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- Little Johnny, who do you love more: his brother or sister?
- My sister! It is my briefcase dumped in the garbage chute ...
- Vova, why the Englishman said in broken English?
- Because he has a broken jaw.
I caught the new Russian goldfish and said to her:
- In short, without the bazaar - if two of the coolest of my desires, then,
reptile will, but let you go, and row, row, wherever you want!
- Well, do not drive and come on, guess, - has agreed to fish.
- So the first thing. I want to be afraid of everything!
- It's difficult, but possible, - has agreed to fish and made it the most powerful.
- Normally, - said NR, - now the second. I own no one
- Well, it's very easy for you, - said the fish and made it the most
There is poacher on the lake, and on the shoulders of two enormous pike drags.
Then it stops fishing control, they say, you got an uncle, a poacher and
- Guys, do not believe me, I am of the pike since childhood know!
- Well, I like open a bank with caviar, and there are two fish, well, I have them in this
bottle fed-fed, then they started to grow, place, naturally,
was little, I transplanted them into the liter bottle, it fed, and there
space was not enough for them, transplanted them into the bathtub, and there fed ... and here
Finally and bath for them was small, I came to the shore of the lake and
let them ... Now come, whistle, they swim, which I pokormlyu
and they float away .. Do not believe me? Want to show?
Well fishing control in perplexity:
- Well, show me!
Oh man comes to the lake, producing pike and is smoke ...
- Well whistle!
- Nah, I%?
- Well, pike feed!
- What the pike? :))))
Ukrainian schiry sits at the table, dimmed borscht. Suddenly flies fly
- Bzzzzz ... Ukrainetz eat more. Fly again - bzzzzz ... Ukrainetz
looked askance and further dimmed. Fly again - bzzzzz ...
Ukrainian - bang! - Nailed the fly. He takes her by the wings, looks:
- Well, sho, Moskal? Dolitavsya?
- Funny you name, Peredrischenko!
- Yes seen one of your ancestors suffered from a stomach disorder.
- Then you have another funny name, Medvedev!
- And why not?
- Obviously, one of your praprababushek in the woods for mushrooms unsuccessfully went!
It was a peasant two sons: one - a clever, and another daughter.
I wonder if the normal peasant to make sex-change operation,
it will be a lesbian?
- Masha, you're so economic! As soap!
Turtle crawls and sings:
- If you are a little over three hundred ...
At the children of geniuses nature relaxes usually because the spouse
genius, as a rule, differs extreme stupidity.
Exceptions were Curies.
But they were studying radioactivity.
Tip: If you are returning home late at night, taking
alcohol, and you call a policeman with a request to walk with him (so
pay the money, cell phone, etc.), just tell him:
"Good evening. How can I be helpful?" But, unfortunately, I can not go with
you, as there are urgent matters.
If you pronounce it, your success is assured.
February 14 collapsed the roof of the Transvaal, March 14 burned Manege.
Sit-ka I on April 14 at home ...
New campaign "Coca-cola": one who collects 5 caps of bottles from under
Coca-Cola 6-cap, I will get for free.
The Belarusian manufacturers of TV sets "Horizont" and "Knight" began
Issue of new products with the windshield wipers to clear the screen of spitting.
Announcement: Ryazan organized criminal group selling
select potatoes. Potatoes are selected from the Kuban farmers.
- Why Bush chasing Bin Laden?
- He wants to get their share.
Only Oilfield U.S. companies could contrive to sign a contract
supply to Iraq of gasoline.
My husband notices that his wife's new ring on his finger He asks where?
- A. .. Yes it was a lottery, here, won.
After a while, the husband sees that his wife's new necklace.
- A necklace from?
- Well, I told you. Was a lottery, I won.
At the weekend the wife changes clothes, and her husband notices that his wife is
- Where exactly is your underwear?
- Oh, well, I told you a hundred times. Lottery win. 'll Go passed,
breathe a little air.
- Ah, come on, come on. Only dressed warmly, and then the lottery ticket
- Tell me, coffee is OH or is it?
- Well it depends which of coffee. Here, for example pour yourself a cup of coffee
"*****" And feel - OH. You start to drink - ... IT!
Everyone in his own beautiful inside.
Copyright pathologist Sidorov.
- Today Klavka 12 sticks per night and throw!
- A dick does not fall off?
- And that's dick! Do not fall off!
- Girls, and how to get to Tverskaya?
- Get a hundred bucks and think you are already on Tverskaya!
Admin asleep - traffic is ...
Rooster decided to show how to plump chicken. They went to the bar.
- I whiskey
- I, too, whiskey
- More Whiskey
- I, too, whiskey
Rooster ohu_vaet, chicken sober
- More Whiskey
- I, too, whiskey
Rooster sees the chicken fell.
- I have a whiskey and cranberry.
