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New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

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Vegetables from the garden beds as they are, whatever their smoke ...
Joke #25366 —  
 
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Given how strongly President Lukashenko for sports, edit
Belarusians it will be long and continuous ... and there is no hope
his resignation due to illness.
Joke #25365 —  
 
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From accidentally overheard conversation between two girls about the fans: "Yes I
such right in the f * pu send.
Joke #25364 —  
 
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Offer landlord "make yourself at home"
rarely extends to the refrigerator.
Joke #25363 —  
 
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From past anecdotes:
- What do a company's Microsoft (r) and Rossiyskogo government?
- Both of them promise to fix an error in the next version.

Supplement:
- What's the difference?
- Microsoft (r) bug fixes.
Joke #25362 —  
 
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Oh, great Russia! Therefore Russian slowly harness, then to quickly
go. Hark! I can see how dense Finn is not catching up, why
harness, since I Chuhoniya so small, that have nowhere to go ... Chud,
short, wild, are not adapted to civilization ...

(It seems to Bianchi. "Sportsman's Sketches")
Joke #25361 —  
 
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It was hard to fight the revolutionaries against the tsarist regime. They could be invoked in
cold Krasnoyarsk. A Krasnoyarsk revolutionaries even further.
Works Best Yakut revolutionaries - they have nowhere to continue
was invoked.
Joke #25360 —  
 
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The latest drugs for pain in his head - "Suicide"
The set includes: a rope, soap, nails, blades, etc..
Take three times a day until osineniya ...

Minzdrv warns that excessive use of ...
Joke #25358 —  
 
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With the control shot to the head he finally acceded to his
curiosity ... The audience applauded crying ... . relatives divided
property ...
Joke #25357 —  
 
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In our clinic treat all.
And what cure?
Joke #25356 —  
 
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Scientists are trying to reduce the impact of energy crisis
Persistently exploring energy cosmic particles.
Yes, and I planted birch trees outside the window.
Joke #25355 —  
 
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Associate Professor Sidorov, again, your telescope is aimed at the female hostel.
Are not you interesting to watch the birth of new galaxies
Joke #25354 —  
 
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I so wanted to visit the "Olympics 2012"
But I think its going to be held in Moscow.
So Madrid or Paris next.
But registration for the Russians better.
Joke #25353 —  
 
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The blonde came to the auto show to choose a car.
Manager said that it had selected a model, among other things,
equipped with airbags.
Blonde sits behind the wheel, and demands that she immediately showed how
they operate.
Joke #25352 —  
 
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Started a mistress - rejoice, even my wife!
Joke #25351 —  
 
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Jewish family returns from a suburb of New York, the father stops
Taxi:
- What's the fare to the center of New York?
- Since you and the wife $ 20, and drove the children free.
- Yasha, Leva, Sarah, Celia, climb into the car, and my mother and I walk
foot.
Joke #25350 —  
 
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Cosmetologist made patient Greek profile, smoothed wrinkles
deleted double chin, reduced mouth.
- What else do you wish?
- And I can make large, expressive eyes?
- Of course! Look at the account!
Joke #25349 —  
 
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Over the years, the chances of love until death markedly increased.
Boris Usherenko
Joke #25348 —  
 
0
 
Sending "Anshlag" proposed to replace the governor of the Altai Territory
E. Evdokimova V. Vinokur with a guarantee that will be just as fun.
Joke #25347 —  
 
0
 
Playing on TV "inventing shorter song":
Igor Nikolaev:
- I wrote a song from the 30 words!
Dima Malikov:
- I wrote a song from the 15 words!
Ukupnik:
- I wrote a song of 3 words!
Cord:
- And I - three letters!
Joke #25346 —  
 
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- Thanks, girl.
- Your thanks is not worth it!
Joke #25345 —  
 
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They sat together drinking Russian, Armenian, Turkish, German and an Englishman.
The Englishman gets up and says - let's drink to the British power. Drink.
German - Here's to a German precision. Drink. Turk - Let's drink to the Turkish
carpets. Drink. Russian - Let's drink to the Russian girls. Drink. Arises
Armenian - In general, let's drink to the Armenian dzhigits that Russian
Girls on Turkish carpets with German precision and English
power ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..
Joke #25344 —  
 
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After a series of successful experiments on the cloning of sheep, scientists have begun
to human cloning. But still get a sheep ...
Joke #25343 —  
 
0
 
And you want to go to Cyprus? Relax at the resorts of the Mediterranean Sea?
Collect 11 green pieces of paper with a portrait of Franklin, came to us - and may
be, you're lucky!
Joke #25342 —  
 
0
 
"Abortion - the so-abortion", - said the Pope Carlo and blow of the ax split log
into two parts.
Joke #25341 —  
 
0
 
Boa constrictor did not even know what it will end, when swallowed rabbit
rabbit simultaneously.
Joke #25340 —  
 
0
 
Announcer:
- And finally, the field goes against Estonia. There is the 22nd minute
Match team of Russia - the Estonian national team ... Account still zero-zero.
Joke #25339 —  
 
0
 
It's time to tie to gambling, if:

