Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes

New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50
Announcement: "T. r. we were visited by Paul McCartney, tickets are sold for sex
Prices ...
Joke #50752 —  
 
0
 
Sended the requests for Bill Gates at Microsoft computerized toilet.
Made, brought, set.
BG sits down on the toilet and hears: "New Hardware Found".
Feels that its feeling the beginning.
And again the voice: "Attention!" The new device is not detected certificate
Microsoft, the service is denied ".
And BG gets a powerful kick in the butt.
Joke #50751 —  
 
0
 
There are Obama and Medvedev. Well, traditional meropryatiya there, buffet.
Medvedev put aside Barak said:
- Well, plastic surgery is understandable - if not found. But Michael
S., Negro-then becomes why?
- I mean, Dima, could not spot reduce! We had him under your skin
tint.
Joke #50750 —  
 
0
 
- Once you and below you do not want and above can not, then I'll find another
head of the family - his wife said Lenin.
- Yes, yes, yes! This is brilliant! Here it is, the formula for the revolution!
Joke #50749 —  
 
0
 
Stop a moment - is the desire happy, but time is not on
place by accident.
Joke #50748 —  
 
0
 
Exam in university.
- What are the main features potrebilskogo society?
- Potreblyadstvo and lasciviousness.
Joke #50747 —  
 
0
 
Pessimist: Life - it is a slow painful death.
Optimist: But it can speed up!
Joke #50746 —  
 
0
 
Two oligarch:
- Misha Khodorkovsky, cunning, crud ...
- And do not tell! I managed to find a crisis plum job.
Joke #50745 —  
 
0
 
Vanga's prediction: "44 th President of the United States will work as a Negro."
Joke #50744 —  
 
0
 
- In Russia, built a real democracy!
- Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
- In our country the leadership has successfully fighting corruption!
- Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
- We have complete freedom of speech - anyone can write anything!
- Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
- The government will overcome the consequences of the crisis!
- Hee-hee-hee-ha-ha! Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ha! Xki-xki-xki-ho-ho!
... You listen to the presentations of the resident "Comedy Club" and the British
Intelligence - Vladimir and Dmitry Rating Putena Hello Medvedova ...
Joke #50743 —  
 
0
 
The "Time". Ekaterina Andreeva reads:
- Official News. Triper ... - And stumbles. - Triper ...
Director in horror:
- What? What are you babbling about?
Andreyev:
- Triper ... Three promising, visited the region today, the president ...
Joke #50742 —  
 
0
 
a dentist has to spit out twice: once when he
finishes picking his teeth, and the second, when the price of calls ...
Joke #50741 —  
 
0
 
The policeman sits in a cafe next to an elderly couple. Suddenly
hears the grandfather of inciting his grandmother to go to have sex in the same
very place where they did the first time 70 years ago.
The policeman decides to go after them, just to make sure of that old
goat in order. Grandpa Turns granny for a corner, leaning against her
to the fence, and then they suddenly begin to engage in a completely wild
hot sex unprecedented power, totally unaccountable for their years.
Police shocked inspect all the scene until the end, and then fit
to him, and stammered, wondered what their secret. "Sonny" - they are responsible,
- "70 years ago that fence was not electric."
Joke #50740 —  
 
0
 
90-60-90 - Euro-dollar-pound at the end of this year.
(c) kozak.su
Joke #50739 —  
 
0
 
This man came to power in a period of chaos and devastation.

Former power of his homeland was lost. Over the country, which once
a great power, now the whole world laughing. Reigned political
economic and social chaos. Respect for authority was lost, each
created what he wanted. The economy has been undermined by the monstrous inflation
and devastated the industry.

During the first eight years of his reign, the man raised his country from
knees. He stopped the inflation, re-raised production, revived the power
Army. He returned to his people the confidence and respect for authority. He
revive the former economic power, and in some public sectors, and has surpassed
her. Many other powers did not like this revival, but this
people overcome their resistance and forced the world to recognize the re -
the power of his country.

It's also true that not all of his reforms's liking. Many of the freedoms
were uscherbleny. This man has centralized power in his country, and
actually limited many rights. These were particularly dissatisfied
Liberals, as well as many national minorities. But instead of freedom
come stability and law. The vast majority of his country
approves of his actions, but who would have to listen to others?

During the first eight years of his power, restored the greatness of this man
Powers, and forced to reckon with his country, the whole world.

