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New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

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From the outset it was clear that the 007 will be released in circulation.
Joke #19331 —  
 
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Note: Women have learned to call 911 for one-touch ...
Joke #19330 —  
 
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Road sign "fell server.
Joke #19329 —  
 
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Queues ends where the corpses begin.
Joke #19328 —  
 
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He put on by ... $ and gold mine.
Joke #19327 —  
 
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Your calculator has committed an unacceptable action and will restart.
Joke #19326 —  
 
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Did min fin and returned to Finland.
Joke #19325 —  
 
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- Do not Iranian! and fonite ...
Joke #19324 —  
 
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One of the three tenors and not able to drown the crowd.
Joke #19323 —  
 
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Chubais, the electric chair.
Joke #19322 —  
 
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Armenian Radio asked:
"The governor of the Altai Territory differs from Lady Diana?"
Armenian Radio answers:
"Nothing, only the face," that's such a red! "
Joke #19127 —  
 
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In connection with the tragic death of Mikhail Evdokimov for governor
Altai Krai, a presidential decree, appointed Regina Dubovitskaya.
Joke #19126 —  
 
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Husband - wife:
- Yayayagodka moooya!
Wife:
- And for watermelon answer!
Joke #19125 —  
 
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According to recent research 70% of young people no longer know who they
"Coward," "The Goonies" and "Experienced. But I know who the "Lamer", "User" and
"Hacker".
Joke #19124 —  
 
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As a gentleman should help blonde drag rail?
Sit comfortably on the rail, or blonde and point it (the blonde and
no rail!) road.
Joke #19123 —  
 
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See it in theaters:
1. "dentures 3 - Revenge Ichthyandros
2. "Old Chap-ninja"
3. "Agricultural Academy - 11"
4. Georgia-Film "Vazelin kanets-distortion of the King"
Witch Doctor
Joke #19122 —  
 
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"Oh, nedobili" - thought Gerhard Schroeder, looking for a victory parade
Red Square.
Joke #19121 —  
 
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According to the press service AZLK, started producing a new model of the Moskvich --
"Basil", which is ready to show the vaunted foreign cars, who at
road boss!

Judge for yourself - superpolny drive (each wheel individually,
including the spare), 25-speed gearbox, 5-speed rear
speed, three-speed window, removable propeller shaft (in case
fights), the engine has seven cylinders of different diameters.

The machine is suitable for driving on a highway, and off-road: road
lumen is regulated by lead loads. Removes loads - clearance
increases, want to rush quickly and low - put goods and rush.

Looks "Basil" stunning, if you can use
such epithets to cars. Body decorated khokhloma painting,
Salon tracery laid bricks, wheels are carefully selected and
hardly differ from each other.

The upper part of the windshield stained blue tape. Headlamps can
shine even where. It must be just right to deploy the machine.

Car start up under any weather conditions: the curve was still the starter curves and
because it is more convenient, but in the long run it will give way to crooked key
ignition.

Serviceability of the battery can be verified without leaving the salon, liznuv
specially bred by the dashboard contacts.

The car literally stuffed with electronics. There's the tape
"Spring 205", and electric shaver "Kharkiv", and a vacuum cleaner "Ural". As
sealant for glasses of eco-friendly hemp. Seat
the driver regulated in four dimensions.

The designers thought about security. Grill Kasli casting
protects the radiator and the salon in case of collision quickly
filled instantly hardening foam ........
Joke #19120 —  
 
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2010. Advertising detergent:
- We invited the homeless Vasya, so that he shat on this snow-white
tablecloth!
Joke #19119 —  
 
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Beginner programmer thinks that a kilobyte 1000 bytes;
Advanced know what a kilometer 1024 meters;
Professional'm sure that in a minute 64 seconds;
This expert believes that a meter 1024 kilobytes, a ton of it
1024 meters;
And a complete face is beaten to the seller of beer, because he poured in
pollitrovuyu 500ml jar, instead of 512.
Joke #19118 —  
 
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Interested in finansiskoy. Intimacy does not offer.
Joke #19117 —  
 
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Maybe ask for help from foreigners before diving underwater
vehicles?
Joke #19116 —  
 
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This story can not be read until 22:00
After the beer "Hunting" appeared on the shelves of beer "Fishing"
* Catch a ruff in every tenth bottle! *
Joke #19115 —  
 
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Change a man of thirty with little to fifty large.
Joke #19114 —  
 
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Rescue operation is complicated by the fact that in Petropavlovsk-Kamchatskiy
always 24 hours ...