1. You are trying to pay in the store casino chips
2. Your heart starts to beat faster at the sight of three inverted cups
3. In the dream you count the probability of poker hands
4. Wife comes to you at work payday
5. You turn pale, when he heard the word "zero"
6. You return home in the morning with 10% of the money available the day before.
And then, because of their casinos you returned ...
7. Every day you have left is 10 times less money than in
previous
8. You with bated breath to see the Ferris wheel. It reminds
you roulette
9. You regularly robbed by bandits. And all, as the selection, one-armed
10. You are viewing this text, because he dropped out to you when searching in Yandex
the word "casino".
Joke #25338 —  
 
0
 
Following the example of Russia, when the presidential election of governors was replaced
appointments now and the election of cardinals, the Pope going
replace appointments made himself president.
Joke #25337 —  
 
0
 
Judging by the orange cap Catholic cardinals, the next pope
the bishop of the Square of Ukraine ...
Joke #25336 —  
 
0
 
Yushchenko, why are you banned members of the Government mytsya in the bath?
- And let out in the wash Julia.
Joke #25335 —  
 
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Yulia Tymoshenko - The President of Iraq!

Ukrainian President Viktor Yushchenko during his meeting with President Bush offered him
best candidate for the President of a democratic Iraq - Yulia Tymoshenko.
Why he chose the main Orange revolutionaries? Yes
ostopizdela it to him so that even the most cast in shahids!
Joke #25334 —  
 
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Very strange ....
If I at any inetovskom forum say that it is time our Russia
government, consisting almost entirely of thieves and corrupt officials, to bring to
criminal liability under the law of forum like all the Jews of
U.S., Israel and Russia together are beginning to accuse me of anti-Semitism ... ...
Joke #25333 —  
 
0
 
The Englishman came to the United States and in the very near toilet biker-abmal read
him his right: dip the pants, bend forward and keep silent.
Joke #25332 —  
 
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Georgian walk-sparing no money orders a banquet hall in the most expensive
restaurant in Tallinn and the most expensive prostitute.
officious steward meets all the requirements except the most
expensive prostitutes
- Sorry but the wife of our president is monthly and it could have
serve only two days later.
Joke #25331 —  
 
0
 
the Roman maidan come two million Poles. U.S. Congress has expressed
its approval of what is happening.
Joke #25330 —  
 
0
 
Vasya, what is your mother-in-law so light?
- Yes that's her carved spoons and forks of Ukrainian metal from Chernobyl.
Joke #25329 —  
 
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Rally in support of the starving children of Africa has Microsoft: it was
confiscated pirated food and medicine for more than
billion dollars, and on children had installed the latest version free
Windows ...
Joke #25328 —  
 
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Set as a U.S. government task for programmers: write
program that will read all the news and all the reports of CIA agents and
determine the structure of his Al-Qaeda: who is the leader, and how to
funding ...
What was surprising and programmers, and customers when the program
issued the following responses: the leader of Al Qaeda in combination is
head of the U.S. government prints the money myself ...
Joke #25327 —  
 
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I decided to earn additionally official Santa Claus, put a collection of tales in the bag
and went on holiday:
- Come on, little children, buy the right to read fairy tales!
Joke #25326 —  
 
0
 
Americans in Iraq have been so generous with the freebies handed out to each
Iraqi men and women the right to life ...
Joke #25325 —  
 
0
 
Chlenovek - a person who is a member of the party.
Chlenovnik - the same as the official.
Joke #25324 —  
 
0
 
- Why do not you join the party of green?
- What am I - redhead or blonde?
Joke #25323 —  
 
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Published a new magazine. Cover artwork show sponsor.
- Why cover red? This smacks of revolution! Urgent change
color, well, like the blue!
- Sorry, but this is smacks orientation.
Joke #25322 —  
 
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Search engine Shmugl - we'll get out of the ground, bl ... nach ...
Joke #25321 —  
 
0
 
You started to laugh at "jokes" Vasil Lucas, although previously considered
they are not funny? This is a wake-up call! Urgently refer to a psychiatrist.
Joke #25320 —  
 
0
 
One friend complains about the other: nobody I have now gone, one
desire ...... and the material ...
Joke #25319 —  
 
0
 
Anedot of life: One day on April 1 Chairman of the Commission under the President
Russia for rehabilitation of victims of political repression, Alexander Yakovlev
slipped to sign a letter on the letterhead of the organization, where instead of "on
rehabilitation of victims of "standing" on the organization of the victims "-" spoofing
implemented with the help of Xerox two mischievous official. President is
attention to it and the paper podmahnul.

Officials-hohmachi pohohotali first, but then have been so afraid of his
same jokes, that Yakovlev's statement did not say it, but a letter had eaten for dinner
bread.

http://censor.net.ua/
Joke #25318 —  
 
0
 
First, women are looking for strong men, and then sit him on the neck and even
cease to think independently
Joke #25317 —  
 
0
 
- Help! The blonde behind the wheel!
- It is not blonde and brown.
- Well, thank God! Maybe blow over ...
Joke #25316 —  
 
0
 
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