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Advance plyumbum in the head.
Joke #15754 —  
 
0
 
SAI recently approved a new road sign. He looks as white,
point upwards triangle with a red border, which is inscribed the other
triangle, the black and the top down. This is a warning sign was
called "Beware of the wheel of Building # p!"
Joke #15753 —  
 
0
 
The old man sitting on the balcony, looking out into the yard and thinking: It is hard nowadays young
smoke a cigarette for five - a, and so much fun ...
Joke #15752 —  
 
0
 
What:
Click-click-click. -Normal?
Click-click-click: - And so?
Click-click-click. - Well, that's so?

Blind collects Rubik's cube.
Joke #15751 —  
 
0
 
On the far station Shoigu ...
(c) spear
Joke #15750 —  
 
0
 
From the diary of a skier.
Released at the start. Wind in the face. Frost 25 degrees. Distance of 10
kilometers. If it were not warm mittens, would have remained without pleasure.
And so, only fingers frostbitten.
Joke #15749 —  
 
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One friend says to another:
- You know, every day I feel myself getting closer and closer to the ground.
- Are you engaged in agriculture?
- No, mother-in-law for the second week I was staying ...
Joke #15748 —  
 
0
 
Valentine favorite

Favorite!

I do not know whether the arithmetic is a number that would have been better than my own
I love you!
I do not know whether the physics of these constants, which are permanent
my love for you!
I do not know whether there is such a figure in geometry, the lines which would
your perfect!
I do not know whether there is in the chemistry of the substance, the smell of which could
compared with the scent of your body!
I do not know if he knows astronomy such a star, the brilliance which could
overshadow the glow of your eyes!

But I know for sure that no one language has no words to fully express
my love for you!
www.nikvel.ru
Joke #15747 —  
 
0
 
Referring to the woman that she was gold, in any case, do not mention any
samples!
Insane_Warrior
Joke #15746 —  
 
0
 
"The President shall not engage in self-advertising" - the president said before
500-mi journalists.
Joke #15745 —  
 
0
 
- Come in Tula!
- No, in Tula, I suppose, a visa is needed ...
- Do not need a visa to Tula!
- What are you? I can see, people are living within the Garden Ring!
Need - not necessary ... to call the Embassy of Tula and find out - need a visa,
or not!
VxL
Joke #15744 —  
 
0
 
In the kitchen, the restaurant in the chic woman evening dress washes a pile of plates
and allows them to wipe a man in a tuxedo. Says:
- No, the dishes were excellent. A dessert and champagne ... ... But still,
if you invite me next time, make sure all the same, that your
credit card has not expired.
Joke #15743 —  
 
0
 
(Narrated by friends, the history of life):

The bar man:
- I'd like Martini with orange juice.
Girl:
- Bianco?
Visitor (hurt):
- Why just booze, just sit!
Joke #15742 —  
 
0
 
Conversation two cronies.
- Are you become an alcoholic?
- Where did you get?
- Yes, your hands are shaking, when the bucket to the mouth tray.

Generated Ermakov and V. Gerulis February 13 immediately after a bath.
Joke #15741 —  
 
0
 
In the spring of all the frenzy of an excess of hormones, and only Pinocchio was green and
taking root.
. doc
Joke #15740 —  
 
0
 
Gerasim learned to speak. But when he got drunk, then again he could only
low. And all felt sorry for him because they thought that it was, he recalls his
Mu-Mu.
Joke #15739 —  
 
0
 
Two in a row:
- Hey, bro, you're on the outside who was?
- Student.
- And what got something?
- For something that I missed lesson on quantum physics.
- Yes you are persecuting, how is this possible?
- On the day I took the pot.
. doc
Joke #15738 —  
 
0
 
Recently invented a universal solvent. Now think what it
keep.
Joke #15737 —  
 
0
 
Two Scot went over to shoot in a duel. At the station, one
buying a ticket there and back. The second sees it and takes a ticket
there. First:
- That you are doing is reasonable. You immediately understand that I will kill you, and
return ticket you do not need.
- Of course, I am acting wisely. Why should I spend money, because I'll be back
on your ticket.
Joke #15736 —  
 
