Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes

New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50
One day Vladimir Vladimirovich came head of the Presidential
Administration Vladislav Surkov.
- Hey, bratello - said Vladislav - according to Research
Center Zaumkova in recent years, increasing the number of Ukrainians was
wary of Russia.
- If there is anything - asked Vladimir Vladimirovich.
- Khokhlov us less love - said Vladislav
- Strange, because the Kremlin has made many attempts to establish a dialogue
between the two countries in a spirit of understanding, strategic
Partnership
and fraternal friendship. I personally congratulated Yanukovich twice.
- Congratulations - confirmed Vladislav
- The bridge of friendship to the Tuzla Spit built?
- Built.
- Libelous films about their leaders were filming?
- Removed.
- Gas prices threatened to raise?
- Threatens.
- What do they want? What is still incomprehensible country - Ukraine. Riddle.
- Perplexed Vladimir Vladimirovich.
Joke #17236 —  
 
0
 
Based on the fact that the origin of man from monkeys actually
proved only a few fragments of bones, some of which
found the bones of pigs,
- How can one conclude that: The ancestors of some people were pigs?
Joke #17235 —  
 
0
 
Lone climber, having climbed to the top of the mountain:
- E-ge-gay! ...
Below answer:
- You're gay!

http://www.skala-city.ru/show.html?id=192
Joke #17234 —  
 
0
 
Khodorkovsky since childhood love candy "bear in the north.
Joke #17233 —  
 
0
 
MTS-operator Night Watch
Bee Line, operator of the day ...
It turns out that the operator Megafon-twilight:)
Joke #17232 —  
 
0
 
In the morning - in the canteen. In the evening - in the closet.
Joke #17231 —  
 
0
 
Gas prices do not put Ukraine on the knees! How to lay a country face in
shit - and will remain.

(C) Erhfbytw
Joke #17230 —  
 
0
 
Kalyna red. Maintenance and repair of cars VAZ 2117-2119 BSB
(C) 2005.
Joke #17229 —  
 
0
 
Nothing warms the driver in a cold car in winter, as hot
favorite girl seductively unbuttoning her coat.
Joke #16972 —  
 
0
 
"th", "y", "x" - Russian sex symbols
Joke #16971 —  
 
0
 
Advertisement: "Attention! Special Colgate toothpaste for gold teeth!
Now your teeth are yellower yellow! "
Joke #16970 —  
 
0
 
The first, which teaches young wife of her husband - it saves.
Joke #16969 —  
 
0
 
-What is the first message was sent Russian aliens?
- Three words: Peace. Lenin. USSR.
Joke #16968 —  
 
0
 
Russia meets the new, 2006.
Ten! nine! eight! seven! six! five! four! three! two! one!
Wrap !!!!!!!!!!!
Joke #16967 —  
 
0
 
Dying father 7th thieves sons said! These houses, so these
machines, all leave with you, and one of his sons answered him, not ostavlyaesh and
forced ostavlyaesh!
Joke #16966 —  
 
0
 
Easy addition to the object:

The store sells outdoor clothing communicates with the buyer.
- A young man, this jacket is $ 100, and you give 30.
- But I do not have a hundred dollars, so I am taking it for thirty years.
- Listen, you know Russian language? Surcharge of $ 70 or let
jacket!
- I can not leave my jacket, I'm cold.
- Then pay.
- I will not pay. I do not have a hundred, I want to buy for thirty!
- It costs a hundred! Understand? What are you - an idiot?
- No. Ukrainetz! Yes, by the way it is you I rent an apartment under your
shop ...
- Excuse me, but we regularly pay you ... if cold, lay up on
jacket for 100 bucks, not to steal ...
Joke #16964 —  
 
0
 
Yesterday at a press conference Lyudmila Yanukovych stated his intention to create
a media-holding. She said media-holding "Beaty-TV" will first be
produce political and entertainment television program for the CIS market.
Among them will be:

compromising political show "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire"

show "Factory of Beauty", where the people with an unsuccessful appearance will do
handsome. Lyudmila Yanukovych has already expressed willingness to become the first
heroine of the show

"Forbidden Zone" - a series of programs about the area, which will not let conventional
journalists, where he sat Yanukovych.

