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Old man took hold of the turnip, Grandmother of Dedkov, granddaughter of a grandmother, and Zhuchka as usual --
"For your health!"
Joke #18462 —  
 
0
 
Psychologists, old and young, and conducts classes for married men and
husbands were asked to draw what they remembered landscapes, when they
look at their wives. Then sit down and analyze the images.
Old:
- Look, this lake has drawn. What does this mean?
Young:
- About what?
- The fact that he was more than just a wife like her eyes. Eyes as lakes,
understand?
- Ah-ah-ah ...
Old:
- And that that's steep cliffs painted. Why?
Young:
- Why?
- And because he thinks about his wife's thighs. Her hips steep as a rock.
- Ah-ah-ah ...
Old:
- And that, look, painted Niagara Falls. What does this mean?
- Maybe his wife always wants to go somewhere far beyond the border to go?
- Maybe she wants to go abroad, but with her tits she needed
do something ...
Joke #18461 —  
 
0
 
- You will be exacerbated?
- Well I will, damn. Where is your Usuga?
Joke #18460 —  
 
0
 
Encouraged by the success of paintings "Thomb Rider" and "Doom", the domestic
Cinema has announced the commencement of work on the new blockbuster
"Tetris: From Russia with love".
Fagot
Joke #18459 —  
 
0
 
Evening, almost overnight. The girl - her boyfriend:
- Kohl, you see me?
- Of course! Look!
Joke #18458 —  
 
0
 
- Do not go there. During the day there dogs right down.
- And at night?
- A night inflated.
Joke #18457 —  
 
0
 
- And yesterday I found a coin in bed. Nice - someone wants to come back!
Joke #18456 —  
 
0
 
Only in the final examination in a medical school students learn
that sucked - it is such a tool.
Joke #18455 —  
 
0
 
- Dear girls! You have dry skin? Rare hair Problems with the figure?
Come to us! We have a dark and we are drunk.
Joke #18454 —  
 
0
 
Two lawyers go to a cafe, order drinks and take out sandwiches.
- Excuse me, - says the bartender, - but we can not eat their food.
Lawyers look at each other, shrug their shoulders and change their
sandwiches ...
Joke #18453 —  
 
0
 
Doctor gives discharged from the hospital bill.
Recovered indignant: "Why so much anyway?"
The doctor explains: "You can not even imagine what it cost me to overcome
temptation to bring you an interesting case before the autopsy. "
Joke #18452 —  
 
0
 
If you are young, active, attractive, want to work and earn money
$ 3000 or more - then go to the x-th! We are looking for a locksmith and a janitor!
Joke #18451 —  
 
0
 
- When the mother learned of Duncan MacLeod, that her son immortal?
- After the third abortion.
Joke #18450 —  
 
0
 
Ad in the showroom: Special offer for girls! Today,
buying a Nissan Micra - the right to receive a gift!
Joke #18449 —  
 
0
 
Daughter asked her mother:
- Mama, can I go to a campaign?
- Yes? Sleep on the damp ground? Drink cold vodka? Lie with the boys
in the bushes? No, I'm going to hike!
Joke #18448 —  
 
0
 
There are two professors.
- How are you, friend?
- Good! That is expected shortly promised a large increase
salary.
- You know, perhaps you're right! In our age with you, colleague,
probably, quite naively would expect only improve potency.
And the rest is quite possible to expect ...
Joke #18447 —  
 
0
 
If you fell and did not get up, so tired of falling.
Joke #18446 —  
 
0
 
Putin signed a decree on the introduction of a new generation of passports. There
be not one but two photos of the owner - in the face and in profile.
Joke #18445 —  
 
0
 
Chukcha! Do not choose Abramovich, governor! Abramovich has long deserved
SHAMANOV be great!
Joke #18444 —  
 
0
 
The official said the secretary:
- Oh, Mary, that's heart pounding. Today, he spat in the face one
corrupted and do not know what will happen now.
- Oh, all right, Vladimir Ivanovich, nothing will. Now mirror
swab - and the whole mess something.
Joke #18443 —  
 
0
 
Boy and girl riding in the car.
Male (dreamily):
- All my life I wanted I had a blowjob in the car on the move.
Girl (strongly):
- NO!
Male:
- Oh please.
Girl:
- NO!
Male:
- Well, what is it?
Girl:
- That'll get right in, sit down behind the wheel ... Meanwhile, I am a machine --
no blowjob.
rty @ vclub
Joke #18442 —  
 
0
 
At 4 bear roamed the forest, one of whom was white ...
Mama said that - an albino. But the Pope did not say anything - he put!
Joke #18441 —  
 
1
 
A guy from the sociological service goes home and fills in a questionnaire survey
opinion on family issues. Here he comes in one apartment,
where the houses are only a young mistress. Together they fill out, talk,
hostess treats his coffee ... and it happens that they are in
bed.
Then suddenly comes to her husband. Guy pulls out of bed, beat up
a pulp and throws from the apartment.
A few minutes later a call vdver. At the threshold again, this guy with
broken face, pokes his finger in his questionnaire:
- Here is the question was "your attitude toward extramarital sexual relations." So
put a cross where "against"?
Joke #18440 —  
 
1
 
Thinking hard lady comes to the clinic and asked:
- Man, you are the last to the gynecologist?
- Yeah. I just run back to the surgeon at first - floor shift.
Joke #18439 —  
 