0
 
Samsung in Russia: spizdili faster than broken
Joke #15735 —  
 
0
 
- Come as a psychologist psychologist, advise me what to do: her husband does not like
my dog!
- Do you have a way out - to poison ...
- Who?
- Well you have a choice ...
(Real dialogue if Th)
Joke #15734 —  
 
0
 
Crocodile, crocodile, and will krokozhu

Joke #15646 —  
 
0
 
- Why is the new Russian gold chain?
- To make it clear where to stop, when he shaves.
Joke #15514 —  
 
0
 
During the break, the play is directed by a single actor, and says:
- This business ... in short, to me now like one spectator, she
wants very much to you after the show came to her home. Do it very
liked.
- I will not go anywhere. Who is she?
- Look, you see, in the third row sits.
- That terrible? No, not for anything.
- Listen, should definitely go to it. It is rich, has promised us
theater to help.
- No, no. Am I a prostitute?
- Well, it is necessary ... for a common cause.
In short, persuaded.
The next day, again came to the actors the director:
- Listen, she was so excited from you! It appears that you are cool guy!
Today, again, have her go, it asks for.
- No way!
- It is very necessary!
- No! I can not! I generally impotent. Ten years as an impotent!
- How is impotent? And how do you yesterday it all night ...?
- So nothing that I, I Stanislavsky taught?
Joke #15513 —  
 
0
 
From the diaries (school):
Played a lesson in the cards. Do not know how to calculate whist.
I brought vodka, frustrated teachers' council.
(c) Red Slops
Joke #15512 —  
 
0
 
One friend tells another:
- I read a lot of special literature and can now deliver
pleasure a man in every way possible. A married so no
and does not charge!
- Yes, you just do not know the principal pleasure for men.
- This is what is?
- For men the main pleasure - get it from a woman
pleasure in every way possible and not to marry.
Joke #15511 —  
 
0
 
Alyonushka sits on a stone and cried, clothes all torn, it is all
hungry, and no money.
Well, of course, where she gets her money from her brother after a goat!
Joke #15510 —  
 
0
 
Censorship analogue of the expression "rare fag":
"Exclusive representative of homosexuals."
Joke #15509 —  
 
0
 
- Do you like fat women?
- Full of what?
Joke #15508 —  
 
0
 
There are two friends:
- I wonder what there is in the process, our Vera?
- Breastfeed her Vaska!
- How?
- Operates a stripper!
Joke #15507 —  
 
0
 
Symbol Linux: Penguin.
Symbol of Russian Linux: two-headed penguin.
Joke #15506 —  
 
0
 
Just ended women's team competitions in Moscow and Melitopol
Synchronized swimming. Despite the fact that the victorious athletes of
Melitopol, the spectators standing ovation to all participants during their
customary exchange of bathing ;-)
(c) Expert
Joke #15505 —  
 
0
 
Contrary to the statement Kuroyedov, the flagship of the Peter the Great could not explode
at any moment, because all explosive items, including the reactor, long
ch ** Dili.
Joke #15504 —  
 
0
 
Former Education Minister Vladimir Filippov suggested that all
graduates after the unified state examination (USE) went to
army for one year. The Minister hopes that while in high schools will not
very visible results of school reform.
(suspect, Vladimir Vladimirovich)
Joke #15503 —  
 
0
 
Come to the peasant guests. That opens the door for them, and suddenly there in the
open door of the cat jumps out. Bullet flew into the attic ... then in
basement ... then in the garage ... then to the roof ... then to the garbage ... Guests
look, do not understand. Boss (sadly):
- Yes it is, I have him neutered today.
- And what?
- Well, running, good-bye cancels ...
Joke #15501 —  
 
0
 
In Japan, the strongest earthquake. Fell champion in sumo wrestling.
Joke #15500 —  
 
0
 
His wife returned home from the pharmacy and says to her husband:
- I bought my mother for good medicine. It is written that it contributes
strengthen the body and improve brain function.
- Well, this medicine will not help your mother.
- Why?
- Why So it helps to improve brain activity, rather than its
appearance.
Joke #15499 —  
 
0
 
What distinguishes the West from Russia's retired?
One word!
West retired on pensions goes around the world, as Russia goes around the world.
Joke #15498 —  
 
0
 
Advertisement:

We called Rostokino Lada. On the phone we were told that we naebut.
Arrived at the auto show and, indeed, naebali!