(
Joke #19113 —  
 
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Bin Laden is reading "Who will go in the pyramid - it will be better." Let's
from trying.
Bin Laden comes in a pyramid, and at the exit of his arrest.
- And who would be better? Asks Ben Laden
- Else!
Joke #19112 —  
 
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At least one good anecdote. What happened to the sailors submersibles? They were rescued.
Joke #19111 —  
 
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I dropped a man in a nightclub to drink a few beers. He drank, smoked and
go piss in the toilet. I dropped, and there are three fag "notch-enkoy" fuck!
He horrified rushes to the bartender and shouted: - "Call the most protection." Barmen
calmly wiping his glasses and asked: - "A well than actually matter?"
Guy: - "Yes you in the toilet as much three fag fuck!"
Barman: - "Tell me please, and red with gold teeth in fag
middle?
Guy: - "Yes, but how did you guess?"
Barman (dreamily rolling his eyes): - "Shit! Him today and roulette
lucky!
Joke #19110 —  
 
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- What happened to your submersibles?
Putin in an interview with ABC:
- He went to overtake, ebnulsya of birch and sank.
Joke #19109 —  
 
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His wife, too, should have the right to vote ... but only during orgasm.
Joke #19108 —  
 
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Democracy in Russia has reached such a level that the cops and the music box can
friends openly.
Joke #19107 —  
 
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KVN surprising effect on age ... Judge for yourself: Senior Maslyakov all
does not get old and younger - did not mature.
Joke #19105 —  
 
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The wider the soul, the more vodka you want to make it unfolded.
Joke #19104 —  
 
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After a good stag, wedding - already too much.
Joke #19103 —  
 
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- Why odesity drag the joke on political topics?
- Know that in Kiev jail cell close
Joke #19102 —  
 
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One lady, giving harassed artist, agrees with him
sleep. She lies in bed and waiting for her lover get undressed.
Finally, he comes to her naked, and she rolled with laughter:
- When you, I had the miniaturist, I went through all the reasons
your calling than this!
Joke #19101 —  
 
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Political anecdote of topical theme complex Russian-Ukrainian
relations:

***
Summer 2005, the South Coast.
On the beach tans Yanukovych. In a buoyant mood on the mobile of gaining
Number Khodorkovsky:
- Misha! Ty de?? A I'm on M-O-O-O-PI! (Ukrainian), and makes a retreat.
Khodorkovsky to prison as much turned green with envy and anger. H. long
tossing and turning on the benches and nevyderzhivaya, dials Ya:
- Victor, and that "roof" that is leaking?
I told you, "roof" had to beat them - ONDUL-I-I-I-NOM! :)
***
PS For the people of Russia, as well as for other foreigners anecdote,
may be not quite understandable. The basis of anecdote taken key phrases
navyazshih on the ears hype Ukrainian TV beginning of summer (Ukrainian
mobile service provider's "Jeans" and Ondulin).
With warm greetings, Canadian Yrri Potter from Simferopol.
Joke #19100 —  
 
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A new topical magazine for women "whore"!
Advertising slogan-Journal "whore" become the very most!
Joke #19099 —  
 
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The most recent short anecdote: LENTA.RU: Hakamada and Ryzhkov
unite the democratic forces in Chechnya!
Joke #19098 —  
 
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Every August in Russia begins with a submarine.
Joke #19097 —  
 
0
 
Why the Kremlin reyhkantselyariya spins prekt Sosnovka?
It became clear to whom the people will vote in 2008.
After two per cent of Misha's much better than a hundred and Volodya.
Joke #19096 —  
 
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Many men do not understand what women want from them the phrase: "Come on,
Well! Everything falls into place, if you look at the keyboard: well in
Cyrillic ve corresponds to latinnitse :-)

Ivan Fuckov
Joke #19095 —  
 
0
 
Bathyscaphe sank ... Sailors looking for victims, and the left urgently looking for where
rested Putin last night!
Joke #19093 —  
 
0
 
As stated by the representatives of The Boeing: the new Russian passenger plane
shakes, shakes .... shakes purse Boeing, Boeing will again Dorenko
help call
Joke #19092 —  
 
0
 
Even the suction can cause pride ... if it is left to the member!
Joke #19091 —  
 
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If you wear shorts one day fine, and another - at eversion collar,
clothes will last twice as long.
(C) Robie
Joke #19090 —  
 
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Dear friends, I am from Donetsk. I can tell you that there simply "blue
Sabbath "some!
Then there are rows of tarpaulin boots, jeans, sweaters, tents here with
this podium.
These same ... mattresses and all of Russia's everywhere! There is! And the mountain of salt
cucumbers! Mountains jars with cucumbers!
And this is against the background of the blue car ran sways ... You understand now is now.
Yes, it's just ... is a nightmare!
I want to tell you that these cucumbers are not simple. These cucumbers pinned!
People take one cucumber, eat - have another!
There is! And it stretches and stretches the hand ... Right now I'm riding here at 5 o'clock.
And there were news, and said the square mass otruenie broach. And people
hence recourse to the hospital!
People were being taken to hospital with diarrhea! Until then we dozhilis? I stand and stand,
eyes just bast!
Joke #19089 —  
 
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Kolbaser comes into the store and the salesgirl said:
- Please Give me the bottle and the foil ... ugh, shokolodku and Pepsi-Cola.
Joke #19088 —  
 
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Parents no longer argue about taste and benefits. They'll fight.
Joke #19087 —  
 
0
 
Look at the screens of the city new erotic thriller "The Stranger is not
vs. Predator. "
Joke #19086 —  
 
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