-1
 
One blonde asks another:
- What's the new Cavalier you come from?
- Sculptor. But I have already driven away. Imagine: first admired
my figure, and then wanted me to carve. Sadist!
Joke #18438 —  
 
1
 
Georgians worry about the epidemic of avian flu.
Out of balance they can display only sheep AIDS.
http://censor.net.ua/
Joke #18437 —  
 
1
 
- Can I have chickens infected chicken flu?
- Can only bones to burn!
Joke #18436 —  
 
-1
 
From the story the frog-traveler:
- I fly it I'm flying ... I fly it I fly ... I fly it I was flying - and it never
cured!
Joke #18435 —  
 
1
 
The deeper inside the Garden Ring, the thicker the officials.
Joke #18434 —  
 
1
 
Scientists have conducted studies of corruption of officials, but
press conference he strictly forbade call numbers.
And the question:
- How many corrupt bureaucracy?
Replied:
- The percentage of the lowest three-digit integer.
Joke #18433 —  
 
1
 
Little Johnny remarked that his older brother every night shaves and leaves
somewhere in the car. Well Vovochka are interested, where is this brother
rides. Hid it under the rear seat in the car and drove off with him.
Come to the center, brother catches a calf, carries her into the woods. In forest
sprashivayet:
- Dashsya?
- No, not damsya!
- Then get out and pi .. DUY walk home!
The calf got out, they went home. The next day, Little Johnny shaved,
sat on a high, went to the center. Picked up some girl, put her
on the frame, took to the park. The park asks:
- Dashsya?
- Damsya!
Little Johnny thought a moment and said:
- Then get on great and pi .. DUY home, and I'll walk!
Joke #18432 —  
 
1
 
- Coffee you have some sort of liquid.
- Did you throw your anti-Semitic things!
Joke #18431 —  
 
1
 
There is broadcast talk shows and television station - a wild battle is. Opponents
lupyat each other rozham than horrible, horrible mat, wailing. Screen
Lead appears:
- Well, that came to an end our issue, we bid farewell to viewers.
It remains only to thank those who continually support our
transfer - our sponsor, Center for Maxillofacial Surgery of "Smile".
Joke #18430 —  
 
1
 
Two friends talking.
- How are you able at all to call me stupid?
- Sorry, you're not warned that hiding ...
Joke #18429 —  
 
1
 
Exactly it can be argued that Adam and Eve were not Chinese.
Otherwise, they, along with the apple and the snake would have eaten.
Joke #18428 —  
 
1
 
Those who like the eyes, suffer more from the love of those who make it
ears. The men blinded by love, and for women only wither ears.
Joke #18427 —  
 
1
 
Here's to Russia's football ... no clinking
Joke #18425 —  
 
-1
 
A man tells a friend: - I went back to his wife. 3 years in the wide world wandering. And she took me. - I, too, from his wife left. No, not at 3 years. And not for 3 months. And not for 3 weeks. And not for 3 days. Quarreled and left her. Total for 3 hours. Why come back? Wanted to eat.
Joke #18211 —  
 
0
 
We talked, two men get to know: - And who are you by profession? - Physio-pedophile. - You mean, "pediatrician"? - And this, too ...
Joke #18210 —  
 
0
 
- Wrote his first book, read and understand - now I'm like Gogol! - And what in common? - He also wrote a book failed. - Write second, you'll be like two Gogol. Do not forget to burn both.
Joke #18209 —  
 
0
 
40% of women - like the winter, and 60% - not very. The same poll showed that 40% of women have a fur coat, and 60% of its no.
Joke #18208 —  
 
0
 
In the best cinemas of the country. Most box office horror film this year. Pinocchio at the sawmill 2 Vlad
Joke #18207 —  
 
0
 
Once the market came govoryashie kettles (latest the invention of Japanese scientists), the number of psychiatric patients increased dramatically.
Joke #18206 —  
 
0
 
Scientists have long could not understand what dying swan by Saint-Saens. Yet found that this avian flu.
Joke #18205 —  
 
0
 
- Dad, how come you all the time his nose red? - From tomatoes, son! - What are you, they are constantly eating? - No, I have them regularly snack!
Joke #18204 —  
 
0
 
Immediately after the declaration of American Scientists on the expulsion of the expedition to Mars in 2015, Russian promised that they would be on Mars before, and almost two times cheaper.

- What is the secret Russian scientists? - There is no secret. Ordinary Americans are planning to return there.
Joke #18203 —  
 
0
 
AgentSmith: I do not even know how to live. Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin's problems begin. He was, according to the newspaper "Trud", trust only Twenty-five percent of Russians. ViceVersa: Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, do not start problems, and problem. The problems start at the seventy-five percent of Russians. (c) Dirty.ru
Joke #18202 —  
 
0
 
After the doctor told him the terrible dignoz - infertility, he was so confused that he did not know what to tell his pregnant wife.
Joke #18201 —  
 
0
 
- You do not zli - me, just that the tower drift, I'm just behind the barrel enough! Hunt then you tear me from the tree?
Joke #18200 —  
 
0
 
What distinguishes the male dormitory to the female? In the men's dormitory madhouse, but in the female - domdur
Joke #18199 —  
 
0
 
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