Chicken head raised:
- I, too, in the pussy klyunte
You do not like our ads? Okay! Our products are much
Chef came to work ten to twelve. Smoked, drank a cup of coffee
and decided to start a business. Rings deputy editor:
- P., the call Palycha and ran towards me.
- Ivan, already lunch, the first floor.
- It is lunch? Pah, the devil, so the time flies!
Osama bin Laden, slender, tall, handsome ...
Our native farmer from the depths Nechernozemie to exchange experience was in
England. Became acquainted with the English counterpart. And to the banquet at the
leaving home he asked him:
- Well, what do you like our English ladies?
Our response to the anguish in his voice:
- Well, of course ... Ah! Our would ledey wash so dress up ....
People are of two types - gambling and those who have never tried to play.
Casino. Roulette. Estonian dealer.
- Accepted staphylo-FCI ... At zaf-ftra ...
They're coming X and Y, and meet them, J:
- Hey, J!
- Come on -'s see three.
- No, I'm with you I will not go! You are a bad influence on me.
There are something like two old friends.
- Hello my friend! Well, how are you? Where you work? Something you overgrown kid,
hair grew, and listen, like you become either a camel, or
- Do not worry. Everything is normal. He has worked in recent years in local
zoo, but then yesterday resigned.
- And so what my friend? Poor pay?
- No, bad food ...
The two men met at a bar and chatted.
After a while one of them said:
"You think you have family problems? To hear about my situation:
Several years ago I met a young widow with a grown daughter,
and we were married. Recently, my father married my stepdaughter.
That made my stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson.
In addition, my wife became mother-in-law of its own.
Going further, the daughter of my wife (my stepmother) son. This boy
my half brother because he was the son of my father, but he is also the son of
daughter of my wife, which makes him the grandson of my wife.
This makes me a grandfather of my half-brother. It would have
tolerated, while my wife and I had a son.
Now the sister of my son, my mother-in-law, was also the grandmother. This makes
My father's brother-my child, whose stepsister is - my wife
father. I am my stepmother's brother in law, my wife - Aunt her own child, my
son - nephew of my father and I own grandfather, and you're here
complaining of family problems! "
There are two friends - both cases, this and that. One says, they say,
settled a housekeeper to a wealthy family.
- What are you, it's probably difficult - farm to take
- And what they difficult? Repeat the whole day only "yes, ma'am,"
"Yes, ma'am," "Yes, ma'am." In the evenings, "No, monsieur," No, monsieur, "
"No, monsieur ...
Paper all can abide ... ask a toilet!
- You have heard that B. Moses fell in love with a popular composer cool?
- And what, really cool polar composer?
Madame Vekselberg - her husband:
- My dear, go home, buy a dozen eggs ....
- You are arrested! You have the right to remain silent, anything you say
will be used against you!
- Adding machine!
- What - an adding machine?!
- Use an adding machine against me!
"Carry on health," - she said, handing me a condom ...
- How did you get with a man, then? In the morning rises?
- He gets up and brings the coffee in bed!
Talks with his deputy director ...
- I do not like our new secretary!
- Yes, it should drive in the neck!
In the restaurant.
- Waiter! I refuse to pay! It was not food, but some kind of poison!
- And this is not the expense - it will. And for your dinner, we paid your wife!
Director of a large firm returns from a trip and said his
- Imagine, found in his hotel room a wonderful
sign "Please do not disturb" and brought with him.
- I would hang on the door during meetings, and then the secretary of the words
not understand, always comes with a coffee or some nonsense in the most
After lunch at the office comes to a major client, the director hangs on the handle
door plate and with a quiet mind begins to negotiate. After 5 minutes
Cabinet secretary enters with a broom and not paying attention to
businessmen, began to sweep around them. Ofigevshy Director:
- Natasha, what the hell are you doing here?
- Well, you yourself are hung on the door plate "Take my room!
Girl, you accept the destructive suggestions?
And how deep?
- Madam, - explains the bride official registration office - before
issue you a marriage certificate, the law obliges me detail
in the book information on all of your previous marriages.
- Oh, God, - said the new husband - and I asked the taxi driver we
If we take, and all the Russian move to Europe, the first thing they
digging up the roads to live again in a familiar environment TWO
General's Office issued a razyasneniem that billions of dollars
with arrested the owners of the accounts of Yukos in Swiss banks did not
konsfiskovany, but recovered on account of use of Khodorkovsky and Lebedev
prison televisions and refrigerators. From account Nevzlin made
(specify Vladimir Vladimirovich)
Announcement on the radio station: And now for all people who suffer from constipation
and hemorrhoids sounds beautiful song Irina Alegrova: candle, candle,
candle, dissolve my sorrow ...
Each doctor treats you in his own way:
ENT - as if you can not hear,
Venereologist your problem is not fucked # t,
to NEVRAPATOLOGA not knock,
Oculist you to focus not see
a Proctologist do not give a shit on you.