"From not so!" - Transfer of campaigning against the President.

Intellectual-cognitive show Otakoeot! "

Also the TV program "Sex with Lyudmila Yanukovych", "Lyudmila without
Complexes

Smehopanorama - excerpts from his own speeches.

My wonderful nanny (in the role of nurse Ludmila)

m / s Banditskij Donetsk, Politics Show with Viktor Yanukovich.

reality show "The President", which will be the most successful politicians do
ordinary politicians. Ludmila will co-sponsor of campaign texts.
Her lawful spouse Yanukovych has already expressed consent to devote his beloved wife
film "For all I thank you." All transfers will take until Ludmila
all houses.
Joke #16963 —  
 
0
 
On January at ten in the morning phone call.
- Hello, who is it?
- Hello, this is a New opinion poll.
And now, guess that answered 99% of respondents.
Joke #16961 —  
 
0
 
Food chain: carrots, rabbit, man, bear.
Joke #16960 —  
 
0
 
Epilogue.
- Why he reads in the toilet, it is easier srat?
- No, it is easier to think?
- And what to think in the toilet?
- It is easier srat!
Joke #16959 —  
 
0
 
Christmas cutoff of gas pipes is moving from East to West.

You may ask: where might come from the Caucasus?
Joke #16958 —  
 
0
 
According to recent reports, China has laid a group of unknown explosive
device. In order to avoid victims, all residents will be immediately
evacuated.
Joke #16957 —  
 
0
 
On line.

We feature Pope - Jew, mother - a Pole, and he himself - the Russian people.

Catherine
Joke #16955 —  
 
0
 
Ment:
- You hilyak, Stupid, and you know that a criminal offense punishable?
Joke #16952 —  
 
0
 
Statement by the Ministry of Internal Affairs of Ukraine in connection with the study incidents at rallies in
time, campaigning Party of Regions of Ukraine, Ministry of Internal Affairs of Ukraine requests
Viktor Yanukovych's election to change the color of symbols, because of
wrong Oriented unthinkingly become citizens under the blue
banners of the party, believing that involved a gay parade, that
ultimately leads to a scuffle between the participants of the meeting,
dissatisfied with the behavior of each other.

Andrew
Joke #16951 —  
 
0
 
New half-ruined, broken trees and ripped through
power - this is not a complete list of ills that had done
left by the builders Turretless crane.

Andrew
Joke #16950 —  
 
0
 
Girls, you want big and clean ...
and get a small and smelly ...
Joke #16949 —  
 
0
 
Sex has higher distance education does not happen.
Joke #16948 —  
 
0
 
2025. In one television Moscow mayor appeals to residents
capital:
- Salam alaikum, gentlemen!
Joke #16947 —  
 
0
 
Continuing the anecdote about Kurt $ 100
Seller: "I'll give you 4 jackets, 5yu - leave me."
Customer: "No, let's for the money!"
Seller: "Okay. I'll give you 4 jackets and 30 dollars, and you give me $ 100 and
get 5yu! "
Customer: "Wait, we did not dogovoarivalis. Let us as before!"
Seller: "Too late!" I'll give you 4 and try to take the current 1 of them yourself, you'll
to deal with them! "
Buyer: "Well, if so, I'm not going to send 4 of 30, and 120 without
problems. Takchto with your 5th and another 20 dollars! "
Seller: "Wait, we did not dogovoarivalis. Let us as before!"
Buyer: "Too late!"
Joke #16946 —  
 
0
 
In the shop, the dialogue of the buyer and seller: The buyer:
- I bought this jacket for $ 100.
- Who are you?
- I, German
- For you it is worth $ 200!
- But the price list at $ 100.
- This price list for the Ukrainians!
Joke #16945 —  
 
