. late in the evening gathering gear
Father says: n-wee that's not biting.
Joke #13665 —  
 
0
 
Climbers - as eggs. Or steep, or boiled.
Joke #13664 —  
 
0
 
Graduate School of the Federal Security Service stopped production of the operational staff and the entire
switched to train future members, directors of banks and heads
administrations.
Joke #13663 —  
 
0
 
- Mum, but when I Valaste I'll be on your pohoza?
- Will you, my girl, you'll ...
- Well zatsem TADA zyt?
Joke #13662 —  
 
0
 
"Mothers love their children more than fathers because they are more
sure that it is their children .. "(Aristotle, 384-322 BC. e.)
Joke #13661 —  
 
0
 
Call 02.
- Urgent arrest my neighbor! It is an hour to prove to me that I was him
must!
- This is not punishable.
- You do not understand. He showed me a bat for a whole hour!
Lelik.
Joke #13660 —  
 
0
 
One man asks another:
- And how do you your garden from crows and save!
- Yes, I put in the middle of the garden photo Tiffany's full-length?
- Well, how - scared crow?
- What do you ... All scared - and the crows, and the neighbor's tractor and even two
sotki planted my potatoes!
Joke #13659 —  
 
0
 
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