And the name of the man - Adolf Hitler. " And what do you think?
Joke #50738 —  
 
0
 
Cowardice - not a sign of intelligence, and courage - is a sign of
absence.
(Hsiang-tzu http://syy.narod.ru/syan.htm)
Joke #50737 —  
 
0
 
"I serve the Soviet Union!" Obama said at the inauguration. And myself
thought: "Do not I blurted out something extra?"
Joke #50736 —  
 
0
 
We are not condemned for inciting arson and those who do report
the fire ...
Joke #50735 —  
 
0
 
In honor Russia has fulfilled its mission frigate
"Dauntless". During alerting the coast of Somalia, none of
local pirates have not been able to frighten him.
Joke #50734 —  
 
0
 
In Russia it is always the very first anti-crisis measures - is the weakening
control singed vodka.
Joke #50733 —  
 
0
 
The Naked Truth is different from a naked woman that is not
excitement and stimulation.
Joke #50732 —  
 
0
 
My dear, you know that 90% of the bacteria does not accumulate on the teeth, and
ass. Here's a new toothbrush with a special attachment ...
Joke #50731 —  
 
0
 
"Maggi - boiling water"
Simply add cube in boiling water and get a real flavor of boiled water.
Joke #50730 —  
 
0
 
Pinocchio slept like a felled.
Joke #50729 —  
 
0
 
There are two pensioners:
- Well, how's life?
- The restaurant is not vylazhu!
- Heritage received?
- Switzerland work!
Joke #50728 —  
 
0
 
Chinese sit disposable lighters in aid to Ukraine. According to the calculations of gas
enough for a month.
Joke #50727 —  
 
0
 
Obama: - Our administration has significantly reduced the trade deficit.
Sarkozy: - And our government has managed to keep inflation low
level!
Medvedev: - Yes, we ... Yes we ... Yes, our Prime Minister sq.m. bucks
half an hour so draw ...
msk2004.narod.ru
Joke #50726 —  
 
0
 
According to a poll conducted by the Levada Center "among the State Duma deputies,
confidence rating to Russia's State Duma deputies to the people, compared with the same
period last year, fell to 19,6%.
We deserve better people, deputies of the State Duma.
Joke #50725 —  
 
0
 
How does CD-player from the blondes?
CD-player is better to listen than to look at him, and the blonde better
watch than to listen to her.
Joke #50724 —  
 
0
 
New album OttoDiks - "pedo-Gothic on-emo"
Joke #50723 —  
 
0
 
Crisis. So Putin's approval rating fell from 75% to $ 35 per barrel ...
Joke #50722 —  
 
0
 
Knowledge of power, especially if this knowledge of judo.
Joke #50721 —  
 
0
 
At the cries of the individual members of staff that the crisis is artificial, that he
minds, the boss decided to reduce the livestock.
Joke #50720 —  
 
0
 
... President Barack Hussein Obama will balance the budget, to revive
the economy, solve the problem with real estate, reverse the global
warming, find Osama Bin Laden, to resolve the Israeli-Palestinian
conflict and bring about world peace. Then, on the 7th day he
rest ..
Joke #50719 —  
 
0
 
In the adult, when bursts of patience, this translates into a cry, a
child - in my pants.
Joke #50718 —  
 
0
 
Conan Doyle did not know how will react to the name of his descendants
story "The horror cleft Blue John".
http://carnage-ru.blogspot.com
Joke #50540 —  
 
0
 
- Izzy, are you so hurry?
- In mail, has not yet closed.
- Send a telegram?
- No, you must dial the ink in the pen.
Joke #50539 —  
 
0
 
The peculiarity of some people is that the more they
Pour vodka eyes, the more they swell with blood.
Joke #50538 —  
 
0
 
A guy won Gosloto lot of money. Friends molested:
- Hi fig yourself! How did you managed - in Gosloto and win?
- Yes, you know ... I dreamed a dream. Six sevens. Hu, I put on
Forty-nine - and won!
- Do not vrubilsya ... Six, seven - forty-two ...
- Hu and walk barefoot, since such a literate ...
Joke #50537 —  
 
0
 
Near public toilet urinates Negro. Suitable janitor:
- Are not you ashamed You can not do it in the toilet?
Negro embarrassment:
- No, uncle Vasya, impossible. There white gentleman drinking wine.
Joke #50536 —  
 
0
 
- I'm home, like a tiger!
- How's that?
- I go to four and quietly ...
carnage-ru.blogspot.com
Joke #50535 —  
 
0
 
Israel has the right to self-defense without weapons.
Joke #50534 —  
 
0
 
Talk three peasants. One says:
- I have a wife in the autumn rolls jars with cucumbers!
Second:
- And my - with tomatoes!
Third
- And my - hysterical!
Joke #50533 —  
 
0
 
- Dad, I used to think that we have people shitting in the yard! And this
turns out, walking a dog!
- You thought correctly! It shitting people, but a dog's ass!
Joke #50532 —  
 
0
 
Vitas pereozvuchil for Kaspersky Lab's Creek discovered the virus.
Joke #50531 —  
 
0
 
In Russia's largest company requires distributors to
distribution "requires distributors.
Joke #50530 —  
 
0
 
- Darling, I'm here on a new recipe cakes baked, so you did not
touch it, while my father was not coming. First it will try.
Joke #50529 —  
 
0
 
- I do not like these photos ... I look like a monkey!
- You should have thought about this before pictures ...
Joke #50528 —  
 
0
 
- Jacob, but you who live in Moscow you?
- An aunt.
- Do what such an aunt?
- Unprincipled.
Joke #50527 —  
 
0
 
Even if during the Gala Dinner, you were under the table, remember
that you still are a citizen of their country and have the right
elect and be elected to the authorities!
Joke #50526 —  
 
0
 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311