0
 
One man says to another:
- Guess the riddle:
Five-letter word
Familiar to all.
Suddenly appears
On the "P" it begins.
- Diarrhea, or what?
- You're diarrhea. Putin!
Joke #16944 —  
 
0
 
- Where are you rushing this charred embers?
- Kebab'll fry.
- Crazy, this is a hospital!?
- Yes kidding. Pinocchio bear to burn.
Joke #16943 —  
 
0
 
"But one American energy consumption is equivalent to its consumption 14
Chinese, 36 Indians, 280 Nepalese and 531 Ethiopians. "

Ponder on these figures! After killing one American, you will save the lives of 861
man.
Joke #16942 —  
 
0
 
- Dad, but there are moderators?
- No, son, this is fantastic - my father said, dissolving in nitric Kinder
acid

Answet, http://www.swinga.net/
Joke #16939 —  
 
0
 
At Tajik Carlson on the back instead of a propeller mixer for concrete.
Joke #16938 —  
 
0
 
And you know why "blue" Muscovites constantly being driven to "orange"
Ukrainians? Then imagine yourself ever "blue" Chronicle, which every
morning with Budunov forced to see the "orange" sun ...
Joke #16937 —  
 
0
 
They sit two deputies - the young (M) and experienced (B).

B plump hands stuffed in his mouth plump residues grouse, periodically
smacking his lips and drank the whole thing fifty-year wine. M sits next
with him, not touching his food.

B: Well, Vanya, which went to today, where you been?
M: (thoughtfully) Yes here, met with the public ...
B: (prihlebnuv wine each and a loud smacking) and what it - the public?
(begins to absorb the land, lying on a golden platter)
M: The public is asked - do we remember about her, whether she worries us ...
B: (thinking) Pineapple ... And what can perhaps! (gets pineapple and
begins to eat)

Pineapple is very worried about the experienced deputy.
Joke #16936 —  
 
0
 
Observe the rules tehninki safety Fire and Explosion
industries. Allah Akbar did, yes.
O.bin-Laden.
Joke #16935 —  
 
0
 
The order of animals in the eastern calendar:

Rat nabychilas tiger, thought it was a cat. Razdrakonila snake
horse. Goat sobezyannichala. A rooster planted dog pig.
Joke #16934 —  
 
0
 
In the shop:
Honey lime - 1 kg - 50 rub.
Honey, this - 1 kg - 120 rub.
Joke #16933 —  
 
0
 
Head of the sobering-up station asked:
- In your daily detoxification gets the same number of people.
Tell me, does this mean that every day, drinking the same amount of
man or is it a stable work of your employees.
- No, just in our detoxification more people not fit.
FinFal
Joke #16932 —  
 
0
 
Last minute in France. Hurry, the number of burning cars
limited!
Joke #16931 —  
 
0
 
- Why chauvinists acrobystitis their fantasies on anecdote. Py, and not in the section
"slag" on the forums Rodina?
- As true conservatives, they do not realize that the Internet - it
not only the front page the browser.
Joke #16930 —  
 
0
 
And how to call an African American nor when there is no in America??
Joke #16750 —  
 
0
 
It is noticed that the inventors of the very good music (blues) and the worst
music (rap) are equally negros ...
Joke #16749 —  
 
0
 
Thai rickshaw drivers have threatened to refuse to transport prostitutes, if they do not
allowed to use them for a third the price. "What we are worse Naftagaza
Ukraine? "- They said.
Joke #16748 —  
 
0
 
- Imagine, they have from 16.00 to 17.00 practiced sex life ...
- Happy!
- ... With a mop in his hands!
Joke #16747 —  
 
0
 
Best anti-Jewish anti-Semites of God than Satan, has not yet been found.
Joke #16746 —  
 
0
 
Democracy - an illegitimate daughter of totalitarianism.
Of course, that her mom is anarchy.
It turns out that totalitarianism changed the monarchy with anarchy!
Joke #16745 —  
 
0
 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311