Rostokino Lada. All to be honest!
(c) NargJob
Joke #15497 —  
 
0
 
- Masha, whom you want to become?
- A supermodel!
- Pig? ..
Joke #15496 —  
 
0
 
From the British humor.

- When English judges began to wear black clothes?
- They put them in mourning for Queen Victoria.
- But why do they wear them until now?
- But she is still dead!
Joke #15495 —  
 
0
 
University student Rosie Reid, which was exhibited at Internet auction
her virginity to pay for school - finally slept with
man, offered her the highest bidder. He was divorced
man, aged 44, who has two children. He paid the student
$ 20500. This amount would allow Rosie to continue their studies at the University of
Bristol, after both had served in prison Bristol situation 7 years for
prostitution.
Joke #15494 —  
 
0
 
Irina Hakamada was in the presidential election, to show that in Russia
there are intelligent people. After earning 3.9%, it is thus shown that in Russia
96.1% of smart people.
Joke #15493 —  
 
0
 
Family Sidorov found in my mailbox two tickets to a concert and a note:
"Guess from whom?"
Returning from a concert, the couple discovered that their apartment was robbed.
By the same cabinet was pinned a note, "Well, now guess?"
Joke #15492 —  
 
0
 
If a person eats cockroaches out of boredom, then it shows in the transfer
"Fear Factor", and if from starvation, then the transfer "to the regions
Russia.
Joke #15491 —  
 
0
 
At the World Congress of Women ladies decide how to punish men for
inattention to them. We decided that we should limit the weasel. Long
argued, to what extent you can limit and eventually
decided that they would give them affection only three times a week.
Voted unanimously.
- Questions, suggestions there?
Arises Khokhlushka:
- I mene is spytannya before Congress. Shaw three times in nedylyu, I
consonant. Tell me, jak Budai in weekdays?
(nedylya "in Ukrainian -" Sunday ")
Joke #15490 —  
 
0
 
- What is the difference between Odessa and the Odessa gentleman tramp?
- As between piderastom and gay - no, some Ponte.
Joke #15489 —  
 
0
 
The CIA recruited the suicide bomber, gave him a nuclear bomb and say go ahead
Moscow and explode there. Well, a terrorist drove in Moscow stood in Red
area and presses the button again presses, two, three did not explode, then to him cop
suits - registration is? - Which tries Register here's 100 bucks
help bomb exploded!
cop looked at the bomb and says:
- You cheated - it does not explode
- Why?
- And how to present the nuclear bomb to take the inscription "Made in Iraq"
Joke #15488 —  
 
0
 
Another paradox:
- If a man is not serious to serious stuff - it is a fool.
- If a person is not serious to frivolous things - it is boring.
- But when a man joined these two qualities - he is a humorist!
Joke #15487 —  
 
0
 
God inspects Hell for execution of punishment for sinners.
Devil:
- And here we have a house flagellation.
Enter the first room. They stand with naked guys ass occasionally
whistling whip. Rare screams.
- Here we punish adulterers. How many times per day has changed --
many blows.
Enters the second room. Ass redder, cries frequently.
- Here we punish pickpockets: how many times put his hand over day
in somebody's pocket - so many hits.
Enter the third room. Horrifying incessant cry. Reds
ass swollen to unimaginable proportions. Clicks whip merged into one
continuous murmur. God has with astonishment as much jaw dropped:
- And who is that?
- Spammers.
(C) Robie
Joke #15486 —  
 
0
 
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